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heyiwrotesomethings · 6 months

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hey hey, so trying my luck with the october request.

Since it's spooky time: halloween pumpkin carving date with they/them reader and Miroslava? I miss her. Maybe something like reader feeling jealous bc Miro spends so much time with Itsuki, not knowing that she just helps Miro planning a date she wants to ask the reader out to.

If I get in and you decide to write it: thank you so much!! <3

Carving Out Time

Miroslava Honebami x They/Them Reader

A/N: I just wanna say to the person who asked for that part two to Scholarships that I am sooo sorry it’s taking so long. I just can’t remember what happened in the manga enough to write out something without re-reading that part, but to find the energy to do it is not working out. And now sorry to this person, because now that I’m re-reading the prompt, I’m thinking this might’ve supposed to have been a first date situation and I messed up. Hope you still find it somewhat enjoyable? Sorry if the spacing is as weird to y’all as it looks to me, I’m posting this while in the car on a different device. Word Count: 1,384

“Good morning, Miro!” (Y/n) darted around the corner they had just seen their partner turn mere moments ago, somehow expecting to sneak up on her for a hug from behind, but of course, Miroslava was already staring over her shoulder, golden eyes boring right into (Y/n)’s the second they came into view.

“Good morning, (Y/n).” She replied a small, but genuine smile. “Did you sleep well last night?” She lightly ran a gloved finger over their cheek, “You look tired.”

“I’m just excited that it’s finally Friday.” They yawn. “You know how much I enjoy fall, and the leaves are just right so I’m really hype about spending time with you tonight!”

Miroslava winces almost imperceivably, but having a partner who regularly gambles and is getting better at reading her micro-expressions by the day, (Y/n) mood dampened.

“No way, you have plans? Again?”

Miroslava had been flaking on (Y/n) all week. Worse yet, it was always with Sumeragi Itsuki for some reason. Itsuki was fine, (Y/n) had no real problem with her, but to be put on the back burner for their partner to go off with her doing god knows what time after time made them feel more than a little jealous.

“Yes, (Y/n), I apologize, but I promise Saturday is all yours.”

“Can you at least tell me what you’re doing? Why can’t I come? I promise I’ll stay in the car this time if this has to do with the family “cleaning” business.”

Before Miroslava could confirm that it was not Bami related, Itsuki popped up looking all excited.

“Honebami-san, I got the—“ she noticed (Y/n) standing there and quickly switched gears, something (Y/n) caught and it made them uneasy. “(Y/n), hey! How are things?”

“Fine…” However, the tone (Y/n) was using was indicating that things were indeed not ‘fine’. Not when their partner was once again leaving them high and dry to hang out with the same person she had been hanging out with all week.

Both girls were quite aware of this and had the decency to look a little sheepish.

“So you’re hanging out with Sumeragi again today and I’m not allowed to hang around for a reason you keep neglecting to share with me?”

“I know it looks weird, but it’s nothing bad, I swear!” Itsuki promised.

“Yeah, I believed that excuse the first four times, but now I’m not so sure.”

Miroslava approached (Y/n), placing her hands on either side of (Y/n)’s face, staring deep into their eyes, “It will all become clear tomorrow. I’ll have a car drop by to pick you up. Can you hang on one more day, please, for me?”

(Y/n) tried to hold firm on their position on the matter, but the pure honesty Miroslava’s eyes held made it exceedingly difficult. Finally, they sighed,

“Alright, one more day.”

“Thank you.” Miroslava stroked their cheeks with her thumbs.

“It’s all going to be worth it, you’ll see!” Itsuki chimed in.

(Y/n) managed a small smile, but they still eyed the pair warily. Just what were they doing together that they weren’t allowed to be a part of, nor know about? They went through the rest of the day feeling uneasy, heart clenching jealously every time they would catch a glimpse of Itsuki and Miro throughout the day.

They couldn’t even enjoy the sweet goodbye Miroslava gave them after school that day because watching them leave school together in the same car while (Y/n) was left behind only made the uneasiness and jealousy grow.

They didn’t want to believe something was going on between Itsuki and Miroslava, because their Miro couldn’t possibly do something so distasteful, so heartbreaking, but the more time that passed by, the more the negative little voice in the back of their brain grew. They had another hard time sleeping that night, but not because they were excited about tomorrow, they were anxious for it.

***

They startled out of a stressful dream when their phone started to ring and they cursed when they took note of the time. They were supposed to be out the door almost half an hour ago and now Miro was calling them.

“Hi, sorry, sorry, I over slept. I’m getting out of bed right now.” They said a bit frantically, almost tripping in a tangle of covers.

“Take your time, darling. No need to worry, the driver won’t leave without you. As long as he doesn’t want to find himself at the bottom of the ocean, anyway. So just take your time, wear something comfy that fits the weather and I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay, sure, yeah, see you soon.” It was clear (Y/n) was still a bit frazzled as they began digging through their closet for something nice to wear.

“(Y/n), I love you, take your time. I mean it. It’s only fair after I asked you to be so patient this week.”

(Y/n) finally slowed their movements, heart melting at how confident Miroslava sounded when she said she loved them.

“I love you too, I’ll be there soon.”

“I’m looking forward to it. See you soon.”

“See you.”

They hung up and less frantically, but no less quickly, got ready to leave the house. They apologized to the driver for their tardiness and sat on the edge of their seat the entire drive to Miroslava’s house.

When the car slowed to a stop in front of the the lavish home, Miroslava was waiting outside in a cute cream colored sweater, sleek black leggings and cream ankle boots. She looked so pretty and comfy. (Y/n) couldn’t wait to hug her!

When they rolled up to the curb, Miroslava came up to (Y/n)’s door and opened it for them, extending her hand to help them out.

“Welcome, my love.” She kissed their cheek. “I’m glad you made it.”

They got a little dreamy look on their face and smiled, “Me too.”

“Come, there’s much to do.” Miroslava grabbed their hand and lead them through the house to the backyard.

“Wow…!” (Y/n) gasped, they marveled at the changes the backyard had underwent since they had last visited.

There were many cute decorations, but the highlight was probably the lattices decorated with orange, black and white fairy lights. There was a projector screen set up along the fence in front of the outdoor furniture, currently playing a Halloween baking show, but (Y/n) could also see an array of movies sitting nearby. The outdoor kitchenette smelled like cinnamon and sugar. On top of the granite countertop were a few pumpkins of varying size accompanied by an assortment of tools and snacks.

“What do you think? It’s not too much, is it? Itsuki assured me it was perfect, but you know I’m somewhat new to all of this…” Miroslava gestured to the set-up, a faint blush dusting her pale skin.

(Y/n) hugged her tightly. “It is perfect, this is really sweet, thank you so much. I’m sorry for giving you a hard time this week. If I had known…”

“I don’t mind, I can understand why you weren’t happy, I wasn’t happy with having to spend time away from you either. Perhaps next time I should at least tell you it’s a surprise for you instead of being completely tight-lipped.”

(Y/n) squeezed her a bit tighter, “I love you.”

Miroslava melted into the hug, holding them gently, “I love you too. Now, how about we carve some pumpkins?”

“Absolutely!”

They stood next to each other talking and carving the pumpkins while the projector flickered and whirred. When the pumpkins were all lined up and lit, they washed their hands and took a big bowl of snacks to the couch in front of the projector and cuddled beneath the soft and fuzzy throw blankets, stealing a few kisses here and there. Occasionally they’d look back at the row of glowing jack-o-lanterns and chuckle at the more misshapen ones. (Y/n) would have to make sure to thank Itsuki as well for this later.

Laying on the couch in a tangle of limbs and blankets while the leaves rustled overhead and the scents of autumn and candied apple slices wafted over them, (Y/n) began planning their own special date. The fall season wasn’t over yet after all, and the apple slice Miroslava just bit into gave them the perfect idea.

#kakegurui oneshots #kakegurui x reader #miroslava honebami x reader #miroslava x reader #requests #anonymous

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dailydegurechaff · 1 year

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Hand over your YS fic/fic recs

I feel like I may end up disappointing u anon, chances are probably high that my recommendations list won't be all that different from any of the many other lists out there;; but also. if you're asking, well... I will take whatever excuse to just start chattering, whether it be about others' fics or my own. This is probably going to be a long post, I’m so sorry ^^; For everyone’s sake, I’ll put it under a cut

OK SO, this list is literally all over the place, these aren’t really in any particular order and I confess that for a few of them I actually read them a while ago/I don’t remember some very well. I just went through my Ao3 history and pulled the links for the ones I remembered enjoying. I’m gonna try my best to not spoil them and keep it brief so I don’t rant on and on. ALSO. Probably most of these are unfinished, sorry about that rip ;;

We Are Each Our Own Devil by victoria_kay Alright, this one first and foremost. This one literally lives rent free in my head. Do NOT let me get started on this one I am capable of talking about it for paragraphs upon paragraphs. It was the first YS fic I read, it also happens to be the first instance of me ever using Ao3's download button. I have to say, I usually prefer genfic over romance but this is one of my exceptions bc the writing is That Good. Tanya & Lergen are easily top favorite characters for me and here they are!! Interacting!!! We love to see it. Slowly watching them grow and sdfghjdfgh. I've read this fic in full more than once and now that I have it downloaded I frequently go back and reread some of my favorite parts. god. ok ok. time to move on.

