#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.

#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up #but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones #i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it #so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda #positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic #and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even #removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax #and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy #but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic #bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this #also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes #just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine #annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol #unrelated

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 20

A/N- Hey!! So this part is just fluff! Lol and a few time jumps as we near the end! 💕

12 weeks pregnant.

Bucky and I had just come out from my 12 week scan, Dr Forester said everything was looking great which was a huge relief! We were currently sat in the car looking at the newest scan photos.

"i cant believe how much has changed since the last scan! You can actually see their babies now!" I said shaking my head "The weeks are flying by Buck!"

"I know! They'll be here in no time" Bucky said his eyes comically wide before he started laughing "i can't wait".

"Me either, now we just have to tell the girls" i looked over at Bucky biting my lip nervously "do you think they will take it well?"

"You kidding me? They'll be so excited baby"

"Yeah?"

"Of course!"

"God i hope so" i mumbled as my hand stroked over my tiny bump, it didnt take long before Bucky's hand reached over to join mine.

"You have nothing to worry about i promise" he kissed me quickly "i cant wait for them to know so you stop hiding this cute little bump".

I rolled my eyes at him before chuckling at the man i loved. Bucky was obsessed with the tiny bump i had, his hands resting over it any chance he got.

"Come on lets go break the news".

When we got inside we found Steve fast asleep on the sofa the girls asleep all around him, Rosie was on his chest, Brooke and Allie tucked into each side.

"Oh my god how cute is that" i smiled down at them pulling out my phone to snap a photo.

"They must have had a busy day at school huh" Bucky laughed "Lets get dinner sorted while they sleep, we can tell them later".

We were all sat around the dining room table an hour later eating dinner, Steve stayed too of course!

"Daddy can i have some more juice please, im thirsty" Allie looked up at Bucky while tapping his arm.

"Sure sweetheart"

"I'll grab it i'm gonna grab another beer anyway" Steve said pushing his chair back and heading towards the kitchen.

"Grab me one too please" Bucky called after his friend.

"Hey, are these the new scan photo's?" Steve called through before holding up the photo's from todays session as he walked back in with Allie's juice and a couple of beers.

"Yeah take a look" Bucky nodded proudly.

"OMG..... look at that!"

"What are you looking at Uncle Steve?" Brooke asked trying to look over at the photo.

"Um, its a secret" he said with a look of panic on his face, he knew we hadn't said anything to the girls yet and he didn't want to be the one who told them.

"Bucky why don't you tell the girls what Uncle Steve is looking at?"

"Yeah?"

"Go for it" i chuckled nervously, hoping they would be happy with the news.

"Okay, girls..... Y/N is pregnant! She's gonna be having a baby... two babies actually"

"TWO?!" Brooke asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah sweetheart, its twins" i smiled.

"Oh my god thats so cool!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!.... but wait, am i gonna have more sisters? I really want a brother" Brooke suddenly asked making me Bucky and Steve burst out laughing.

"We don't know yet, its still a little early" Bucky told her as Allie slipped off of her chair and walked over to stand in front of me. She stood there staring down at my belly looking confused.

"You okay babe?" I asked her stroking back some loose bits of hair from her face.

"There's two babies in there?" She asked pointing to my tummy with her head tipped to one side.

"There is"

"How? They wont fit in there"

"Their still really tiny at the moment Al, but they will get alot bigger soon".

She walked closer and put a hand against my tummy before whispering "hi, I'm Allie. Im your big sister"

It was the cutest thing ever!!!

"They can't hear you Allie" Brooke rolled her eyes at her little sister.

"Sure they can!" Bucky added quickly seeing Allie looking like she was about to get upset.

"They can?" Allie asked as she fell into my arms wanting a cuddle.

"Of course! Thats how they know who you are when their born"

"Sounds stupid" she huffed with attitude giving Allie the stink eye "I hope i have brothers this time"

"We need some more boys around here, Buck and I are outnumbered already" Steve added.

"I totally agree with Steve, but i'll be happy either way" Bucky laughed.

"Well we'll find out soon enough".

Rosie didn't really understand what was going on yet, i think it will effect her more once the twins are here and she's no longer the baby of the family.

The girls were all in bed and Steve had gone home..... i sometimes wondered if he lived here too! I was laying on the sofa watching a movie while Bucky was making me a cup of tea, i had just started to fall asleep when i heard the tiptoeing of a sneaky child who should be asleep! I kept my eyes closed and waited to hear Bucky tell them to get back to bed.

"Hi.... I'm Brooklyn, I'm your biggest sister" i suddenly heard her whispering next to me "i'll take good care of you i promise...."

"Brooke....whatcha doing hun?"

"Um nothing..... i couldn't sleep"

"You wanna come lay with me a while?" I offered holding out my arms, Brooke wasnt usually one for cuddles, she liked to act like she was too old for that. But she surprised me when she nodded and came to cuddle with me.

"Y/N.... i want the babies to know who i am so I'm gonna talk to them all the time"

"Ok hun, thats fine" i chuckled kissing the top of her hair.

"What are you doing out of bed lil miss?" Bucky asked walking in with mugs of tea before sitting back down next to me so i was leaning against him.

"Couldn't sleep"

"I said she can stay with us and watch the rest of the movie then bed"

"Okay okay" he smiled and we all got snuggled on the sofa....10 minutes later Brooke was fast asleep.

20 weeks pregnant.

Waking up with awful heartburn (AGAIN!) i looked over at my phone on the bedside table to check what time it was, 5:15am! Jesus! Id had it bad for the past couple of days now and it was driving me crazy. I slipped out of bed to go head downstairs for a glass of milk and noticed Bucky was already gone.

I poured myself a glass of milk and while i stood in the kitchen taking a few sips i heard the grunting from the basement. Ooh! Bucky must be working out! I smiled to myself before quietly making my way down there. When Bucky and the girls moved in he made the basement into his gym being as it was never used. I stood in the doorway watching Bucky laid on his back making the most beautiful noises as he lifted some weights. I bit my lip as i leaned against the doorframe watching him....admiring him.

"Ahh fuck!" He moaned lifting the weights above his head once again.

I squeezed my thighs together as the sinful sounds shot straight to my core.

"Jesus christ" i mumbled to myself, my eyes raking over his body....

"Hey doll" the sound of his voice making me snap out of the lust fuelled trance i was in.

"Hey"

"You okay? You look a little flushed" he asked looking smug as he dropped the weights and sat up.

"Mmhmm I'm great, just admiring the view!" I smirked taking a sip of the milk while looking at him, his navy t-shirt clinging to his chest....

"Heartburn still?" He asked noticing the glass of milk in my hand.

"Yep" i nodded as my free hand stroked over my growing bump "your boys hate me i swear" i chuckled.

"They don't hate you" he chuckled shuffling over to me on his knees, he placed his hands either side of my stomach and pressed a kiss to my bump.

"Come back to bed Buck.....watching you down here has turned me on like crazy!"

"Oh really!?"

"So much, i need you.... now!"

"How about i just take you right here, huh?" He smirked pulling me down into his lap.

"Fuck yes!" I groaned before kissing him hard and grinding down onto him.

"Your insatiable baby" Bucky mumbled making me laugh.

"Pregnancy hormones are out of control i swear" i chuckled "everything you do turns me on!"

"Is that right?" Bucky said as he slipped a hand into my panties and moaned instantly "god doll your soaked already!"

"I was soaked the second i walked in and heard you making those noises Buck"

"Don't worry, i'll take care of you".

