#i wanna do a music festival in the summer too but rly id only need 2 days holiday for that. and again i cant rly go alone

[toastsnaffler]

damn I rly have another 4 weeks of holiday this year huh. I should start making some plans

#well maybe more like 3 weeks bc I wanna keep some to use for long weekends or day trips #but thats still kind of a lot.. #my problem is i dont wanna take time off just to stay at home bc I do that most weekends. but im not sure I rly wanna go anywhere either #I dont mind travelling but its very much just a function for me. even when im travelling for fun + not bc I Have to it feels no different #Im v independent but I just dont rly have the adventurers spirit. plus im disabled so going new places alone is so stressful sometimes #ugh I dont wanna let my parents catch wind of how much holiday i have tho bc theyll be like come stay with us for a week! #i will Kill Myself no thanks #theyll probs already get christmas with me and thats an ordeal enough #its the expense as well idk how much its worth it. even if i can afford it like that money couldve gone into so many other things #ahhh. #my flatmate did suggest we go somewhere together but i feel like shes gone off that idea.. ik she doesnt get as much holiday anyway #id feel bad eating into it just so she has to spend more time with me even tho we already live together. nightmarish ik #there are maybe some landscapes id like to see but not alone bc id wanna hike but i dont rly have any friends into that kinda hiking #like i cant rly just fuck off into the mountains for a week by myself the risk is stupid #i dont knooooow. maybe ill just do myself a cornwall trip v early or late summer when kids are in school that might be nice #bc its just trains to get there. and ive spent a lot of time alone there before like it wouldnt be as stressful as a New Place entirely #i wanna do a music festival in the summer too but rly id only need 2 days holiday for that. and again i cant rly go alone #so i need to find ppl to convince to come w me #god i feel so lame for not rly wanting to go on proper holidays. but its never felt worth it to me sorry 😭 #blame the childhood trauma or whatever #ill stew on it and maybe ill think of something we'll see. ive got a while yet before id need to book stuff anyway #gotta do some more cleaning today but the sooner i can get it done the sooner i can play elden ring 🙏🙏🙏🙏 #.diaries