#im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

haeroniel-doliet · 6 years

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gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now) and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it.

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now.

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it. i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess.

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have a ballet company idk.

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things.#honestly noneed to read

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years

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EPISODE TWO

“I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game.” - dem

HOH: Josh C UPSIDE DOWN: Nick & Joshua NOMINEES: Emma & Nash POV: N/A FINAL NOMINEES: N/A EVICTED: Dem (Expelled)

EMMA

I been struggling in this game which is sad i want to have fun but yesterday made me feel like maybe having a meltdown and leaving 90 percent of servers was a good idea for me i really hope not i just really want to have fun and win for some reasons i always have trouble prejury in games trying to find my footing but at jury and late prejury i always know how to rise ASDFGH the people i really like rn are Jakey loml jev loml aria queen saira queen and also joshua is easy to talk too!!! nathan is also great

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSgjyUhGTng

NASH

i simply think men should stop winning hoh and trying to nom me. its week 2 go target someone else j*sh. jev and i are cool now though <3 love him

DEM

I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game. I think I'm not in anyone's bad graces so far, which is good. But I really need to win one of these next HoH's so secure my social relationships. My plan moving forward is to see win HoH's. I want to win the next to HoH's I'm eligible in back to back. I also want to try to secure my relationships with Gina, Jev, and Jake. Those are three people I want to be close with in this game. Also maybe Joshua? He's pretty cool and chill.

SAIRA

I'm still getting a sense of how the game works but I feel pretty good, there are some people that are much easier to talk to than others but everyone is still so nice! i feel good about josh c as hoh! we get along pretty well and I don't THINK im in any danger but you never know! imma be honest, I don't have an actual plan, i'm mostly playing this by ear, just talking to people, bullying beck when the chance arises, and being myself!

JOSH C

HELLO GIRLIES!

well, we won HOH and that's really EXCITING. i probably didn't need to win this week but i figured that i'd get a win under my belt while nominating people would still be EASY. i can establish trust with some people and get a "i didn't nom you, please don't nom me" situation going on. i also feel like the two people i'm going to nominate would have NOMMED me anyways because we just haven't talked..

who those people are? nash & emma. (vl don't hate me for only nominating women i didn't want it to come to this either)

but i just.. both of them have really only put in any effort to talk to me now that i'm HOH and i don't really LOVE that tbh. i've already told a few people that's who i'm thinking so i kind of accidentally locked myself in on these noms because there isn't any sense in throwing out more names than i have to!!

i have an alliance with kiki, brianna, jacob, jake, and aria. (i think that's the people in it? i wanna say that's right. LKFMSDG love this game for me) and i feel pretty good in that because i like all of them enough and they're people that will watch out for ME and each other. but i know my social connections go beyond that so i'm feeling pretty good with my spot in the game? i have a solid relationship with almost everyone in the game and i think i should be able to play a cute lil utr game for a few weeks. i don't think that i'll get targeted first if my alliance gets outed and if so.. i have ENOUGH faith in my comp strength and relationships to save me against MOST of the cast.

people kind of want me to nominate DEM because apparently he starts drama with people and has been a bit inactive. he's talked with me more than other people so im not super keen on throwing him on the block RIGHT AWAY but i'm thinking he's a good replacement nom because if people think he's MIA then no one other than him will be upset with me. maybe a backdoor? could be spicy..

i don't really know what else to say here so.. i hope this is enough! love u guys <3

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/mJw3qxsZ-Bg

JEV

Okay so I feel like pretty comfortable this week because me and Josh have gotten pretty close and bonded over our mutual love of Lucas HOWEVER he's just let me know he's gonna be nominating Nash and Emma which isn't GREAT since I'm in alliances with both of them and they're the only 2 alliances I have so I really wouldn't want to see either of them go home this week, this SUCKS ASS

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt2xRQqqax8

ARIA

how is it ONLY week 2 i feel so hecking exhausted fhsabfd, but that might also be the fact that is 2 am so,,,oop. Um okay recap time!!!! Recaps are so hard because theres minor details that i still want to note without seeming super annoying so heres a minor list of things im noticing

-Dem wants to "start playing the game" I told this to Jake (wish i could bold names ugh)

-Gina & dem told me they were gunning hard for hoh- i told nathan/monty/nick/,,,,and someone else this

-emma feels unconnected from cast

-Jake doesnt like Gina

-Josh likes Me Jev Kiki (told joshua)

-emma knows alliances are starting to form

-joey can get pwr hungry and chaotic + good comp ability

-told gnia my thoughts on the sides being "connected v unconnected" and other tidbits of info

-GIna (potentially joshua) doesnt like nash

-Nathan/Nash ARE CLOSE!!!!! WEE FUCKING WOO!!!!

