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urlocalkpoptrash · 5 years

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Misguided Ghosts| Im Jaebeom

Jaebeom x Reader | Jackson x Reader.

Genre: Angst/Fluff.

Concept: After a terrible accident, Jae is left in a coma. Five months of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, you get a mysterious guest.

Warning: Talk of grief, death, and car accidents.

A/N: WOW I AM SAD. I wrote this for @listlessmaenads birthday gift, and I’m sorry it’s late. This story kind of (really) fucked a bitch up. Jaebeom out here making me feel things, rude ass.

- - - - -

“How was work today, Y/N?” Jaebeoms nurse set down a tray of food for you.

In most cases it was the patients that were getting the food, but seeing as the patient had been in a coma for five months, you were the one who received the food. You had become accustomed to the taste of the Luke warm chicken nuggets and corn. It was almost comforting when you had a hard day at work.

“It’s been the same,” and by same, you meant the same sympathetic glances, the gentle pats on the shoulder. People acted like he had already died, that you should be mourning the loss of your fiancé. He was still alive, even if it was with the help of some machines.

“Just keep your head up,” she offered an encouraging flash of her teeth, “when people don’t understand what’s happening, they resort to being overly sympathetic. They think those little gestures will help.”

“I know their intentions are nothing but pure. It doesn’t make it any better, though.” The tip of your spoon scarped against the bottom of your jello container, the red dyed juice splashed over the rim when you dropped the empty plastic onto your table.

The conversation seemed to evaporate into the air as she moved around Jae’s bed. It was quite the elegant dance of checking his vitals, reading over the chart to make sure the day nurse hadn’t left any notes, and adjusting his bedding to make sure his body temperature didn’t drop for any reason.

“He’s all comfortable, and set up for the night. I’ll be back to check in a few hours. If you need anything —,” she stopped mid-sentence when you gave her a knowing smile. It was the same, well rehearsed, script that all nurses told you. Except she actually meant it, “Tell Jacks I said hi,” she teased, all to knowledgeable of the goings on in your life.

You watched as she shut the door behind her, leaving you in the room with Jae. You sat for moment, listening to the steady beat of his heart monitor, and the machine that helped him to breathe. You looked over his face, all the outward wounds had healed, if it wasn’t for his life support, he would have looked like he was just sleeping. Some days, you imagined that he was, you pretended that in a few hours he would wake up, like he had been napping. You knew better though, and make believing only made things worse when he didn’t actually wake up.

You wouldn’t allow yourself to dwell too much on it, or else you’d send yourself into a spiral, so instead you took the doctors suggestion. You reached into your bag, digging around to find the poetry book that sat at the bottom of your purse. “Where were we,” you said softly, flipping the pages till you found your bookmark - a picture of Jae smiling at you from across the table at your favorite restaurant.

You held the book in one hand, your thumb expanding over the middle of the spine, stopping the the pages from folding over on to one another. Your other hand was occupied by your chin resting against your palm, being propped up by the chair you were sitting in, “Okay,” you breathed, peeking over the edge of your book, secretly wishing that one time you did that, his eyes would be open.

“For Katrina’s Sun Dial, by Henry Van Dyke -

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is Eternity.” The words held no meaning pressed into the paper of your book, but as they hung in the air, you felt the weight of them all to heavy on your chest.

You shook you head, swallowing the lump that had started to build in your throat. It was a sob that you refused to let surface, it was the cry you reserved for the very worst possible outcome, a cry you never hoped to feel. You closed the book, you couldn’t read anymore, afraid that another poem would set you over the edge.

After shoving the book back into your blackhole of a bag, you pulled your legs on to the chair, curling into yourself, wishing you could fill the hole in your chest, the way you crammed your personal belongings into your purse. Your eyelids suddenly felt like they were being dragged down by anchors, and you gladly fell into the welcoming arms of sleep.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been asleep, but you knew it had been awhile, because you could no longer see the sun sinking below the mountains, but you could see the silver sliver of moonlight reflecting off of Jae’s heart monitor. Your eyes surveyed the room, catch a glimpse of Jackson sitting in the corner, the light from his phone illuminating the tip of his nose, and whites of his eyes.

“How long have you been here?” The hoarse sound of your voice shocked you, but even more so it scared the living daylights out of Jackson. His hands fumbling with his phone, almost dropping it on the floor, but he was quick to snap his thighs shut, catching his phone in the crack of his legs.

“Couldn’t you have made a stretching noise like a normal person, letting me know you had woken up,” the breathiness in his voice made you release a sleepy laugh.

