#im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl

[toytulini]

.

#toy txt post #i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me #but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going #to feel Like This #at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service #time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job #which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and #have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate #not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was #that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that #but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know #i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me #w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense #and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just #like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing #nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL #im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl #i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning #as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own #not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting #and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just #i dont fucking know #im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl #to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school #im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too #outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk #rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure #been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything #i have too much shit i should rid of #whatever