#i know i'm being mean but i'm have such low empathy atm that i just do not care. shut the fuck up and let me sleep.

[acanthyme]

I curse whoever made my house for making the insulation so old and fragile and the walls so thin that i have to hear everything on the other side of my wall that i share with my sister so fucking loudly. Doesn't help her bed is right against that wall. They talk so loud. and her partner IS FUCKING SOBBINNG AND WAILING AS I TYPE THIS FUCK OFF DUDE. other people live here !!!!!!!!!!! like i know i have sensitive hearing that hears the most quiet noises like electricity and bottles that r carbonated but it's still loud !!!!! .... my insomnia and anxiety has been even worse since he's basically fucking moved in out of nowhere, and now all hours of my day are a nightmare as a result. talking at night while i try to hang out with my boyfie and relax, or even just do my own thing. i can't. my anxiety's through the roof having to listen to what might be going on. daytime hours when im supposed to be asleep? he's crying or arguing or making some other fucking noise.

#i'll probably delete this later if i remember just aughhgfhfhfhfhfhf. #i want to sleeeeeep but this dude needs to fucking sob like he's in a movie every day i guess #i know i'm being mean but i'm have such low empathy atm that i just do not care. shut the fuck up and let me sleep. #my autistic frustration and anxiety has me on the verge of s fucking meltdown everytime i hear a single sound from across the wall #intrusive thoughts dont help. and neither do my DOGS ugh. whatever. #i'm sick and need to sleep and rest but this house never gives me a fucking break. #so fucking close to just banging on the wall to send the message to shut up. or sleeping outside in the snow. #sure you have issues you're a fucking teenager whatever. but you don't need to openly wail about it. muffle yourself. #or go somewhere that isn't the ONE LAYER THAT HAS SOMEONE TRYING TI SLEEP ON IT #I NEVER LEAVE MY ROOM. YOU KNOW I HEAR IT ALL!!!!! #ok sorry. frustration over now im jusy teetering i gotta try and sleep a bit....

[sniffanimal]

unpopular opinion that I don't have the time to write up a more nuanced take on atm but I think the Level system for labeling autism is good and useful because 99% of online autistics I encounter have no fucking clue what life is like for levels 2+3 autistics let alone empathy or space for listening to them and supporting them meaningfully

if your autism advocacy starts with "I wasn't diagnosed until I was 25 because masking" and ends with "autistic people are extremely capable of anything and everything allistics can do" then I really don't care what you have to say on autism

listen to the profoundly impacted. center their experiences in your discussions. do some damn research. spend time volunteering with local organizations. use your position as a likely able-bodied verbal adult to advocate. autism advocacy is disability advocacy because autism is a disability.

this isn't a post about self diagnosed TikTok autists but it isn't not a post about that either fwiw. I've got room for nuance in my opinion but not the time or energy to fully discuss it here. I'm not anti self DX, or anti online community resources. I am against the overwhelming amount of online information, advocacy, awareness, and support being directed at self DX/late DX level 1 autistics.

while I'm here, you're not "going nonverbal" or "sometimes nonverbal". you have selective mutism, or low expressive language. you might need AAC supports during those times, but nonverbal has a specific meaning in speech therapy contexts. words have meaning!

I don't like the terminology of Asperger's/aspie, especially since it boiled down to autists who are useful to the Nazis vs not, but it is good to look into posts critiquing "aspie supremacy". aspie supremacy is stuff like insisting you're a Good Autist because your meltdowns are private and nonviolent, or that autism is just a different way of looking at the world.

the reality is autism is a Spectrum of Disorders, a lot that we don't know anything about! It's like saying "autoimmune disease" like do you have cataracts or are you going into multiple organ failure? you see what I mean.

this post is getting long but I've been thinking about writing a fucking essay on the topic ever since I saw someone say "after I was diagnosed at 22 I could really look back and see all the times I was being r*******d as a kid" [censorship mine]. like can you fucking listen to yourself speak for once

#badger rants

[saintsofvoid]

🥊, 💥, 🌷, 🍆 (gotta admit--I'm a little curious 😂) for Umbra :3

🥊 Does your OC prefer to take the lead or follow orders? With everyone or just with certain people? Is there a reason for this?

Before he was a follower, a loyal dog to whoever held his leash. Whoever had control over his contract, he'd do whatever was asked. This was just fear that was placed into him by his upbringing after he was surrendered to the military. Children soldiers signing their lives away and then the Military would sell those contracts to corporations, break the contract and you would wish the punishment was death. So he obeyed every order, no questions asked. Now with his revival he's not following anyone, refuses to kneel or bow to former masters. He's just out for blood.