“Sorry, next time I’ll make sure to make some noise when I wake up,” he looked over at you with a thankful smile, “Wuss,” you tried to whisper under your breath.

“Hey! I heard that,” he reached back, grabbing the pillow he was using behind his back, chucking it across the room to hit you square in the chest.

“I didn’t say anything,” you tried to lie, but Jackson heard you, and knew you far too well to be able to lie to him.

He snorted, setting his phone on the windowsill. You watched as he pushed himself off the chair, making his way over to you. You knew what he wanted, and to be honest, you needed it.

“Come on, up,” he hooked his hand around your elbow, pulling you up - your bones popping in protest of the new movement.

Once you were standing, not very sturdy, but standing nonetheless, he wrapped you in his arms. His chin rested on the top of your head, and your nose pressing into his chest, taking a deep breath. He did this every time he saw you, at first it drove you crazy, but now it was something you looked forward to.

“Anything new?” He mumbled, moving his chin so he could bury his face in your hair, taking a deep breath. To him, you were the literal meaning of ‘a breath of fresh air.’

“No, nothing…” the same answer for the last five months, and you feared it would always be the only answer.

Since you were so close to his chest, you could hear the faint beating for his heart, and when you responded, his heart rate slowed. His grip on you only tightening, as if he was trying to protect you from the pain.

“You should go home for a little bit. I’ve only been here for about an hour. I’ll be here the rest of the night. If anything happens, you know I’ll call you,” pressing a kiss on to the crown of your head.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to just leave you here alone,” you brought your face up, looking at him.

“I’m not alone. I have lots to tell JB about,” and he was being honest. You had walked into the room many times, to find Jackson at Jae’s bed, one hand on Jae’s arm, talking about his day. You’d even caught him talking about a girl - Jackson always used to tell jae about his girl problems. It turns out he still did.

“I’ll have my phone on loud, don’t hesitate to call me at any time,” you reluctantly pulled away, and he reluctantly lets you go.

You gathered your belongings, Jackson standing at the door with your jacket, “Don’t forget this… again,” he teased, helping you slip it on arm by arm.

“Thank you jacks, for everything.” You pressed a quick kiss on his cheek, walking out of the room.

Jae’s nurse waved at you from the nurses station, giving you a sweet smile. As you entered the elevator, you waved back. You looked up to the red numbers above your head, watching them get lower until you reached the ground floor. You had questioned whether or not you were ready to drive again, but Uber’s would take too long to get to you and then to the hospital if anything were to happen, so you were forced to drive again.

You were lucky, the roads were basically a ghost town. The normal thirty minute drive it took you to get home, was only a cool twenty tonight. When you opened the door, Nora was already at your feet, weaving in and out of your legs, meowing loudly for some attention. You bent down, “Well hello,” you cooed, and she purred in response, pushing her nose against your face.

You always made sure she had plenty of food and water every morning before you left, and your sweet fifteen year old neighbor would come over to give her some much needed attention. You rounded the living room, walking over to the answering machine. You had two new messages, they were both from medical bill collectors, you didn’t pay much attention to them, letting them play out till they were done.

“What should I eat Nora?” You glanced at her, and she nudged your cheek with one of her paws, “Hmm, I don’t know if I want that,” you answered her as if she had responded to you.

Your feet carried you to the kitchen, the second message on the machine was playing in the background as you pulled open the fridge. You’re not sure what you expected, you hadn’t done any grocery shopping in weeks - hell, months. You sighed looking at the carry out containers, and half drank bottled water.

“Looks like I’ll be having sleep for dinner again,” you set Nora down, letting the fridge door close on its own. You pressed the delete button as you walked by the answering machine again, not even bothering to look and make sure you didn’t have any other messages.

The house felt cold without Jae, and no matter how high you turned the heat up or how many blankets you flung around yourself, none of them could ever mimick the warmth that Jaebeom radiated. Maybe it was because it wasn’t his skin that was warm; it was his heart, it was his smile, or the way he laughed at the variety show he had watched a million times, it was in the way he whispered sweetly to Nora. His warmth came from his love.

You leaned against the wall, only inches away from your bedroom, but you weren’t ready to go In there yet. It wasn’t like you hadn’t been in there since he had been in the hospital, but it was just too much of him, without him actually being there. You sank to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. You were fine all day, you were fine at the hospital, but when you were really and truly alone, you were anything but okay.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered, brokenly. You couldn’t recognize your own voice, because you were just a fragment of yourself without him. “It should have been me,” the air was starting to feel thicker, harder to fill your lungs with. Your eyes were burning, the tears that spilled over onto your cheek gave you no warning, neither did the choked gasp for air that passed through your lips.

