#if u want my butchfemme death meditation lol

[queerprayers]

holding your gay lover ash wednesday afternoon is like. the myth of the ancient martyr wouldn't understand us but I'd die for love too, I would. and I will, we all will.

I'll take my pink eyeshadow off in a couple hours, to be replaced with a smeared cross, a bigger love, a love I'll die into. I'll wash it off when I get home so I won't break out (and so it won't get on my pillow) and it'll still be there when I look in the mirror out of the corner of my eye.

either life or death will separate my butch and I—whether God leads us diverging ways or Sister Death claims us one by one first, I only get this for now.

but God asks us to live for now, to love for however long we get to, and to remember the whole way how fragile it all is. I don't pretend to know the why, but I hope I never forget the way my hand is warmer in another's.

I understand the rib story now, y'know? not in a way that triumphs over the love for my sister or my friend or my grandfather, but in a side ache that means we're slowly becoming made out of each other. I would be complete without it (I have been all along)—and also: the more people I love, the more faces God lives in.

I don't presume to know how love exists after death, but I hope—I know—we all return to the same dust. till death do us part, to become something else that can love easier and forever.

#thought dump on the way to church #sister death in the st francis way btw #ok to rb #if u want my butchfemme death meditation lol #and disclaimer: romantic love does not have a monopoly on any of it including my tag: #to love another person is to see the face of god