#ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏

#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania #so im like ??? wtf is happening? #i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like #hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts #so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme #like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha #ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho #before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol #anyway. im curious #menstruation #pmdd #pms #its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman

[fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher]

it’s time for ~a year in review~

JANUARY

ya bitch went to paris and became like good, like REALLY good friends with my current roommates!!! we got to see some really beautiful sights, do some STRANGE things like watch a french indie movie and get fucked up at a french gay party club in the basement of our hostel. i apparently shaved my head again (per the use lets be real)

FEBRUARY

accidentally started my Com capstone like a total moron but took it like a mf champ. got to party at a friends place and watch all of “dont hug me im scared”. made a friend try a grap for the first time (he was a sophomore in college). studied a lot with kelli -- and by studying i mean we mostly bullied each other. WENT TO SEE WATSKY with a super dope friend (sad we fell out of touch but she’s living her best life and im happy for her). also like got to meet george watsky uhm WHAT wild. bullied my college in the snow and also manically shoveled the walk. was a bootlicker for the college and dressed in a taco suit

MARCH

WOOF i got pretty fucked up for capstones cast party and this is where the beginning of the end was for some of my friendships. however, other friendships were being built so im grateful for that. ran lights for a really awesome slam poet. FOUND THE KEY THAT WAS MISSING FROM THE THEATRE (turns out it was Sab whoops). spent a lot of time with someone who is no longer a friend -- her choice, certainly not mine. went home for spring break and took so many pictures of my cat. got selected as stage manager for comedy of errors which was a nightmare of a production but certainly not the worst.

APRIL

became a vegetarian!!!! joined/started the flat earth cult because of comedy. helped randi film her weird videos, which was so much fun! the bat came back to the theatre and Basil and I both saw them. comedy of errors opened and it was intense and i really hated every second. ranted about being in a scene for directing, which means i’d been in it for a second. that shit sucked bros oh my god????? he was never on time, he was so disorganized and didn’t understand his own character. organized a dinner for the cast because they had missed a campus dinner for the show. celebrated my best friends birthday!!!! “I can read!” was on the news with two others for comedy. also presented my capstone research for academic showcase day (i still can’t believe people listened to me rant about birth order)

MAY

more videos! this one was zak bagel bites with again my best friends. was elected president for APO and i couldn’t be more grateful. did a research proposal with a friend and i cannot BELIEVE we’re still friends after it because we really could have killed each other. physically fought the MONSTER that is jess (didn’t actually, really should have). helped two friends fall in love on accident/purpose. was elected as KPY president (damn) and forcibly elected as parliamentarian for LPH. ended my junior year. started work immediately after going home for my dad. mostly answered phones, worked 7:30-5 every day for the whole summer yikes. managed to pass junior year with a 4.0!!!

JUNE

 learned a lil how to quote and did NOT enjoy it. went to PRIDE with my wife and bought my first ace flag. it was actually petrifying to buy and wear, but i have one now which is awesome. holy shit got my first tattoo!!! it has faded a bit now but still looked awesome. it was the beginning of an addiction. picked up an internship at my old theatre company and... deeply regretted it as it pushed my 12 hour days to almost 18 hours. literally fell in love with the music director. 

JULY

a random woman complimented me??? so that was fun. watched after my old band directors kids (they were a nightmare i literally never want kids). got to hike and do all that fun stuff. went to the local county fair

AUGUST

my mom admitted to loving brooke more than me on her birthday (fair). got a card from my office team to celebrate my 21st a lil early. went back for SENIOR YEAR BOYS. got drunk at an old friends place. did marching band. moved in with two of my BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. took improv with friends which was lit. we even did a whole performance. met a new friend! my other roommate brought in a new kitten (which became a whole thing holy shit). used school sanctioned ipads to dick around. shaved my head againnnn. was sober at a party (woof why). got the drunkest i have ever been and puked everywhere and passed out on the stairs. have not ever reached that level again. also cracked my phone. fully assumed position as president of two clubs. started rhetoric (yucky) and theatre and diversity (also ick but for different reasons)

SEPTEMBER

became NOT sober literally the next day nice. started the MASH group i think??? which is like the only thing im proud of. it was around here. had to pick up a friend whos car broke down. went to pride in a local town with friends!!! that was fun. turned 21!! couldn’t celebrate bc school and stage management, but my two roommates still made sure i had a good time. marching band boys! we did a LONG ASS parade with my cute lil section. did mixers for KPY and APO! had our first football game. held a band rehearsal in the dark because the lights didn’t work which was funny and SO weird. walked to the trains with some really awesome friends. broke into the cemetery and stole a traffic cone and put it on a statue on campus bc mania. went to a friends musical career takeoff and ran her merch table bc the person who was supposed to run it showed up almost an hour late. someone showed up at the lib while i was closing with a friend asking for a place to stay. i hope hes good now. tried omegle again for whatever reason. tried to go to a local diner and was DENIED bc they went from 24 hours to closing at 10pm so i had a mental breakdown in my car at 2am in a McDonalds parking lot. FINALLY got to celebrate my birthday and go to the bars!!! well bar singular. but had a really good time even if those people aren’t really my friends any more