You hid your face in the space of your knees, crying freely, letting the hole in your heart spread throughout your body, swallowing you into an ocean of despair. Your cries coming in waves, pulling you deeper into the current, making it near impossible to find the surface, and you were fine to just sink and never come up for air again. You didn’t want to be in a world where he didn’t exist.

After what seemed like an eternity, your tears started to dry up for the night, you began to believe there wasn’t enough water in your body to support the amount of crying you had done in the last five months. You knew if jae would have seen you this torn up over him, he’d start to hate himself, and for once you thanked god that he wasn’t around to see you like this.

You were barely able to push yourself back up from the floor, little black spots started to plague your vision, which meant you really needed some sleep. Your limbs dragged from the spot you were in, all the way to your bedroom. You didn’t bother to change, or shower. You were exhausted, and the sweet call of sleep was singing your name. You let yourself collapse on the bed, your feet hanging off the edge, but the moment your face met the pillow, you were out.

Another dreamless night - you had stopped dreaming of the accident a couple weeks ago, which gave the opportunity to sleep, and actually find some peace in the darkness behind your eyelids.

You were awake, but you weren’t all that excited to open your eyes and face another day. So you just stayed there, listening to the constant hum of the ceiling fan above, or the water moving through the pipes of your house.

“I know you’re awake, baby.” You froze, every muscle in your body tensing, and your blood running cold. There was someone else in your bed with you, but you swore you would have felt the bed dip. You always did, any time Jae moved, you felt it. There was no way in hell that you would have missed your bed moving.

You thought that maybe if you sat still, and kept pretending to sleep, that it would go away. Possibly you were just having sleep paralysis, it had been years since you had an episode, but it could have been the stress of everything building up.

There was silence again, not even the sound of someone breathing. You tried your hardest to crack you eyelid open in a way that didn’t give away that you were looking around. It was difficult to see, but what you could make out was just your empty room. You took a deep breath, allowing your eyes to finally break open.

Nothing. No one. All alone. You rolled over to your back, you were set on staring at the ceiling for another hour before you were to get up, but out of the corner of your eye you saw a figure laying beside you. You practically flung yourself to the floor with a loud scream. You were ready to run out of your house as fast as possible, escaping whoever this intruder was.

“Oh my god!” The voice called out, before you could see their feet from under the bed. You were frantic, looking for something to protect yourself with.

The foot steps got louder and closer, you were out of idea’s, and without a weapon, so you did what any normal person would do. You curled up in a ball, shielding your face with your hand.

“Take anything you want, just please, don’t hurt me,” your body was trembling with fear, fully expecting your last minutes to be you in the fetal position.

“Hurt you? Y/N…” the voice was smooth, calming. If this was a murderer, they were by far the most comforting murderer out there, “Wait… you can see me? Can you hear me? Y/N, baby, look at me.”

Baby.

You recognized the inflection of the voice, and the way the first B was harsher than the second. You gradually spread your index and middle finger apart. There he was, the tall figure who was standing beside you, kneeled down.

“C-can you see me?” Jaebeoms words stuttered over his tongue.

“Jae?” Your body started to relax. Your knees pulling away from your chest, and your legs extending towards the wall opposite of your head.

“Holy fuck,” he whispered, falling on his butt across from you, “I don’t understand,” he was talking to himself.

You still couldn’t believe what you were seeing. You had to be dreaming, there was no way in hell that he was in here with you, that he was talking to you. You rubbed your eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. You fully expected him to be gone, but he was still there, lost in his own thoughts.

“If you’re here… does that mean you’re dead?” The realization started to flood your system with panic. Your cheeks began to heat up, and your eyes burning with the familiar sting of tears.

Your words brought him back to the moment, and he quickly shook his head, “no, baby. I’m not dead. Im just, I don’t know, I’m stuck between here and there.”

“There?” The tears you tried to stop had already started, and now there was no way for you to stop them, they had a mind of their own.

He reached out to touch you, to cup your cheeks and take away the tears, but all you felt was a very minuscule tingle on your cheek, that was gone as fast as it was there. A strangled gasp leaving his mouth agape.

“You can hear me, see me, but we can’t touch,” he looked down at his hand as if it had betrayed him.