A Young Girl's Guerrilla War by Ragnarthesemigreen Long fic, Code Geass crossover. I literally did not remember most of Code Geass when i read it, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this fic. I marathoned this fic over the course of like a week maybe(?) over a month or so ago so specific details are a bit lost but i remember loving it. I wanna reread it again soon.

A Young Woman's Political Record by jacobk You cannot have a Youjo Senki fic rec list without this one. I don’t actually use spacebattles, but I finally went on there recently to see what the hype was about. This is another one I marathoned over the course of a few days simply bc i could not stop reading, so suffice to say it did live up to my expectations.

A Young Girl's Weaponization of the Mythos by Zahariel_Scholar AAA I love mythos aus so much. I made fan art for this one actually. It’s great writing, the author switches it up between epistolary style writing and character POVs which is really fun structurally. It’s an ongoing fic so its nice to have something to tune into on a regular basis

War Record of Young Girl and Boy by Fey_Storyteller An OC/Self Insert fic!! I know these kinds of things aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I love them. A retelling of YS featuring Tanya with a fellow isekai-er (? That is not a word. I cannot think of the correct word. Whatever) ALSO. It features art too!

Crushing on a Devil by TanJaded Yet ANOTHER one I marathoned. Again, usually I stick to genfic, but this is one of my exceptions. Mark my words, this one is getting fan art one day, I swear by it. I have sketches laying around in my files SOMEWHERE I just need to get to finding and finishing them.

TanJaded actually has lots of good fics!! I confess I haven’t read all of them but I will list a few more off the top of my head that I specifically remember liking. By no means is this it tho, check out their full ficography

The Dangers of Magical Combat by TanJaded We love some angst

Deliver My Heart (and not just my Mail) by TanJaded this one was just so cute <3 ;u;

Not Televised by TanJaded The ~vibes~ on this one. Impeccable. Im looking forward to where this one might go

Mage×Family by SwissChocolatess Spy×Family Crossover. Tanya is adopted alongside Anya into the Forger family

The Meditations of a Young Woman by FallQM A Legend of Korra Crossover

A Young Woman's Alchemy by CheshireTwilight A Full Metal Alchemist Crossover

Tanya Degurechaff and the Philosopher Stone by Half_Baked_Cat (demonbunny3po) A Harry Potter Crossover

(edit: removed a fic from here bc the latest update seems a bit... well it makes me dubious about where its gonna go from this point forward so I dont think its something I want to recommend anymore)

Tanya's Wings (and all that they imply) by Anonymous Hydra!Tanya au. It’s so cute, angry little baby dragon Tanya omg ;; I wanna make fanart for this one eventually, I’ll get there one day.

The Pixie of the Hidden Leaf by Dakion Naruto Crossover. Actually, I don’t know anything about Naruto (theres a guy with a frog, right? Dattebayo?), but despite this I’m having fun reading this one. Another one that’s currently updating so its fun to tune in

Rising Heroine Tanya by BrettFire A BNHA Crossover

Stuffiness by Winter (ImmortalBlackWinter) Very short, but still highly recommended. I really do love some painful endings ;;

I Have A Bet by psw262 Another short one that I liked

Tanya's Free Time by ForeverEvanescent Cute Tanya :,)

The Uniform Crisis by Kat_Ivu More cute Tanya

As you can see I've sort of given up on the commentary sorry; It's getting late, I have work tmrw and shit to do tonight, I gotta get a move on with this lol. I havent even drawn tomorrow's post yet ack. So, this is, by far, not an exhaustive list, I would love to elaborate more and put in more links but maybe another time

As for my own fics, I have a bunch of them kinda half-written but unfortunately I haven’t actually finished or posted any of them yet;;; orz. I do kinda want to talk about them anyway tho bc you did ask and, well, I'm not gonna just not take the opportunity to talk abt my things, but I’ll try to keep it brief and restrained to the stuff thats most likely to be posted some day

Tanya’s Peculiar Behaviors This isn’t really one fic, but more like a group of one-shots. Basically I try to see how much out of character I can get away with while still remaining relatively plausible/canon-adjacent. I have three sort of half-written one-shots right now, some very quick summaries of each: -- The one where I try to justify Tanya carrying around a stuffed animal; This was a bit inspired by Tanya's Free Time in the recs above -- The one where Tanya has a breakdown after the Brest Naval Base thing; Lergen accidentally catches her crying and is like oh god oh fuck what the hell is wrong with her -- and lastly the one where Tanya uses the type 95 just a bit too much and oops now she’s broken

Untitled/The one where I lock them in a room together Tanya von Degurechaff and Erich von Lergen accidentally get locked in a room together and are forced to have a civil chat to pass the time. Also, Tanya screws up an orb-less communication spell to call for help, and now Lergen can hear what she’s thinking, so that’s less than ideal.

Untitled/The one I’m jokingly calling Child Soldier × Family You could sort of call it a Spy × Family AU? But honestly I think I’d call it more ‘inspired by’ than a proper crossover. Basically, they lose the war, and for spying reasons, Tanya gets adopted and has to go to school to make friends to get intel on their families. Key differences from SxF though: Tanya’s technically the spy and there isn’t any fake-marriage aspect to the story comparable to Loid and Yor’s relationship. Perhaps my favorite part of it, Lergen takes Loid’s role as Father Figure bc both of them share the character trait “frequently gets stomach aches due to the stressful little girl they have to deal with” lmao

This is Heaven and Hell Tanya manages to usurp Being X and takes control of the universe/Being X’s power. If you’ve seen Madoka Magica, the vibes I was aiming for with this one are comparable to the end of the Rebellion movie. Tanya rewrites the universe, everyone’s memories are a little janky, she’s struggling with her newfound status as Literally God, etc. I intended it to be kind of angsty but literally everything I touch somehow becomes a comedy so this thing may get broken into two different versions the funny one and the hopefully more serious one.

To Those Without Power, Sin was Charged That fallen Angel!Tanya au I posted about before. Basically: Tanya is one of the many angels in charge of judging souls for their next reincarnation/eligibility for the afterlife. When they one day express that they don’t believe faith should be a necessary factor in those judgements, they’re cast down to Earth as punishment. Another one where I cant decide whether to go the serious route or the comedy route.

There are quite a few more drafts but those things are either A) probably unlikely to get finished or B) never seeing the light of day if I can help it purely for the reason they’re self indulgent cringe :,)

Alright finally, if you got this far reading through this post: hello. thanks for coming along for the ride of touring my Tanya-addled brain, I hope u got something out of it

Having read through this post and you have any fic recs for me, I will gladly take them, I am always looking for stuff to read.

thank u, bye <3

#not a daily post #ask #anonymous #q: when are any of those fics im writing coming out???#a: um... well....#probably not soon honestly #i need to just pick a day to sit down and write something sdfgfd #unfortunately when that day will be is unknown

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arigatonamuse · 8 months

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continuing with my A3! re-read, this week it was time for

Act 3 - Bad Boy Portrait (pt1)

this re-read really solidified their arc as my fave, i apologise in advance for how long this is gonna be

warnings: i will vaguely discuss violence this time around, as well as call Banri names (i show my love for him that way)

Chapter 1

aight here we go two words in and i’m already overwhelmed with feelings

i am normal about Banri Settsu i swear

can’t bring myself to press play because i am having so many feelings already

deep breaths deep breaths

this is totally not stirring any emotion inside me wdym

i don’t think i’d paid that much attention to his voice back when i first read this but whew he sounds so… dead inside when he’s narrating all this? like there’s no emotion to it but there’s some sort of… heaviness in it? that we don’t normally hear in Banri now that i know the context behind the portraits, i am trying to pay attention to (and understand) the tone because Banri’s acting this monologue out, the voice and every word are intentional so he’s most likely portraying how he felt about all this with his voice and i’m feeling things (don’t take this at face value, i’m not good at understanding tone)

ah these lines [comment redacted bc i still have got some self respect tyvm]

oh this bitch is so depressed

the way that a mention of Juza Hyodo is what changed Banri’s life but also what immediately made me perk up and smile

the way Banri makes a point to say that he’s not “buddy-buddy” with… basically anyone pre-Mankai is really telling about his own loneliness but also about his not wanting to change that loneliness

he really sounds so dead inside, more so when he’s acting out his lines of dialogue, i can’t

