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delightfulranchdeputypanda-blog · 5 years

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Extra #2: My thoughts on Rules for Men/ Religion ( WARNING: This is a compilation of like two unedited entries from my person “diary” so please ignore the emojis and typos)

Okay so revisited the notes about suicide and this philosopher named Durkheim from like whatever many years ago in Paris who studied patterns in suicide. So he discovered ☝🏼 rates in suicide. 👇🏼rates in suicide Single. Married Men. Women Wealthy. Poor Protestants. Catholics So if you analyze this you realize single rich men that don’t really have religious guidance or anything to set a moral compass for them are more likely to commit suicide. And obviously there are always exceptions but it makes a lot of sense. 1) So then our professor (literally love him! May Allah fill his heart with Iman ameen) had us think about American society and we as a class came to the conclusion (I didn’t really participate much so I cannot take credit for most of these ideas) that American men only rely on their wives and girlfriends for emotional support like they have beer buddies and hunting buddies and blah blah blah but their only emotional support system is their significant other. Whereas, women are more like to call up their girls and mom or close mother figure or even guy friends every now and then and spill all the teas. Okay so that one I didn’t relate much to religion but while they were discussing it I was thinking about the dynamic between friends and how desi people, well men in particular are ride or die for their “brothers” you know like yeah you have the groups that are guarded and don’t talk about feelings but as far as I know most of the desi men in my life have shared emotions with their friends as much as women, if not more. Also, they are not afraid to cry. I’ve seen all my uncles cry and even my dad. I have seen my grandpa cry. I have seen random babas on the street cry too. Based off of my experience men in Pakistan or even here (before they get influenced) show a lot of emotion and that is how it should be! 2) Then we talked about wealthy neighborhoods and how there’s usually one family in a large house and parents usually work a lot and only see their kids for short periods of time. Whereas, in poorer families, a lot more people live together which means you’re more likely to interact with more people throughout your day. Okay, then we talked about how neighborhood atmosphere right so in rich neighborhoods your walls and fences are taller and more gates and less interaction with people around you. However, in poorer neighborhoods, fences tend to be shorter fewer gates and neighbors converse with one another and on weekends especially like holidays and stuff people have bbq and block parties and share and connect with each other. Then I thought well what about golfing buddies and country club events and things. But then I realized the nature of those events is different (I used to volunteer to serve at events held for charity and got a chance to observe the difference in class systems). The way people carry themselves and the way they speak is very like like .. hm like not authentic it’s like robotic almost like even the jokes and laughs sound rehearsed. Then I thought about back home and what I had learned about my religion about how Islam promotes neighborly-ness. And how we are reminded to share and be inclusive. [side note: this got me thinking about race and how it doesn’t exist inshallah I’ll write about that another day and why I think it was created but as far my limited knowledge about my religion goes I’ve never heard color mentioned the lectures I’ve been to only talked about people of other religions and believers v. Nonbelievers but nothing about race]. 3) then we talked about religious guidance that catholicism forbids suicide and Protestants had various beliefs and each group was different and different branches and stuff so no one was on the same place. Then our professor said okay let's say you don't like people and you don't talk to neighbors or friends but you like working on you and you come to church because you’re obligated to do so then what? is that enough? People said no because yk you’re not getting the proper interaction you need to exist. And I started drifting and thinking about how even with prayer it’s better to do it as a group like unison amplifies prayer. But I disagree with the class a little I think both are necessary a balance between individualism and the responsibilities that come with that like working on being a better you, knowing yourself, your goals, strengths, weaknesses, etc. And at the same time working in a group and helping others grow and reach their goals and stuff. And it makes sense for me to think that way because when I was little I had one teacher tell me to not think of myself and to do for others before I do for myself and then another told me to do for myself before everyone else. [mini story time: So I came home confused (I was like 7 and opposing views were hard to understand) and I asked an Imam that used to live in our house if I was really really hungry and had only one small piece of Roti and I saw a baba with no food what should I do and he asked me what I thought so I remember saying that I would like to say that I would just give him the whole piece because he needed it more but I don’t really know what I would do and if I was a baba too and we were two babas that were both hungry with no other food for who knows how long then I think I wouldn’t want to give him the whole piece and then I think I would just break it in half and he didn’t say anything back to me he patted me on the head and then left for namaz lol ] so idk what to make of that but I think that moment in time signifies how important balance is to me. And inshallah I plan on educating myself more so I can know the answers to my questions but the more I explore my thoughts and the more I think about positive actions, I end up back at the same influence, my religion. I’ve always just done stuff because someone else wanted me to but I never prayed when I didn’t feel like it [which sucks I know but is the truth because I felt like it was worse lying about reading namaz(I felt like I wasn’t really reading if I was daydreaming in some parts and speeding through others) than not reading it at all] but the more I explore my thoughts and my goals for myself I make these little connections and they remind me of a very particular dua that I remember making as kind of a kid [mini story time: it was dark and raining and I was sitting in the veranda looking at the rain (I was like still 7 almost 8) and I remember thinking I should say Subhanallah right now because obviously Allah created this but I didn’t. then at the age of whatever age I was when I went to Pulliam after my grandpa died it rained again and I asked Allah to help me love everything as much as I love the rain] and I don’t remember the intentions of my words or what I meant by that but the more I take the time to think the more I remember and the more I try to grow I realize that dua has been answered. I love life, I grew to love people and school, and now I’m growing to love my religion. And I want to hold to this for as long as I possibly can I keep writing because I’m trying to bottle this love and appreciation because I’m scared it’ll go away or something. But yeah The point of all this is that humans need integration to be able to exist and I’m grateful to be created by a god that gave me a guideline to overcome challenges and every task that I’m asked to perform in the end only befits me and creates the happiness that we all seem to be chasing.

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