#im tired of people percieving me as stupid . im tired in general

[hilsoncrater]

im scared i am losing the ability to work

#my colleagues are frustrated at me #they laugh about me . they think i cant understand what they say in german but i do #the words on the screen get jumbled or erased or they move #i dont know!!!! i cant remember shit!!!! i cant remember anything !!!!! #’use your head. its in a logical pattern’ OKAY!!! but i cant REMEMBER the pattern nor do i GRASP the pattern!!! #im missing all these details and it stacks up #time either warps around me or it stands fucking still #but in a way i cannot describe. like 1000 different conversations/things happen around me & when i glance at the clock its only been 10 min #or nothing ever happens/i hardly do anything and when i glance at the clock its been 2 hours #i feel insanely Abnormal . i feel like im the Odd One . everyone else can function but why cant i???? #idk. idk . sometimes i feel like i’ve died & everyone’s not real #in any case i feel as though nothing right now feels real. it just doesnt. #my expiry date is coming up . i dont see myself surviving past the summer #my siblings will visit me and then? i dont know #i really do not know. #im missing words and phrases when i read or write or speak #i only know this happens because my colleagues point it out to me or make me realize it indirectly #im tired of people percieving me as stupid . im tired in general