#i just think c!tubbo should run a heist

[hottestthingalive]

i think c! tubbo should run a heist. it would be very funny, it could be done in semi-lore, and it would have such good vibes. hear me out:

he is

-canonically smart. built nukes

-good at surveillance — was a spy for a while, building an outpost outside las nevadas, even when he isn’t trying to be sneaky is kind of just allowed to go wherever he wants because everyone always thinks he isn’t doing lore. he should use that.

-greedy. may have a rich husband but that doesn’t mean he won’t rob you blind on a dime. tubbo’s goal is to be the 1% and he’s the only billionaire i’d ever respect

-has way too many friends/allies/people who owe him one who all kind of hate each other but would participate in a heist to whether help tubbo or just for the hell of it.

-could and would run a heist for fun. he would

just consider his team i mean

-tommyinnit. local raccoon thief boy, will fight god, loves crimes.

-ranboo. anxious amnesiac husband man but also subtle chaos liar man. would do anything for tubbo including steal huge amounts of money. also he just likes riches and i think he’d enjoy the challenge

-philza minecraft. local tired immortal old man who has been repressing his chaos for far too long. recently befriended tubbo canonically and will run a clothing line with him for tax evasion purposes. i think phil could and should go feral.

-jack manifold. literally pulled himself out of hell. has a bitter rivalry with tommy but allies with tubbo. likes his material possessions.

-foolish. 23-foot tall god, easily bullied by tubbo, likes gold. need i say more

-wilbur soot. dubious relationship with tubbo but would absolutely commit crimes with him for funsies. i just think it’d be funny.

-technoblade. phil and ranboo would definitely drag him in somehow and also crimes are anti-authoritarian. he makes one brief cameo and then only appears at the end and gets a fifth of the money they steal.

-niki nihachu. dragged in by phil because he’s being driven insane by these idiots. deserves to go off. i think she could commit murder and get away with it so a heist would be easy.

-puffy. should go feral. will go feral. might as well commit crimes.

i think they should steal from las nevadas. i think foolish should get bullied into helping them. i think tubbo should make off with a comically large bag of money and also (accidentally) a charlie slimecicle hiding inside the bag while quackity shakes his fist at the sky from the top of his casino. i think they deserve it.

#i just think c!tubbo should run a heist #it just feels right #he and tommy and ranboo deserve to go off and everyone else should participate too

[hottestthingalive]

more reasons why c!tubbo should run a heist + miscellaneous headcanons:

-you know that trope where it’s basically adopting your enemy into the found family. that’s this entire crew at the beginning. there is not a single person who doesn’t have some sort of animosity with someone else. even ranboo. not exactly willingly, mind you, because wilbur just kind of decided they were enemies without any input, but still.

-eventually they all fall into a decent found family dynamic and don’t hate each other anymore. crimes are the ultimate bonding activity.

-everyone expects phil and puffy to be the voices of reason and morality. phil and puffy, however, are long-suffering parents finally unleashing their true chaotic nature. jack manifold ends up filling the role, which is surprisingly effective. there’s still copious amounts of property damage, of course, but any success at all in wrangling three traumatized chaotic teenagers and various other adults who may as well be teenagers should be commended.

-there of course must be a fancy outfits in the casino scene, except the dream smp has a population of about thirty and no set fashion standards (at least not yet — looking at you tubbo and phil clothing brand), so tubbo tells them to wear fancy clothes and then does not bat an eye at foolish, who has on the shark equivalent of one of those blow-up t-rex costumes, standing next to philza, in intricate robes that were in fashion about three hundred years ago, standing next to tommy, who is wearing exactly the same thing as usual but with his special moth-patterned socks that he calls “clementine merch”.

-said in the original post that they accidentally kidnap charlie slimecicle while making off with the money. this is true. charlie is completely unbothered by the heist and starts playing this strange game in a chest with wilbur that no one else understands.

-running gag that the crew is teaching michael crime skills, while trying to hide from tubbo and ranboo that they’re teaching him crime skills. increasingly elaborate excuses for why michael’s started crawling through vents and picking the lock of the front door and somehow knows how to hack security cameras for fun. (no one actually knows who taught him that last one but they try and hide it anyways. it was tubbo, who is very ready to let them take the blame for it when ranboo finds out.)

-most of them feel guilty for stealing from quackity so they give it back. running increasingly elaborate and difficult heists on the casinos becomes a tradition of sorts. after the first few times quackity just starts considering it a routine test of the security system.

i just think found family crimes

#tubbo could and should commit so many crimes #also wilbur and charlie do invent the game from tommy’s video. no one else understands it. #wilbur spends all his money on expansion packs.