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27 @jesseswartzwelder @saiyanprincessswanie @stormi-ames

#bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #sebastianstan #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #home

[dead-thorin]

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD 

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore. 

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot

#post from the blogger

[lokbobpop]

Forget

Old English forgietan "lose the power of recalling to the mind; fail to remember; neglect inadvertently," from for-, used here probably with privative force, "away, amiss, opposite" + gietan "to grasp" (see get (v.)). To "un-get," hence "to lose" from the mind.

to cease or fail to remember; be unable to recall: to forget someone's name. to omit or neglect unintentionally: I forgot to shut the window before leaving. to leave behind unintentionally; neglect to take: to forget one's keys. to omit mentioning; leave unnoticed. to fail to think of; take no note of.

Forget for get forge it for forage t f or get

Writing forget

This gets me down i can’t remember and it get worse and worse all the time i think ok im getting better my thyroid must be know after all i have done but no im still out of balance im still being forgetful and tired but the forgetful is a life long thing its just gilt worse i can’t remember any fucking this it actually depresses me why cant I remember why os it so hard just to remember something yes sure my hormones are out of wack at the mo with menopause but why do i hav ect have this anyway whys in my dna thats fucked up there g where theres meant to be a t i think lol but can I Shang my dna no i cant at this time maybe in centuries to come i will but as sunette said its just the way you are and thats it nothing to be done i cant change i cant so make the most of what i do have expand on what is right with me so what is wrong wont matter either to me because what ive made right will be far more important than what i cant do.

Reading forget

Trying to forget my thoughts this is provoking ot be hell real hell live what you resist will persist is so fucking true so im dealings with a few i seem to pick up the about 20/30 regular ones that i have looked at built not delt with properly really i need more depth really the guy on the bus to day showed me what im living fuck you i dont care your not going to hurt me its not far you point at me about my mask i went into a completely defensive place within like he had hurt me and the rest of the trip i was like fuck you you cant tell me what to do and how i should do it even though its law that i have to so i was breaking the law but all i could see was it was his fault his fear and maybe he had ever right to fear me with my mask half down hey maybe he was a sick person who wanted to the bus ride and i should of respected hos wishes but i see it was the way i felt he was rude in point at ma angrily this was what ot was yes i let all the knives coming out of him dig in ma and i went into reaction.

People remember so much better than me when talking to fiends about what we did in the part i just don’t remember stuff they remember so much better i hope one day i get back more memory because its there it just needs ot come up im like in an essence of it and not in it.

Don’t forget i will say to the girls and what do they do they forget why are we so forgetful hoe fucking annoying is this shit my mum was the same with remember to do this and no i forget I think if someone needs to remember something we should have something for easy to remind not your phone something easier than that even.

The thinks you want to forget the bad stuff yep that gorgeous deep dark whole within you where you never want to go i see i compare my deep dark hole the shadow self to others and i see myself worse than others i can’t think urgently of a friend that there minds are not as bad as mine as i only see all the shit i have done and dis;alike it instead of embracing it about myself loving it about myself yes i need ot love that stuff to get over that stuff it’s a working program and im on it. I think i dont know any because any person who was vaguely like me i wasn’t friends with bitchy women yep not interested so i dont have bad friend she they got crap but have they done what i have done maybe not and i see myself as being far worse and if i can love that far worse what a power i will have over me so mind whatever it is its you not me i have made mistakes but i learning all about you and the way you work the more you show me who you are :)

I can’t remember peoples names i dotn know why give me a face and yep ive got it but a name literally split second after its just gone i dotn know where but it has for sure.

I dont want to forget what o dotn know about me i want to know everything i have aloud so i can put it right the mind in all its glory is showing me so i can stop it thank you mind yes thank you for all you do even thought it bad lol

Say forget

Forget out i dont want to know when arguing with my husband he will say this and that and either he will say it or i will say sorry im not interested i dont want to know forget also forget what i said as i dotn want to talk about it anymore actually i think he says this more than me.

Forgetful come up my being forgetful all the time not remembering stuff which pisses me off but i can work with that and what i do remember and i should do what sunette said and draw it mmm

Forget me nots the flower its a tiny blue flower just gorgeous

The thoughts im working on and want to forget there are there they will probably never go well they wont they are etched in stone lol but doesn’t mean i have ot be this way anymore does it not i dont i dont have to like everyone but i can do my best in this life.

Forget it comes up when ive asked the girls a millions times it feel ti help me do something they dont and i shout out of just forget it really pissed off

Sf

Does this definition support me no i want to forget but know all i want to forget is key to remembering and finding me under al those thoughts is me what what they do ?mmm yes they wouldnt do what i do now so i need ot see me for what i have aloud t be and love myself and other as one and equal yep.

Forget forge it

Forget

Embrace the glitch’s in life the blankly spots within me if i dont know it cant be that important can it only what is here and now is the important part so

To not need to see something at a particular moment to work with what i have right in front of me the now

I will live this word a what is forgotten is not what im dealing with right now what i need is right in front of me deal with this so to forget is to be blinker to focus of what needs to be looked at and that all to forget is to see what is here now.

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ‘all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so

#grabsthesun #lesbian ask game #i love and hate you

[cake-of-awesome]

im in a very bad state right now , i dont want to talk to anyone, but ruminating wont help anything either so im just going to write all of my anxieties down and see how that goes

for the past few weeks i feel emotionally haywired. like im short circuiting or something. i have emotions, i know i have emotions, i can express emotions, but its like im expressing emotions without really knowing what im expressing or why, or expressing them waaaay out of line.

like, i went to the movies today and there was a local commercial before the movie previews, it had a baby smiley,  and i wanted to sob right then and there, there was nothing sad about the baby, nothing was wrong with the baby or anything bad was going to happen, but i wanted to sob at the smiling baby

i alternate between coming off as sarcastic or condescending to coworkers, being super angry and defensive whenever my mom speaks to me to just not feeling anything at all, being unfocused, having a hard time motivating myself to do anything at all and just

basically feeling too many emotions to nothing at all and its so stressful

my only guess is that this is another hormonal surge, and that i’ll probably have a period again sometime next week

which ok, thats fine, or not, honestly i should do some research into birth control and actually learn what the hell it does in terms of dealing with hormones

but, big picture wise, i should ALSO be going back to therapy. i NEED to do this yet i still dont, and its realy hurting me, i know i should, i know it can help me with identifying my emotions and learning better coping methods in properly expressing them rather than bottling them up or letting them run loose, i know it can help me rewire my brain so that im not always thinking so black and white all the time too

yet i dont

i need to admit that part of me just hates doctors. that i have anxiety dealing with them and clinics, i need to admit i do have somewhat of a fear of it since having cancer and having to deal with all of those visits

im so programmed to just saying yes to anything that goes on just so i wont stay there any longer, which is so incredibly hurtful in so many ways. i know i can do better

but the one time i did end up being truthful to my therapist and saying yes!!! i do think about killing myself every!!! single!!! day!!! i almost got thrown in psych ward. i dont want to go in there. i cant go in there. i know it can help and get me the meds i need but god i dont want to go back into the hospital please

but i need help. but the longer i put it off the more anxiety i have about coming back, having to answer questions on why i didnt make an appointment for 5 months now

i mean sure part of it its because i hate talking on the phone, that the only time i can call is either when im at work, cause they close right when i get out and arent open util an hour after im in work

part of me also gets anxious talking with my therapist, the topic of gender comes up a lot since during the first sesson i said iddnt know and it makes me really anxious cause fuck??? i dont know. i barely have a construct of an identity as a person, much less a gender. 

