#i remember age THIRTEEN taking my fingernail and carving the word break into my bathroom wall. hadnt even heard of sharp objects at that age

[faultsofyouth]

When Gillian Flynn wrote "problems always start long before you really, really see them," that was real and I lived it

#i remember age ELEVEN my mom sitting me down and asking me seriously if i ever cut myself #(bc all the anime girls i drew were cutters) and At The Time i told her i wasnt and that was true. that was not a lie #i remember age THIRTEEN taking my fingernail and carving the word break into my bathroom wall. hadnt even heard of sharp objects at that age #i sometimes feel like my whole life is one long walk back home #and if i think too hard about that then i feel like everything in between is empty. #i'll start and end in a sticky. methed up hole in the earth. and i can walk anywhere but i'll always end up in the same place #i remember age nineteen my mother telling me the reason for her divorce from my father was two-fold: he wouldn't stop cutting and doping #in the house with me when i was a baby so he had to go. but he can never leave