#i know its a negative bias and it doesnt help me but it still sways my opinion of myself even when i try not to let it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bythepowerof4 · 7 years

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bythepowerof4 uuuggggggggggghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

nickatnightwalker good morning sunshine

bythepowerof4 very very bad morning. day. all of it :/

nickatnightwalker im trying to feel compassion but you did kind of do it to yourself

bythepowerof4 do what???

bythepowerof4 i didn't get fucked bro i was only a little off lmao i just had like. a bad time ):

nickatnightwalker oh is this not a hangover moaning

bythepowerof4 god i wish

nickatnightwalker what happened as far as i could tell you stayed clothed so whatre the regrets

bythepowerof4 i did lmao. ok like ur ego is probably swelling in the wake of everyone's poor decision making, but would it inflate it more if i said u were right all along

nickatnightwalker my ego's already reached terminal velocity youre gonna have to be more specific about what i was right about

bythepowerof4 etsuko :/

bythepowerof4 and prom. and prom with etsuko

nickatnightwalker /fuck/ yes i knew it and it's a bad thing because you dont know what to say, yeah?

bythepowerof4 fuck oooooooffffffffffffffffffff yeah :/ but it's also a bad thing cause she was fucking smashed and wanted to kiss me and chucked on my shoes and oh my god

nickatnightwalker oh smooth that's a definite winner as far as first moves go

bythepowerof4 haha yeah ok but i think maybe it wasn't the first move??? and i missed the others cause im an idiot i guess??? and she was so weird and sad and i feel like shit

nickatnightwalker no in all seriousness i obviously have a bias but good things have come from worst first moves it's not your fault you didnt know something she didnt say if she's sad you didnt pick up on it that blows but it's not on you

bythepowerof4 fuck lmao u are the expert :p and yeah. are you like. very sure im in the clear bc idk tbh i got kinda pissy and im still kinda pissy cause she said weird things about me and also daisy but like, we're friends and i think i was harsh

nickatnightwalker it's not your fault for not being a mind reader

bythepowerof4 i wish i was they need a class for that here. everyone wants you to be a fucking mind reader

nickatnightwalker oh what am i gonna have to stuff somebodys second mouth with newspaper and make them smell a jockstrap or what

bythepowerof4 no you are not and none of this leaves this chat ok!!!!

nickatnightwalker yes yeah but do i have to kill her or what i already gave thiren the flu this school year im comin in hot

bythepowerof4 was that you holy shit she shared her flask you gave it like everyone lmaoooo but wait no no killing!!!! she was just like. idk im kinda fuzzy on the deets but she acted like she was scared of like. breaking girl code. getting up on some other girls territory i think she actually said territory which made me feel very gross and i still do actually wow

nickatnightwalker i didnt make anyone share her bottle im innocent of everyone else getting sick alright also what the fuck girl code? territory??

bythepowerof4 i know girl code is strange and mysterious to us both but it was still. weird

bythepowerof4 she thought she couldn't say anything cause of daisy i think. cause she brought it up before i even said shit i think???

nickatnightwalker girl code is not a thing

bythepowerof4 i think it's shorthand for like basic decency

nickatnightwalker alls fair in love and war motherfucker if you and someone else like the same person whoever wins wins theres no playing nice playing nice is like, insulting

nickatnightwalker you like who you like and someone bowing out for someone else isnt fair to you just saying

bythepowerof4 :/

nickatnightwalker im serious it's wildly outdated and treats you like something that someone has a right to

bythepowerof4 like territory

nickatnightwalker very uncool

bythepowerof4 its not her fault i think im making it sound worse than it is

nickatnightwalker to be totally fair probably she thinks you like daisy and didnt want to get in the way which is respectable and respectful and a different story but territory is very uncool

bythepowerof4 yeah i think that's closer idk i barely have it in me to be confused about one girl this sucks talking to people sucks i don't know what's going on

nickatnightwalker you dont like have to know whats going on

bythepowerof4 it clearly helps

nickatnightwalker like. not to be fake deep but feelings arent easy to parse like, ever sometimes it takes a long time so just chill it's not a big deal to not know what to say the second someone comes on to you

bythepowerof4 i did say things though like a few things and i think they were kinda mean like youre right but it Sucks !!