“a quick hunt” is such an interesting choice of words it reveals so much about his expectations of this fight (it was gonna be quick and ofc easy) and about how he was so sure he was gonna be the winner, but also about how he’s the one seeking this whole thing out in a completely one-sided way and how this “hunt” continued into Mankai and still seeped into Banri and Juza’s early relationship

ah yes, the exchange that started my own obsession with this fucker i’d say more about this but i’d just be quoting myself here so uhhhh yeah

okay i did NOT point this out in my essay but now i’m thinking about it and his explicit use of the word alone (i’m pretty sure i heard a hitori there) is making me feel like that’s important something something the fact that he’s alone with the incapacity of understanding himself and how that means it’s harder for him to process… himself? Maybe? i don’t wanna get ahead of myself but i’m kinda connecting this to my “‘til this moment i never knew myself” pseudo essay on the impact of Juza’s portrait in Banri, he NEEDS the company and coaxing of Izumi and to see Juza’s portrait, to see his foil as he is, until Banri can finally start to figure himself out or maybe i’m just reading too much into a single word but hey, who am i if not the person who reads too much into anything and everything Banri?

the smug ass smile i just gave with Banri’s loss

not me getting all smiley and giggly at just hearing Juza

I SHOULD NOT BE ACTING THIS SMUG AT A COUPLE LINES BUT JUST READING ABOUT HIS DEFEAT AND THOUGHTS ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL SO EXCITED BECAUSE THIS BITCH HAS NO IDEA OF WHAT’S ABOUT TO COME

yeah well what’d you expect dude? for him to keep fighting you despite not being able to move? or what else were you hoping for? the fight’s done lmao

there’s a first time for everything also no one can’t tell me that the taste of defeat is not important to Banri, not just because it led him to Mankai and blablabla we all know the rest, but because it showed to him that there was more to life, more to experience and more to live in general

yeah his obsession with beating Juza kinda proves my point… the two weeks it took him to heal he finally had something to look forward to, fucked up as it was

the way Juza’s dismissal of Banri wanting a rematch is so important and so telling for them both

god, Juza could see right through him from the start, he saw the empty, no ambitions Banri and called it as it was right away i can only imagine how much that stung Banri back then

something something, the same thing that made Banri actually feel something for once getting absolutely no reaction from Juza

they’re so narrative foils i swear

eheheheh it’s coming

Banri your obsession may be getting out of hand

thank you, Matsukawa, for forcing him in, he needed that push

Chapter 2

oh i’d forgotten Taichi was the first one to arrive to the audition considering that he’s the only one who we don’t know how he got there (yet) should’ve been suspicious the first time around huh?

OMIMI’S HERE

yes and it’s one of my fave nicknames in all of Mankai (<- likes repetition)

i’d forgotten how lost he acted with Kazu at first but tbh? same, Omi, i feel you

something something the wanwan duo hitting it off through their personas while not knowing the other’s putting up a front

Taichi’s reaction to Yuki roasting him is SO funny i’d forgotten how he’d immediately gone into simp mode

it can still happen, Taichi! don’t close yourself to the possibilities lol

I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN ABOUT OMI’S EXPLANATION he sounds so unsure with the “i guess” you can tell this man still has a lot of shit to process and i’m gonna cry just at thinking about it

Izumi, Omi’s not gonna traumadump about his dead best friend during his audition

JUZA MY BELOVED HE’S HERE NOW AND I CAN’T STOP SMILING

heheh Muku recognising his cousin :3

aaaaaaah the start of Juza pushing Muku away (for what he considers to be the best) and i’m emo already ough his words sting so hard ;-; i’m so sorry Mukkun

KAZU NOTICING AND GOING TO COMFORT MUKU RIGHT AWAY

THE WAY BANRI LITERALLY HAD TO BE PUSHED IN SDKBVHDFBV boy needs a push in more than one way for him to get into this tho

Banri really had a one track mind with fighting Juza lol, all his bitching to Matsukawa stopped the second he saw him and he went right to confront him instead lol

i’m so sorry Izumi… you’re not gonna go back to not being Fight Club for a while now

that’s a way to put it, Omimi

yes, Sumi, you’re right, Juza has the prettiest triangle eyes <3

i was gonna comment on Juza and Banri fighting but if i start doing that, we’re gonna be here for like a month so i’ll only mention it when i consider it Important

Chapter 3

Misumi’s too cute

okay i said i was gonna talk about it but the fact that Juza could’ve easily just pushed Banri away but he didn’t because that’s how hard he’s avoiding fights with him, he won’t “throw the first punch” even though this asshole’s been harassing him for a while now, he could beat him just as easily as he did in the past but he doesn’t want to be that person anymore so he won’t even try and aaaaaaaaaaah

kdjsbvhsdvbd that’s a way to put it

SAKYO IS HERE

Also i love how Izumi has come to care so much about Sakyo’s love for the theatre, so much that she wouldn’t start the audition without him ;w;

god i love akigumi so much they’re MY punks

hm do you think Taichi was maybe rethinking what he had to do just by seeing who his potential troupemates were? bc i think he has reasons to be scared for real here instead of just acting inoffensive

OMI MY BELOVED he sure knows what he’s talking about, isn’t he?

hell yeah Izumi, expose Sakyo for how caring he is

awwww is the tsun feeling a bit too seen?

Omi’s tone is so neutral in the audition, one must wonder how much time and effort he’s invested in keeping his tone (and all of him) under control after… y’know so it makes sense he doesn’t really know how to use his tone to act yet, his whole act for the past couple years has been suppression

heheh i love how easily Izumi sees through Taichi, even if she can’t put her finger to it yet

something something while Omi’s struggle comes from not putting himself out there, Taichi is now starting to try to hide the actor part of himself and struggling with keeping it hidden

Chapter 4

oh Banri really just wants to be a nuisance here, huh? he had no reason for saying he’d go first for the audition other than not letting Juza go? i’m once again reminded of the anime, where we see Banri volunteering as the leader as soon as he sees Juza hesitate to volunteer himself

i hate him so much i hate him i hate him i hate him why is he like this (i would’ve acted out the dialogue with the same intonation, pauses and additions like laughter)

why, thank you, Izumi

huh this line right here… i’m now thinking about Fallen Blood and how Banri’s acting is explored and approached there

oh Juza… my beloved daikon Juza… i’m so emo hearing his acting here, he’s come so far and worked so hard and aaaaaaaaah ;w;

Banri fuck off

and there’s the passion and determination that make Juza the heart of akigumi

Juza’s so fucking lovely, he’s so earnest in his plea tbh that alone makes him one of the best candidates to be part of the troupe

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING! THANK YOU IZUMI!

Sakyo saying exactly what was on my mind

i’m so sorry, Izumi

Sakyo sounds SO SOFT during his audition reading thingie ;w; i’m now thinking about how this is how he’d probs talk to his real mum and aaaaaah

Yuki, need i remind you that one of your troupemates literally broke into and squatted at your dorm AND has stolen government property?

i think one of the reasons that i am not as annoyed with Banri as i was with Tenma is that Juza can and does dish back and he can hold his own while, say, Muku just crumbles

thank you, da- i mean Sakyo

Chapter 5

i’m sorry, i know that he’s an annoying little shit at this point but i can’t help but laugh at how utterly obsessed Banri is with Juza at this point

huh i just realised we never really got a followup or a call to the parents for Banri, Juza or Taichi’s stay at the dorms it kinda makes sense with Banri given… y’know, how his family is, but now i feel robbed of hearing and reading a call with Mama Hyodo

yeah i’m not even gonna stop myself at this point, Sakyo’s such a dad, and he cares for the theatre so much and wants to help so bad he’s too cute

Omi eldest daughter syndrome?

good on you, Omi, you shouldn’t spend all your life looking after others (and yes this means at Mankai too)

Sakyo writing history right here

i’m sorry i keep smiling to myself at all the Juza-Banri bickering bc reading these makes me so nostalgic ;w;

Omimi so respectful (but also this makes me double down on him having eldest daughter syndrome)

heheh Sakyo is too cute

AAAAAAAAAAAAANIIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Sakoda my beloved

i love him so much he’s so puppy

ngl i know Omi and Taichi rooming together was a “by default thing” but with how much that arrangement’s done for the two of them it kinda feels like it was meant to be

Chapter 6

heheh the start of Omi being the cook at Mankai Omi my dear, just last chapter you were talking about how he didn’t want his family to need his looking after them all the time and now you’re adding to your responsibilities in this new place

huh i’d forgotten that Juza was the one to initiate their conversation at room 104

honestly Juza’s approach to this makes it noticeable how much he respects theatre as an art, even before he ever stepped foot on the stage as an actor himself he’s annoyed at Banri following him around, yeah, but that much he can manage and ignore but joining the troupe with no interest? that’s where he finally confronts Banri