-Told Jake that Jacob has the power (and the bs excuse he told gina pretending he doesnt have it,,,sure jan)

-jake is GREAT at lowering his threat lvl im sick

-Jev-Josh-Nathan-Nash all bonded p well on vc potentially an alliance

-jake tried to get gina nominated

-Emma Nash noms

-Jake doesnt want emma to leave

So,,,thats what you missed on GLEE! Honestly glee sucks but yeah thats all my info i would weave everything together with cute transitions but im TIRED and lots of this information doesnt really connect well so,,,have a bullet list!

okok nvm heres some general thoughts bc JUST a bullet point list is so boringgg im honestly not too sure what i want to do this week bc i think emma doesnt have a lot of people (although she has jake apparently,,,she might just be putting up a front of being unconnected ffs) so i would rather keep her around based on our relationship alone esp compared to nash whose been busy w/ irl things to reply i think (nash would prob do gr8 in old school bb,,,but new school is a whole other beast) HOWEVER!!! I need to protect gina who isn't the best conversationalist (sorry bb ily but its true <3) and keeping nash around ensures people have another "inact" target besides her but also nash is such a god connection for people like nathan and jacob and i would rather get her out sooner than later before we have another renee on our hands ...

Also i havent talked to the pasio peeps (omg if we ever make an alliance,,,that should be the name hehe) in a while and idk if theyre distancing themselves or if theyre just busy fndsjafd god im too paranoid for this game its awful. Also i think i mentioned the alliance with josh kiki bri jake jacob last time and it still isnt made and im PRAYINGGG it never gets made bc i have SUCH an awful feeling like SIX FUCKING PEOPLE??? S I X?? THAT IS GOING TO FAIL AND BLOW UP!!!! but i cant say no to an alliance so here i fucking am :/ also im trying to think of my longevity in this game and like,,, idk im nervous. I mean ive mentioned going to the end with multiple people but i have such a bad feeling im gonna go out 9/10 as a big move and i REFUSE to let that shit happen, not on my fucking watch no sir!! Not sure what to do about it yet but i feel like monty in particular doesnt trust me and i need his ass OUT! or maybe not if he comes around but like??? sir pls talk to me- i mean this phase of the game is early im setting up the pawns for later, but before later theres gonna be a couple explosions of my game which i'll have to deal with,,, or maybe not actually i mean in my first org i did a really well mastermind game with it- nvm it did explode on me once FDBSHFDS yeah so theres gonna be an explosion period but i think im getting good at dealing w/ the backlash from it and reintegrating myself..

oh also yeah im safe this week lol

anyway sorry for rambling so much LMAO have a trust ranking!

1.Gina (MY QUEEN!!!!!!!! i LOVE her!)

-BIG BIG FUCKING GAP-

2.Jake (listen,,,my thoughts go back and forth but he did tell me the noms so,,,have some rights)

3.Saira (we never talk game but i dont think she talks with anyone about game beyond maybe nick and also shes nice and im a sucker for nice girls)

4.Emma (if this isnt all just a front shes gonna make a great number for me,, might need to fact check some of her statements tho)

5.Joshua (honestly? i love him hes so funny and i think he has my back although he could be more act)

6.Nathan (literally havent talked in 3 days but also i have a soft spot for him <3)

-GAP-

sorry the Js are just kinda scary lmao JFNSDKF

7.Nick (!! we gotta an actual connection folks!! heck yeah!)

8.Josh c (im safe! but he D E F trusts others more than me such as Joshua and Jacob)

9.Jev (honestly a king but hes a little quiet although his reccs are the BOMB)

10.Jacob (i know youre being sneaky,,,idk what youre being sneaky with but im getting the vibes)

11.Dem (might be weird but i think he trusts me? at least a little bc he ranted about losing to me so O.0)

12.Brianna (youre adorable and deserve the world but everyone likes you,,,is this how people view me omg fhsabfhds)

13.Kiki (youre SO hecking sweet and actually u probs have a connections to nash but we havent talked ANY game yet)

14.Nash (p,,p-please talk to me uwu)