You still sat on the floor, wordlessly staring at this version of Jae. You must be going crazy, there was no other explanation. Although you could see the way his lashes brushed over his cheek, or the way his cheeks made his eyes disappear when his nose scrunched. He must have felt you staring at him, because he looked up from his hands.

“Hi…” his voice almost inaudible, and in that moment your felt warm. The constant chill of being alone had diminished, and you figured out that he was really there, he brought the sun back into your dark world.

“Hey,” he watched as you scooted closer to him, the small affectionate action was enough to make him smile.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” His shoulders bounced slightly when he laughed. The sound almost brought you back to tears.

“It’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting you to be there.”

“In all honestly, I wasn’t expecting you to see me. I’ve been here since the third week of being in a coma.”

“So… you’ve just been watching me?” And all at once, you remembered all the times you had broken down, how many times you cursed gods name - because you had to blame someone for this, Jae didn’t deserve this.

As if he was reading your mind, he turned his head to watch you go through all the sleepless nights, the tears, the fits of anger, “I-I felt so useless. I had to sit here, watching you suffer. The nights you would call out my name, as if you were asking me to come home,” his voice broke off, the quietest of crippled gasps left his chest.

You hadn’t even recognized that tears had started to wash over your cheeks, till one lonely drop stopped at your top lip. While you were stuck in that hospital room, watching him, he was stuck in limbo watching you hurt.

“It’s not your fault, you know that. None of this is your fault.” You gestured between the two of you.

“It’s no ones fault,” a lie. It was your fault, and you knew that.

You sat silently, staring at him. What a beautiful man he was. It was never lost on you, just how lucky you were to have him, but since the accident, you’d really realized how much you needed him in your life. You could remember the life you had before him, and it was a life that you never wanted to have to live again.

“Let’s go somewhere,” he piped up, reeling you back into reality, and out of your own thoughts.

“Go somewhere?” The back of your hand dragged across your cheek, wiping away the stray tears.

“Yeah. There’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to take you, but never have. When’s a better time than now?”

“Oh, I don’t know, when you’re not just an apparition of yourself. I think that would probably be peak time to go.”

He snorted loudly, shaking his head. “Only you would complain about the way I spent time with you,” he teased.

“Uh, no. I think most people would find it ridiculous to go somewhere with their fiancés restless soul,” a laugh bubbled from your chest.

“Soul schmoul,” he flicked his hand, dismissing your very logical response.

That’s how you ended up in the car with Jae in your passenger seat, singing along to the radio, while his body was motionless in a hospital bed. Every so often you would have to remind yourself that it wasn’t really him, it wasn’t someone you could hug or kiss.

“Are you paying attention? I don’t want to get lost,” you pout, turning down the radio.

“I know exactly where we are, just keep driving,” and so you did, you just kept driving - silently watching him from the corner of your eye.

You could see his fingers twitch on his thigh, pulling into a fist and extending to smooth out his pants. He was itching for something, like an addict on the search for his next high. It wasn’t until he placed his arm in between the two seats, that you realized what he wanted to do. He wanted to reach out and touch your leg, to feel your skin under his finger tips. He couldn’t though, he couldn’t because he wasn’t really there. It was just another harsh reminder of the reality of the situation.

You’d be lying if you said that it didn’t hurt you. No, it didn’t hurt you, it killed you. Having the man you loved with all your heart, sitting in the passenger seat, and not being able to touch him.

“Your next right,” He jeered his head towards the window, indicating where he wanted you to go.

The trees were heavy, the tops of the branches on each side of the path, reached out touching one another. A sick joke from a god that couldn’t be real. You could catch glimpses of the sky between the crowded greenery. It was less than mile before you hit an opening in the woods.

“Stop. Right here,” he leaned forward, placing his hands on the dashboard.

The car came to a slow stop, the dirt beneath your tires crunched, and your breaks gave out the softest of cries.

“What is this place?” You asked, as you stepped out of the car, using your hip to shut the door.

“It was where I was going to suggest we got married,” you didn’t know, or hear how he got out of the car, you just felt him behind you, “Walk closer to the edge,” he had leaned forward, whispering in your ear.

It was always so stranger to feel chills run down your spine, while a warm breeze wafted over your body, hiding your face behind the tufts of hair that moved in the wind. Your feet carried you closer to the edge of the cliff. The walk way just cut off, and below you was a quiet and still creek, the sun cascading over the land like a blanket.

“Y/N,” he came up beside you, “I brought you up here, because it’s one of my favorite places in this world, a close second to your arms. You’re the only other person I’ve brought here.” His feet shuffled as he sat down, legs dangling over the edge from the knee down.

