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misterbitches · 3 years

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i did it. im caught up. im sad i caught up. i like it a lot. i’m very sensitive to the faults storywise and visually as well as societal implications but it’s good that i get to engage with it and think. i don’t know if they will pull it out but so far so good. i’d like to hear if anyone has any critiques but probably not. now i’m tres interested in aeymhok and also pls keep aey on skewerslide watch i swear to god the energy the actor was radiating i was like was this me looking at my brother when i thought he was gonna lose his mind? is this mymom looking at me? maybe im just extra sensitive lately but i feel like he’s a sad sack but bnot in a bad way. it;s like ugh you’re actually pathetic rn but there’s so much shit! and u can tell even through the stupid behavior he just knows it sucks. so melancholy jesus christ. i will fly to thailand rn and save u i swear 2 god kid

i liek the ensemble nature. interested to see whats ahead. i’m trying to locate the feeling of watching it. it is enjoyable and romantic but it’s also a show i actualyl have to think for. i mentioned this before but they upload the videos on youtueb pretty crisp and htey dont come compressed, the audio is clean, the production design is nice, and even if its’ a bit emptier than what we would be used to like yea it works. they are asking us to understand and take the show seriously, go through the ups and downs, think and reflect, and think back and also the immediate jokes and thoughts that come up. theyre telling us it’s serious so the two MAJOR things to do that i know they wont do: clean up the fucking edit. i am sorry it’s unacceptable. there’s some lazy fucking syncing and cutting. it’s probably some kid who knows nothing doing it but this is your WORK guys and it’s so far decent work so i don’t think the scenes where it’s clear they were rushing to get it out or something should go out unchecked. dont care that’s filmmakign 101. ur telling us everything abt this is a true work SO FUCKING MAKE IT COUNT IN YOUR EDIT. IT’ S AHUGE PART OF THE EXPERIENCE.

secondly they NEED to understnad the timing of sound. like honestly. they have to get rid of the gulping “foley” (sounds recreated after the fact but idk if that would be foley? idc) it’s REALLY DISTRACTING. the eye movements. it’s been more sobering and theyve tempered the music but you can tell when they nail certain scenes and then it’s like others hwere they were like ????? WHAT 2 DO? NEED 2 SUBMIT TAPE? UHHHHHHHHH JUST (fast typing) and then we get shit like a double cut in a shot. nah. they KNOW how to do it so you can feel what parts are being rushed and that’s where im like DO BETTER GUYS IT’S IN YOU

the editing thing imo is not minor. the music thing fine. but im hoenstly shocked. that’s really embarrassing and th eeditor should be embarrassed and so should the team. it’s soooo frustrating to see that cos you know they spent time and energy on it. so it needs that consistency.

i can literally onyl talk about this at length bc i genuinely like what i hvae seen and i find the show interesting! i love it when satire makes me think but i brace myself for if it fails cos it can. and even though you kind have have to think more with it there’s less stress and pressure when watching it. i think bc there’s a lot to figure out tempered with the humor so the watch isnt stressful which a lot of TV is to me. but again these shows arent meant to be binged! which is good! and why it is even more imperative u fucking make sure when u publish ur show u get that cut motherfucking TIGHTTTTTTTT MATE

bonus for sure the acting in this show is really beyond than usual. not like stellar. but like with ITSAY it’s like ah yes gravitas. feeling. and they have to bc of the show’s contents. but u can see up takes it seriously. he’s doing really well. i was recently listening to this make up artist who sued to work in film and he was like listen if ur gonna fake drunk u gotta SELL THAT SHIT MAN and ever since then it’s been stuck in my head. up sold it!!!!!! yes indeed my measure of a good actor is HOW GOOD ARE U AT FAKING BEING FUCKED UP / BEING FUCKED UP AND ACTING WHILE UR FUCKED UP LMAO

fun fact that’s actually an insurance disaster. ur not allowed to have driks around a camera bc it’s insured. yes it’s stupid but it’s true. no people dont follow it.

