#if I’m really really honest it’s been emotionally difficult since March 2020 NSMSMSMS but you know what I mean

[hobisexually]

x

#allow me to bitch for a second #but I’ve had. three very emotionally difficult months #and if I’m honest it’s been emotionally difficult since july #if I’m really really honest it’s been emotionally difficult since March 2020 NSMSMSMS but you know what I mean #Anyways! since mid December my body has just been steadily falling apart #(oh god now I’m scared this is post having covid syndrome???????? Amber CHILL) #so yeah I have been Unwell since December and it’s all been stress/trauma related #but one and a half weeks ago it culminated to the point I was nearly crying in pain and was sent home #and now last week I have barely worked #and every day I wake up hoping for it to be over but it’s not #and the PT said she didn’t know how long it was gonna take I just had to rest and take pain killers and try to move where I can #but I can’t even hold my phone for too long. I can’t sit behind a computer. it hurts when I’m sat at a table for longer than 30 minutes #and I had an event/gala on Friday I was hosting that took me the entire night from 6 til 3 am #you can imagine the special hell that was for me (but I powered through don’t ask me how) #and I’m just scared that. it’s never gonna go away? #That I’ll never be able to have a normal life again #I know this is the anxiety speaking and I know this is my body responding to an emotionally distressing time #and everyone asking if I’m feeling ok yet just adds more pressure because no one gets how alienating it is!!!! to be like this #it’ll pass again probably. hopefully #but it SUCKS #and I’m tired of being nauseous and in pain and it feeling like someone is stabbing my arm and neck all fucking day #and nobody knowing how long I have to sit through this #hhHHHHhHHHHH #okay anyways. #feel very lonely very sad very scared very frustrated #ill go sleep I guess #at least asleep I can’t think <3 #which both my pt and my mum told me to stop doing BUT ITS THE ANXIETY YALL IF I KNEW HOW I WOULDVE