#i wfh i go outside to go to the mailbox | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

adhdilettant · 1 year

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Hello again, Internet

Today I went outside and realized how much of a complete arse-bucket I've been. It began with a package. I was waiting in anticipation for a knock at the door. But it was far past the delivery time. After sleuthing the reason, I found the package was undeliverable due to an inaccessible mailbox. I'm ashamed to admit, but I had a moment where I almost Karen-ed out. I even took pictures to submit in case they disputed the redelivery (really didn't want to go to the post office, n'yall). But while I was taking the picture I realized just how much of a dick I was being.

Tip your mail-person, right? Yeah the holidays are past us and everyone is starting to settle into the people who they choose to be "this year". I have to admit: I completely forgot to acknowledge them. This is the person who beings me packages and special occasion cards from my dad, though most of the post consists of junk mail and credit card offers! They deserve way more than what I'm able to give them.

I had been going outside so little (thanks, WFH, I truly do love you with all my heart it's not your fault) that I didn't notice the state of my curb. The other caretakers of my street are clearly thoughtful, caring, and diligent people. And no, we don't have an HOA. It was one of the TOP priorities when we were house hunting. It's taken me FAR too long to realize the equal and opposite reaction to that choice. I am the one who is in fact, the HOA. I know it sounds so stupid to say out loud, because duhyouhavetotakecareofyourshitAdi... but dear non-existent reader, all I can say is yikes.

It would be easy to beat myself up over how stupid I've been or just feel badly forever. Maybe even justified if I didn't make sure to from now on have a clean, clear path to my mailbox and try to offer a (late, but genuine) thank you with a nod to my obliviousness. I, however, am going to do both of these things. Doesn't matter if the mailperson hates me forever (because tbh now that I've seen the state of my curb I would absolutely understand); I'm doing my best to fix it because I fucked up. And from there, I can give myself a little grace.

Not to get into it here, but social interaction generally baffled me as a child; I always wondered how it seemed to come so easily to the other kids. Also, how they managed to use folders instead of just kind of... stuffing everything in their backpacks. Up until recently, the general idea I had cultivated about myself, for myself, was just that I was just kinda... bad at things. After a few significant setbacks, I finally consulted a professional and found out that I'm neurodivergent, and I'm adjusting as I go now. That's my grace and it may not be the same for the next panda but it works for me, and I'm satisfied with that.

I'm not bad at things, I'm just better at doing things in a non-conventional way. I'm allowing myself the grace to accept that I grew up in a time where being a gifted kid just meant being assigned more advanced busywork. I've got the space to explore my own creative paths that little Adi and that's exciting.

So, dear-nonexistent reader, here's to continuing my own education. Cheers to taking paths that would exhilarate Young Adi's intellect and creating a life befitting the woman I want to be.

#why

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