#lovely writer #why yes #yes filmmakers will go into your home #cos htey rented an airbnb for their film #and u may or may not be working on set as a PA #and u may just so happen to spill some coffee on a white couch #anythign can happen #now imagine that but with like a 75k camera #art :')

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bpd-victor · 7 years

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i wanna go to sleep but i fucking cant because i cant stop crying ive been crying for over an hour now and i just cant Stop lmao i dont have a journal and i dont have anyone to talk to so i guess i’ll just vent here because i have to i just . i cant stop crying i dont know whats wrong with me lmao ive been feeling fucking awful for weeks but it just hit me tonight and i started sobbing and i couldnt fucking stop you know im just. so fucking lonely i hate hate hate the way this feels i hate that literally everyone in the world has friends and i dont even have one fucking friend, like irl if i died no one would notice and i know thats some cliche thing people say but i mean it - the only people who would notice are my bosses when i dont show up to my shift. my mum uses me for money and shes the only irl person who talks to me and then i have like . barely any friends online either and even they would be fine without me they dont . need me no one fucking needs me but i need everyone so much and no one cares. im so so so tired of. feeling this lonely nd empty my flatmates dont talk to me my mum doesnt cxare about me other than for the money and i dont hacve a single friend lmao its so pathetic im s o .

every friend ive ever had ive managed to drive away somehow even when i think they love me so so much i manage to make them hate me ? my ex best friend hates me nd he never talks to me and it was always me texting first in the end always me asking to .see him until he just stopped replying to my meet up suggestions and it was all because i was disgusting i . ruined everything because of this stupid fucking trauma that i cant get over like haha yeah i was raped thats great it was fucking years ago i should just get over it but i cant its runiing everything and i let some stupid projected character ruin my friendship with the only irl best friend ive ever really had because i couldt let go of this character because . his csa trauma was just like mine and it means so much to me but appartently i let it mean more to me than my fucking friendship because now he hates me lmao and i . miss him s omuch but he doesnt care about me he doesnt he doesnt

and i hate bpd i hate that it does this i hate that you attach yourself to people and you become so fucking sensitive to everything that it feels like . death when you lose someone or . w/e i hate the way it feels i hate it so so much i hate . needing the affection and i hate having so so much love and being unloved it’s such an awful feeling for anyonr but even worse for people with bpd lmao im so .tired of being defined by the fact i was r//ped for years like yeah lmao hundreds of children go through worse than what i went through and nonoe of them end up as alone and unlovable as me

nd then now my ex best friend is gone and . now im losing everyone else too and my rational brain says i havent done anything wrong but clearly i mustve if i made everyone hate me i dont understand i dont know why im so unlovable am i really that ? terrible?

what is it please just tell me please i cant make this mistake againo i cant go through this again just tell me ?? am i too clingy or too needy or too over-loving ?// do i talk too much? am i bnot there enough??? whats wrong with me what did i do??? why does everyone i love stop loving me and start loving other people??? please tell me what i did ???

i just wish it didnt feel like this i wish i didnt have to cry for hours and hours in my bed alone nd think about how if i fucking choked to death now no one would even notice; oh i didnt turn up to work? i mustve quit. oh i stopped replying to ur texts? oh well ur fine without me and id be dead and no one would care im that fucking unlovable and i hate it because i lvoe so so hard and no one loves me and it sounds pathetic but im just broken im so fucking broken

he broke me he broke me . i was . like eleven or twelve and he broke me and no one is ever fucking going to love me because he broke me and he fucked me up and then i developed this stupid fucking disorder that means that no matter what i do im just so easy to hate and all i want is. to be loved i wish i wasmt broken and i wsih i was never r//ped but those are big wishes so if i was going to wish for anything id just wish that i was .loved

just one person who would want me just one person who would think about me when asked “what makes you happy” or thinks about me when theyre sad and it makes them smile or just one person who fucking wants to .hold me or be held by me i just want someone who cares. but no one fucking does and anyone who did has moved on to someone else because they got tired of me because thats what bpd does and thats what trauma does; you become too ugly and too tiring for people to handle and i cant . do this anymore i cant go through this anymore i just .cant do it

and i know its sounds cliche but i mean it; im so alone. like . so alone i dont have a single person who cares except maybe one person online who used to care and maybe still semi-does but . thats it. i dont have a single irl friend and im not exaggerating like . not a Single person who talks to me or spends time with me

i was sobbing so much and i still am and i tried to think about laurent because he went through the same thing as i did and he still found love but like lmfao who the fuck is going to love me like thaT??? he’s my age and he’s . found that and i jsut .havent and i never will because everyone fucking hates me and . i just started sobbing harder bc i thought . if he was crying there’d be someone who cares and here i am crying on my own so whatever its going to be like this forever and i know it because ive been close to . Something so many times and still managed to destroy it so what does that say about me?? i just have this tendency to make people hate me even when they loved me which proves i’ll never find anyone who will stay lmao everyone i love just .leaves

im so so so alone i feel so Broken and he did this to me he did ti he did it when he raped me i was eleven and he raped me what am i supposed to do i . dont know its been six years since he last did it i was fourteen the last time and fucking look at me im still so broken every fucking day . i dont know what to do

#rape tw #v.txt

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