15.Joey (i dont trust you at ALL! Why? good question-)

was that mean? sorry in advance ilyall but also its 3 am brain empty no filter

NASH

i think jev and nathan might end up being good allies of mine (inb4 betrayal)! despite the mistake he made nomming me, talking to jev has been lovely so far he's getting me into loona LMFAO. and i just love nathan's energy & i feel like as the season goes on i can see him winning comps. i'm excited :3 hope josh c does not end my existence this week

JOEY

I feel FANTASTIC about Josh being HoH. I’m making sure that others are coming to me about gameplans, and I’m making sure I don’t come off as too pushy or aggressive in PMs. With most of the players, I’m trying to give them all the same energy and hype. It seems kinda weird to say this, but I’m not concerned about being nominated at this point. What I need to ensure is building my social relationships with people outside the “Crackhouse”, and yes that big ol friend group moved to Discord in 20 minutes like 6 months ago.

This is the first major game I’ve ever played with Skinny Nick(yes, I’m absolutely confused as to what to call them, I’m so used to calling Nick “Eve” that its going to take time to adjust.) Speaking of Nick, my social relationship with him is actually surprisingly similar. In the past, I felt as though it would be as “on-sight” as Tom & Jerry, and it actually isn’t turning out that way, which is surprisingly refreshing. Every day, I’m making sure I send Nick something different to diversify my social game with them. Yesterday, I asked Nick about his preferred streaming services for music and TV, and I discovered we have the same music service(Apple Music).

I’ve played one game with Monty before, but it was a disaster. We were in pairs, and it felt like we were on different planets. I did tell him to not worry about personal feelings when it comes to this game, because I compared the relationship of BB Netflix and the Crackhouse to the separation of church and state. I made that comparison because the two entities of church and state should never cross, but when they do it becomes disastrous, and I feel as though that same principle applies to this game.

Overall, I feel good, Emma may be going up on the block, but it shouldn’t affect me that much. We’re in the early stage, I want to make sure I’m good with everyone.

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeox7LM1-E

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLkZ-BIIjTU

HOUSE MEETING

https://youtu.be/BZMorvWvyKY

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT WEEK 1 & 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc-iMpkfrdw&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=3&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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survivingjapan · 7 years

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EPISODE 2 “Let Me Go Get Some Pants On” Junior

So Mist was the first boot, and I'm sittin here just thanking god that it wasn't me. Now to slay only 24 other fools!

So that first round was SO MUCH FUN! So much happened and I love and adore each and every one of my tribemate <3 <3 oh fuck I'm not a hero Honestly, these people are very hard to talk to and everything feels forced, but thanks to Jonathan calling out Kage for his creepy stalking antics, I think I've made a new friend! Because all friendships are founded on hate for another person! <3 now im just hoping junior doesnt mcfuck up so that I get another day of relaxation

okay so everything is going well, I heckin love my mini alliance with Linus, Kage, Alex and Tommy. I mean I talk more to Alex and Kage but this alliance is cute and I am glad to be part of something so soon in the game. Hopefully this works out. Anyways, rn Junior and some Ashton guy are seeing how long they can stand. Will this challenge take 72 hours? Possibly. Do I believe in Junior? Of heckin course.

So I am not the first honorary 26th placer or TS! However, I'm mad because we voted out a potential ally in Mist and it's all because Alex Crooks is being... himself. Like I'm starting to like him yeah but he's being too controlling over things. He got the Malaysians together with the Solomons minus Steffen but like. Why vote out Mist? I'm just getting a little frustrated because Pippa and Alex are like, becoming this horrifying power couple thing since they're both theater nerds and I'm like! Pippa! Game now dick later! If those 2 continue to control things then Crooks gotta go. Sorry Peepo <3 Anyway Ashton did THAT for us in this duels of duality thing so yay Ashton. I wanna keep him around as a number for myself so this is good, and now the lowest I can officially get is 24th :~) I just need Steffen out of here. But now Isaac is saying he would like Drew out more just because Steffen trusted him with the whole extra vote and I'm like okay? Whom care? He might trust you but this is what Steffen does every game. People just say oh we'll get him next time. Oh we'll get him next time. Oh we'll get him next time UNTIL it's like 10 more rounds in and then he fucks you over. So I'm not having it! Maybe I can plant little anti-Steffen seeds in people like Ashton, Trace, and Dom. Maybe Ruthie too depending on how close we think she is to Steffen. I just want to take the people out that I think will benefit me in the long run. And yes one of those people will be Drew, but I realize I'm being a hypocrite because Drew does the same thing Steffen does but right now we have a majority alliance with Drew so taking out Steffen over a number that will potentially hurt us if taken out seems like the better plan to me. Just.....saying...........