Banri’s reasoning is so funny ngl like my dude if you don’t give a shit at theatre what satisfaction are you gonna get from winning at it? is your ego really that delicate that a random win at something you don’t care about will heal having been defeated in a fight? come on

also the way Banri deflected the questions and made them about insulting Juza? this boy is a mess who’s scared of being vulnerable in any way and, once again, it shows that not even he knows what he’s thinking

oh the localisation team sure knew what they were doing here

i love Juza so much everything he says and does makes me smile like a fool bestest boy

Omi’s smile-sweat expression hurts me when he sees Banri and Juza fighting and i don’t think i understand why, not entirely at least

the way Omi just walks in and restrains Juza like it’s no big deal I’m curious about this because yeah, he was with the Wolves and all but they disbanded years ago so can he do this while being rusty? or did he somehow keep himself fighting / training?

also i find it super interesting that he restrains Juza out of the two did he somehow know that Juza was the strongest out of the two / the one who could cause more damage? or maybe he’s seen their interactions enough to know that Banri just does shit to rile Juza up so if he restrains Juza then Banri won’t be that interested in fighting at the moment? idk but i think about it often

also the fact that… yeah Banri did not have any interest in fighting Juza while restrained He did try to fight Omi for restraining Juza but not Juza himself, which is honestly so interesting to me he wants to beat Juza, yeah, but he wants it to be a real victory because that’s what his bruised ego needs (and also, maybe subconsciously, the emotions/excitement he’s been craving) which brings me back to the point of him beating Juza at theatre not being that meaningful, not yet anyway, what he craves is something that he will not get if things remain as they are

Taichi trying to drag Banri away is so cute and funny

THE ATTITUDES AFTER THE FIGHT ARE SO DIFFERENT I WANNA SCREAM

Juza is so ashamed for doing what he did while Banri craves more fight

this is SUCH a gesture of trust and now i’m having so many Juza thoughts

the way Juza can trust Omi when they’ve known each other for so little shows how ready Juza is to commit to his troupe, and also how he tends to see the good in people despite having been ostracised and hurt… basically through all of his life also him ASKING for help shows how humble he is and how he knows where he isn’t doing that well and wants to work towards improving in those areas, he’s not afraid of showing said vulnerability to someone he met a couple hours ago and who literally just restrained his wrists and aaaaaaah something something Omi proving that he could’ve hurt Juza yet Juza trusting him with this but also trusting him not to hurt him and aaaaaaaah

and here we see Omi starting to see Nachi in Juza ;w;

oughhhh the fact that Izumi assumes that Sakyo knows more about her father than herself hurts so bad

Chapter 7

oh okay we’re here already… cool just let me get some tissues real quick

i’m too scared to press play i know this is gonna hurt like a bitch

deep breaths (is 8 words into the portrait)

his opening words are brilliant and i don’t think i appreciated it enough on the first read this is a self portrait, he’s showing who he is to the audience, but he starts what’s meant to be a self introduction by saying he wishes he wasn’t himself, and that already says so much about who he IS, about his self-loathing and about the work he’s put into the portrait itself and into himself as an actor yeah, he wishes he was someone else, but he’s now starting to accept himself as he is, enough to admit these things out loud

something something we are taught to hate ourselves for our differences

the world has been so unkind to Juza and THAT’S why he wishes he was someone else, not because he didn’t like who he was (at the start at least), but because others didn’t and that led him to the fighting that now make him resent himself

i need Juza to read Frankenstein so bad i know it’d resonate with him in his soul

also i’m gonna fight his teachers like wtf what problem did they have

Juza’s story is so heartbreaking he was literally just a kid trying to exist and people had a problem with it? and began picking fights with him? and while i’d like to say that that’s an odd thing to do… is that not what every single school bully does? picks up when someone is different and then makes their life hell for it and i think its closeness to reality is one of the things that makes it so heartbreaking Juza’s just a bullied kid who fought back and got a(n even worse) reputation from it

Juza seeing theatre as salvation from… being himself will always hurt, bc what he needed to do was accept himself (and THAT’S what he learns when putting himself out on stage but y’know, not yet)

honestly i hate Juza’s teachers

i’m so glad he didn’t give up on theatre after what happened in middle school tho

oh i had NOT taken in this line in completely the first time around, but it sure does support my point Muku didn’t become someone else, he just grew more confident in himself as a person and as an actor, he’s enjoying himself with friends who know and accept him as he is and that’s why he’s “completely at ease with himself” maybe Juza knows in some degree that that’s what he wants too, bc i don’t see why he’d use those words otherwise

okay yeah at this point he DOES know that he doesn’t want to be someone else, not really

and then, after this, we go back to the self loathing sobs

I love that we see the pieces for his character development there, but they haven’t yet clicked together, there’s still work to do and it’s something that takes him a lot of time, and i love how real that feels

he says he wants to come out of his shell but he also says he wants to be someone else, anyone else and i think that’s such a complex and interesting struggle

i’m so emo about Juza Hyodo

also i have more thoughts but i don’t wanna be redundant so i’m just gonna link y’all to a lil something i’d already written about Juza’s portrait (in the anime):

screaming Juza really works so hard

Muku trying to approach Juza again ;w; and Juza not knowing how to react to that ;w;

i’m not ready for what comes next

I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN

even when i know this scene by heart it hurts me so much and both of them having it as fuel for their own self loathing makes it so much worse

sobbing sobbing so much

JUZA LOVES HIS FAMILY SO MUCH AND HE JUST WANTS THE BEST FOR THEM BUT HE DOESN’T CONSIDER HIS PRESENCE IN THEIR LIVES TO BE PART OF “THE BEST” AND I’M SO EMO

Juza my beloved, you’re ALREADY someone people should be proud of, and i’m so sorry that you can’t see it yet

Chapter 8

Banri trying to pick a fight over him and Juza choosing where to sit is so funny to me

Omi and Taichi taking separating Banri and Juza as their personal task is also so funny

huh Taichi could’ve just… not helped… he could’ve pretended to be scared or something and not helped, which would make things worse overall for the troupe which… was his goal yet he helped and now that has a whole other meaning for me

heheheh i love this part so much

Sakoda is so proud of both Sakyo’s idea and his work, it’s too cute

hmm

evhbhbcksd Matsukawa why are you like this

eheheheheh Syu-san hi~

Sakyo cares so much about this troupe, really, he has thought so much about… well everything

huh so Yukio disappeared either when Izumi was in middle school or in her first year of high school?

Chapter 9

KAMEBUNS

ksdbvhbdf Sakyo’s reaction is hilarious

kdbevhfdbvfd Kamekichi you drama queen

JUZA BELOVED i’m smiling so wide he’s so cute

Banri you have absolutely no right to say this

ngl i’m kinda curious about how exactly those taste but also i know myself and i know i wouldn’t be able to stand the sweetness

Juza’s so unbothered by everything going on around him and just enjoying his kamebuns, it’s cute

Juza you don’t have to lie about you liking sweets ;-;

oh Omi’s such a little shit for this i love it

huh Banri could see through Juza here interesting

SAKYO YOU’RE 30 YOU STILL HAVE SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE AHEAD OF YOU

OH FUCK JUZA’S HESITATION IN THE ANIME IS ALSO HERE? JUST NOT AS EXPLICIT?

Banri’s such a nuisance

AND IZUMI CONSIDERED JUZA TOO SHE SAID HE WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE EVEN AFTER BANRI STEPPED UP

huh even when Izumi looks at him to give him the chance, he doesn’t take it i’d forgotten about this, this makes Banri becoming leader a bit less infuriating (i am not actually infuriated)

also ngl while he is the heart of akigumi, Juza’s self doubt would have been a problem for his leading, at this point of the story he’s not ready to lead a team, so despite everything… Banri WAS the better choice, huh?

see, i wanna bitch about Banri’s behaviour because it IS annoying and he’s a brat but anything i write ends up sounding / feeling insinceres so just know i’m annoyed at him

i love how Sakyo sensed Izumi’s hesitation and explained his reasoning to her heh

oh Izumi you have no idea just how much

Chapter 10

sobbing about Juza turning down the offers from Taichi and Tenma just because he doesn’t want those two to have their reputations affected by his own

i’d say something about Banri skipping but honestly i can’t fault him for it, being in classes where you already understand everything is boring and unnecessary as hell, might as well spend that time in better things (i had a rant here about the school system but that’s a rant for another day)

i’m sigh-laughing and shaking my head with a smile on my face at Banri’s explanations

OH THE TARUCHI NEO REVEAL WAS HERE?

it’s been done before and it’ll be done again, Izumi, it’s really not that big of a deal

sorry Izumi, but i’m with Banri in this one

still, i AM looking forward for the verbal beating Sakyo’s about to give him

hell yeah you tell him Sakyo

i have talked about this somewhere (maybe in my Banri Essay? But i’m not sure) but it’s so telling how Banri doesn’t say anything back to Sakyo because he KNOWS he’s right, he can’t say anything because there’s nothing he can say in his defence and it’s only after Sakyo leaves that he bitches about it but still doesn’t contradict him or anything

honestly if i was Banri i’d just walk out the door and then go somewhere else to chill lmao (totally not talking from experience or anything wdym)

you hit the nail, Izumi

Chapter 11

sighing at Banri

heheh i love that Izumi gives Juza some special treatment, it’s what he deserves <3 she sees his passion and determination and she will recognise that as it should be

periodic reminder that Tsuzuru writes RPF

GAMER BOYS! i love that they include Citron in this scene, he deserves to be recognised as part of the gamer group ;w;

Omi taking care of the food for the first time holy shit

also something something Sakyo saying he will eat whatever because he doesn’t wanna be a burden, neither financially nor in terms of doing things for him

aww Sakyo so mean! you just said you’d eat whatever! why not curry!

