#i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence

[apatheticlexicographer]

MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy

literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them 😭😭

#now granted i did only sleep for 3 hours #but i felt more refreshed and energized today than i ever did when the pills forced me into 8 hours of pseudo-death a night #MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS BACK TO NEVER SHUTTING TF UP #it was practically bones for so long oml #i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence #yeah i'm prolly gonna lose the rose tinted glasses in a few days when the novelty wears off but for now #it's so nice to feel like myself and not like a lobotomized skinwalker trying to wear my own mannerisms convincingly #(obvsly they help some ppl or they wouldn't be an option to prescribe but GOD they fit my brain chemistry as well as a fork fits an outlet) #<<<<<<I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! I MISSED MY STUPID METAPHORS AND MY BAD PUNS AND MY SLIGHTLY OUT OF POCKET JOKES #i was fucking trying but it fundamentally doesn't work if u Try #yoda moment but whatever #yippeee #god did they fucking '''cure''' my ADHD instead of my depression #ok if this is what some ppl's experience of ADHD meds is like then the 'they made me feel like a robot' thing makes a LOT more sense #personally they just make me feel like. yk that one comic abt ADHD with the dog metaphor #yeah amphetamines my beloved let me hold the leash rather than becoming a human dogsled to the whims of my psyche #actually i think i was rather uncharitable to my current dream mask normal pills #i just happened to get mega bitch burnout for 3 months and then spend 2 in the aforementioned peat bog where souls go to die #when not impeded by outside circumstances i think they actually are completely fine #maybe not QUITE as agressively effective as my previous prescription but the ritalin was str8 up harsh #i tried it again for a week and it made my heart beat like it was being powered by a caffienated hamster #but when i used to take it i was already experiencing Real paranoid gerbil anxiety so it just kinda blended in #i only noticed the Severe Health Issue i got bundled as a side effect #and i keep having to remind myself not to go rose-tinted abt how bad it rlly was in retrospect #do i just need to leave a sticky note on my mirror like 'hey dumbass that was NOT a net positive period of ur life' #lexi stfu challenge