ASHTON I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU! FROM BEING FIRST VOTED OUT TO SURVIVING THE FIRST VOTE TO CARRYING THE WHOLE TEAM TO IMMUNITY!!! Honestly, working with Ashton is one of my #1 goals in this game, and I'm happy we're safe, so I don't have to worry about tribal, especially considering tomorrow would've been a pretty tough day for me to worry about it.

As for the twist, I don't think this twist is going to go on for TOO long, but if it does, and we merge without a tribe swap, I'd be shocked, but I feel that won't be the case, and I should be off of this tribe sooner rather than later to start making more connections and dominating more motherfuckers. :)

On 8/29/17, at 9:42 AM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > so we had to pick a leader to rep the heroes tribe, I know I didn’t want to do it, so I suggested picking a name out of my cup, so I ripped up 3 papers and put the heroes names on it, but I ripped 1 paper smaller than the others and put Ashton’s name on it, so once it was mixed in I could tell which was his when I picked it

https://youtu.be/SQbfbMWJD4U

Are these people gonna vote out Brian over Pat? Like.... really? Pat has deadass done NOTHING this game so far. We are six days in and he has yet to send a single message to me or a good half of the villains tribe. Yet somehow Brian is a better person to boot over Pat. I'm like extra upset because I actually REALLY like Brian and I don't want him to go, but I also know that it's not my place to try and swing the vote the other way. If Pat stays, it's only going to make the silence more awkward. I don't need him here. He does nothing to benefit my game. Brian has been a friend to me ever since this game began. It's sad. Maybe it'll be for the better, but I knew I was gonna have to rely on making new friends to last in this game :/ having to vote one of them out this early is gonna suuuuck.

welp junior just said it's Brian so may as well prepare to be up junior's ass all season since we're following his lead already. I'm fucking mad about life, mad I couldn't search for an idol for six whole days, mad that I'm losing the only person I fucking LIKED so far....... but I guess we have to look at the bigger picture. just bc I'm losing Brian doesn't mean that I don't have friends. I still have gotten close to Alex and Jonathan (who just messaged me "I'd rather do pat!!!!") (Aka I can go get fucked at this point) and I guess Kage and Junior, too. I'm all for blindsides. But I HATE having to vote out Brian. Sorry Zack :/

If anybody's having flashbacks to Arabia that's totally justified. So in a Skype call this morning, the alliance of five eventually, after much dilly-dallying, decided to target Pat. Wait, what? They picked Brian? What the fuck? That's...okay, fine. We're targeting Brian. Not Pat. Who sucks. Brian. Who doesn't. Obviously I don't love this. And on the one hand goddammit I SHOULD go for this. Buuuuuuuuuuut What if....I didn't What if......I didn't like how Kage was pitching secretly to split the votes between Pat and Brian and what if I didn't like that Kage gave Brian a bad location to search for the Idol and what if......I voted for Pat instead Hmm. Thoughts. We'll see what happens. There's still 90 minutes to go. Anything could happen!

So after the awkwardness passed that we have to go to tribal, people gradually started to open the game talks and ultimately, although there was a minor conflict between Kage and Jonathan, the two targets seem to settle on Brian and Pat for their lack of social presence thus far And then someone along the way decided that it would be Brian leaving so it seemed to be going his direction but like.....I don't want to vote him? And I think others feel the same? So I started to voice that opinion to people (which was risky and maybe a mistake but i ain't scared) and it seems the tide might be turning (or already had turned and I just jumped on eagerly). If this vote goes against Pat instead of Brian I'll feel MUCH better...but I am putting myself out there by doing this and these are big villains so there might be another plot in the making...... sorry but I love my bf by proxy (thx Zack for donating him this season!) and I don't want to vote him out.....

