#im gonna try and do it like a writing exercise tonight bc im a poet and theyre an actor nd we do these things our own way

[anarchofairy]

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#someone told me recently about a technique for reframing trauma where you re-experience the event‚ freeze it‚ say and do everything #you wish you couldve said and done in the moment. to people structures god youself whatevr #and then they said they burnt that whole fucking place to the ground in their mind #it like creates another option/association with the event in ur brain so every time you remember it it's not just that awful thing #but also your bigger stronger self intervening and responding #just like another neuron pathway near that thing #im gonna try and do it like a writing exercise tonight bc im a poet and theyre an actor nd we do these things our own way #and for me‚ traumatic memories are like a hot stove in my mind - like i can't touch them #but they just sit there‚ weird and numb‚ thoughts skating off it but the weight is still There #im opening some notes app shit from around that time and reacting like i have a fever lol. shaking like a chihauhua #but i think if i can do this tonight‚ it might open up a block #i don't like having a corner of my mind i can't go #even if this just means i can look at it reliably. that'd be good #i remember living thru one of these moments particulalry and thinking. fuck if everyone involved survives it will make a really good poem #i was dissociating‚ but correct #and yes i am oversharing on the internet bc i'm too scared to actually do it how could you tell #i am literally doing this partly bc im bored too #anyway. will report back with gorgeous poetry finger painted w the blood from all the wounds im reopening (manifesting) #conari #<- is my tag for shit like this if u wanna blacklist btw