#i talk more when i get uncertain about what i’m saying😓

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!

#asks #if i remember right this is my fourth case of giving probably shit advice im so sorry anon #ALSO remember to trust yourself more than me or anyone else you ask for advice💪 #also ALSO sorry i talk a lot #i talk more when i get uncertain about what i’m saying😓 #again im very sorry but im wishing you SO much luck #🐙🪼🦐🐠🐟🐬🦞🦀🐋🐡 <- calming aquarium trip for you!!

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

20 may 2023 Saturday 3:23 am pt

I know child rape happened more recently. Back in 2008 I learned that child rape victims became in continent. Last year I learned my cousin knew, who is now 21, Bcz she personally knows someone her age who was raped when she was a child 🧒 and became incontinent. 3:25 am pt ick.

I would NEVER want to be married to a god like that. 3:26 am pt

3:26 am pt they have shown me they can edit photographs and print it out as if it was taken with 35 mm film 🎞, and videos, and your memory. They can and do change history all the time. Now I fear he changed the Diane sawyer interview. 3:28 am pt Bcz what they do is shameful and they know it and they don’t plan to own up and stop 🛑. They will never 👎 stop 🛑 like they say in harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. They intentionally mislead with the line about the monster 👹 that lives in the little girl 👧 dream 😴. 3:30 🕞 am pt david Scott cano is their king 🤴 their favorite and he accepts them as they are even though they are liars. 3:31 am pt

6:59 am pt incubus miñion next door 🚪 made me cry out in pain all morning and then he acts like he is innocent 😇 and annoyed when he comes out of his room. Are those nasa backpacks 🎒 exclusive or are those for everyone? Incubus joke of shakugan no Shana stuff. I saw 👀 a nasa backpack 🎒 in 2015? Next door 🚪 to Brendan when we were all neighbors. He said he came from Los Angeles but never talked to me. 7:03 am pt he’s been relentless this morning. I had nausea tummy aches stabbing pains in my abdomen and diarrhea that looks like lemon 🍋 juice 🧃 and I think 💭 I have the taste 👅 of mayb vinegar in my mouth 👄. Back left ribs pain. This pain started in 2017 when they were my neighbors. Autocorrect: mother next. He attacked my mother too. She lost a lot of bones 🦴 this year. We both started losing bones 🦴 at the same time in the hips, 2017 I think 💭 . My mom had a great figure until 2017, too. 😞 incubus miñion doesn’t care that “Brendan” might be Adam and that he offered to buy me plane ✈️ tickets 🎫 to have s*x with him in 2001, and he wanted me to probably say we were boyfriend and girlfriend then, too. No one cares Bcz he holds all the power. 7:09 am pt he tortured my *ss a lot recently and this morning burning it with acid making it bleed a lot. 7:10 am pt it makes me unable to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ and my abdomen turned a weird dark beige color. 7:11 am pt I’m afraid to lay down but I’m tired 😓 tired 😴. 7:11 am pt they punished me profusely (?) probably for the things I wrote and did not write ✍️ (abdomen pain 7:12 am pt) they keep trying to push a memory on me that I’m uncertain if it’s real. Or if they made it up. Either way, there was no penetration of Scott’s p*nis until he took off the condom. My vag seemed to have a mind of its own I thought 💭. I thought 💭 it was a sign 🪧 that I really didn’t want to have s*x at all with Scott that day, like I told him “I don’t think 💭 we should be doing this.” 7:16 am pt left ribs pain harder ! They are going to punish me again!!!! 7:17 am pt 😫😖😭 I can’t take this anymore! 7:17 am pt

7:23 am pt they changed my photos and my face so people won’t believe that I could have been prettier. They also changed my sister’s pictures, too. The incubus miñion probably did it for him so this is basically him not caring about the truth. And trying to hide it for him. 7:26 am pt they’re all like that. They like s*x with minors:15 & 16 year old girls. Maybe younger? When they’re 21 & 22 and older. 7:27 am pt. This is not a fake out. They’re really killing me and changed history to hide their ugly truth. 7:28 am pt

8:20 am pt they want me to write ✍️ that I tried to get his p*nis to penetrate me first, that he laid down first and then got up and I laid down after he got up 🆙. I don’t remember this part at first so I didn’t write it but now it is starting to feel like a real memory. 8:22 am pt

11:58 am pt my anus was eaten by acid. It is probably not where it is supposed to be. It hurts a lot. 12 pmpt those who have seen me know that this is real. 12 pmpdt

4:56 pmpt they want you to doubt if some of the crimes are real Bcz it allows them to have more freedom from those who would find it unacceptable to be forced by a higher power. Dolphin 🐬. Died. B4 2017? A lot. They do a lot of shameful things without shame. 4:58 pmpt

12:03 am pt I realized that all that running 🏃🏻‍♀️ I did was (ass stingy pain 😞 been bloody 🩸) was probably to make me more miserable in the present time back then. Track and cross country running and trying to p.r. On every mile was extremely hard. A team mate once asked me if I enjoyed running 🏃🏻‍♀️. Practice was a lot of times hard so I no longer enjoyed running 🏃🏻‍♀️ and I told her I enjoyed the results [of being able to eat more rather than the actual running 🏃🏻‍♀️ ]. The incubus miñion made my mom buy me sour grapes 🍇 today Bcz I thought 💭 of this a few days (big toe bone 🦴 pain 😖😭) he likes to smile I think at the thought 💭 of my death ☠️ Bcz in Japanese shi character looks like it’s smiling and shi means death ☠️. The Japanese are so much into cleanliness in their homes 🏠 that maybe 🤔 they look 👀 forward to death ☠️? Could they be suffering too? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ 12:10 am pt I’m also sour that the incubus put some effort into deceiving me by visiting me more recently I thought 💭 but I didn’t look 👀 directly at him so I’m not sure 🤔 but they wanted me to believe it was him. They made me imagine him sitting on top of me a few years ago when I was h*rny. But I think back to my life and think 💭 that there probably was no adequate times in my life for him that there is no way we could have dated the incubus way. 12:13 am pt seems more probable that he isn’t spending any time at all with me now. Only his miñion to kill me and do it in a miserable way making me feel miserable most of the time if not all the time. Anus felt a little more on the raw side today and very painful each extra strength application of acid. 12:16 am pt this acid on my anus is probably not new to me. I don’t remember well anymore but I did think so earlier when I recalled diarrhea when I was ≈9 years old at my dad’s. 12:17 am pt

12:27 am pt how do I know he’s smiling? He lets me know by forcing me to smile b4 or after I feel pain. 12:28 am pt

12:29 am pt he likes to do a lot of petty mean things to me after I tell him what I think of him. He ruins my things and makes me waste stuff even though I have no money 💰 left and he makes sure I know that he is retailiating. 12:31 am pt I told him I thought 💭 he was a child rapist and he has been extra hard every time. Makes me think 💭 that he’s extra guilty but has no shame. 12:32 am pt