earlier today i went to tommy bc i know he has connections and i wanted to plant the seed that me being here is in his own best interest so i was like look we're both the only winners here if one of us leaves the other is an automatic target and thats true.. but then cut to 5 hours later and this vote is a mess and i'm pissed bc i wasnt a part of ANY planning conversations about this vote so clearly thats a red flag! i've only been told second hand from people what "people" are saying and "i heard....." when its not like these things just come out of nowhere conversations were had and people came together to make these plans and throw out names of brian and pat and i wasnt a part of any of them so i hate everyone!! anyway tommy wants to vote out brian and i was like eh whatever ill do anything but then i start talking to other people and apparently more people are voting out pat??? idk the truth bc i dont have the relationships with people on this tribe to like know the full tea but it seems like more people are voting out pat right now so tommys asking me what im doing and im like look dude i think i might vote out pat and now tommys guilt tripping me [8/29/17, 8:27:55 PM] Tommy Shallow: :'( [8/29/17, 8:28:48 PM] Tommy Shallow: but I thought we were going to be in an alliance together lmao its kinda funny ahahahah anyway idk whats happening personally i think brian leaving would be better because we have gone against eachother in a couple games and i know hes close with steffen so he has connections on the other side vs pat the flop but on the other hand pat hasnt talked to me at all and if i vote with brian maybe that will be like hey we cool and im in the majority bc thats all i care about i just want to lay low but somehow im like caught in the middle bc people want me to do something even though it seems like the votes are set in stone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6KpNy00Yjk Second thing

Talking to Andrew about taking out Ruthie next, and I'm already proposing getting us to work with Steffen, which is good, and once I move to getting him to WANT to work with Trace and Dom, I'm almost settled in my ways of getting the people I trust on one side to trust the people I want to work with from the other side. I wouldn't mind staying in these tribes for awhile, because this means that I can take out a lot of people I don't wanna work with, and then once we swap, I know I can trust all the heroes going forward, and I can work on the villains. Divide and conquer man, divide and conquer..... Except I'm not dividing with anyone, it's just myself.

there's a new Jaiden in town... and his name is Kage Hamilton

RIP MY DUMBASS FOR SELF VOTING. Honestly I haven't had wifi all day and I feel bad for accidentally self voting but it doesn't seem like anyone really cares because in the end, Pat still went home. I mean which is good. However, once I came back to the land of the living, Jaiden was telling me about how Kage was basically making things hella stressful like an hour before the vote??? I mean our alliance was hoping to vote Brian so I assume that is what Kage was telling everyone. But apparently they would have none of it because everyone likes Brian. I am starting to think I may need to be careful as to what I say to that alliance, and make sure Kage or any of the other boys get the wrong idea of what I am planning. ALSO WHAT THE HECK, SARAH AND I JUST REALIZED THERE ARE ONLY 5 GIRLS ON THIS SEASON?!?!? LIKE WHAT?!?!! This is basically screaming an all girls alliance, you watch it happen.

Well I've been majorly slacking with these confessionals lol but iM gonna take it all the way back to grade A robbery. Of course Judging is a subjective thing but idc the judges got it objectively wrong. It was simple, Our flag was there flag wasn't. I've got no idea how we lost that. So instantly my first thought after that is...Fuck me im getting francesca'd. First boot two times that'll be iconic i guess. Nobodies throwing out names until finally a mist crusade begins. I feel terrible for the guy. He just got fucked by moving on the same day. But when is this game ever fair. Mist goes unanimously all things are good.

Literally minutes after Mist goes we have to get ready for a live challenge and choose 3 people to compete. Since everyone else are adults and i'm a no-life teen obviously I volunteer. The challenge starts we randomly choose our leader and Yay it's me. My enthusiasm dies however when I hear the challenge...Pressure Cooker. FUCK ME NOOOOO. I wasn't ready for this!! but I sucked it up and got in for the long haul. When the briberiea began I started to realize though that thing could be perfect for my game. It shows my loyalty by not accepting any of those fucking awesome advantages. And it shows I have fight for our tribe by standing up there for 2 and a half hours. I was ecstatic when I won and kind of just collapsed cuz my left leg was in a lot of pain. Everyone was co gratulatorio me which was a nice feeling. Basically Things are going great for me rn. My closest allies are Johnny and Tommy at this point i think.

Kendall thought that Johnny was from India so she tried to rope him into an alliance with her, Alex C, him, and villains Sarah and Ashley. I'm shaking because he told me everything and basically (seemingly) trusts me completely. So my cracked ass tells Isaac everything and how we need to make a move on this and he's like we can't play this way. So I made a chart: http://prntscr.com/gern7w Me making this chart and talking to Isaac about it: https://pics.me.me/te-me-explaining-conspiracy-theories-to-my-friends-3324709.png So I'm gonna fuckin die and just put my explanation into a youtube video yeah

#returnrevengeredemption #confessionals

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