“You’re my person. I showed you the version of me that wasn’t always happy, I showed you the version of me that no one else gets to see. I showed you the bones in my closet, and instead of running, you grabbed the shovel. You’ve loved me through the days I couldn’t get out of bed, you loved me through the nights that I felt like I had hands around my neck - you filled my lungs with air, you helped me breathe. I will never be able to explain exactly what you’ve done for me, and I’m afraid I’ve run out of time. This was the only time I could say this.”

Wordlessly, you sat beside him. You didn’t know what else you could do, you didn’t know how you could make this better for him. You had so many words, and thoughts in your head, swimming around around your mouth. Your tongue pressing against the back of your teeth, as if they were some form of confinement.

“But I am not your person. I will be gone far sooner than you. You’ll be left without me… I can’t even imagine a world without you, so the thought of leaving you here without me, is torture. But, you will need to move on one day. You’ll fall in love again. Fuck, you might already be falling in love with someone else, and I’m okay with that. I want you to be happy, because you deserve it.” You could hear his voice crumbling. He sounded exactly the way you felt; defeated, broken, and accepting.

“I’m not in love with anyone but you, Jaebeom. There is no one else. There will never be anyone else.” How could he even think this? Even worse, how could he believe it so much so that he was saying it out loud.

“You don’t see it now. I understand why, but you know there is someone else. He’s always loved you, maybe just as much as me. He’s watched you fall apart, all that was left of you was jagged pieces, and he still held you. He took your broken pieces, and held them in his hand - even though they pushed into his skin. He put you together with bandages on his hands.”

Jackson. He was talking about Jackson. Of course, it’s was Jacks. How could you be so oblivious to it? Were you that obtuse to the world around you.

“He talks about you a lot. I can hear him. He tells me all the things about you that he thinks I miss, or things he think I should know. He sees you the same way I do, and that’s how I know he’ll always take care of you. He’ll protect you and keep you safe, even if you never accept him the way you accepted me.”

It was crazy to think, because you know that Jacks never expected anything from you. The thought of asking you to more than friends, never even crossed his mind, because you weren’t his. He’d rather be insufferably in love with you, and deal with it, than not have you in his life.

Hour and hours passed by, you two sat on the ledge, watching the sunset together. Having him sitting there was like having all your memories playing on a constant loop. His smiles reminded you of all the mornings you woke before him to wake him with kisses all over his face. The way the lowering sun caught the tip of his nose reminded you of all the times you would put whipped cream, or frosting on his nose. He could never stay out the kitchen when you baked. His laughter reminded you of the days in the park, dancing to the music of random street musicians. Occasionally, he’d walk over to them and sit beside them, singing along. He looked so in his element. His raw vocals and an acoustic guitar.

“It’s time to go,” he looked up at you, his eyes focusing on your face for some time. He must have been living in the memories of your smile.

“Are you sure?” You knew he wasn’t talking about leaving this place, he meant it was time for him to leave. He was ready to be set free.

“I am.. but can we stop one more place?”

“Of course, Jaebeommie.”

The familiar nickname made his heart squeeze. You called him that often, and now he was regretting all the times he never appreciated it. When he would ignore you when he was in the studio. All the stupid hours of working in songs, when you were in the living room reading, or playing with Nora. All the time he wasted.

The car ride towards the spot of the accident was silent. You tried to stomp your foot, throw a fit. You didn’t want to go there. You only had fleeting minutes with him, and he wanted to take you to the place that was ultimately his demise.

The street lights would move from his knees, over his face as you drove. You could see his chest rise and fall, like there was a heart inside of him. It made him seem so much more realistic. Having you forgetting that he wasn’t actually in the seat next to you.

The closer you got to your destination, the harder you gripped your steering wheel. You were glad that it wasn’t your heart hooked up to a monitor because it felt like it was about to leap out of your chest, and land in his lap.

Your headlight stopped at the tunnel. There was still a large scrap along the concrete from where your car had flipped and slid across the road.

“Why… why couldn’t you have just put on your seatbelt, Jae?” You whispered, head hanging between the arms.

“I asked myself that every time I’ve seen your cry,” he gulped, resting his head against his seat.

You tried to stop them, but your tears had more control over you, than you did of them, “But that wouldn’t have mattered if I would have been paying attention. You’d still be here, and I mean actually here.”

If you closed your eyes tight enough, you could still see the glass of your front windshield shatter, and you hear the sound of your car sliding. God, it was such a terrible sound. Just remembering it made you want you throw up.