i feel like my entire identity is an outline of a person, the kind you draw on paper like how you outline your hand and the inside of the hand is all hollow and the outside is just as blank

i dont know, i dont know anything and i dont want to talk about this, at least not yet

but i also dont want to say anything either cause i just want to get out of there as soon as possible

i also feel like a lonely loser spilling my beans (or a select few beans since i constantly lie while in those sessions)

like everytime i go in there i realize just how lonely i am, i dont have many RL friends to hang out with, and those that i do i never have big conversations , our relationship is the lazy kind where we’re only friends bc we used to be in the same highschool or we’re cousins somehow or w/e

i wish i had someone i could hang out with on a regular basis and have those deep conversations and feel valid for whats going on, but thats on me, im the lazy one who never goes out to meet new people or tries to keep up with friendships and make sure that they thrive

if i want those kinds of relationships i need to get out there and be vunerable, be open, stop bing afraid of getting hurt or not being understood or rejected, adult relationships are a lot harder to maintain than in school, cant rely on classes and lockers to build a friendship, i need to put in effort to maintain a connection with others

but its so much effort, and so frustration when my invites are rejected bc one person has to work at night and another is busy planning a wedding or graduating or whatever

its no wonder i’ve relied on internet friendships to maintain a semblance social life. its easy and convenient, and always there.... which means the anxiety of being out of the loop due to working long hours and that people are only putting up with me because i’m there and can be easily replaced if i m too much of an ass, is always there too

I cant let this anxiety control my life and relationships though, real life or online. people are social creatures and at the end of the day most people just want to have a good time and not have any drama, and most likely, so long as i try to be a decent person who respects others things will be okay

and part of being a decent person is having empathy and sympathy

if im this stressed out, im never going to be able to pick up on what other people are feeling and connect to what they’re going through

which means being in tune with my emotions, knowing what im feeling and knowing when to express them and how intense to express them

i know therapy can help with this, and i know calling is scary, and making an appointment and going to an appointment is just as bad. but if i want to get better andbe a better person that means doing scary things

maybe i can write down some bullet points from this  post and bring it next time i go in and see how that goes

#whispers

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Have you been to the Drs yet?

Ali: I can come with if you want

Carly: what are you talking about?

Carly: why would I?

Ali: When was your last period?

Carly: idk

Carly: who cares

Ali: I think you're pregnant, Carly

Ali: whatever you plan to do, the sooner you get it handled the better

Carly: wtf no

Carly: im not

Ali: Have you done a test?

Ali: worth a check

Carly: i dont need to

Carly: id know if i was having a baby

Carly: you have it doesnt mean youre an expert k

Ali: Girl, you ain't seen 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'?

Ali: its not all the drama and vomming its usually made out to be

Ali: not always

Carly: k

Carly: but youre wasting your time telling me

Carly: i dont need to know

Ali: Fair enough

Ali: but I don't mind

Ali: how have things been then?

Carly: good

Carly: what about you?

Ali: i'm glad

Ali: you know, bit stressful but getting into the swing of things with Edie

Ali: basically ready to go Singapore

Ali: just a few loose ends to sort

Carly: yea

Carly: she's good?

Ali: Yeah, pretty chill, bless her

Ali: how's Drew

Carly: he's him

Ali: Yeah

Ali: Could you tell him Meena would like to see him

Ali: he doesn't need to worry

Ali: not an ambush

Carly: k yea i will

Ali: Thanks Carly

Carly: he'll wanna see her

Carly: dont thank me

Ali: I know but thanks all the same

Ali: Its going to be weird leaving this place

Ali: I'll miss ya

Carly: no you won't

Carly: youll be having too much fun

Ali: I mean, its the plan but three kids and a full-time course

Ali: doesn't scream party party 😜

Ali: anyway, who there will let me art all over them? not a euphemism

Carly: too busy wiping baby butts and having breakdowns then

Carly: Caleb will

Carly: on both counts

Ali: Exactly, I'll be sobbing down the phone

Ali: like I never left 😂

Ali: and the jury's out there

Ali: 🤞 though

Carly: dont

Carly: unless you give me warning to zone out

Carly: he will

Carly: he loves you

Ali: duh, friend's prerogative

Ali: its best if you don't dole out the advice

Ali: not that that stops me but so I've heard

Ali: I know

Ali: Still hurt him

Ali: sometimes you can't come back from shit, so we'll see

Carly: sometimes you can

Ali: Of course

Ali: I never got to say sorry to you

Ali: that was shitty of me

Ali: things were hectic

Ali: but I really am

Carly: why

Carly: he wasnt mine

Ali: No but I knew how you felt about him

Ali: I could explain why it happened and the specific circumstances but I don't want to if you don't wanna hear it

Carly: no i didnt know

Carly: dont he wanted you for years

Carly: he got it out of his system

Ali: Okay, well I had my suspicions then

Ali: that was what it was for him

Ali: but not me

Carly: i know

Carly: you have a lot of supicious

Carly: thinking im knocked up dont make me laugh

Ali: I know the signs, Carly

Carly: i hope so

Carly: 3 kids

Ali: and you're showing them

Carly: im not

Carly: why are you trying to put the idea in my head

Carly: drew dont want your kid were not going there

Ali: because someone needs to

Ali: i don't care what drew wants

Ali: i'm telling you for you

Ali: so you can do what you want

Carly: well i do

Carly: i care what he wants

Carly: and i dont want any kids either

Ali: cool, that's totally fine but then you're on a time limit here

Ali: there's things you need to get sorted before you can't

Ali: this isn't an induction into the club, i don't need a yummy mummy friend

Ali: i care about you, i want you to do right by you on this

Carly: if you care then stop

Carly: seeing things that arent there

Carly: youre messing with my head here

Ali: i'm not trying to

Ali: do you wanna take the risk?

Ali: i'll get you a test

Ali: prove me wrong and tell me to fuck off

Ali: I WANNA be wrong too but I don't think I am so

Carly: dont

Carly: save your money for your kids

Carly: I'm not having one

Carly: i dont need to prove that or anything to you

Ali: Okay

Ali: that's all I've got to say

Ali: I won't speak on it again

Carly: good

Carly: i dont need it from you

Ali: I can imagine

Ali: but I didn't see anyone else letting you know

Ali: Had to, I'm not sorry for doing it but I am sorry its got to be me

Carly: its nobodys business

Carly: it's not even mine its not happening

Ali: Not what you do, no

Ali: but someone should be taking care of you

Ali: is Drew?

Carly: he loves me

Ali: doesn't answer the question

Carly: its not what you wanna hear you mean

Ali: Not gonna say I'm happy for you 'cos how could I?

Ali: But if you think I want Drew

Ali: then no

Carly: you should

Carly: you should want him

Ali: Well, I don't

Ali: I'm not saying he's the devil incarnate but I just don't

Ali: and you wouldn't want me to so?

Carly: i want him to be happy

Ali: We all want that for him

Ali: he doesn't feel it rn I know

Ali: but we do

Ali: You too, Carly

Carly: like i said im good

Ali: I hope so

Ali: don't you think you make Drew happy?