Omi and Juza being the first ones to be on alert and worry about Tsuzuru older siblings behaviour

now that i’m saying it… isn’t all of (act 1) autumn troupe older brothers except for Banri?

“just passed out” guys come on, this is not normal

as a Spanish golder century lit nerd, i will forever be upset about the localisation taking away the word “picaresque” from the title

huh i’d forgotten that Itaru offered to carry Tsuzuru to his room first he’s got to have some strength for that

why is Citron so cute ;w;

A3!EN Iconic line right here

TSUZURU’S POWERS DRIVE ME CRAZY SERIOUSLY

what was that again, Banri? something’s a “tall order” for you? huh

heheheh handcuffs incoming

sdkbvhdfbv i love how cryptic they are about the handcuffs in the dialogue

Chapter 12

this is the second chapter in this ep names after a song (that i know) and now i’m curious

i love this CG so much i’ve been just staring at it for a couple minutes now

i’m obsessed with this chapter you guys don’t understand i know the dialogue by heart

Sumi and Kazu just commenting on the handcuff situation is so funny

Kazu so helpful <3 do you think he offered to help (at least in part) because he's scared of conflict and he saw one incoming and decided to try to avoid that?

Sumi baby… that’s not how that works he’s so cute and he’s just following Kazu’s example but it’s so funny

CHASE SCENE

i can’t stop smiling i love this chapter

Juza just jumping into action to help at any moment is so important to me

heheh they’re working together now~

i actually hadn’t paid attention to the details in this part but for once, Banri’s leading and communicating his plans, and Juza follows along because he knows they both have the same goal in mind and he is actually trusting Banri to take them there and idk that’s actually so cool to me? it’s not just that they bonded over beating that rando up, they were already working together since before they did

heheh i’m so excited for what’s coming

Banri’s so smug his smile is contagious

Banri’s so happy he finally gets to fight

honestly knowing how he is (was) with fights, this must be the most excitement he’s been feeling in a while and the fact that he has someone to share that moment with may make it better for him, given how lonely he usually is so what i’m saying is that now he has two instances in which Banri’s feeling something that’s possibly new and exciting, and both are tied to Juza fucking Hyodo

okay so they didn’t quite kill that guy, cool, i’d forgotten about that

also i think this is the first time that Juza gets praised and thanked for… this part of himself, and maybe the first time where he sees it being good for those around him right away and i’m emo now

“ONE OF MY OWN” i am feeling so very normal about this line, i’m not crying about Juza being an extremely group oriented and protective guy, i’m not crying about Juza finally having a place for himself and him protecting it however he can

and then he gets so shy and flustered at Izumi acknowledging his words i love him

i love how in sync Banri and Juza are when it comes to playfully lying about what they did to the dude it’s so funny

Sakyo so protective and caring too

#a3! reading club #long post #cam's rambles

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taegularities · 4 months

Note

I’m writing this for Rid 10 minutes after reading CMI 11 omg how dare Rid to play with my feelings like this 😭 I have so many favourite moments in this chapter okay lets go —

1. JK calling her baby constantly “Baby, babe, my baby, angel” yes im so weak for this shit🤯

2. Girlfriend - Boyfriend 🥳🥳🥳 fucking finally!!!

3. So so so proud of my baby oc standing up to her mum!! Bring it on! Though i hope down the story that they’ll reconcile!! Just like what cmi jk said, i think deep down her parents do love her. Its not just enough or maybe shown in different ways. Even parents and children irl have different love languages. But I want this to happen for them. I know they are at peace but having both their families by their side as they go through their relationship will be so reassuring and special ❤️

4. Mama Jeon 🥹 I feel like oc will get the love and comfort she craves from a mother from JK’s mum 😭 i already love her character!! And when Jk called her “Mama” I FREAKIN SWOONED

5. My favourite part of all this madness was the pregnancy scare. JK looking for her all over and his panic state, crying and his line “I’m gonna kill someone if I don’t find her..” oh my heart broke because he just wants to know she’s okay and she’s safe. It is sad truly that his first thought was he fucked up, when he didn’t. If I were JK, I would think its oc who did something wrong but I’m not wired like cmi JK, i have evil thoughts and trust issues 😐🤣

6. When oc said “You’ll leave me, because you’ll be mad.” I just wanna hug her so bad :( the trauma of people leaving and her experience of jk leaving her the first time 😭😭😭 my heart broke for the both of them tbh :((

7. I understand oc’s fear. Things are just looking up in both their careers and they are only starting their relationship. Not saying a baby is unwanted and will jeopardise what they have atm, but the arrival of a little one will surely change some things. BUT I WANT A LITTLE ONE SOON! A mini oc to give jk a heart attack 😌😌

8. The way jk reassured her - how you wrote jk seeing her face and he just rushed to her and hugged her without knowing what the heck was going on. 😢

9. “You’re not gonna leave me, right?” Yes this line again 😭😭

10. Eun as usual, BEST GIRL FRIEND AWARDEE OF THE YEAR 🍾🍾

11. “I love you.” “I love you, angel. Saying this isn’t enough, and I can’t word it anyhow else, but. I love you… I love you, fuck.” ENOUGH SAID. I said enough. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

We finally got the Gf-bf conversation and the I Love You!!! God knows how long I pestered Rid to finally give this to us!! Wohoo wohoo!! Week is complete!! Rid you’re the best ❤️ My favourite chapter yet. No kidding, my heart was beating so fast towards the end! Also the chapter beginning in smut?? Hello!! GIMME!!! 😋🙊

Rid i freaking love you. Mwah 💋

I said what I said, you’re not going anywhere! We’ll keep you here ❤️

the way i'd been looking for this ask bc it wouldn't show up and finally found it in my inbox on mobile 🤣 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY KIND WORDS.

now that they're warming up to that relationship (and have finally made the status of it official 🥺), she'll be hearing so many petnames from him!!! the baby and angel ones will always give me heart palpitations, but also munchkin.. </3 and yes!! we are the proudest!! she's inspiring bc she had the courage to do what a lot of people can't. and i want to hug her for standing up for herself and trying to make herself happy. but reconciliation, you say? that'd be wonderful, of course 🥺

EEHEHEHE mama jeon is the sweetest and we will definitely see more of her (and him calling her that 🤭). the ending was my favourite as well! from the moment he started looking for her till the very last sentence.. i cried a lot writing it :') so i'm super happy you enjoyed that bit, too!! oc worrying all the time, i know 😭 she needs the tightest hug!!! but yeah, her worries were why she didn't want to go home, like she was so terrified he might leave or make her leave bc yeah, they're young and as you said... a child would change a lot. but at least now she knows he'll be by her side, no matter what <3

ENOUGH SAID INDEED 🗣️ i know a lot of people were waiting for this and i really hope i put it into words well. it was such an important one. so so thrilled you loved this chapter (and that it's even become your favourite? AHHHH!!), and i appreciate your feedback so much 😭 hope you enjoy the next one just as much. i love you, and.. yes ahhh do keep me here hehe 🥹🤍

#super lovely :')))))#*cmi spoiler #<- using this till the new ch drop still :)#notes for rid 🌹#chaotickoalashark #fic: colour me in

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rinhaler · 5 months

Note

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

#💌 — luxe mail

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lightkrets312 · 1 year

Note

Hey thanks for responding to my tags!! Had a fun and terrifying time reading about Michigan Lefts. Is that a solution because there are no traffic lights there? And I'm glad y'all have cloverleaf interchanges (..as Wikipedia says), though the roundabout thing is so bizarre, I can't imagine having to stop each time at those 7 I pass and, yk, wait to go bc it's a normal intersection. But they're small roundabouts - the ones in Paris with 6 lanes and no lines on the road terrify me as well.

Also very unreal that you don't have normal tax and bank transfer things. You'd think the government wants to make it easy for you, same with your bank.. but it's probably a sign of how it developed historically compared to here in West-Europe. Still, wow. Wouldn't a bank be loved by their customers if they allow direct transfers?? Seems like a great business move? But maybe your banks aren't national and more per state, or the banks refuse to work together a little?

