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bookofmirth · 3 years

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I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.

Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.

This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.

There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.

First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.

What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post

In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.

However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.

However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.

On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.

Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.

Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist.

Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.

Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.

My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.

If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!

How we react

This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.

The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.

No.

Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld.

Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!!

Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.

This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.

It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise.

We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.

When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.

Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people).

We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time.

And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done.

The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook.

There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that.

The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.

Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.

I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop.

So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.

Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:

How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins

I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)

#cw racism #acotar #acosf #acotar fandom #fandom wank #fandom things #this is the long post i mentioned earlier #i will link it in my meta post

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hood-ex · 3 years

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Dude, I love reading everybody's fan works, but I myself cannot write for my life. I have so many ideas but it just seems impossible to actually put any of them on paper past a couple of notes. Do you have any tips for getting any stories done, even if it's just a really short one? (Also, Happy New Year!!)

Happy New Year!

Sure, yeah! I’ll list a few tips for ya!

If you haven’t written a lot/at all then consider starting off with either a drabble (100 words) or a one-shot (typically 1000+ words). The action here is supposed to be fast. You won’t have to worry about super descriptive details and things like that. You can just get out the main points of the story.

I’ll give you an example of something I’ve written that’s only about 200 words or so. This fic is very short but it still manages to tell a story because it follows a very basic plot structure.

The paragraph that builds up to the action is very short, and this paragraph is the entire exposition of the story. It introduces the main character (Dick), and it tells us what Dick is doing. This sets the scene so the reader can now picture Dick sitting on a couch with his pizza.

The rising action is Dick describing the pizza he got, and the reader getting a sense that something about the pizza is wrong based on the way Dick freezes at the sight of it.

The climax is Dick realizing he ordered the wrong pizza. He got Damian’s pizza order, and this is where the reader realizes that Damian is dead.

The falling action is Dick putting the pizza away in the fridge next to all his other untouched meals. This is the effect from the climax, and it lets the reader know that Dick is still grieving over Damian.

The resolution is Dick going to the shower to cry. The fact that Dick is going to the shower to cry tells the reader something about his character and gives him a little more depth.

Notice how I stick to the very basics. There is no long, descriptive introduction that builds up the scene like you might see in other stories that start off by describing the gray clouds, the pouring rain, all the Gotham residents bundled away in their homes, etc. There are no lengthy descriptions about what Dick’s apartment looks like or what he’s initially feeling. Nope. It’s just Dick sitting on his couch to eat his pizza because he’s hungry. Super basic, right?

This is kind of what I mean when I say that sometimes I just jump into a scene and write. It’s the same as starting a story with dialogue rather than a descriptive paragraph. Dialogue immediately throws you into a character’s conversation, and dialogue is much easier and faster to write than wordy paragraphs.

This fic of mine is an example of a story that is essentially just dialogue. Sure, there are a few descriptive sentences here and there to help the reader visualize the scene better, but most of the action is the dialogue. And we can apply the same basic plot structure to this story as well.

Exposition: The Titans are in the car. Dick is tired.

Rising Action: The Titans think Dick is going to fall asleep during the movie they’re going to watch. Dick says he’ll be fine, and he asks what movie they’re going to watch.

Climax: Gar complains about the movie Kory picked for them to watch. Vic suggests watching another chick flick. Gar is not happy about it.

Falling Action: Dick confuses Dinah with Diana. Donna gives him shit for it.

Resolution: Gar thinks Dick is adorable and asks if he can be like this more often. Dick says something to make Vic and Donna laugh, and then Dick finally falls asleep.

The plot structure is something we learn in school that we usually associate with novel length stories, but you can see in my examples that the plot structure can also be used for very short fics. Personally, the rising action and falling action are things that I don’t really plan out. They kind of just occur naturally when I’m writing. The exposition, climax, and resolution are usually the things that stick out in my mind the most (and it’s totally normal to just picture one or two of the three before you start writing).

As a beginner, filling out the plot structure with the few notes you have will help you turn your notes into full sentences and dialogue. Let’s test this out just by filling in the plot structure starting with very little information.

For example, let’s say I want to write a fic and all the notes I have for it consists of:

Jason (as Red Hood) is crying

Dick (as Nightwing) comforts him

Alright, well now I need to build a scene around those two notes. So now let me fill in some information for the plot structure. When I’m filling it out, I want to keep things like the characters and setting in mind.

What I end up with is:

Exposition: Dick and Jason are being held as prisoners on an alien planet. Dick and Jason are in a cell together. The cell is small and cold. They don’t know why they’ve been taken in as prisoners. They can’t understand the alien’s language. All they have is each other to rely on. Dick is keeping watch while Jason leans against him, asleep.

Rising Action: Guards come to Dick and Jason’s cell. They are really fucking big. Way bigger than humans. Jason wakes up, startled and disoriented. He sits up. The guards start speaking. Dick has no idea what they’re saying. He tenses in anticipation.

Climax: All hell breaks loose. The guards make a grab for Jason. Jason defends himself. Dick attacks the guards to protect Jason. The small cell makes it hard to fight. The guards crowd Jason and harshly restrain him, making Jason cry out. Dick tries to free Jason. One guard uses a device to shock Dick in the head. This causes Dick to have a seizure. Dick can hear Jason going ballistic. Jason’s screaming for him and cussing at the guards. But then Jason’s voice gets further away, and Dick is left to ride out the seizure on his own.