Carly: he wanted you and his kid you know that

Ali: No he didn't, doesn't

Ali: He's not seen her at all, its been a month

Ali: and you know he has no plans

Carly: im not telling tales on him

Carly: you know why he hasn't been around

Ali: Not asking you to

Ali: just bare in mind that he's got his side and I've got mine

Ali: Respect his but don't deny me mine, I know what happened and what was said to me

Carly: k

Ali: [Drewsif: I want nothing to do with it, that thing, fuck you both]

Ali: last I heard

Ali: I'm taking him at his word

Carly: he's in pieces

Carly: he doesnt want you and caleb pushing him out

Carly: her calling someone else dad while he pays up

Ali: We all are but we have to talk about it, to work it out

Ali: He's not being pushed out

Ali: its self-exile

Ali: and he isn't paying anything, don't expect him to, even though I'd be within my rights to ask

Ali: that ain't me

Ali: He's her Father, always will be but if he won't communicate with me, how can I make him step up?

Ali: I'm not about to make him, he has to want it, want her

Carly: he's scared

Ali: Understandable

Ali: He isn't the only one

Ali: he's allowed to be

Ali: but he isn't allowed to use her as a pawn, no

Carly: i know

Carly: i wish i could help

Ali: I know

Ali: you're a good person, Carly

Ali: I'm not trying to be a cunt, to anyone

Ali: but especially not you

Ali: I just wish everything could be sorted

Carly: Don't make laugh

Carly: I am not

Carly: everything'll get sorted he just needs to sort his head first

Ali: You are

Ali: Can't even help yourself, like 😘

Ali: I want him too

Ali: but if he could, keep us in the loop

Ali: because then I'll know what to say and do

Ali: I've got to think of Edie, first

Ali: but I don't hate Drew, and I want what's best for him

Ali: for all of us

Carly: can't help myself about load of shit

Carly: not that

Carly: give him a bit more time

Carly: not years just

Carly: she's so little

Ali: Nah

Ali: You've got many good deeds tallied to your name, trust

Ali: outweighs the rest

Ali: Okay

Ali: at the end of the day, we're always going to be here

Ali: not here here but

Ali: whenever he comes around, if he can prove he's worth it, he'll be given the chance

Ali: I'm not being unfair or keeping her from him

Carly: i know you wouldnt

Carly: i know what hes worth too

Ali: I take your word on it

Ali: but at the moment, that's all I got

Ali: but I'll be waiting on him, I promise, okay?

Carly: yea

Carly: thanks ali

Carly: youre still sweet

Ali: any time

Ali: you too girl

Carly: if i had a ma like you

Carly: the kids are lucky

Carly: and theyre gonna be good

Carly: youll see

Ali: get ready to plug your ears

Ali: too hormonal, you're gonna make me cry!

Ali: but i'm putting my life on it

Ali: its going to be good

Carly: its ok you can

Carly: have a sob

Carly: itll be kicking in for me when you get going

Ali: Thought you meant your hormones

Ali: Hope you stopped listening already, don't fight me 😉

Carly: I've killed them off

Carly: havent bleed regular since i started

Carly: it'll be all that good microwave nutrition

Ali: Gurl

Ali: Please, please PLEASE stop by the restaurant

Ali: I'll tell Gus and co, put it on my tab

Ali: If I could I'd be bringing you meals myself but I ain't gone be here

Ali: Promise bitch

Carly: itd be wasted on these tastebuds

Carly: dead too

Carly: youve got enough mouths to feed, bitch

Ali: then grub is grub so shut up and like it

Ali: need them nutrients

Ali: scrappy lil thing 😘

Carly: when she's a feeder. Thought you stopped fancying me years back

Ali: Oh no, I'm just out here biding time, poppin' out kids, 'til you come to your senses

Carly: i'll bring my imaginary kid when i roll up

Carly: you can name it

Ali: Ugh, my favourite bit!

Ali: know the way to my 💚 babe

Ali: I'll be pondering

Carly: boy or girl since you know everything

Ali: I'd have to run some tests

Ali: not bought from the chemists

Ali: lemme get the string and ring and be right there, like

Carly: ha

Carly: what do you do with that

Carly: tie me down

Ali: Literally, hog-tied and wifed up in one

Carly: casual weekday

Ali: you know it

Ali: how else did i end up the teen mum trash i am today

Carly: you arent

Carly: youre the best mum

Carly: if i was having any babies id want tips

Ali: Stop! 😭 When she's trying to break you #killabitchwithkindness

Ali: I'll set up the mummy blog now 😉 get in on it before i'm mega famous and getting those nappy brand deals

Carly: no need to link me

Carly: clueless and childless until death

Ali: hey, doesn't sound like the worst life to me

Ali: former bliss, latter...probs the same

Carly: when you going?

Carly: to singapore not the afterlife

Ali: just over a week

Ali: scary stuff, man

Carly: won't see you then

Carly: busy girl you are

Ali: I can make time

Ali: My Mother will be having an aneurysm but I'm pretty chill, ya know 😜

Carly: yea

Carly: thatd be good

Ali: Wicked, might have some kiddos in tow, at least the bab, can throw the others into Nursery mwahahaha

Ali: want me to bring the gun again, give you something to remember me by? 👌😋

Carly: aw

Carly: but the boys my fave

Carly: yea you should

Ali: when she wants you to bring a man

Ali: #baitedagain

Ali: you are his fave, why not, play dates are the chillest form of socialisation

Ali: fuck the club tbh

Ali: I will then

Ali: matching? be dem hoes?

Carly: ha

Carly: when hes that cute

Carly: aw

Carly: yea we have to

Carly: everyones thinking it

Ali: 🙌 let 'em think, make 'em talk

Carly: ill miss you

Ali: i'll miss you too

Ali: but i won't let ya, be on that phone 24/7

Ali: i've been made to swear on my life i'll be back for christmas, s'only a few months

Ali: we'll catch up then?

Carly: yea

Carly: theres your gift

Ali: yay, i'll bring you back some cool shit we don't have here no doubt

Carly: better drugs or worse

Carly: let me know

Carly: dont wanna fill your case with any old shit

Ali: with MY vagina? baggies fall right out

Ali: soz babe

Ali: mail order bride?

Ali: you know you wanna

Carly: ha

Carly: drew'd be happy

Carly: so yea should do

Ali: hm, i'll get him a keyring

Ali: 😉

Carly: he is always losing mine

Ali: See? I just KNOW things

Carly: bring him an address book too cant pretend he dont know where i am

Ali: He needs that alright

Ali: maybe I'll invent a microchip while I'm out there

Ali: hotwire his brain

Carly: yea

Carly: make me one too

Carly: different programming but

Ali: I will

Ali: get your requests in now

Carly: ill do my list

Ali: So many lists

Ali: my head is lists

Ali: as if they don't have socks there 🙄

Carly: use mine for storage

Carly: its emptied out

Ali: nah, might be nights out lights out

Ali: but you still in there

Ali: better be, not gotta make a cake but you know I'm coming so 💚

Carly: never made one but for you id give it a try

Carly: especially if you bring my fave boy

Ali: Obviously! Mum rule #1, bribe 'em with sugar, always

Ali: 😍 lets make fairy cakes #domesticgoddesses

Carly: dont think the caravan is kitted out for that

Carly: but yea

Ali: come over here man

Ali: there isn't a kitchen better stocked

Ali: can't even take the cred

Carly: serious? i can

Ali: Of course, hell yeah

Ali: ngl, save me getting out the pram of hell, double wide, you'd see me coming from a mile off 🙄😂

Carly: gonna borrow that when im feeling tired

Carly: ill fit

Ali: you probably would, its tempting

Ali: get Junie walking for me and there's a spot with your name on it

Carly: run into my arms sweet boy

Ali: [Sends Junior selfie]

Ali: The look of love, he's buzzin'

Carly: aw

Carly: trying to make me wish there is a kid in here

Carly: if its a boy like him

Ali: they'll work on you like that

Ali: sneaky adorable bastards

Carly: itd be a rio

Carly: i know

Ali: shh, she might hear you 😜

Ali: i can't hold her back, gurl, you'll be on your own

Carly: junie will protect me

Ali: Fair, he's her weak spot

Ali: Solid plan

Carly: whats edie gonna say

Carly: havent even seen her

Ali: she's not much of a talker

Ali: i'll whack my tit out if she gets aggro

Ali: that always works

Carly: on all the girls yea i know

Ali: you said it baby

Carly: war flashbacks happening

Carly: been on more tits than you

Ali: alright, don't rub it in

Ali: straight bitch

Carly: dont say rub

Carly: ive done my time

Ali: 😂 you say that but no one forced you

Ali: self-inflicted punishment still punishment, yeah?