OCTOBER

homecoming boysssss!!!! also ace pride. worked the WORST thing I have ever had to operate in the chapel but the people were nice about it so i was kinda okay. also got to be a part of the dopest percussion show and ran lights and sound for it. rhetoric ended thank christ and i never want to talk about anti-war messages in MASH ever again. finally learned that my best friend has a partner and was ECSTATIC. worked a haunted house which literally sucked so hard but we made bank on it so im okay with it. were robbed (i still have suspicions who did it but ill keep my mouth shut). dressed up as a newsie for halloween, and my roommates and i all took pictures which was awesome. started my internship and movement and stage

NOVEMBER

LAST FOOTBALL GAME got drunk too often probably lol. got an impulse tattoo with my roommates. went to a soccer game. went to the trains drunk and also olive garden. did trauma training so i got to act hysterical (act?). did some KPY bonding. had a hella long saturday with a concert and everything. shot my shot and MISSED. did greek thanksgiving. played DD for someones birthday bc expired license. got my NEW license. had a horrible time driving to and from thanksgiving break. got to hang with my WIFE

DECEMBER

made it home somehow?? did box office for the children’s show as well as publicity which was a lot of work tbh. went on a double date with my roommates and their partner. did the filming for the college christmas card. had an awesome party at our place and i regret nothing. celebrated the moving out of our 4th roommate. worked my last gig at the museum. managed to scrape by again with a 4.0. threw a great party at my place for like 5 days straight (jesus christ). did a horrible puzzle. tried an edible (suffered for it). hiked in the mountains a lil. caught up with high school friends by drinking which was AWESOME. saw Frozen 2. went out with my fam bam. had a great christmas. also threw a new years party (what??? that just got over) and felt like a pretty good hostess (i just provided alcohol lol but it worked) and got to catch up with some great great awesome friends and keep people safe and off the roads for new years. 

all in all a damn good year. its crazy how quickly things change, but im grateful for the place that i am in. can’t wait to graduate this year and see what happens next!!!

#firefly talks #we're already planning a mash party boys #its gonna be a great last semester i cant wait

[incaseofjeon]

hellooo i just finished reading lucky strike and i really like your writing!!! it's the second thing of yours i've read :) for some reason i can relate a lot to JK?? in his decision to run away i mean HAHA really interesting style too especially at the beginning, when i was starting to get into the plot. i look forward to reading your other stuff! :) a few questions though (and i'm sorry if this has been asked) but 1. what was jimin's power?? 2. what are your fav books? yay! thanks!! -c

omgg THANK YOU SO MUCH ;A; im so so so happy that you read that fic and enjoyed it ahhhhdhsfjds ;__; though ohh i wonder what the first of my fics you read was 👀? hahfbds

and im glad you found his character relatable ;;;; when writing it his story was also the one sort of closest to me personally? so im really glad that other people found him relatable too ahhfjddsj so jUST. thank you!!! thank you so much, for reading and for taking the time to tell me this T–T im really happyy

as for your questions! here ill put them under a read-more bc i just know im gonna get rambly omfgdf

ok so, jimin’s power - I’M ACTUALLY SO GLAD YOU ASKED, because it’s a part of the story that almost no one’s asked about even though it’s kind of a big deal for jimin. which is….jimin doesn’t have a power lmaO. almost everyone in that au has superpowers; its the norm to have one, but fic!jimin just..doesn’t. it’s something he’s probably felt odd about growing up; in his growing years he probably tended to feel like he had to work extra hard to be sort of special or noticed and stuff T-T that’s also part of the reason he originally was drawn to jeongguk in school after the dictionary incident - by that age he’d kind of started to guess that he wasn’t going to develop a power, since it’s really rare for it to develop any later than teenage years, and jeongguk was the first person he’d known to not like his own power ;; so to jimin it was kind of eye-opening to realise that the power he’d always been upset about not having could possibly bring harm as well as good ahjsbdsjhd..so yeAH!! im so so glad you asked this omdfd i feel like..im finally doing fic!jimin justice in telling his unwritten story T–T

and MY FAVOURITE BOOKS. omfg there’s so so many im just going to list as many as i can think of off the top of my head:

1. The Raw Shark Texts (by Steven Hall)

this one is one of my all time favourites, and a HUGE huge huge inspiration in writing that’s left an impact on me for a really long time ;; IT’S SO UNDERRATED but it’s super gripping and interesting and experimentally fresh, and has really well-written themes of like love and loss and unfaithful memories and losing memories and a lot of cool internal/mental things like that! the ending is super cool to me, too ;;; the writing style is like nothing ive ever really seen anywhere else and is just super compelling in the way the author selects and arranges certain simple words in un-simple ways? and there are many parts of this book that are ambiguous in what exactly happened; that’s exactly why i love it? idk i jsut - i get super super excited about this book pleasE READ IT 

2. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake (by Aimee Bender)

actually, i have loved about every single thing by aimee bender that i’ve read, but this is the only novel of hers ive read so far so i’ll go with that hjsbdjhsf…her short story collections are super lovely too, some of my favourite short stories by her are Job’s Jobs, Appleless, Death Watch, Motherfucker, I Will Pick Out Your Ribs (from My Teeth), and Faces. Aimee Bender is really one of my favourite authors ever, she has a really distinctive style and flavour thats creative and poetic and charmingly matter-of-fact all at once, that makes the most mundane stuff seem magical and the most magical stuff seem mundane. like. idk. IM REALLY IN LOVE with her writing ;;;;; ahdsbfjhbfds please check her out if you can!!!

