#i personally think they spoke gaelic at home and steve got into trouble for it at school

[birdieart]

some sarah rogers thoughts

(tw: eugenics, ableism)

mcu sarah would have given birth alone, likely very young (in her late teens), newly widowed, and in a foreign country. if she had a hospital birth, she would have only had the midwives, since joseph was gone by then

steve was probably very sickly early on (colic, cradle cap, eczema, fever, etc) and that would have worried her, especially if he was a small baby (very likely)

when it became clear steve was chronically ill (probably around 6-7, if the asthma, heart problems, vision and hearing issues, possible allergies, scoliosis, and anemia showed by then), sarah would have probably been taken aside and told she should give steve up to a sanitorium (a common practice with disabled children), where he would eventually be quietly euthanised, as was common in those hellholes

obviously, she didn't do that, and instead decided to work TWO JOBS during the DEPRESSION to make sure they had a roof over their heads, food on the table, and medicine and doctors visits for steve, not to mention things like books, schooling, art materials, etc she would have saved up to buy for him to make him happy, and later herself, since steve remembers his art making her smile, which is why he kept at it when he was a kid

she probably worried about him being bullied, and didn't realise her own stubbornness and fighting spirit had been passed onto him until she came to pick a 9 year old steve up from school after he got into a fist fight with a much older boy and steve told her he got into a fight because the boy was being mean to a girl and no one else was telling him to back off

(she couldn't decide if she was proud or exasperated. a bit of both. she bought steve a soda on the way home after deciding she was mostly proud of her baby being so brave)

when steve dragged bucky into the rogers apartment by the sleeve for the first time, sarah was convinced bucky was an angel sent to watch over her boy. he was so sweet, polite, and such a sensitive, kind child, with an adorable smile and a head of dark curls.

bucky ended up being less of an angel, but still someone who loved steve enough to try to protect him, even if he cried when he got hit and wasn't quite the fighter steve was. but they were good for each other. the barnes and rogers families ended up being very close, sarah and winnifred trading the boys off for sleepovers every other weekend

sarah, watching steve reach his teenage years, scrappy and hot headed, opinionated, and stubborn as all hell, realising that his life is always going to be hard because people will always look at him like he's not enough despite how fiercely he burns with his love for his family and his need to protect people like him when no one else will

steve was 14 when he got surgery for his scoliosis, and sarah waited in the hospital hallway for hours, not knowing if this new form of treatment would work or if it would kill steve in the end. refusing to leave his bedside when he came out of surgery and reading his old favourite books to him, telling bucky to stay quiet when he visited and steve was asleep.

she missed joseph, a lot. they'd come to america together, so young and unsure, but she knew he's be proud of his little scrapper - steve looked a lot like him, had the same angular features and crooked nose. as steve got older, she realised just how much he looked like joe, and sometimes it made her tear up because in some angles, it was like looking at a ghost. but when he smiled, it was all him, a little crooked, but still handsome and a little devilish.

at 17, once all the hormones had calmed down, steve stopped taking the bait for every fight and sarah had to patch up less bloodied knuckles, less cut lips, less sprained joints. but that fight was still there, simmering under the surface. steve was quiet, but had a few friends - bucky and arnie, both good kids, both of them boys she could trust with him.

(sometimes, she saw how bucky looked at steve when he didn't realise anyone was looking - the utter love and devotion in those big, sad eyes made sarahs heart clench, knowing it wouldn't be easy if it was what she suspected it was. but bucky loved steve and she was grateful for that, because that meant someone else in this world was just as affected by steve in their life as she was, even if in a different way)

when sarah got sick, she knew she wouldn't shake it. she had lived long enough to see steve graduate from high school and get into auburndale art school, following bucky who went a year earlier for their music program, and she was proud of her boy, and regretted nothing except that she wouldn't be there for the other things she imagined for him - starting a career, enjoying his adult life with his friends, maybe getting married and having a family of his own, if he wanted that (part of her thought he didn't - he wasn't the most social, and he kept to his own people, the people he chose. he was sort of like a cat in that regard, even as a teenager)

sarah rogers died, maybe not knowing the specifics of what steve would become, but knowing in her bones that he was going to great things.

she would be so, so proud of him if she saw what he became - a soldier like his father, a fighter like her, and something altogether his own, against all odds

#birdie speaks #this got away from me #but i have so many feelings about what sarah went through #i personally think they spoke gaelic at home and steve got into trouble for it at school #but obviously he didnt give a shit and kept at it #even after sarah died #lived in a very irish apartment block maybe? spoke to some of sarahs old friends in gaelic to keep in practice #but she loved hIM SO MUCH AND IT MAKES ME MAD THE MCU ONLY MENTIONED HER /TWICE/ #heinous if you ask me #sarah rogers #sarah rogers meta #mcu meta #marvel