#im getting the cold my brother has and cant afford it bc tattoo soon and doc appt next week

[soldier-poet-king]

In the euphoria of it being Friday and getting to leave work early and go home and play bg3, I had forgotten the absolute most horrifying thing my father said to me this morning

"you're starting to sound a lot like your mother" and given my parents marriage this has the added implication of (derogatory)

I'm just ???? HELL IM IN HELL?? I am 27 how tf is my voice apparently changing, is this puberty part 2??? Like? Is it not enough that all my mother's relatives think I'm her spitting image and CONSTANTLY remind me of that fact (but ofc still retain a few distinctive features of my father like forehead/eyebrows/mouth so I can't even escape either of them in the mirror)

But no now I also apparently have to SOUND like her??? Y'know the voice in my head that fuels so much of my self loathing? As if I already didn't hate my voice because I spent my childhood being told to be quiet because I was annoying, being told my voice was grating in its pitch and intensity, etc etc etc + PLUS hating it for Gender Reasons???

Can we give a bitch a break. For once.

#franposting #im just whining ill be fine. but also like #fuck this #literally playing pf with rose and co and voice chatting with rae #i was like. oh. hey. maybe my voice isnt the most fuckin annoying worst thing in the world #its maybe grating and annoying but its me yknow?? #WELL PROGRESS RUINED. I CAN NEVER SPEAK AGAIN. #ik i talked about this before but the impulse towards severely disfiguring self mutilation #so i dont have to look in the mirror and see THEM anymore #IM SO TIRED GUYS. GUYS. IM SO TIRED #clothes i like dont fit my shape. my voice is annoying. i hate my face. nothing is MINE and untouched by them #which fine. its not like im a real person so ofc everything is marked by them #but im justm fuckin fuck fuck this is NOT helping me think like an autonomous creature and human being #i am going. to go pout on the bus home #and genuinely actually gargle a shot of grappa when i get home #im getting the cold my brother has and cant afford it bc tattoo soon and doc appt next week #and sometimes my nonnas old wives cures actually work