3. A Wrinkle in Time & its sequels (by Madeleine L’Engle)

this whole series is just..really lovely in its ideas and hopeful and really gave me a huge sense of wonder the first time i read it? and there are some scenes in it that were just so beautifully magical (even though it’s actually sci-fi) and moving that i’ve never forgotten them to this day ;___; even though i first read it when i was 11 lmaO. but really, this is so soso osos o lovely idk if youve ever read it but i hope you have/get to read it some day abfdf

4. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

jhasgfjhs kate dicamillo is another of my all time favourite writers, i grew up hunting library shelves for her name lmao her writing is just..really beautiful in its ideology and style? there’s something very pure and innocent and whimsical and so so poetic about the things she writes and the way she tells stories, i always tend to read her stuff in one sitting bc it’s just so hard to stop ;;; i love her work so so much 

5. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

i actually…can’t remember the exact story of this anymore BUT I DO remember that when i read it, i was completely blown away by the power of the writing style? bradbury’s writing is just…really distinctive in a heavier kind of way? like it’s poetic but kind of grips you around the heart idK im not sure how to explain it. i’m always stunned at the way he chooses his words and crafted his world in this book ajhsfbjd i love it sooo much ;;; i want to reread soon sdhfds

6. The Monstrumologist series (by Rick Yancey)

THIS ONE IS SO UNDERRATED i love it omg..it’s more gory and dark than most the things ive mentioned but the gore never feels like..needless? idk. i just love it so much and the kinds of ideas like the blurring of lines between man and monster, as well as the changing relationships of growing up - the book series just handles that so so well and with a really exciting gripping plot too ahdgsd i love it i love iiit. my fav book in the series is probably the lsle of Blood; there’s a line in there about a plate that haunTS ME ALWAYS 

7. Skellig and Kit’s Wilderness by David Almond

david almond is another writer i grew up reading ahhHH it’s honestly been too long for me to exactly remember what i loved about these 2 books - BUT I LOVE THEM

8. The Seas by Samantha Hunt

i actually am reading this book literally right now, so i havent reached the ending and im not sure if ill still love it as much as i currently do by that point, but so far i definitely am loving it SO much!! the writing and metaphors and characterisation are so damn beautiful and interesting and the writer has a lovely flow and really fresh way of arranging words and delivering ideas ;; it’s just really prettily and freshly and creatively written ;A; plus, i have this…Thing for the ocean so i love that a central part of this book is about the sea ahhH 

9. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami 

I WISH I HAD MORE HARUKI MURAKAMI THINGS TO TALK ABOUT but this is the only of his books ive found so far - and I LOVE IT TO DEATH. i actually read norwegian wood and the particular sadness of lemon cake in the time period when i wrote my latest fic (thought you knew) and they really ;;; damn, a double whammy of inspiration omfg. norwegian wood is just…really really interesting and deep and real without being too heavy-hearted in the way it talks about things like relationships, devotion, alienation and loss? idk, it’s just- i love it so so so much, especially the ending paragraph ahhhh

10. Cathedral and A Small, Good Thing (by Raymond Carver)

THESE ARE TECHNICALLY SHORT STORIES, not books. but i just love them so much i have to mention them ;;; i honestly love raymond carver and his way of writing a lot, he just..he says so much with so little? he’s a huge inspiration i look up to like crazy especially when it comes to crafting dialogue ahhh. i also really love his poem Hummingbird!

11. The Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino

idek where to start with this one..THE PLOT IS JUST. FUCKING BRILLIANT and it’s a really interesting take on the idea of devotion, especially devotion to..um..unhealthy kinds of levels? idk. it’s just….so well thought through and super cool i was Mind Blown™ when i read it kasjndskdf

12. Bunker 10 by J.A. Henderson

this is another one in team BLEW MY FUCKIGN MIND ahhh ;; i read it super super long ago but the plot is so so good? it’s the kind that’s a bit confusing at first, but then everything gets revealed and i’m completely shook and eye-opened and want to read it again with the new knowledge, you know what i mean? just- i cant remember what the writing style was like but the PLOT and setting was soo so so cool T—T

and that’s…all i can think of at the moment ajhbfjsdhf IM SORRY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT EXPECT ME TO BE SO EXTRA AS TO GIVE SUCH A LONG ASS REPLY but im just…..very very very passionate and invested in the books i love, ok. im so. akjsfbjhdsf

anyway yeah!! thank you so soso soso SO much for reading my writing and liking it and making the effort to let me know ;;;; im really so happy reading and replying to your message, it means so much to me T-T i hope you have a great great day ilY anon c!!!

#i will tag this as #anon c #anon angels #happy camper #fic asks #lucky strike asks #case logs #books