#i've started to notice i tend to cultivate pretty one-sided relationships

[iserlohnfortress]

i wonder if my discomfort with regards to burdening people actually makes people see me as distant

#rita rants #i've started to notice i tend to cultivate pretty one-sided relationships #with some exceptions of course #because i only feel at ease when i'm giving things away #and never when i'm accepting them #and yeah i have all this love to give #all this dedication #but i don't really... like to see it reflected back at me? #and i don't think it's necessarily because i think i'm unworthy of it or don't deserve it #more like i don't need it? i guess? which is silly because obviously i do #but i always return to this feeling of 'other people have it worse than i do and i have been living a mostly charmed life' #i just think that sure i'm sad but i'm not miserable and i can in fact feel rather content and even confident at times #and i have been feeling better after years of working on myself #so i've come to a point in which i feel like my sorrows don't match up to everyone else's #and that they need someone in their corner more than i need someone in mine (because if all else fails i'll still have my own back) #but that's not really how it works? i can talk to people about the things that trouble me without being a burden on their heart #but that idea hasn't quite sunken in yet #and other people also probably pick up on the lack of balance? and i'm sure a bunch of them probably don't appreciate #being in the vulnerable position of always asking #i need to work on this #and realize that i'm not necessarily being good to people by 'mothering' them