#idk man like 18 years of constantly walking on eggshells and carefully selecting every word and controlling my tone fucks a person up

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

Being raised by adults who never apologized for their wrongdoings and always blamed their behavior on extenuating circumstances or someone else or their mental conditions really messed me up huh. Like all I asked was for you to apologize for yelling at me for asking you to hand me something because you thought my tone was wrong. But instead of an apology, I'm the one in the wrong because after all my tone was hostile to you and I need to remember that due to your ADHD you can't control your emotions. Nevermind the fact that I had carefully rehearsed the question in my head over and over again because this is not the first time this has happened. And I'm clearly a manipulative person for crying after being yelled at. Doesn't matter that I was thirteen, after all, I should've known better.

#sorry for the vent post #im just not in a good headspace lately #i just keeping going back to this #because i think it was my breaking point #kinda the moment i realized nothing was gonna change #because it didnt matter how hard i tried #and the fact that even now eleven years later when i explained to her how hurt i was by this interaction #it still gets brushed off and i still don't get an apology #like you wont apologize for the big problems you wont apologize for the small problems #it doesnt matter how much i explain how i was hurt i dont get an apology #id even settle for an insincere one at this point #and now being adult and recognizing how bullshit that behavior was #but being expected to carry on like usual because after all it was never that bad #nothing really terrible ever happened so why should i hold onto the past #idk man like 18 years of constantly walking on eggshells and carefully selecting every word and controlling my tone fucks a person up #and i dont wanna go back to that #nevermind the fact that my anxiety disorder got ignored and brushed off time and time again #nevermind the countless signs and panic attacks and weird behavior #mental health mattered until it was something you didnt have or inconvenienced you #then it was all in my head and i just had to grow a pair and act my age