nickatnightwalker ok. ok like. being mean may have cut that option off for you you know that right

bythepowerof4 oh my god

bythepowerof4 oh my god fuck

nickatnightwalker dont freak

bythepowerof4 shes not an option she's just my friend which means i shouldn't be mean yeah way too late

nickatnightwalker on a scale of 1 to 10 how bitchy were you also if shes like. not an option. and just your friend. isnt that kind of your answer clea. like i dont mean to point out the obvious or sway you in any way but im not getting strong yes vibes from this strongly negative reaction

bythepowerof4 i don't know!!! i don't know it happened very fast i think i called her dumb

nickatnightwalker ouch

bythepowerof4 and got pissy about like. how we are Always Doing This

nickatnightwalker what, throwing up on each other

bythepowerof4 her throwing up on me yes

nickatnightwalker ok i can see how thats a bit of a turn of *off

bythepowerof4 this has like. happened and i think it's bad which means i should have been nicer about it

nickatnightwalker youre really being so vague right now you mean shes tried to tell you before or what

bythepowerof4 i mean she's gotten off her fucking face and started crying before and i just like, take her to the dorm or back to mine and its like. idk

nickatnightwalker right you dont love it

nickatnightwalker is what im gathering

bythepowerof4 no i think i think i think it's kinda nice sometimes cause i like helping her and that's really really bad

nickatnightwalker it's bad that you like helping her im just trying to get this right have patience with me

bythepowerof4 well yeah if she needs to need help before i can help her

nickatnightwalker oooooookay well it's not like youre sabotaging her just to get your hero rocks off

bythepowerof4 that sounds even worse thank you

nickatnightwalker youre not, are you?

bythepowerof4 i don't think so but like

bythepowerof4 i didn't stop her or anything

nickatnightwalker youre not her babysitter

bythepowerof4 i was um. distracted but i shoulda right

nickatnightwalker if you wanna help her outta the goodness of your heart thats good for you but youre not her babysitter i let damian and daisy both make turds of themselves last night

bythepowerof4 they weren't even drinking that's different

nickatnightwalker yeah, they did that shit sober and i still didnt try to stop them dude, my guy, bro youre your own responsibility ok

nickatnightwalker youre not her mom

bythepowerof4 im her friend!!!! friends look out for each other and stuff!!!!! and if im apparently leading her on or something and making her feel like she can't talk to me and letting her get all messy and miserable then im a bad friend and im upset about it!!

nickatnightwalker 1. leading someone on kind of has to be intentional, otherwise youre just like, being crush-worthy by being yourself 2. friends arent moms 3. moms are a social construct anyway 4. you dont "let" her get anything youre not in chargeof her cmon clea youre takng on way more of this than you should

feel bad she feels bad if you want to but guilt doesnt factor into this

bythepowerof4 you're like. way too rational you're making it very hard to be hysterical that's a compliment i think but im mad about it lmao :/

nickatnightwalker my job is to be rational about everyones problems except my own

nickatnightwalker thats my niche in the social hierarchy

bythepowerof4 big words from the guy trying to decimate my well meaning babysitter niche !! if you ever need someone to be hysterical about your problems know that im here for you

nickatnightwalker i have no problems my life is a glittering utopia compared to the dumpster fire of your last night and today apparently

nickatnightwalker like i cant make your decisions for you or anything but before you do make one id seriously advise you to work on not taking responsibility for etsuko's life and bad choices cause that way lies a really fucking miserable relationship

bythepowerof4 lmao liar!! everyone has problems and i'll be personally offended if you don't at some point dump them on me like im doing right now to you. two way street :p my advice might be less cool and wise and prophetic but like. still its not like, a """decision""" anyway cause its not some weirdo love triangle bullshit. cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different but not now the decisiony part is just how to undo the dumpster fire lmao. which i think. i can maybe do idk thank u ur so good at this i hate you

nickatnightwalker i gotta be real i have no idea what anything you just said meant

bythepowerof4 oh i thought i made sense that time :/ that sucks this sucks again

nickatnightwalker is this a new kind of sucking or is this the same suck as before

bythepowerof4 part of the same suck cause i don't make , like. sense :/

nickatnightwalker just that one part where you say youre not making a decision cause you kinda got to even if it's to do nothing

bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah

nickatnightwalker "cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different" also this part

bythepowerof4 well im not doing nothing cause i don't wanna fight with/not talk to anyone and if i said i was thinking of waiting it out you'd tell me that's stupid lmao and that parts just like. u know

bythepowerof4 what she wanted to do and whether i also wanted to do that thing

nickatnightwalker idk i actually dont think waiting it out is a terrible idea in this case at least until she's calmed down and youve had time to think about whether you also wanna do that thing

bythepowerof4 i don't think i do right now i thought i was making that part fairly clear it's not like a hard no cause she's cool but i've got a lot going on rn lmao

bythepowerof4 ok so waiting. lmao can you be a mate and like buzz me when it's a good time to no longer be waiting

nickatnightwalker no that part was fairly clear from the way this news didnt like, make you happy in the least

bythepowerof4 oh. yeah i guess? that could all be circumstances though

nickatnightwalker it's been a couple days now probably tomorrows a good day to apologize for being bitchy

bythepowerof4 ok. ok i can do that !!!

nickatnightwalker circumstances arent THAT much of a game changer when it comes to wanting a person to kiss you or not also dont apologize for her getting drunk that was her choice dont be weird about it

bythepowerof4 barf mouth tho

bythepowerof4 and yeah ok i'll skip that part

nickatnightwalker ok barf mouth is actually a good point

nickatnightwalker but still easy enough to fix for it not to be a huge dealbreaker

bythepowerof4 oh hey ets yeah let's go get you some goddamn listerine, and i'll go change my shoes and then we'll meet back here in 15 for super scheduled smooching !! no thank you!!!!

nickatnightwalker do other people not do that i feel like people do that i personally have definitely sent people away for listerine

bythepowerof4 oh my god and you can just?? get back in the moment like nothing happened???? i don't see it

nickatnightwalker idk if theyre hot enough you can let a lot of stuff slide

bythepowerof4 oh bc ur sooooo hot enough that they let ur critiques on their hygiene slide :p

nickatnightwalker you think im that tactless? im fucking smooth people dont even notice it's insulting

bythepowerof4 is there a tactful way to send ppl off for mouthwash

nickatnightwalker yeah, you tell them what they get when they come back or pass em some gum and hope if it's not too bad

bythepowerof4 jesus you really think you're all that !!!!!

nickatnightwalker what it's not like im making this up when youre out sometimes people arent super picky ok

bythepowerof4 i believe you its just weird !! i thought people were picky as a rule and like, idk it sounds so awkward

nickatnightwalker oh no absolutely people are not that picky all the time and if you wanna k iss someone you wanna kiss them and you'll wait if you gotta you see?

bythepowerof4 oh well duh im good on the waiting part lmao which is why i would wait for a different time entirely when no ones barfy or critical :p im very patient!!!!

nickatnightwalker right but you have to like. want to wait. and if you wanna wait then that should kinda clue you in

bythepowerof4 oh. yeah we're talking about that again ok

nickatnightwalker it all comes back around theres no such thing as tangents

bythepowerof4 youre a terrible person i live off tangents

ok well. yeah no. i don't wanna like a little but not enough. which i feel weirdly bad about but sure whatever brain!!

nickatnightwalker no no guilt over that

nickatnightwalker not allowed if etsuko's a half decent person i dont think she'd want you to feel guilty about that either

bythepowerof4 tell my brain that im trying !! she wouldn't duh i think she feels worse about it which makes me feel worse about it

nickatnightwalker say it with me now i am not responsible for someone else's feelings now you

bythepowerof4 :/ i am not responsible for someone elses feelings

nickatnightwalker yeah there you go try this one im not responsible for someone else's messy behavior

bythepowerof4 i am not responsible for someone elses messy behaviour even though if i can stop it i should probably try ok next

nickatnightwalker nope if you want to out of the goodness of your heart go for it but you have no responsibility to stop it not even should

bythepowerof4 are you sure not even should that seems extreme

nickatnightwalker no like it'd be nice of you but youre really NOT under any obligation youre not her mom

nickatnightwalker thatd be creepy and gross clea

bythepowerof4 not obligation just like the parameters of friendship it's creepy and gross that u keep saying that!!