(Also. I don't even drink tea but kettles are great if you need bouillon in a recipe or want to get hot pasta/rice water faster than just heating the water on your stove. Does a tap stove give boiling hot water then? I had never seen one in my life!!)

Cannot wait to visit America one day and experience the culture shock bc it seems like there's so much that's normal to me that's completely different there! Have you been to an European country before?

Hi! So I'm gonna run through the ask and answer as I read, there's a LOT of words here! Keep in mind I'm one perspective and have mainly lived in one state my whole life (anxiety Michigan)

-Michigan Lefts are ironically something I only got introduced to as an adult, and that was LONG after running into stoplights; we've got plenty of the latter, but some areas are putting in more of the former. Ironically I've seen Lefts with stoplights.

Not an expert on WHY, but I know it lowers traffic deaths and makes it so you don't have to cross a main road they decided to cut in half for some godforsaken reason. I honestly prefer it over having to drive across 3-4 lanes just to turn left.

-Cloverleaf interchanges are REALLY common here! Sometimes the exits and changes get put a little too close together for comfort, but I'm an anxious driver. I don't know many other exit types tbh...

-The roundabouts I've seen over here are wild to me, but if you're gonna do an alternative four-way and keep traffic "moving", sure that works. I think I've seen circles with yield signs generally, though.

-This country... is made for profit first, not people, and that goes for the banks too. The average bank I've encountered hasn't said shit about direct transfers, and the one I use has like... a $30 overdraft fee (so if I go below zero, I get charged money). If you wanna pay a friend fast, someone needs cash or both of you need an app like venmo, no in-between.

-We just have normal hot water, but we also use a lot of pots and pans. If you want pasta you grab a pot, turn on the stove, add water to pot, and wait. A little salt helps with the boiling somehow, don't ask me how.

-Good luck over here! (/positive) If you hate traffic over there, you're not gonna be much happier with it here, but it's also unironically the best way to get around.

-(And I've been to Denmark! For somewhere "without a lot to do", I still had fun for the week I was there, and it's pretty enough! The parking and city maneuvering was the weirdest part, but a lot of places were built to be confusing to invaders iirc? So it makes sense that the streets are janky.)

#my post #long-post #long fuckin response for a long ask but hopefully I get some people jumping on and talking about this #also the restaurants here give BIG portions because you're supposed to take food home for later. most places have takehome boxes #it's normal to not finish your food at the restaurant and you do not HAVE to finish it there.

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kithtaehyung · 1 year

Note

May I ask kindly for the continuation? I just don’t really know what to say other than this was stellar. You know how to build characters and fit them together well. And you were right the other day when you said dialogue is your strong suit - though, the rest of what you do isn’t far off.

Honestly, I don’t know how to come here and stream of consciousness like everyone else but I promise I am sweating like they are. For instance, I nearly lost my mind at the popsicle shit, Yoongi is too strong for not running across that yard right there - I would blown it. Even Yoongi’s back, I was like yeah, that’s hot. I might not have words for anyone after the next part.

I had to catch up on a lot this week before I read because, and I know she told you, Riley is keeping me busy helping her post injury (I love her though so I’m happy doing it). This morning she was like “before you help me get ready, go read” So clearly she loves me back because this was fan-fucking-tastic. It was a good break from stress that’s for sure. Also I can’t remember if I ever sent my thoughts on the rest of the 3tan chapters, I can write it again if I didn’t.

-🎷

SAX HIIII i'm so sorry for responding to this so damn late! all the bbq asks got buried during the time when i was still trying to get some energy back. ofc you can ask for the continuation bc it's already in the works mwahahahah

thank you so much for the dialogue commentary! it's absolutely my favorite part, and i do think i need to work on a lot of other aspects. you're too kind, though<3

LOLLL we were all sweating during this part, it seems... the damn popsicle shit had me hiding my face bc it was so fcking hot lol. you would've blown it right there? honestly, me too. idk how yoongi was able to hold back but.. maybe he's a long con revenge guy as we can probably see with the lollipop HAHAHA

how is riley? how was the showcase if it's already done?? hope y'all are both doing well! i actually played my violin for a little bit yesterday bc i might use it a lot more in the coming months.

she's such a real one for getting you to read summer bbq LOL i love you both so much. glad you enjoyed and no, i didn't get your thoughts on the rest of the 3tan chapters but literally no rush at all! if you wanna send them in, i would be fcking hype to read them. but take your time!

#so so sorry for the late response!#🎷 anon #guys read 3tan #asks:3tan #3tanbbq #lovely people #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌

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embossross · 2 years

Note

ahhh hi hi i'm here with thoughts about the new chap hehe

ok first, i LOVE this line so much. i can kind of see it now - the similarities between reader and hanma, but at the same time they are so so different. i'm not sure why but this stood out to me! there were also many lines like this thru out the chap - i do pay attention to details bc i know some writers have a bunch of foreshadowing in their fics👀

another thing is that i literally GASPED when a certain violet haired man made an approach in this fic, im guessing it was ran but i was so happy to have him in this fic!! (i don't think it was actually mentioned if it was ran or rin, but i'm p sure it was ran ahah) i rly liked the entire encounter and he was being pretty respectful which i didn't see coming lol.

yknow i loved this entire convo so much there was a lot thrown at us but at the same time you described/phrased it in such a way that made it easier to understand. i think i re read this part like 3 times; i kinda felt like this is the most honest convo they’ve had and it was the most series imo. it was really nice seeing hanma kinda open up. we also got to know more about the docs past too.

the last line about minimizing pain for the reader 👀 idk if im being dumb or if this has some sort of deeper meaning, but is it talking about the docs emotional pain? (towards hanma maybe?) im not sure lol rip and maybe it’ll be cleared up within the next few chapters but for now i’ll be left wondering hehe

okoki this is getting so so long i’m so sorry BUT i reallyyyy wanna talk about the smut i was literally vibrating in my seat the entire time aksdj when i first read the chap tags i kinda saw where it was going. club - hanma get head - reader watches. BUT OMG I DIDNT expect the reader to join in??!AND THE EYE CONTACT? deceased. i had to put my phone down a few times bc it was just THAT good ahaha. you really write such good smut it leaves my brain all mushy (that kakucho fie lives in my head rent free btw.)

OK IM FINISHED. i’m really sorry if this was annoying but i genuinely love this fic so much and your writing as well!!!! your fics are perfect for analysis and every chap keeps me thinking ahah but thanks again for sharing your wonderful work with us!!! have an amazing week!! (i’ve also read the devotion of the girl in the mirror again but was too nervous to send an ask rip)

this is the kind of comment/ask that really means the world to me 💖 it feels like so much more than i could ever ask for. so thank you so sincerely! i was stuck on the next chapter for both stories, and after reading this, i sat down and edited 2k words and broke the writers' block. THANK YOU 🥰

the fact that you screenshotted lines that really resonated!!!!! nothing could be less annoying!!! i'm giving you a long response right back because this is so much good stuff to react to!!!

one of my favorite lines from the chapter too! And yeah, reader + hanma are so different from each other, but i think they have a pretty similar problem with how they move through the world. they never could have had this conversation before. they're only able to be this open now because a) they both think they're talking more big picture and not being fully aware of what they're revealing about themselves; but most importantly b) they have a CREEPING INTIMACY! they are so much closer than they were a few chapters back :) I am so glad you noticed that because it was Very intentional.

you pretty much nailed the pain comment. Reader recognizes that she is taking on a very out of character risk with the Hanma stuff, and that opens her up to emotional pain but also risk that he's going to make her (or her life) change, which she is resistant to.

not much to say about the smut stuff other than...i am glad to see it's working. that is what i was going for 😏😆 (also thank you on the kakucho fic :))

it means the WORLD that you find things to analyze and think about because i am pouring so much of that in there intentionally, and knowing that people see it and get something out of it too is Super motivating. You are more than welcome to send me nice asks on any story any time (in fact, i'm begging lol jk)

#literally insanely kind and nice and so grateful wow #like woww #read more because i said a lot #i love you for this so much #asks

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kinnsporsche · 2 years

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once again an episode that made me absolutely lose my mind!!! kp are so in love and they finally said it!! although, i would have liked it better if they said it to each other in private first but oh well can't have everything. and porsche is officially a stay at home wife i love that for him. the scene when p was drying kinn’s hair though, it was the softest shit i have ever seen in my life <3 i also loved the scenes with taytime they are always so good i wish they had more screen time. 1/4

and we got the kimchay breakup :/ i was expecting it but it still hurt. I still have hope that they will end up together. however, the most important part of this episode (for me) was vegaspete!!! god these two make me go insane. the way we went from sadistic torture to that convo at the end. bible and build's chemistry is actually unbelievable i can't get enough of these sick motherfuckers. and don't even get me started on the cinematography like the lights and the shots and just the whole atmosphere it was so good and so sexy and I’m gonna need 3-5 business days to recover. that preview was the final nail in my coffin i don't think i can wait a whole week for more. I’ve read some metas about them but honestly I don’t even care if vegas changes for pete or not. their relationship is so fucked up on so many levels that I don’t think it can really be redeemed. certainly not in 3 episodes. and honestly does he need to be? can’t he just stay the fucked up villain that he is? I wouldn’t mind. I’m just here to enjoy some toxic fictional men be sexy and gay and so far they did just that so I’m satisfied. I can’t believe we only have 3 episodes left T_T I don’t know what I will do when this show ends. (I hope you’re doing well )

omg my kp anon i've missed u so much!!!!

