#i’m like the pete davidson of hedgehogs

[autistichedgehogs]

why are you getting hate you are *the* autistichedgehogs on tumblr.com /pos

for some reason despite sonic being an anthropomorphic, electric blue hedgehog that runs at the speed of sound, him being autistic is where the line is drawn. LMAO

#imagine having beef with ME. i am just a guy #i don’t even dabble in disk horse #i just shitpost and people like it a lot #though it is kind of funny because several of my favorite fic authors follow and have laughed at my shitposts #i’m like the pete davidson of hedgehogs #yall are so talented and i’m just the kingdom’s jester #asks

[courtneysmovieblog]

“Everything Everywhere All At Once” and other mini reviews

Dangerous Liaisons: While the costumes were lavish and Glenn Close was a magnificent bitch, I didn’t really enjoy it. I guess I should be grateful that the “good” female characters in Cruel Intentions wound up with better endings than their French predecessors.

Amos and Andrew: The cops mistake a Black author (Samuel L Jackson) for a home invaders, and to cover up their mistake, they get a convict (Nicolas Cage) to rob his house for real. Yikes. This movie might have been ahead of its time.

Bound: Good stuff, even if it’s another example of how the ‘90s/early 2000s tended to fetishize female romance. I’m excited to see Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon reunite on the next season of Chucky!

The Kid Who Would Be King: Percy Jackson meets King Arthur, but it was very cute.

Downhill: Will Ferrell experiences that awkwardness resulting from when you impulsively run from your wife (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and kids during an avalanche. It’s a shame that a movie starring two big comedians isn’t that funny.

The King of Staten Island: I probably would have liked this more if I was a fan of Pete Davidson. But I’m not.

Wonder Park: Creating your own theme park would be pretty awesome.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2: Idris Elba stole the show as Knuckles, just we all knew he would.

Sing 2: Uh...yeah. The first movie was fun, but I just wasn’t feeling this one.

Everything Everywhere All At Once: This had better get a bunch of awards next season. Seriously. If you hadn’t seen it, rent it now. Give Michelle and Ke ALL the awards!

#Mini Reviews #sequels

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 01/04/3022 (Kanye West, Michael Bublé)

It’s a pretty slow week here on the UK Singles Chart, once again after 3022’s streak of dull, monotonous weeks. This week’s #1 is “We Don’t Talk About the Ed Sheeran Incident of 2065” by the cast of Disney’s No Rights for Gays film, which you may have watched through the brand new Disney+ microchip contact lens. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

You know, I’m starting to realise why the charts are so dull nowadays. Given that albums are now just transplanted straight into the veins of people Spotify’s algorithm recognises as “fans”, album bombs don’t really resonate outside of said core audience. Also, thanks to cryogenic freezing becoming the rage nowadays – only for the rich, of course – there aren’t any posthumous boosts anymore... because nobody’s freaking dying! Machine Gun Kelly has been in a cryogenic chamber like Philip J. Fry for a good 20 years... and somehow he still showed up on the newest Juice WRLD record. Despite all of that, there were two notable drop-outs this week: songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. Said drop-outs were “my ex’s uncle’s dad’s friend jeff’s best friend’s niece’s sister’s pet hedgehog” by blackbear after a good run of around 2700 weeks, and J.K. Rowling’s charity single “Harriet Potter and the Restroom She Can’t Use” dropped off after spending last week at #1. It’s honestly a shame – the message is putrid, but J.K. Rowling has some bars.        

What’s always infinitely more interesting are our notable gains and since it is a slow week once again, we have very few of these. Sure, “Millie-Bobby Brown Was Hot Back in the 2010s” by Drake featuring Ken Stringfellow, Lil Epstein and EDP445 is up to #25 thanks to the distressingly illegal video (and probably the Pusha T diss – he’s been dead for 60 years, Aubrey), but otherwise, we just have “Crypto Bro” by Central Cee and Yung NFT at #50 as well as “Welcome to the Metaverse” by Bo Burnham at #16.