nickatnightwalker it's creepy and gross that you feel like youve gotta babysit her im just being real here

bythepowerof4 ughhhhhhhhhhhh i knew it i knew i was gross it's not even her ok i would look out for you if you weren't so mr perfect perfect all the time!!!

nickatnightwalker thats the first time ive ever been accused of that lemme bask in it for a second ok im good

nickatnightwalker clea that kinda sounds like an issue that's you-based and youre like, gonna get worn out and have a breakdown or something

nickatnightwalker we're kids we're not old enough to take care of other people like that

bythepowerof4 i just. don't get why ur objecting to my like, decency if you ever actually needed it then maybe you'd get it but you don't so it's fine!! im not gonna have a breakdown i don't wanna have a breakdown

nickatnightwalker im not objecting to decency im objecting to feeling guilty if you dont go out of your way for someone not like i dont generally frown on decency anyway but thats not related

bythepowerof4 no tangents!!! everything is related :p it's just. very hard ok can't help it, didn't know it was weird, this is by and large new information

nickatnightwalker i too like introspection better when someone else does it for me

bythepowerof4 god right ppl should make a living off this

nickatnightwalker i think that's called therapy

bythepowerof4 shit yeah ok but who needs that

nickatnightwalker apparently most of us no shame

bythepowerof4 :( i don't see you so much as going to the school counsellor

bythepowerof4 that sounds weird nvm

nickatnightwalker well you got me there but as we've established im perfect so

bythepowerof4 lmao right!! you should go to counselling and counsel the counsellor

nickatnightwalker you think i could take that up as an extra curricular beef up my resume

bythepowerof4 oh for sure "browbeat a mental health professional into respecting my superior opinions" looks good to me

nickatnightwalker i dont have to browbeat anyone into knowing im right

nickatnightwalker are you like. good though

bythepowerof4 oh of course!!!! my mistake

bythepowerof4 oh um. yeah like no but yeah everything's just a lot u know

nickatnightwalker it sounds like it shes not like, on you about itthough right

bythepowerof4 no she hasn't said anything which is worse

nickatnightwalker shes probably mortified wouldnt you be?

bythepowerof4 well. yeah i have some recent experience here actually so yeah i can imagine

bythepowerof4 shit

nickatnightwalker of what? bein?

bythepowerof4 yeah being drunk and dumb and um. misreading situations and friendship and liiiiiiiiike idk being fucking mortified it's this nvm idk arrgggghhhhhhghhhhhh

nickatnightwalker damn you had a busy summer huh

bythepowerof4 ://////// yeah kinda :/

nickatnightwalker which is part of whats going on with etsukoe? whyd i add an e

bythepowerof4 lol autocorrect always fucks with it its so annoying ok i guess it's maybe related to the degree that everything, as we've established, is related but i just had a uhhhhhh not so great time with my old friends

nickatnightwalker you were drunk and misread a situation

bythepowerof4 not the alien kind the people kind

nickatnightwalker were you the etsuko or teh clea

bythepowerof4 oh my god. i had, like, previously been the etsuko. but that was a while ago and not a big deal it just kinda came rushing back u know and then i realised she thinks im a freak and then i did freak in a full freak way cause my face kinda popped

nickatnightwalker what

bythepowerof4 hey do you have any problems we can talk about instead this is terrible

nickatnightwalker im very interested in what you mean by your face popping but ok

bythepowerof4 you know like the glamour its kinda like paper and im underneath very much not like paper and then pop! no more paperface no more old friends

nickatnightwalker oh fuck hopefully they were all trashed too and just think they were drunk?

bythepowerof4 all of them????? sharing the same weird drunk hallucination??????

bythepowerof4 that's like extreme sunnydale syndrome

nickatnightwalker but it's so weird i doubt theyd wanna discuss it because theyd be worry about sounding crazy

bythepowerof4 i guess they're still gonna think it it's still how they're gonna picture me

bythepowerof4 and apparently they already thought i freaked and had to like go "somewhere" which i guess is true but i feel weird having ppl think of me like that

nickatnightwalker just seeing you one weird brain glitchy time isnt gonna change what they think of forever and i mean you could like. tell them you just transferred schools like, tell them the partial truth right?