Carly: yea yea

Ali: Well, I better go buy those vacuum pack things

Ali: WILD

Ali: need anything?

Carly: fun

Carly: no thanks

Carly: im set

Ali: coolio, catch you in a bit bitch 💋

Carly: love you bitch

Ali: always gon' love you

Ali: BITCH

#love these two

[theboykingofhell]

(acting anon from earlier!!) i read ur whole thing and its FILLED with rly good info ty!! im british and im looking to start getting into acting but i always shyed away from it in schools etc cause there's always be a dance side to it and :/ no ty id rather eat nails than dance ever. but im rly interested in the acting techniques n stuff u mentioned and id defo read as many posts abt it as u wanted to write :0 ty for your time!!

OK YEAH now that i actually have time and by that i mean i have no time there’s like three things i’m supposed to be doing rn but i want to stall starting them lmfao I’MMA TALK MORE ABOUT THIS RN

imma be real i cant remember all the things i mentioned in that post i wrote and i cant be bothered to go back and look so IF YOU EVER HAVE A SPECIFIC QUESTION LITERALLY ASK ME ANY TIME

oooooooooooh... yeah.. love... babe.... go to acting schools lol it’s not even JUST the fact that they literally teach you how to act but. you. need to network. god. especially since you ARE british, acting schools are very important because a lot of companies will pretty much hire you based on what school you went to. just the short amount of time i was there made this VERY obvious that it is VERY hard to get picked up by a company if you haven’t gone to school, and getting picked up by a company is how you get consistent theater work for YEEEEEEARS...!!! also, usually a school will give you a rly good chance to network by having some sort of showcase at the end where you can get in contact with a bunch of agents and the more famous the school, the more agents see your work and try and help you out!!!!

and, like... the whole dance bit is just a hurdle you’re gonna have to jump. it’s def rly important to just partipate in the classes, you don’t have to be GOOD but it gives you just that little bit of awareness over your body and your movement that you might not have had before and that’s rly important, especially on the stage!! i felt the same way about singing but, man, the more you work at it, the more mangeable it gets. and you don’t want to have this grudge on you forever because it’ll really limit your work :/

but i mean man you don’t actually have to, there’s no set way to become an actor! if you find work, you have that work, it doesn’t matter how you get there t b h. i just think it helps and the more skills you acquire, the better of a chance you have to get that work...

(i RLY suggest lamda, it’s a hard school get into but it’s one of the best if not the best and also the education is beautiful and ALSO lamda-trained actors get the most consistent work because the uk just nuts all over itself about lamda-trained actors)

BUT YEAH. ACTING TECHNIQUES. GONNA FINALLY ADD A CUT LOL

i’m only gonna talk about these vaguely cuz tbh i’m not as ~studied~ as i should be because i’ve been far too lazy until now to actually sit down and read acting textbooks but HERE’S THE GIST....

stanislavsky is like... pretty much the most well-known most taught acting technique. so many of the other techniques you learn BUILDS on his work. there’s a huge range of shit that he’s got to offer because his and later similar teachings are SO focused on realism (which tbh is a very new thing in acting), but some of the most important is stuff like emotional recall and objective work aaaaand character building by using yourSELF and projecting it onto the character. it’s a very psychological form of acting and it’s... MY BASIS but not actually my fave!

now, a lot of parts of it is very useful. emotional recall, for one, is SUPER nice. it’s a very good way to build that vulnerability up, tear down a lot of walls and explore how to summon emotions up....

my first exercise with stanislavsky, i remember them making us lie down and pretty much meditate, and then you listened as the teacher described a bunch of things: your favorite beach as a child and what it felt like, all these sensory memories about the smells and tastes and sights of the beach. and then it moved on to the night of your first kiss, your first love, and then your first loss. a nice basic range of basic emotions, and then you build on that.

stanislavsky (and stuff like uta hagan who wrote a RLY great book that i havent finished reading yet but it’s a GREAT way to rly build on the technique) rly encourages taking yourself and putting it into the character. SO!!!! if your character is going through their first break-up, summon the feelings and memories of your first break-up and push that into your lines, so on and so forth.

the big criticism with stanislavsky and all the techniques like them is that it COULD be very unhealthy for you... considering it’s all about reliving and reliving old memories. and i agree, i mean, one of my favorite plays and one of my monologues of choice for auditions is from a play where the main character is kidnapped and raped, and i’ve been kidnapped and raped before so i am CONSTANTLY and purposely triggering myself just to perform that monologue well. THAT AIN’T RIGHT! helps tho! 

(stuff like method acting falls under stanislavsky and his successors strasberg and stella adler, so....! you can see why not everyone fucks with it)

MY criticism about stanislavsky, which is why it doesn’t work as much for me, is that it’s very VERY heavily text-based. uhhh THIS IS LONG ALREADY SO SOMEONE SEND AN ASK ABOUT OBJECTIVES AND I’LL EXPLAIN but they want you to do a lot in the moment that makes it very distracting if you don’t have this process pinned down and that’s AGGRAVATING FOR ME ANYWAY

chekov is another technique that’s interesting, again not a fave but VERY helpful. this one builds character more from the outside in, it’s all about like... a lot of very subtle details that you can add to the background to add color to your performances. a lot of it is about atmospheres, attitudes, body language, and how that affects your character and how your character is thinking through the scene. it’s VERY reactionary and very fun because you don’t have to think NEARLY as much. 

pretty much you form... gestures, or moods for your characters, and instead of perfoming an ‘action’ (stanislavsky thingy, i’ll explain that in another post i guess), you’re using this ‘gesture’ to explain yourself. it is far FAR more abstract than stanislavsky, which is a lot more technique and exact, and it’s very vague, which does make it very hard for people. it also doesn’t stress realism like stanislavsky and company does, so it’s not as popular at the moment!

 meisner technique is my second favorite technique and kind of hard to explain because i haven’t rly gotten a comprehensive course in it yet besides a few workshops and activities, but it’s a technique that stresses STRESSES ‘listening’. that’s something you hear a lot as an actor, it’s one of the hardest things to really get but it’s also, truly, the essence of good acting. you can’t be a good actor if you don’t listen, because if you don’t listen, you’re not in the moment, and if you’re not IN the moment, you’re just... reciting lines!!!

it’s so hard to explain so i’mma link a cute video i just found because it shows a lot of variety and also shows the actors messing up a lot and it’s cute omfg

it focuses a lot of repetition (either of the same one line for each person or they’re both doing the same line back and forth) which forces the actor to not think about what’s being said but how it’s being said. you’re stuck in the moment because you KNOW what you’re gonna say, you don’t have to worry about saying anything else, all you gotta worry about is what the other person does and how you’re gonna react to it. if they suddenly start screaming in your face UHH YOU’RE GONNA SCREAM BACK HOW DARE YOU? and it’s automatic and SO natural and that’s why i love it, because you don’t have to THINK through it. you don’t rly think through your life like they make you do in other techniques, so i adore the ability to not have to do that on stage.

