#i knew that years ago but i forgot in-between cos living w ur parents will do that to u

[diomedrian]

It's so WEIRD that during the day I am like. Dead and lazy and absolutely do NOT want to move. And the minute it's five and it's dark outside, hoo boy do I not only have a to do list BUT ALSO the motivation and the energy to do it all

#personal #this is absolutely bollocks. im thinking. maybe i am just NOT. a day person. #i knew that years ago but i forgot in-between cos living w ur parents will do that to u #on that note. doesn't it sort of make u angry and relieved at the same time. that #ur parents are just people. humans. faulty. lovely. i wish they didn't hold themselves to such high standards and claim to be authority on #everything. i wish they went easy on themselves. so maybe they can be softer with themselves and in turn softer w me #and i don't want them to be softer to me. just maybe see me as human yknow? that not every mistake just another proof that i am a failure #on that note. isn't it SO GOOD. almost wonderful that we give meaning to things. yes yes its v hard to let go. Ive had to sit with that toO #BUT once you've mourned and grieved and sat in your misery. you can decide how much meaning it will have in your life. how much of it do u #want to use. its a mountain now but it can be a footnote if u will. it's small 'i know im sorry im working on making it better' but it can #be the center of everything. if u want it. the world is absolutely yours if u want it. AND ANOTHER EXCITING PART? #u get as many chances at it as u want. as u like. #its always been for u. #not to jinx anything skfkskkdksks i dont want the motivation to go pls lord