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#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up
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11 months
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up
#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones
#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it
#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda
#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic
#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even
#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax
#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy
#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic
#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this
#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes
#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine
#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol
#unrelated
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