however i’ve never gotten far enough in the technique to find out how to apply it to a set script but it might just be about building that openness to just... DO and BE and let whatever happens happens, which is NICE

LAST THING THAT I’LL TALK ABOUT IS FUCKING GROTOWSKI YE  S. ok so a lot of techniques overlap, so by this i’m also talking about lecoq and peter brook’s acting techniques. it’s all physical theatre which is all about the GROTEQUE and like UGH there’s so many fascinating things honestly just google ‘theatre of cruelty’ because it’s FASCINATING

the emphasis is... not rly on realism altho the acting i’ve seen come out of it is the most realistic i’ve seen? it’s rly gritty and about accessing the most... EXTREME of emotions, it’s about rly grasping human nature and twisting it and bringing it on stage. peter brook especially (who has a book called the empty stage or something like that that i got to read) stresses that... theatre shouldn’t be about costumes and sets and whatever, it should be just about the actor, and that you can do a PERFECTLY GOOD show with a completely empty stage, with just the actor in the center.

it also has an emphasis on YANKING the audience into the show and being very interactive and like... nothing’s held back, it should be hard to watch, THEATRE SHOULD BE CATHARTIC AND FUCKED UP AND YES.

so physical theatre involves pulling emotions from the body through your movement. life isn’t just about the mind, after all, your body holds emotions through it, there’s chemicals and hormones and what your body does on its own and against other bodies and just. again, hard to explain so HERE’S SOME COOL VIDS THAT SHOWS DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES AND COMPARES THEM ALL

i lied there’s one more technique i wanna mention: it’s called alba emoting! it, again, builds on the idea that trying to access emotions through the brain is UNHEALTHY AND DANGEROUS and that you can, instead, try and access it through the body! how???? cuz emotions are PHYSICAL. you feel sadness and anger and love and whatnot in your gut and chest and through your head and all through every nerve in your body, right????? so why not try and mimic that for the stage???

it’s SUPER COOL because! what you do with alba emoting is: affix yourself a certain way. it involves certain body postures or positions, certain expressions sometimes... EVERY time it depends upon a different breathing pattern... and all you gotta do is do it. and your body doesn’t know better, it gets tricked into it...!

so, if i were to alba emote fear... it’s hard to describe through text rather than do it but this one might be the clearest one... part of the positioning is to have your hands up in front of you, as if you’re trying to ward someone off or shield yourself. you have your mouth open, you have your eyes stuck to the floor in a submissive sort of way, (there’s more that i cant describe but then) you start to make yourself hyperventilate by taking short, quick breaths through your mouth. after a few seconds of this, your body just starts SHOOTING adrenaline through you because it starts thinking WHOA SOMETHING BAD’S HAPPENING I’M AFRAID?FUCKFUCKFUCK

and that continues until you stop! you can stop at any time and then just go. you get left with a ‘residue’ (which is very chekov in nature in that it ‘colors’ your performance) where you can just act and do the lines and do your actions (stanislavsky) without worrying about needing to push any fear into yourself because it’s THERE, it’s PRESENT and whatever happens in the scene will either alliviate it or make it worse!!!

it’s a BEAUTIFUL way to prepare for a scene right before you go on stage too omg. last semester we were doing julius ceasar, and there was a scene where i had to play a servant who just witnessed a murder and just. go in and beg for my life and the life of my master. so i did the fear emote, and then my friend (playing my master at the moment) decided to talk to me in character and give me the order to throw myself in front of the murderers and LMFAO by the time i ran on there i was like fucking in tears i was so terrified HA

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE TOO IT’S SO FUN YOU JUST GOTTA GO AND SEE WHAT WORKS FOR YOU WHOO!!!!!! HOPE THIS WAS FUN AND HELPFUL YES

#ACTING TAG #GOD THIS TOOK LIKE A HALF HOUR LOL #I WANTED TO PROCRASTINATE BUT NOT T H A T MUCH SO I'LL ANSWER THE SECOND HALF OF YOUR ASK LATER #Anonymous #ask tag

[samanthasroberts]

The Time I Took My Date To A Porn Cinema

With my reputation as a pervert in mind, you would think anyone I asked on a date to the cinema would know to expect more than a trip to the local Odeon and a family sized bucket of popcorn.

James, however, apparently hadnt anticipated that my plans for our evening together would revolve around large-scale cinematic penetration, projected to a room of willing strangers.

More fool him.

Now, when I tell people this story I think most of them envisage a dark, sweaty room full of frantically wanking men on wipeable seats a place where sticky floors are nothing to do with an extra large spilled Coke.

But I am (for the most part) fairly careful to tread the fine line between entertainment-with-a-twist and all-out sexual debauchery. So, what exactly is half-way between a visit to a semen-covered sex den and a trip to see the latest Pixar?

La Freak Smut Cinema is a pop-up event that moves around predominantly East London, normally finding itself a home in classy-but-quirky cocktail bars with suitably dim lighting. The event is run by two madams – in their own words: shes the scholar and Im the slut – and is a naughty and fun alternative for people who are simultaneously too horny and too broke for Secret Cinema.

Upon arrival, its clear that despite the potential for manic masturbators, it is frequented mostly by trendy, middle-class couples who are probably looking for a sexy alternative to having a threesome with the babysitter. And yes, ok, Ill admit it- there was one shifty looking bloke on his own, but his penis, at this stage at least, was nowhere to be seen. Anyway, when you are sat in a room watching porn with strangers, who can really judge who as being a pervert?!

Now, confession time (as if this entire blog wasnt confession enough)- I had actually been to this particular cinema before, as a last ditch attempt to re-ignite the dying embers of a past relationship. It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only. But being a rather enjoyable and slightly saucy experience, I didnt see the harm in coming again (no pun intended).

It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only.

But there is a problem with attending a porn cinema twice: you look like a bit of a sex pest. Some things, like a love of Celebrity Big Brother or penchant for Pot Noodles, should remain hidden until your prospective suitor is invested enough that they are willing to ignore a vice or two or eight or ten And so, I had neglected to tell my date about my previous public porn experiences.

Any attempts to keep this secret, however, were thwarted on arrival when, as my date suspiciously took in his surroundings, I was greeted by a swift paddle to the arse and an exclamation of Darling, so good to see you again!.

So much for patron confidentiality.

Cat out of the bag we headed to the bar, where I smiled sheepishly, shrugged and ordered a large and very alcoholic drink.

With two, probably quite shocking, revelations made in the space of about five minutes I was impressed that James was still standing. But with giant cocks about to be thrust in his face (not literally, of course) I was worried that a sensitive disposition may suddenly reveal itself and thought it best to change that, so we took our seats and settled in.

Of course, events such as this should, by their nature, attract people of a more free and easy persuasion. But no matter how liberal people consider themselves to be, once confronted by a room in which the loudest thing that can be heard is the unmistakable suction noise of a penis repeatedly entering a vagina, its very easy for them to revert to the typically British stance on publicly viewed sex that is, that it should only occur when watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

To be fair, the challenge of acclimatization wasnt exactly helped by the fact that the first film which, to avoid being implicated in operation YewTree, I should point out was a CARTOON focused on a little girl masturbating. We looked on quietly horrified, but again too British and too polite to protest, while she rolled around amongst the flower buds with a finger on her, uh, flower bud. After what seemed like a fucking eternity these enveloped her in a climatic ecstasy before she re-emerged, a fully fledged and, thankfully legal, woman.