“Baby. I need you to open your eyes and look at me,” he shifted in his seat to face you.

Hesitantly you did as he requested. You could taste the tears dripping off your lip and into your mouth. This was really it, and this was the place that took everything from you. There was nothing he could do or say to make you feel any better about it.

“This isn’t your fault,” he began, and you immediately grabbed your car door, pulling it open. You weren’t going to stick around to hear him try and justify what happened.

“You can’t run from me,” he was standing in front of you, before you could even blink your eyes.

“Not fair, you cant use your ghost powers to cut me off,” You sulked.

“I think I just did,” he did what he had set out to do, he stopped you in your tracks, “Look down.”

Without question you did so, and by your foot was a dirty, but still very shiny locket. You had lost your necklace that night, whether it was when the paramedics had to cut your clothes off, or in the middle of the crash. You knelt down, hooking your finger in the chain, letting it hang off down. He had gotten that for you on your second anniversary.

“This isn’t your fault. This was no ones fault. It was an accident, and that’s all. no one could have foreseen the events of that night. You need to stop blaming yourself, because it’ll take you to your grave if you don’t.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Y/N,” he hissed between clenched teeth, “Don’t fucking say that.”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it, I’m just… I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” The admittance that he was leaving soon, was almost too much to bare.

“You’ll never be without me, baby.” His hand moved across the necklace, letting it swing back and forth, “I’m always going to be right next to your heart.”

“Don’t… Don’t go, please don’t go.” You were thankful that you were already kneeling down, or falling to your knees like you just did would have hurt a lot more.

“I have to. I don’t need to be here anymore. Letting you go was my unfinished business.”

He was now on his knees, face only mere inches away from yours.

“But I’ll never be able to let you go… What about me? Don’t I get a say in this?”

“I love you so much, Y/N. You will always be the love of my life,” you could already feel the warmth that he carried with him, started to slip away.

No, no, no. Here it was, the end of it all. The end of all the ‘I love you’s.’ There would be no more early morning drives to get coffee, there would be no more moon lit dances on your roof, there would be no more him, there would be no more you.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to your forehead. You only knew he did that, because you felt the softest of tingles. He lingered there for a moment, reliving his life in seconds that felt like hours.

Finally he was gone. You couldn’t feel him anymore. All that was left was the necklace in your hand, and the air taken out of your lungs. Your body trembled, as if it was riding itself of the dead weight. A flame flashed over your skin, as if it burned off any remaining pieces of him, turning all his touches to dust.

Your cell phone continued to buzz in your cup holder, Jackson’s name popping up over and over. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. A scream of pure pain filled the night time air. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Begs and pleads to the man you cursed to angrily. Buzz. Bu— Silence.

Two Years Later

You rolled away from Jackson’s grasp to curl into your pillow, eyes heavy with sleep. You loved cuddling with Jacks, but man, that boy could really start to feel like a furnace. Every night you did this, roll away, and yet still manage to wake up with your body tangled with his. He was a magnet.

Jackson must have believed you were asleep, because most nights when you left his side, you were asleep. Not this time though, you were on the brink of sleep and being wide awake.

“Hyung?” Jackson voice was hushed. You could hear the pillow crinkle under his head as he turned to glance over his shoulder, making sure you were still ‘asleep.’

“It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you… and I’m sorry for that. Life has just been so hectic. I just wanted to say I miss you, and I know that y/n misses you too. She still says your name in her sleep, not as much anymore, but on bad days, she’ll call out for you. There’s not much I can do except to hold her.”

You had to use every fiber in your being not to turn around and wrap yourself around Jackson. You wanted to tell him that just because you still called out for Jae some times, didn’t mean that you didn’t love him. It broke your heart thinking that you still said Jae’s names in front of him.

“I don’t mind it though. I know she still loves you, and I would never ever think of taking that away from her. You were everything to her, you still are. I know she loves me too, she shows it all the time, but I’m afraid that I’m not enough for her sometimes. You know? She’s just so incredible. She is kind to everyone on the street, the smiles at little kids, and my parents love her. She’s extraordinary, and I feel way out of her league… but she still loves me. How lucky are we to be loved by someone like that?”

Lucky? You were the lucky one. Most people don’t even have one great love in their life, but you’ve had two - Jaebeom and now Jackson. You’ve been loved unconditionally, and without fear by two men, who could have the world, but decided to make you their world.

“I know you still love her too, and I hope that I can let that live through me, so she never forgets that we love her. I won’t let you down, Jae. I promise.”

A promise he did keep

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