Now, since no music has been released last week, at least none that I can freely access without personally contacting Bill Gates to get on a waiting list for his new Spotify Clinic, so let’s get straight to the short list of new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#72 – “Christmas Without My Opps” – Tion Wayne featuring Michael Bublé

Produced by Metro Boomin

So, it turns out that before he got cryogenically frozen, Michael Bublé recorded some hooks for his favourite (literally) elderly statesman in UK drill, the now 120-year-old Tion Wayne, who has released his Christmas song a bit late. Usually, they start coming out on Valentine’s Day since Microfacetubenestlégoogle officially moved the date of Jesus Christ’s birthday to March 28th. It’s a bit bizarre for him to release it just as that date passes, especially since Tion Wayne has been on point with his holiday releases up to this point, but I’m not complaining because this is surprisingly good. Bublé’s generic, watered-down jazz-pop has been filtered to shit, to the point where he actually sounds like he has some emotion there, and his celebration of how he’s having his first Christmas without his opps surrounding him sounds genuinely joyful. With that said, how these opps disappear isn’t exactly clear: Tion Wayne spends much of his verse flexing about how his Gucci bags cost him a couple wives, because apparently women are the new big cryptocurrency grift floating around. When he’s not flexing, he’s describing his opps and you know, I don’t know why it took me 100 years to hear sleigh bells under those sliding 808s and rattling percussion, with vocals laid down talking about how Santa Claus is a fraud who shanked Tion’s best mate, Jack Frost. This is really innovative stuff and I can’t really criticise it. After all, it’s a charity single: all profits are going to Twitter users.

#24 – “Pete Davidson Deserved to Die” (Ye’s Version) – Kanye West featuring Playboi Carti, Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift

Produced by Kanye West, SephGotTheWaves, Ojivolta, Max Martin, John Cunningham, George Soros and Paul McCartney

This is Kanye West’s highly-anticipated new rendition of his classic hit from 2025, “Pete Davidson Deserved to Die”. Now when the song was initially released, it caught a lot of backlash due to its jankier production from Max Martin that emulated Coldplay more than it did Kanye. Nobody seemed bothered about how the entire song was a celebration of a murder that happened hours before the song’s release, in which Pete Davidson was shot dead at the Saturday Night Live set by a rogue Will Smith. In his quest to get revenge against Suge Knight for taking control of his masters, Kanye has been re-recording all of hits, and for this new version of “Pete Davidson Deserved to Die”, released in tandem with the G.I. Jane 2: Spider-Man Vore Edition soundtrack, doesn’t hit the spot for me as much as the original. Sure, the inaudible ad-libs from the vampiric Playboi Carti add some more hype to the mix, but I’m not sure how wise it was to add them over a calmer, more polished instrumental courtesy of Paul McCartney, who was revived as a zombie for this track’s promotional video. I’m not sure what the bridge from Ariana Grande really adds either, given the constant repetition of the late comedian’s surprisingly small penis size. Thankfully, both Kanye and Taylor deliver killer rap verses, largely unchanged from the original, that are nostalgic enough for me to give this a pass, even if just barely. I don’t think there’s a line as iconic in Kanye’s discography as “Skete couldn’t find God, so he deserved to die / When I go to McDonald’s, I always order the fries”.

Conclusion

It’s not enough to make it any good though, so sadly Kanye gets the Worst of the Week for “Pete Davidson Deserved to Die”, though it’s only me choosing between two songs, which are honestly both decent. I’m surprised as anyone when I say that Tion Wayne and Michael Bublé get Best of the Week for the holly jolly “Christmas Without My Opps”.

For next week, well, I guess we can only hope that Blue Ivy Carter doesn’t get all three songs she’s allowed to chart in the top 40, but it seems pretty likely, especially given how the whole “furry convention” concept has really resonated with younger audiences. For now, however, thanks for reading, pray for the French Canadians seeking asylum, and I’ll see you next week!