It was, I guess, meant to symbolize sexual awakenings and burgeoning femininity. A theory that I was now desperately trying to convey to my probably-terrified date. I attempted this through what can only be described as a series of gymnastic eyebrow movements. This and the other, equally, if not more, important message of by the way I am not a pedophile. Luckily, while obviously perturbed, his capacity for the downright-fucking-weird/borderline-illegal seemed strong, something that would stand him in good stead if we were to continue dating.

The rest of the porn was, all in all, less controversial something not hard to achieve considering how wed started and catered to a variety of kinks, including bondage, dildo usage and gay sex. In places it was even arty enough to be considered cultural rather than simply perverse. An effort that was possibly wasted on me.

All of this meant that, despite a rocky start, I soon felt a hand on my knee. This was, of course, a welcome development but I couldnt help but check that it was 1) who I thought it was and 2) an invitation and not a cry for help. And yes, on inspection, I found that James expression had changed from one of terror and trepidation to something like the look an extremely hungover person might give a Maccy Ds.*

And, actually, it wasnt just him. It was clear to see that, for others too, the hormones had started to flow and the blood to pump. This, of course, could have been something to do with the wine that had flowed and the beer that had been pumped. Public porn watching, it could be concluded, is all about achieving the right level of lubrication who would have thought it. Either way, people were horny as fuck. Myself included. Although I still kept a wary eye on the bloke on his own in case of any rapid and repetitive arm movements.

Now, if my experiences at weird events have taught me anything, it is to always expect the unexpected. But what came next shocked even me. And I had just been forced to watch cartoon kiddy porn for Gods sake.

Someone only went and fucking proposed!

I kid you not- down on one (probably quite sticky) knee, amongst a sea of twitchy hands and awkward public boners. Im not sure who was more surprised: the gaggle of horny audience members or the blushing bride-to-be. But if she was hesitant about getting betrothed in front of a 20 foot vagina, or in any way wondering how she would relay this story to her grandchildren, she didnt show it as she gleefully accepted. It just goes to show, sometimes the thing more shocking than a guy in a gimp mask having his testicles trodden on, is true love.

Overall, despite the multiple opportunities for awkwardness, embarrassment, and general fucking weirdness, the evening was a success. So much so that the audience, having revealed their true perverted nature, requested the porn reel to be stuck back on while we finished our drinks. Although we were informed, we were going to skip the weird, pervy and paedophilic cartoon from the beginning. It turns out even porn peddlers have their line. And so, our date came to a close to the soundtrack of gentle moans and a now rather drunken Madames proclamations of Its alright for you lot, Ive got to stay and clean up. Youre all going home to fuck each others brains out!

Did we? A lady doesnt kiss and tell.

She does, however, watch porn and write about it.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/

[adambstingus]

The Time I Took My Date To A Porn Cinema

With my reputation as a pervert in mind, you would think anyone I asked on a date to the cinema would know to expect more than a trip to the local Odeon and a family sized bucket of popcorn.

James, however, apparently hadnt anticipated that my plans for our evening together would revolve around large-scale cinematic penetration, projected to a room of willing strangers.

More fool him.

Now, when I tell people this story I think most of them envisage a dark, sweaty room full of frantically wanking men on wipeable seats a place where sticky floors are nothing to do with an extra large spilled Coke.

But I am (for the most part) fairly careful to tread the fine line between entertainment-with-a-twist and all-out sexual debauchery. So, what exactly is half-way between a visit to a semen-covered sex den and a trip to see the latest Pixar?

La Freak Smut Cinema is a pop-up event that moves around predominantly East London, normally finding itself a home in classy-but-quirky cocktail bars with suitably dim lighting. The event is run by two madams – in their own words: shes the scholar and Im the slut – and is a naughty and fun alternative for people who are simultaneously too horny and too broke for Secret Cinema.

Upon arrival, its clear that despite the potential for manic masturbators, it is frequented mostly by trendy, middle-class couples who are probably looking for a sexy alternative to having a threesome with the babysitter. And yes, ok, Ill admit it- there was one shifty looking bloke on his own, but his penis, at this stage at least, was nowhere to be seen. Anyway, when you are sat in a room watching porn with strangers, who can really judge who as being a pervert?!

Now, confession time (as if this entire blog wasnt confession enough)- I had actually been to this particular cinema before, as a last ditch attempt to re-ignite the dying embers of a past relationship. It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only. But being a rather enjoyable and slightly saucy experience, I didnt see the harm in coming again (no pun intended).

It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only.

But there is a problem with attending a porn cinema twice: you look like a bit of a sex pest. Some things, like a love of Celebrity Big Brother or penchant for Pot Noodles, should remain hidden until your prospective suitor is invested enough that they are willing to ignore a vice or two or eight or ten And so, I had neglected to tell my date about my previous public porn experiences.

Any attempts to keep this secret, however, were thwarted on arrival when, as my date suspiciously took in his surroundings, I was greeted by a swift paddle to the arse and an exclamation of Darling, so good to see you again!.

So much for patron confidentiality.

Cat out of the bag we headed to the bar, where I smiled sheepishly, shrugged and ordered a large and very alcoholic drink.

With two, probably quite shocking, revelations made in the space of about five minutes I was impressed that James was still standing. But with giant cocks about to be thrust in his face (not literally, of course) I was worried that a sensitive disposition may suddenly reveal itself and thought it best to change that, so we took our seats and settled in.

Of course, events such as this should, by their nature, attract people of a more free and easy persuasion. But no matter how liberal people consider themselves to be, once confronted by a room in which the loudest thing that can be heard is the unmistakable suction noise of a penis repeatedly entering a vagina, its very easy for them to revert to the typically British stance on publicly viewed sex that is, that it should only occur when watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

To be fair, the challenge of acclimatization wasnt exactly helped by the fact that the first film which, to avoid being implicated in operation YewTree, I should point out was a CARTOON focused on a little girl masturbating. We looked on quietly horrified, but again too British and too polite to protest, while she rolled around amongst the flower buds with a finger on her, uh, flower bud. After what seemed like a fucking eternity these enveloped her in a climatic ecstasy before she re-emerged, a fully fledged and, thankfully legal, woman.

It was, I guess, meant to symbolize sexual awakenings and burgeoning femininity. A theory that I was now desperately trying to convey to my probably-terrified date. I attempted this through what can only be described as a series of gymnastic eyebrow movements. This and the other, equally, if not more, important message of by the way I am not a pedophile. Luckily, while obviously perturbed, his capacity for the downright-fucking-weird/borderline-illegal seemed strong, something that would stand him in good stead if we were to continue dating.

The rest of the porn was, all in all, less controversial something not hard to achieve considering how wed started and catered to a variety of kinks, including bondage, dildo usage and gay sex. In places it was even arty enough to be considered cultural rather than simply perverse. An effort that was possibly wasted on me.

All of this meant that, despite a rocky start, I soon felt a hand on my knee. This was, of course, a welcome development but I couldnt help but check that it was 1) who I thought it was and 2) an invitation and not a cry for help. And yes, on inspection, I found that James expression had changed from one of terror and trepidation to something like the look an extremely hungover person might give a Maccy Ds.*

And, actually, it wasnt just him. It was clear to see that, for others too, the hormones had started to flow and the blood to pump. This, of course, could have been something to do with the wine that had flowed and the beer that had been pumped. Public porn watching, it could be concluded, is all about achieving the right level of lubrication who would have thought it. Either way, people were horny as fuck. Myself included. Although I still kept a wary eye on the bloke on his own in case of any rapid and repetitive arm movements.

