#i'm a fussy eater a lot of it has to do with sensory issues but she doesn't know that nor cares

[jamescarstairs]

still annoyed with what my coworker said to me at work today

#lex waffles #work saga #she's so fucking judgemental every time we have a conversation about food #but this time it was directly at me #'you don't eat healthy food' & her response being 'no you don't' when i say i do ????? fuck off #yeah i don't have the best diet i won't lie but who the fuck is she to be judgy about it and tell me i don't eat healthy things??? #she's such a pureist #like go drink your herbs and shit and leave me the fuck alone karen 😒 #like she's cut out so much out of her diet because of no reason whatsoever because she thinks that's what's good for her and i'm like 😒 #like every damn time she's got to make some sort of judgemental comment towards at least one of us every time #like fuck off #i'm a fussy eater a lot of it has to do with sensory issues but she doesn't know that nor cares #it also hasn't helped that the topic of me being a fussy eater has suddenly become the like butt of the joke every time now too??? #like yes i don't eat a lot of variety of food or am very specific about which brands of food i eat i KNOW #but at least i'm eating something ???? #anyways needed to get that off my chest because it's annoyed me all damn day #and this was at the start of my work shift lmfao

[loveme2deathana]

The Age Of ED Awakening: Why Does He Have An Eating Disorder?

One day I woke up and noticed I had not hugged any one of the many plushies lined up on my bed; yes, I was still very young at this point. This is still before the age of puberty and sexual awareness. At this point in time, I share a room with my step-brother. It's a weekday, a Friday, and the weekend I go to my Mum's. I get to see her every other weekend, so I'm happy because I will get to see her. When I do see her that evening, I'm filled with joy; she looks at me and says, you're fat! No hello darling, no you look nice, no how have you been, just, you're fat. What I remember the most is the snarled up face she had on and the hate and disgust in her voice when she said it. I felt like a worthless piece of rubbish, a worthless human being, something to be hated and shamed of. I don't remember anything else apart from the way my Mum, if you can call her that, would change from being a bitter hateful monster to suddenly being nice as pie in seconds. She complains to my Dad, and I'm put on a diet. Still with the image of my mother's vicious, angry face fresh in my mind, I see this diet as punishment. Up until now, food has been my comfort. Since my parents got divorced, food was one of my only comforts.

My Nan looks after me while my Dad and step-mother are at work. She is great. I love spending time with her because she makes an effort and her love seems real and sincere. She had already spent a long time trying to find out what I liked to eat because I was such a fussy eater. Now, she had to reduce the amount of food I ate. She managed to do this without making me feel like I was being punished. I agreed with her to eat less. My Nan would be a lot more flexible and kinder than anyone else. My parents would have strict rules and control over the food. There was never any this is what we are doing and why. It was always you have to do this, or you are in trouble. Not even an attempt to use communication skills at all unless it was done in a creepy 'it's for your own good' way.

While at home, I began to spend more and more time in my room. My step-brother was moved into another room, so I now had the room to myself: at last a bit of good fortune. While at my mother's, I learned to shut down and endure the time with her. She would continue to be controlling and act like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. The most controlling times were at dinner. I remember her watching every mouthful I had and then questioning the order in which I would eat the items on my plate. She would say, don't you like this? She would force me to eat food I didn't like, such as fat and gristle. My Nan, in contrast, would say, well if you don't like this, maybe you will like something else. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time at my Nan's place.

Food was still tightly controlled where ever I went. I was not allowed money in case I got something to eat with it. Meal times were strict eating window times and if I missed it, I lost that meal. Sometimes, I would lose a meal because I didn't like it. The texture of some food is horrible to me, but no one would ever understand and if I tried to say to the adult, hey I just can't stand the texture, they would get angry and punish me.

People used to say to the doctor, he has no reason to be depressed. We don't know why he is this way. The adults would tell their friends that I was just ungrateful and blame me. I was always being punished because I was not acting in a way that suited the adults and made them look good in front of others.

In short,

I was forced to endure sensory issues that were overwhelming to me.

I was forced to eat food that was disgusting to me.

My Mum would not let me eat my dinner in peace, and she would complain about the way I would eat my dinner such as the order I was eating it.

I would be blamed and punished for speaking out.

Meal times were made stressful by my parents who would gaslight me if I tried to speak to them about it.

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