#i think when i drink i adopt a lot more neurotypical traits bc i become aware of every sensation

[oatbugs]

i realised i never went clubbing w my friends all together before this point. just w random individuals etc

#i think when i drink i adopt a lot more neurotypical traits bc i become aware of every sensation #i also gain a lot more focus and energy. i also gain the ability to have a sense of direction (memorise maps in sweden on 2% battery) #and also i gain the ability to look people straight in the eye while i talk to them or hold them or kiss them #and i become extremely energetic and focused. people have called me a lot of beautiful things but never #something so incrompensibly simple and basic as he has. i ran away and told me friends to watch fot me. i realised #i never experienced this with all of them before. the boy with the beautiful long hair let his hair loose and allowed himself #enough to kill an army. he took off his hairband which he only does when he is drunk or vulnerable or emotional which are perhaps #the same thing or the opposite. over the credit limit by 50 and i do not regret it one bit. i can hear #the sound of trains (angels) in my ear. this place is silent and the other place is deafening #but not quite enough to make the ground shake. i hope you are well and that you have moved on. #my friends in a circle and their hair in the light. my friends saying anything dumb. i made him rice and he said thank you #i love you as a reality and hate you as a concept. a boy pulled me really closed and kissed me and i felt nothing. #i either feel nothing for boys or i feel more for everyone. one is greater than the other - you said we both do maths and we #admired you like a statue. thank you for letting me inside. thank you for your sanctity. whereabouts are you? #i told you i love being autistic and you said you love it too except it wasnt a joke and you arent one of us #you dance sober and you understand #sorry for letting you kiss me. i hate you for kissing me that night. me and the only one covering appreciation with your kind of fun. #102 bpm. 121 bpm. i counted precisely. i count the bpm of every song precisely. when im drunk i think about manifolds. #when i drink i think about your handwriting in eyeliner when you wrote something so true #i laughed as if it wasn't. 3202.08 deposited into your bank account minutes ago. #i want you to understand. i want you to understand. i want you to understand. i want you to understand how much i love you. #IM LISTENING!