Now, if my experiences at weird events have taught me anything, it is to always expect the unexpected. But what came next shocked even me. And I had just been forced to watch cartoon kiddy porn for Gods sake.

Someone only went and fucking proposed!

I kid you not- down on one (probably quite sticky) knee, amongst a sea of twitchy hands and awkward public boners. Im not sure who was more surprised: the gaggle of horny audience members or the blushing bride-to-be. But if she was hesitant about getting betrothed in front of a 20 foot vagina, or in any way wondering how she would relay this story to her grandchildren, she didnt show it as she gleefully accepted. It just goes to show, sometimes the thing more shocking than a guy in a gimp mask having his testicles trodden on, is true love.

Overall, despite the multiple opportunities for awkwardness, embarrassment, and general fucking weirdness, the evening was a success. So much so that the audience, having revealed their true perverted nature, requested the porn reel to be stuck back on while we finished our drinks. Although we were informed, we were going to skip the weird, pervy and paedophilic cartoon from the beginning. It turns out even porn peddlers have their line. And so, our date came to a close to the soundtrack of gentle moans and a now rather drunken Madames proclamations of Its alright for you lot, Ive got to stay and clean up. Youre all going home to fuck each others brains out!

Did we? A lady doesnt kiss and tell.

She does, however, watch porn and write about it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161538409377

[allofbeercom]

The Time I Took My Date To A Porn Cinema

With my reputation as a pervert in mind, you would think anyone I asked on a date to the cinema would know to expect more than a trip to the local Odeon and a family sized bucket of popcorn.

James, however, apparently hadnt anticipated that my plans for our evening together would revolve around large-scale cinematic penetration, projected to a room of willing strangers.

More fool him.

Now, when I tell people this story I think most of them envisage a dark, sweaty room full of frantically wanking men on wipeable seats a place where sticky floors are nothing to do with an extra large spilled Coke.

But I am (for the most part) fairly careful to tread the fine line between entertainment-with-a-twist and all-out sexual debauchery. So, what exactly is half-way between a visit to a semen-covered sex den and a trip to see the latest Pixar?

La Freak Smut Cinema is a pop-up event that moves around predominantly East London, normally finding itself a home in classy-but-quirky cocktail bars with suitably dim lighting. The event is run by two madams – in their own words: shes the scholar and Im the slut – and is a naughty and fun alternative for people who are simultaneously too horny and too broke for Secret Cinema.

Upon arrival, its clear that despite the potential for manic masturbators, it is frequented mostly by trendy, middle-class couples who are probably looking for a sexy alternative to having a threesome with the babysitter. And yes, ok, Ill admit it- there was one shifty looking bloke on his own, but his penis, at this stage at least, was nowhere to be seen. Anyway, when you are sat in a room watching porn with strangers, who can really judge who as being a pervert?!

Now, confession time (as if this entire blog wasnt confession enough)- I had actually been to this particular cinema before, as a last ditch attempt to re-ignite the dying embers of a past relationship. It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only. But being a rather enjoyable and slightly saucy experience, I didnt see the harm in coming again (no pun intended).

It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only.

But there is a problem with attending a porn cinema twice: you look like a bit of a sex pest. Some things, like a love of Celebrity Big Brother or penchant for Pot Noodles, should remain hidden until your prospective suitor is invested enough that they are willing to ignore a vice or two or eight or ten And so, I had neglected to tell my date about my previous public porn experiences.

Any attempts to keep this secret, however, were thwarted on arrival when, as my date suspiciously took in his surroundings, I was greeted by a swift paddle to the arse and an exclamation of Darling, so good to see you again!.

So much for patron confidentiality.

Cat out of the bag we headed to the bar, where I smiled sheepishly, shrugged and ordered a large and very alcoholic drink.

With two, probably quite shocking, revelations made in the space of about five minutes I was impressed that James was still standing. But with giant cocks about to be thrust in his face (not literally, of course) I was worried that a sensitive disposition may suddenly reveal itself and thought it best to change that, so we took our seats and settled in.

Of course, events such as this should, by their nature, attract people of a more free and easy persuasion. But no matter how liberal people consider themselves to be, once confronted by a room in which the loudest thing that can be heard is the unmistakable suction noise of a penis repeatedly entering a vagina, its very easy for them to revert to the typically British stance on publicly viewed sex that is, that it should only occur when watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

To be fair, the challenge of acclimatization wasnt exactly helped by the fact that the first film which, to avoid being implicated in operation YewTree, I should point out was a CARTOON focused on a little girl masturbating. We looked on quietly horrified, but again too British and too polite to protest, while she rolled around amongst the flower buds with a finger on her, uh, flower bud. After what seemed like a fucking eternity these enveloped her in a climatic ecstasy before she re-emerged, a fully fledged and, thankfully legal, woman.

It was, I guess, meant to symbolize sexual awakenings and burgeoning femininity. A theory that I was now desperately trying to convey to my probably-terrified date. I attempted this through what can only be described as a series of gymnastic eyebrow movements. This and the other, equally, if not more, important message of by the way I am not a pedophile. Luckily, while obviously perturbed, his capacity for the downright-fucking-weird/borderline-illegal seemed strong, something that would stand him in good stead if we were to continue dating.

The rest of the porn was, all in all, less controversial something not hard to achieve considering how wed started and catered to a variety of kinks, including bondage, dildo usage and gay sex. In places it was even arty enough to be considered cultural rather than simply perverse. An effort that was possibly wasted on me.

All of this meant that, despite a rocky start, I soon felt a hand on my knee. This was, of course, a welcome development but I couldnt help but check that it was 1) who I thought it was and 2) an invitation and not a cry for help. And yes, on inspection, I found that James expression had changed from one of terror and trepidation to something like the look an extremely hungover person might give a Maccy Ds.*

And, actually, it wasnt just him. It was clear to see that, for others too, the hormones had started to flow and the blood to pump. This, of course, could have been something to do with the wine that had flowed and the beer that had been pumped. Public porn watching, it could be concluded, is all about achieving the right level of lubrication who would have thought it. Either way, people were horny as fuck. Myself included. Although I still kept a wary eye on the bloke on his own in case of any rapid and repetitive arm movements.

Now, if my experiences at weird events have taught me anything, it is to always expect the unexpected. But what came next shocked even me. And I had just been forced to watch cartoon kiddy porn for Gods sake.

Someone only went and fucking proposed!

I kid you not- down on one (probably quite sticky) knee, amongst a sea of twitchy hands and awkward public boners. Im not sure who was more surprised: the gaggle of horny audience members or the blushing bride-to-be. But if she was hesitant about getting betrothed in front of a 20 foot vagina, or in any way wondering how she would relay this story to her grandchildren, she didnt show it as she gleefully accepted. It just goes to show, sometimes the thing more shocking than a guy in a gimp mask having his testicles trodden on, is true love.

Overall, despite the multiple opportunities for awkwardness, embarrassment, and general fucking weirdness, the evening was a success. So much so that the audience, having revealed their true perverted nature, requested the porn reel to be stuck back on while we finished our drinks. Although we were informed, we were going to skip the weird, pervy and paedophilic cartoon from the beginning. It turns out even porn peddlers have their line. And so, our date came to a close to the soundtrack of gentle moans and a now rather drunken Madames proclamations of Its alright for you lot, Ive got to stay and clean up. Youre all going home to fuck each others brains out!

Did we? A lady doesnt kiss and tell.

She does, however, watch porn and write about it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/