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

Well some that he lacks completely is empathy and sympathy. Most emotions now are forced when he's around people. The only one I could say that he truly struggles with is this mixture of sorrow, fear and regret. Something with him kind of snapped along the way and he has these near moments of clarity where he's lost and confused and doesn't know why he does what he does. He tends to force those emotions down, bites them back and puts the cold mask back on. But somewhere deep down is still that scared boy that doesn't know what he's doing. He's afraid of the monster he sees in the mirror.

🌷 How much effort does your OC put into their looks? Do they care much about how they’re dressed or what their hair looks like or are they not bothered? Could they be considered a snob or a slob?

He used to, clean suits and ties, polished shoes. Would keep himself well kept and clean shaven. Now he's more relaxed, working man living in abandoned locations, so he can only get so clean, unless he's planning a hunt but those are rare atm. There's usually some stains on his clothes, smudges on his face and body. Sometimes its blood, sometimes its just dirt and grime from where he was. When you can't get sick hygiene and cleanliness becomes less of an issue. Usually doesn't keep people alive long enough for it to really matter either.

🍆 (feel free to skip this one if you don’t feel comfortable answering it for a particular OC!) What is your OC like in bed? Are they particularly sensitive or have anywhere they really like being touched? Are they loud, quiet, intense? What are their turn ons and turn offs?

Umbra is not one you want to find yourself in bed with. He's a brute with no interest in what his partner likes or would need. He doesn't care. That's the simple gist of it. 70/30 chance ending up dead in bed with him, majority of that chance it would be intentional for him to finish. He's not really loud, he's not silent, but its mostly gonna be low growls, and breaths, few barked out insults and moans. He's rough as hell, mean there's gonna be bruises and most definitely blood, from his fingers alone. He doesn't have feeling in his hands, he doesn't always gage how hard he's squeezing something and flesh is very soft under metal. If you're daring touching skin won't do much for him, get into the vents on his body, toy with the ports and windows to the cyberware underneath and might just get a better reaction.

#oc ask game #cp77 umbra #its really a one night ride with him #really not that good either #would not recommend

[pixiechangeling]

yea it's weird when u meet elderly who treat life like a big stage or idk. like how can u have lived so long and still understand so little of other humans? i actually just had some time off but i spent it at my cousins coming-of-age party (idk the term&the eplanation is lil longish). it was v lovely but also draining cause it's a long drive w v lil time for urself. but yea idk. i'm just stressing abt finding a new place in dublin. guardian today said average rent in dublin is almost 200€

(2) any fucking way sry it seems i only come here to whine! how are you? how has work been? how about your boyfriend?

Yeah, it’s a complete lack of emotional intelligence! How do you get to be in your 70s and not have any awareness of other people’s internal existence? My grandma talks a LOT about how she’s a kind person, but without being able to relate to other people I don’t think you can have any kind of true empathy? If people are just characters in a play, those twinges of emotions you feel for them are just related back to the idea of the character you have in YOUR mind. Idk

Yeah, I feel ya! Family gatherings are like bombardments of social expenditure, which can be lovely and enveloping, but v little down time so pretty overwhelming and draining. 

Ugh yeah rent is ridiculous. More than half of my pay goes on rent :( Will you be finding new housemates? I live alone bc living with strangers would be really hard on my mental health, but being alone is hard on it too sometimes (not to mention expensive) have you got any leads? Moving is theeeee most stressful thing ever :( 

Haha, no need to apologise! I enjoy talking w you either way, so pls feel free to vent to me. Work has been a lil bit busy bc one of the other people is doing a uni thing for 6 weeks and can’t work, so we’ve all picked up more shifts. BUT she was the only other one who worked hard/efficiently so I’m really feeling her not being there. I’ve made a few mistakes lately and instead of making a big deal about it ppl have been really chill and like “haha, that’s not like you, guess you’re human after all” so that’s been nice and makes me feel like I can relax a bit

Things with my bf are not good. He doesn’t understand me or the things I need/want bc he operates so differently to me, and I don’t know how to make him understand. I feel completely unable to communicate anything with him bc my words with their meaning going into his head with his perspective and understanding change into something different to him and I don’t know how to make him see things from my pov?? Tbh I don’t think I can. Feels completely helpless and I’ve run out of energy to try. He doesn’t have time for me atm, which I understand bc he’s got a lot going on, but then he doesn’t make time to even like reply to my messages & then I see him pursuing other ppl to date so I realise I’m a v v low priority to him. I suggested we have a break so he can focus on the things that ARE a priority to him at the moment and I can have some time to work through things in my mind and try and process my mess of emotions, but he didn’t like that idea EITHER. Kinda feels like there’s not even a relationship to even take a break from to me, like I don’t see him, he doesn’t talk to me..... so??? I’m on standby for when he decides I’m important enough to throw a tiny bit of attention anyway lol

Oops, sorry, that was a very big rant! :/