for me i'd always had a hc that kinn had a hard time saying ily to anybody bcs he'd been burned by love in the past so he hated saying it but this show roundhouse kicked that in the face and left me obliterated at the scene this mf is out here shouting it from rooftops to anybody who'll listen good for him

god you know what sends me absolutely feral? kinn casually mentioning his mother to porsche. her death must still be a sore subject for him, nobody talks about it we've hardly had any mention of her and for him to just be like "my mother used to do this for me" god how long has it been since someone's taken care of him like that? and now here's porsche the biggest caretaker in the world just so ready and willing to do everything he can to take care of kinn bcs thats his love language and he loves him sm i just y'all mind if i break the fuck down real fast

pls the kimchay break up!!!! like kimothy i get why you did what you did but that doesn't mean me and tankhun won't beat your ass for it bestie 😔😔 you made the baby cry. like he's literally alread living at the estate, he can't get anymore involved with the mafia, but i guess kim was literally just faced with the reality of porchay being kidnapped because of his ties to the mafia through his brother, and he's probably thinking about how much worse it'll be if he's tied to the mafia through HIM, he's probably thinking about all their enemies and how much of a target it'd make him so he's being a self-sacrificing little shit about it god tankhun needs to hit him with a tray and knock some sense into him

i haven't been that eager about the vp arc yet, im betting that'll probably change in today's ep and next weeks ep 👀 just wanna see pete humble that man so bad, and i dont want vegas to stop being a bad person just bcs he gets with pete ykwim? he's interesting because he's a villain lets keep it that way besties. i do bet he'll get a redemption arc, i've mentioned this to a few people i talk to but with the way things are going it made me wonder if the big shootout at the major family house in the promo where vegas is framed as a big bad is actually misleading and vegas'll be there to help kinn and the major family and maybe put a bullet in his dad's head i just wish him a very big die even if i will miss the dilf 😔

pls dont mention that we only have 3 episodes left pls dont mention that theres only 2 more weeks of kinnporsche or i'll start to eat glass

#kissies for u my kp anon mwah mwah mwah #kp anon #answered #anonymous

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fettl3 · 2 years

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would love to hear abt art school camp if you’d wanna share

Ummmmm yah. This will be long.

I have a LOT of thoughts & feelings that I’m still processing. And a lot of it feels unsafe to share tbh. Like I’m confined to not go against this system that I’m participating in… this is my “community” (aka access to success as an artist) so I do feel restricted in what I can share honestly about this particular school…. But also whatever lol this is tumblr after all

I can say that I spent 2 weeks at an art summer camp as a TA for a ceramics class. The class was 9am to 5pm every day (no days off). And my position was unpaid. So there’s a lot there. I did it mostly because I love my friend very much (she was the teacher of the class) and she really needed my help. Also because I wouldn’t ever have access to this school by route of paying for a class bc they’re like $6k. But still, an 8 hour work day for 14 consecutive days unpaid is… fucking insane.

Additionally, I have long term friends that were on staff, so my stay was complicated by insight into the inner workings of this organization. To say the least it’s a shit show. Completely dysfunctional at the level of handling conflict. Pay disparity was also a big issue. It’s definitely not an org I would ever consider working for in a serious way, regardless of the access & resources it offers…

These are all things I knew going into it. The camp itself is kind of constructed to be an “experience” for students. A “site of experimental behavior,” as my friend put it. I can see why people fall in love with it. It’s really cool and unique to be isolated with a group of invested artists, to be submerged into craft and also to be “free” within the parameters of the land. There are healthy meals served 3 times a day. No locks on doors, no need. There was programming every night: artist talks, performances, karaoke & 2 huge dance parties. There is lots of sites for conversation & so many good convos to have. Each specialized studio has unique & impressive facilities in addition to hang out zones (fire pits patios etc). The land is beautiful, left rustic, and located on a lagoon you can kayak out in. Some of my students called it utopia. I think that’s what we (staff) were attempting to facilitate for them. & honestly I do feel good that it seemed most of my students had this experience. Makes me feel like I did my job well :)

However, my experience does not reflect the experience of the students… AT ALL. I found being there to be like… like being eaten alive maybe.

The work felt like it was 24/7. Living in community with my students is something I would never like to do again. Also I learned that I hate teaching this demographic. My students ranged from 20-36 years old. The ones in their early 20s latched on to me so fucking intensely. I understand why of course: they were trying to peak into their future, into what the world might hold for them, how to make it as an artist etc. But also the fucking relentless flirting, the attention, the lack of privacy or alone time, it seriously felt like I was being ripped apart to be eaten. On the nights where we all got wasted dancing I found myself as a caretaker for these kids (who are only a couple years younger than me) and just honestly like I couldn’t fully relax ever. They were coming to me for answers, they wanted me to tell them who they are supposed to be. It was A Lot.

It was also pretty triggering for me to be immersed again in community that was heavily affiliated with the university I use to go to. I was forced to drop out and although I have moved past this & moved on & up in my life… I’m still hurt. It was hard to be working (for free!!) for people who ultimately are more privileged than me. It was hard to contend again with the fact that privileged people are still whole people, that whiteness & wealth is just as harmful & confusing to them as it is to us. These last few years I’ve really been intentional about who I keep around me, who I work for, what I’m doing in the world. I align myself with very specific communities. I live firmly & uncompromisingly by my principals. Participating again in this type of community felt for me like a major spiritual step backwards, while also being a major step up in a career & artistic way. It was just fucking intense dude!!!! It was complicated as fuck!!!!

I won’t get too into it rn but there are like deeper connecting thoughts I have that I’m still sifting through. Very present on my mind while I was there were concepts I learned in The Delectable Negro by Vincent Woodard. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nat Turner, about his head being passed down like an heirloom. I had bad dreams & panic attacks every night, with visions of this abstract bone/clam like shape. Every day there somebody new connected with me, we showed each other our soul & then moved on to do it with another person. I thought about what it means to be in a community where there is no police, but where certain behaviors mean immediate banishment. What it means to have a community that refuses to acknowledge basic forms of human interaction, like violence. What it means to set strict, rigid expectations of how each person aught to act, or believe in, then profess diversity & free thought. What it means to omit the true, sometimes ugly, diversity of reality.

Paired with a well researched & lived-in understanding of class/race struggle… idk. Being there felt ummmm horrible lol. Absolutely relentlessly horrible. & I held the weight of that feeling for so many people: for each of my students, for my friends on staff. But nobody was able to hold me. My support network back in the city couldn’t see beyond the privilege & fun of me being there. Or they were just dealing with their own shit. When I came back into the city I felt empty totally empty & i had 2 massive breakdowns. It was very much like past experiences right after a trauma. The response I’m experiencing in my body does not logically match the conditions of being at that school, so it feels like I can’t ask anybody for support. But. Idk that’s just the truth of it. Thanks for reading.

#PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG OR SCREENSHOT #this is a real truth if you have any respect for somebody being deeply spiritually honest with you #then you would please not abuse my vulnerability

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loud-sturniolos · 12 days

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So I need to ramble about my ex “friend” bc this mf did some horrible shit recently and I have no one to talk to abt it‼️‼️ This is rlly long, and may not make sense, but yk drama is drama, read if u wanna🤷‍♂️ Also, ngl, I’m also toxic in this argument but idc😞‼️

Also I’ve said like a bajillion times but nobody does it; my asks are open for literally anything, like pls talk to me I’m lonely af😞 U can literally ask for drama and I will tell y’all some random ass drama from my life if u want js pls talk to me LMFAO🙏

SOOOOO This kid that I was “friends” with (more like acquaintances, I dont rlly do friends) is such a fucking bitch like if I see him im gonna fucking beat the shit out of him. He messages me like every few weeks out of nowhere about random shit as if we’re friends, so the other day I kinda snapped when he asked “how are you” and i was like “idk why you care, you literally never talk to me at all, you left me on delivered for 3 months when I had nobody then randomly showed up again and tried to act as if nothing happened” and that kinda started an argument but he was to much of a pussy to argue w me😞 (Haven’t had a proper argument in a good while icl). Anyways next day this snapchat accoumt messages me that I’ve had added since december but like idk who it is, they message me w a snap using a random ass filter and the caption “Damien you gave me an eating disorder” so OBVIOUSLY I’m fucking confused asf, bc what?? Who randomly claims someone gave them an eating disorder??? Like especially claiming I gave them one whilst I’m recovering from my own?? back tf up. but anyways im like “wtf, who r u? idk u” and they listed like a few basic things that anybody on my snap knows, and i said anyone would know that, and then this mf bitch goes “Well ik your real parents are druggies” (Long story short, im adopted bc my real mum was addicted to her dads meds, idk abt my real dad) and obviously im like SHOVKED bc i’d only ever told like 4 ppl abt this that I trusted (idrc now tho, ill tell the world tbh😞‼️) so im instantly like “wtf who r u??” and he tries to make a guessing game out of it?? Like what the actual fuck?? Making a game out of my personal life is like a straight up no? Anyways I start yk, stalking n shit bc bro wont tell me who they are and I see their user name has “bl00dy” in, what do I see on my quick add? Ex friends full name, on a different account BUT the username has “bl00dy” in (btw im not like censoring that, thats literally how they spell it in the user💀), so I’m instantly like Who does this ugly mf think they are adding me on a fake account to talk abt my real parents n shit like that, so I head on over to whatsapp bc thats where we message and i send a ss of the fake acc and i say “is this you”, he deny it, I tell him all the proof I have that it’s him (Same hair colour/length from the snap, identical usernames, same humour, same typing style) and he denies it.

Guess who messages me 20 minutes later confessing? he does. If u gonna lie at least keep up the lie like tf? Anyways, he confessed and I was obviously pissed off bc I trusted him with personal info abt my real parents yk?? And I basically tell him he’s a stupid fuck that needs to get a life and he goes “Maybe I went a bit too far.” A BIT?! A BIT TOO FAR?! No mf you went WAYYY too far. Anyways idk what happened adter that part bc whatsapp wont let me back on it bc my storage is HORRIBLE. But I have some screenshots and can remember a bit of it sooo..

Next thing I have is him telling me “Human error is a think yn, you might not be autistic” so obviously I go off at him for that umh.. I wrote a lot so I’ll js put in the screenshot

so yhh.. that part happened😽

Next thing I have screenshotted pissed me off so much y’all dont understand omg. So first, he called me a high school drop out and called me special n told me i got sent to a “special school”, basically mocking my mental health and autism?? When I tell you I know so much about his trauma, and his mental health that I could have brought up in that argument i swear. anyways, i told him how the school i go to now isnt a special school, and that I didnt get “sent” i literally chose to go there, and also I haven’t dropped out of high school bc im still enrolled in a school??? then he suddenly starts asking me abt what job I wanted to do when I’m older, so I tell him (Child protection officer or a detective) and he starts telling me how 1. I’d probably brag about making a child cry and thats a whole other fucking thing if i went on abt that this would be way too long. and 2. How I can never get the jobs bc I need science. Keep that shit in mind, SCIENCE. He starts telling me abt how to get the job i want, the job i’ve been researching into for 3 years, he js starts telling me abt how ill mever get it. Then he brings up how I need psychology for it. And he says how psychology is a science. When I tell u this mf stupid istg😞 So I have to go explaining to this dumbfuck that i do not, in fact, need a science degree i meed a psychology degree. Then he tries to tell me how detectives use chemicals and stuff and I’m like… you mean the forensics team need chemicals? Bc detectives and forensics teams are two different jobs bae😨.

anywaysss, next thing I have screenshotted is me mocking his dumbass but idk the messages b4 it. but the SS is just this:

so thats cute. Anyways, the next thing that happened is when I got my older sister involved bc mf should not have brought it up!!

So I told him at some point to sort his memory out bc he was telling me things that didnt happen, then this mf tells me to basically stop being a hypocrite and tells me that the pills im on fucks up my memory. So, then im confused bc.. I’m not on meds? So I’m like “where tf did you get that from? i dont take pills” and this little fucker i swear i will kill him if he comes near me again, he fucking says “You failed an overdose, hence why I thought you took pills”. Who the fuck does this fucker think he is to bring up MY mental health? To bring up MY suicide attempts?!?! Like actually, he can shut right up bc he’s attempted too, so????? Anyways I was like fully gobsmacked rhat this stupid little fuck thought he could bring up my mental health like that, so I gave the phone to my sister bc shes a toxic bitch and she will gladly argue w anyone🤗

Heres a lil list of things I remember happening but don’t remember the whole thing(that dont make sense but oh well):

He brought up (to my sister) that she hangs out with “druggies” (People in her friend group smoke, vape, do ket, and weed etc. but she only smokes and vapes)

He sent a very quickly deleted message that I managed to read that was basically him 1. calling me a she (transphobic little shit) and 2. telling someone else about MY overdose. Honestly💀. Me and my sister know who he was most likely telling anyways bc he only has one friend😽

Anyways rhats all I rlly rememberrrr.. I can probably remember skme other things, or drama that happened before this argument so if you want more of my drama filled life js ask‼️😽

#loudsturniolos

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vizthedatum · 5 months

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Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to. I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’ And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes 😅

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

Hi!! I wanted to take my time with my response to be able to respond appropriately and to show myself care as well (I've had a rough week). I will respond in line to your message.

I don't mind long messages! I send long messages too haha <3

I think we often get bogged down with "how we should be" instead of checking in with ourselves with how we actually are.

Similarly, I have felt like I couldn't cope with a lot… and would kinda just struggle through it or force myself through it (burning myself out in the process). It wasn't until I got more support in adulthood from my therapist (and I've cycled through a couple!), psychiatrist (I am thankful I found a good one - I've been seeing her for the past 3 years or so), medical team (I have chronic health issues but assembling a good group of docs has been a challenge), my community (asking and receiving help is really important, I'm finding out), my NEURODIVERGENT community (it's been immensely helpful/validating to be vulnerable and to LISTEN to other people who have a wide range of neurotypes to observe how they do things or what they enjoy), spirituality practice (which is something I've been in and out of my whole life (was very atheist for a long time) but now I'm reclaiming this on my own terms), etc.

I'm glad that you have things you're really good at and also things you enjoy!!!

I think many schedules or even constructs of how to be human… can be really restricting because they're often not customized to your needs and abilities.

However, figuring out what your needs and abilities are (especially since they're dynamic) is NOT TRIVIAL.

and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to.

I'm happy you found a group and a set of beliefs that help you lead your life. Interpersonal relations within a community can be hard, especially if they do not understand or empathize with your needs.

I have often felt pressured by previous friends and family members into doing stuff… and then guilted/shamed about it if I couldn't do it or didn't want to. I think it is important to stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself in ANY SETTING… even if it disappoints others. Even if you're in the wrong. At least you're speaking up. (But I get that that's really draining, too... and sometimes not possible. I have often been non-verbal or didn't even know how to express what I was feeling)

I used to not stand up for myself because I assumed (or had a very unfair assumption) that people should just know! But people didn't know how to interact with me. And I think this is maybe autism because I felt like I was supposed to "know" unsaid rules of society for other people. I spent so much emotional energy trying to "intuit" what other people wanted… and didn't even realize how drained I was getting, how much I was masking who I was, or even who I was.

If things you can't or won't do disappoint a person or a group of people, then that could be a starting point for y'all (or even that person) to figure out why that's bothering them. A discussion needs to be had and reflections need to be made. If there is consistent harm or abuse that's being done (which I'm not saying there is, in this case, necessarily), then you may need to set some boundaries.

I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what that's like. Long-term illness or chronic illness can be so isolating. And some people don't even know what to do to support.

Have you told your friends or community ways you'd like them to reach out to you when you're sick/sad/alone? It may help to say "Could you message/call me if you haven't heard from me this week?"

and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’

Yeah that's highly inappropriate and ableist TO BE QUITE HONEST.

I feel like that's why we have to advocate and push back a little. Not a lot of people know enough about neurodivergence or disability needs. Or even human needs. I hate that the onus of that education and advocacy falls on us (the ones who need the help or support!)… :(

And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes

I want to validate your shock and disappointment and hurt. That is a valid response to what you've been through.

You can rant and vent!! I do it on my blog and to my friends/partners a lot - but I'm trying to also be mindful of how much bandwidth they have for it too (my friends/partners are not my therapist or anything - and that's such an important line). Emotional expression is a really good way to help us regulate, in my opinion.

And your autism and neurodivergence is valid too. The way they can cope with "Thing X" is JUST AS VALID as you not being able to cope with "Thing X." I understand that a lot of people don't get that.

Final thoughts: Feel free to vent either to me or trusted friends/supports. I may not always be able to respond in a timely manner, but I'll try to let you know.

You shouldn't have to repeatedly assert your boundaries and needs in environments where you're supposed to have human connection and bond. That's not fair to you.

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