#if she doesn’t mention sw at least once if she ever gets to promote this i’ll eat my hat

[appropriatelystupid]

somebody saw an opportunity and they took it

#if she doesn’t mention sw at least once if she ever gets to promote this i’ll eat my hat #kmcg

[paragonpostcards]

[SPOILER-FILLED] INITIAL THOUGHTS ON THE LAST JEDI:

Again, I say: BRIMMING. WITH. SPOILERS. TURN AWAY IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM!!!!

Still with me? Okay, then. Let's get into it. Here are my completely disjointed thoughts on the entirety of the film:

-HOLY SITH, KYLO REALLY DID SNOKE LIKE THAT! THE THEATER E R U P T E D!!!! I’ve never seen this series pull off a subversion so well!

-I guess Phasma's dead from falling into that explosion (so much for getting any meaningful development with her character)

-Totally called that Paige Tico would be an Act I casualty

-Canto Bight: really choppy pacing

-LIGHTSPEED TRACKING. THAT. IS. TERRIFYING TECHNOLOGY. LIGHTSPEED IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SACRED CATCH-ALL ESCAPE PLAN.

-Porgs: not as obnoxious as they could have been

-Rey's parents were just some nobody junkers on Jakku...so those nerds from my Twitter poll were right? I'll be damned.

-New uses of The Force: Force FaceChat (Reylo), Force Vacuum Propel (Leia), Force Projection (Luke)

-Crait: really cool abandoned rebel base planet

-Battle of Crait was a bit short (the AT-M6 walkers didn’t really get their time to shine), but well worth it for LUKE PROJECTING IN, SHRUGGING OFF A BARRAGE, THEN DUSTING HIS DAMN SHOULDERS OFF LIKE A MUHFUGGIN GANGSTA

-Finny Boy was 1000% ready to sacrifice himself to take out the battering ram cannon with his speeder, until Rose totally saved him

-Snoke was the one who bridged Kylo & Rey's Force connection...still seems to be active after his death

-WHEN REY AND KYLO FIGHT SIDE BY SIDE HOLY SITH

-Admiral Holdo was a subtly performed stand-in leader while Leia was in a Force Coma; made for a decent martyr (yo, cutting the Supremacy in half at LIGHTSPEED was the coolest shot of the film, full stop)

-Wait those uddered creatures on Ahch-To are where blue milk comes from? Do they also exist on Tatooine? 'cause we never see 'em.

-Luke and Leia reunion on Crait: yes, good

-Called the FinnRose kiss when KMT remarked that she and Boyega made history (to which I immediately guessed: first POC kiss in SW canon)

-Finn and Rey see each other for one scene, and he's busy taking care of an injured Rose. So I guess no ReyFinn? Shame.

-Really subtle detail I loved: Rey takes Kylo’s bare hand, but denies his gloved one. She accepts Ben Solo, but refuses Kylo Ren.

-Unexpected Yoda cameo with OT CGI setting fire to Ahch-To Temple, Jedi texts, and The Tree of The Whills? Well, okay then.

-Poe having an extended role in this film had great payoff - he managed to make some seriously rash, shady, but ultimately life-saving moves by continually taking matters into his own hands

-BB-8 CONTROLLING AN AT-ST, LESSGOOO

-I guess Luke's familial lightsaber is done for good after Rey & Kylo's Force struggle (which means homegirl for sure is gonna construct one of her own in Ep.IX - staff doublesaber, anybody?)

-Does Finn actually like Rose like that? He definitely didn't kiss back. Does he still hope to be with Rey? Does Rey hope to be with Kylo in some way? (there was waaaaayyyy too much fuel for Reylo shippers in this film, I'm gonna dieeeeee)

-In the span of one film, Snoke goes from The Big Bad to non-villain headfake. Wow.

-DJ's name is never mentioned once in the film, and he betrays FinnRose & gets away?

-NOT A SINGLE ARM AMPUTATED, I'M SHOOK

-Damn, Poe really DID cause a LOT of casualties

-No appearances from Snap Wexley or Jessika Pava, who should have both been on D'qar, but likely died when the First Order blew up a TON of transport ships

-Finn v Phasma was fun, nice touch of actually getting to see *part* of Gwen Christie's face

-Vulptexes: 1000x > Porgs

-Spurned Luke willing to call for the end of the Jedi Way for good...so he came to Ahch-To to die...hmm...

-I guess Maz was in the film for about a minute to give exposition on finding the codebreaker. She looked like she was busy fighting off the First Order. Hopefully her role is expanded upon more in Ep.IX.

-Are we to take away that Luke sensing Ben's darkness & subsequently being caught trying to kill him turned him into Kylo? When exactly did Snoke come into the picture, then? Does it matter anymore that he's gonzo? *shrug*

-Perhaps the least difficult film in canon to follow the spacehopping: D'qar -> Ahch-To -> Canto Bight -> Crait

-It’s understandable why Luke died/faded at the end: he Force Projected so hard that his lightsaber makes PHYSICAL contact with Kylo's saber. Also, he sent the thing halfway across the galaxy from Ahch-To to Crait. That ain't easy. (Did his projection also have a hair dye job? Vanity is unbecoming of The Force, Luke)

-Visual hint that it’s not actually Luke on Crait: he doesn’t leave red footprints like Kylo does. Also, his Force Projection looks just like he did on the night he tried to kill Ben. That’s just the kind of petty Skywalker taunt I love to see. 

-All things considered, Rey didn't actually spend a lot of time on Ahch-To training

-What exactly was the functional purpose of the scene with Rey in the dark pit on Ahch-To, other than to fake out that Rey was a vergeance of The Force?

-Rey finally got to meet Poe! And Poe knew about her. So you KNOW Finn mentioned her somehow, somewhen (even though he was in bacta suit stasis at the beginning of the film?)

-I guess the Knights of Ren were Luke's students that Kylo didn't kill, since it's said he left with a few of them?

-ELITE PRAETORIAN GUARDS ACTUALLY GETTING TO FIGHT IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

-Supreme Leader Kylo is a hell of a promotion (will the First Order actually thrive under his command, him being as impulsive as he is?)

-Gag me, there is SOOOO MUCH REYLO FODDER THAT I'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT

-Poe saw Finn almost naked in the bacta suit, so I guess that's a point in FinnPoe's favor (though FinnRose is definitely in the lead, romantically)

-I'm happy with Luke's send-off. His reunion with The Falcon, R2, and Leia made it okay with me that this will be the last we see of him (at least in corporeal form). He was at peace with The Force.

-Please tell me I'm interpreting this right: the final scene with the slave child on Canto Bight is explicitly to squash the idea that Rey has to be born to special lineage/legendary characters in the SW canon. That scene shows us that anyone can be remarkable with The Force. AND NOT THAT IT MEANS THAT KID WILL AT ALL BE A MAJOR PLAYER IN EPISODE IX.

-Final score: First Order is down a Supreme Leader, Resistance has 30 rebels, a Wookiee, and a Porg crammed into the Falcon.

-First thing out of some a-hole's mouth, loudly, as the credits roll: "WORST. STAR WARS. EVER!" The amount of restraint I had to show to not immediately throat chop  him. STOP SOURING PEOPLE'S IMPRESSION OF THE FILM. Let people like things.

#SPOILERS #STAR WARS #THE LAST JEDI #THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS #EPISODE VIII SPOILERS #TLJ #TLJ SPOILERS #DID I MENTION S P O I L E R S ????? #Don't say I didn't warn you