bythepowerof4 i did idk i don't think she believes me or like she does but she still thinks i had a breakdown???? i just don't get it ok im very put together

nickatnightwalker youre more anxious than i am

bythepowerof4 what no im not pretend i put some sincerity exclamation marks there

nickatnightwalker yeah you can see how thats not convincing though right

bythepowerof4 the exclamation marks? those are very convincing also im not trying to be convincing bc it's just true. cause u like. Have anxiety right

nickatnightwalker what

nickatnightwalker no im anxious about living in a magic school where everything and everyone can kill me

bythepowerof4 oh i just you use the word anxious a lot that usually sorry :/

nickatnightwalker im like 85% sure you can be anxious without having anxiety

bythepowerof4 well yeah i just im sorry u seemed really like im gonna stop ok cool im very sorry

nickatnightwalker im interested in how deep a hole you were going to dig for yourself

bythepowerof4 im not we should really move on also you were the one saying it's perfectly believable that i would completely flip my shit so maybe i should be offended !!

nickatnightwalker point was you seem really stressed like a lot

nickatnightwalker youre kinda tightly wound clea like regardless of whatever i am you are kinda a little stressed all the time

bythepowerof4 ok well im not or like a little bit but i don't want people thinking of me like that so this also just sucks

nickatnightwalker yeah, it sucks for people to think youre nuts, but that's kind of how it is if youre even a little bit weird out there, isnt it

bythepowerof4 yeah. that is how it is but it's oddly enough not making me feel better :/ hey ok im just gonna put these issues away bc i don't like them and i have to deal with the main problem bc ai is bugging me oh my GOD

bythepowerof4 please don't go trying to talk to ppl on my behalf bc it is apparently really annoying

nickatnightwalker ai is bugging you cupcake girl? the plot thickens

bythepowerof4 she stopped its fine i shouldn't even have said that she's just looking out for ets cause she's a good pal and stuff there's just like a lot

nickatnightwalker whatd she think she was gonna do change your mind

bythepowerof4 no she just asked why im mad so she could report back and now im reporting back on her reporting back?? this is so high school i have a headache

nickatnightwalker where is the self awareness with these people holy shit

bythepowerof4 i don't knooooooow im freaking out i don't like it

nickatnightwalker wait why are you freaking out youre not mad at etsuko, anymore, right? you can like. talk to her instead youre not beholden to ai's nosy ass

bythepowerof4 yeah i can but not yet because im talking to u and daisy kinda and ai and she's talking to ai and it's a lot of talking and i actually really have a headache everything's all doubletriple

nickatnightwalker wanna talk about something else

bythepowerof4 yes please

nickatnightwalker uhhhh i took a fuckload of martial arts classes over the summer and can now reliably flip people so thats cool

bythepowerof4 oh what that's so cool!!!! is that who was in the back of some of ur pics?? like the class??

nickatnightwalker oh yeah and daisys ballet class is in some of them too

bythepowerof4 yeah i defs noticed that lmao i dunno if i said enough but that was nice like getting those idk i missed you and now we're all back and im making it all drama!! instead of all chill could u flip damian. hypothetically but also for demonstrations sake

nickatnightwalker yes and yes

nickatnightwalker the more important question is will i the answer to which is also yes dont feel bad about the drama it's actually really 100% not your fault

bythepowerof4 i know but telling you about it is on me lmao text me when you're gonna there's no way you can do that without me there ok

nickatnightwalker who says i cant do it multiple times and idont mind you telling me either everything's chill on my side so it's easier to sort of have perspective

bythepowerof4 if you do it multiple times i insist on being there for all of them sorry not sorry yeah. perspective is good. you're good at that

bythepowerof4 >:/

nickatnightwalker ill do it right the fuck now clea

bythepowerof4 omg really omg please

nickatnightwalker i would never lie about this

bythepowerof4 yes yesteryear you're so good i love u tell me where *yesyesyes lol let me be excited autocorrect!!!!!

nickatnightwalker i was wondering why you were talking like carolyn ok were in front of artume lets do this

bythepowerof4 yessssssssss ill be right there

#they're good!!! and clea tried very hard to follow all this advice lmao #ooc #im #nickatnightwalker

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