Falling Action: Dick’s seizure passes. His head is foggy, he’s got a horrific headache, and his body feels sore. The more time passes, the more tired Dick feels. He’s in and out of sleep, his anxiety for Jason’s safety keeping him from sleeping fully. At some point, the guards return with Jason slumped between them. He’s still conscious. The guards dump Jason on the ground. Once they leave, Dick crawls to him. He starts to ask what happened, having a vague idea that torture was involved based on Jason’s demeanor. He stops after noticing that there are tears on Jason’s cheeks. Jason looks away and his shoulders are shaking.

Resolution: Jason hisses through his teeth when Dick tries to gently sit Jason up against the wall. Jason mumbles that he’s too sore for sitting and he just wants to lie down. Jason uses Dick’s thigh as a pillow and curls up into himself. His shoulders are still shaking, and Dick hears him sniffle. Dick tries to comfort him by rubbing small circles into Jason’s back. Jason lets out a shaky breath and falls quiet. Dick keeps doing it until he starts to nod off, completely drained from the seizure. They both fall asleep in pain, but with the knowledge that at least they’re together.

Okay so see how I was able to flesh out the two original notes into something more in-depth that turned into actual sentences? That’s something you can do with the notes for your stories. Put all your ideas for each part of the scene into quick, short sentences.

Filling in the plot structure like this helps you flesh out those brief notes into an actual scene that you can build off of. And if you look at what I wrote, you’ll notice that there are sentences I came up with that I can actually use in the story when I’m writing it.

Does that make sense? Basically what I’m saying is just come up with short sentences to describe each part of the plot structure. These short sentences will form the bigger picture of your story. Then you want to use those sentences you wrote to help you build the beginning, middle, and end of your story.

I think that part of what makes writing a story so hard is simply just starting the scene. For me, it’s usually always the hardest part. You can make it easier for yourself by jumping into a more action filled part of a scene or by starting the story off with dialogue. For example, if I want to start off the Dick and Jason prisoner story then I can be like:

“You made my arm fall asleep,” Dick mutters under his breath.

Jason, who’s currently treating Dick’s right side like a damn body pillow, answers with a soft snore. Between the cold floor of the prison cell and Jason’s body weight slowly crushing him, the snoring is just the cherry on top of this whole shitty situation.

The dialogue allows me to introduce the characters and the setting. Just from the first line, I know that Dick is in this story, he’s uncomfortable, and someone else is with him because he said the word “you.” This gives me the perfect chance to introduce Jason as the person Dick is with. It also gives me the chance to explain the setting by letting the reader know that Dick and Jason are in a cell. Now are prison cells usually pleasant? No. So I made sure to mention that the cell is cold. Now the reader knows Dick is uncomfortable, cold, and he’s stuck in a terrible situation.

And the story just keeps building and building from there.

Tbh, a big part of this is just having the will to start writing. You just have to make yourself type something even if it’s shit. And it’s totally fine to play around with sentences! Just try it out by writing maybe three sentences. Don’t like it? Erase. Tackle the scene from a different angle. Change the dialogue. Start the story from a different location or with different characters. Don’t like it? Erase.

Keep practicing. You’ll eventually come up with something that’ll just click in your brain, and before you know it, you’ll have typed a paragraph of two. And your brain and your hands will work together, and you won’t have to think so hard about what you’re writing. Your hands will just go once you’re in a groove.

But yeah, dude, that’s all I got for you right now! I hope that was somewhat helpful to you! Lemme know if you have any other questions!

#writing #tips #fics #batfam #anon

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

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ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this.

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia).

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love)

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances.

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism.

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening. I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation?

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao.

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers.

#i7558vjvug #please god dont let this start anything #im just here to write smut and have a good time

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lamortexiii · 3 years

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Cryptic Mystic: Karma, Keepers, or Something Else...

Karma, Keepers, or Something Else…: I am sure that you have heard the phrase “reap what you sow” at some point in your life, otherwise known as karma. Maybe you’ve experienced karma in your life. After all, we receive what we put out into the universe… or do we? Some believe there is a “keeper” or someone watching over us that protects us and provides us good or bad experiences based on how we interact with others (some may say “angels). If this is so, is this individual or universal? Maybe “keepers” are loved ones who have left their physical form, or maybe they are something that our human minds are currently incapable of understanding. For some this may even simply be a grandeur delusion brought on by narcissistic personality traits or possibly a mental disorder. A little unknown mixed in with a little psychology, served on a platter as per usual. Let’s dive right in to 2021 with this debatable topic, shall we?

I’ll start by informing you that karma actually possesses many meanings depending on what culture and country you are in. The most familiar American definition of karma - meaning that bad things happen to those who do bad things and good things happen to those who do good things - is but one definition of many. Now, this definition that we understand here in America is of course defined by what one perceives as good and bad - this can look different for many people. Having said this, there is no “one way” to believe in karma or to define what “good and bad” mean. For our purposes, I am going to define the terms karma, good, and bad in the most generalized sense that a majority of American society would view as the typical definition. Just know, this may or may not apply to your personal beliefs of what defines “good and bad” or your personal beliefs of what the definition of “karma” is. I completely agree that there are many viewpoints and perceptions and do not discount differences in opinions/beliefs by any means.

Karma originated from the Sanskrit term meaning “action, work, or deed.” It was a plain and simple definition, as if I were having a conversation with you and said, “The karma that he is completing on that house looks marvelous!” I realize how utterly ridiculous that sounds in today’s way of speaking - given the word was just used completely out of cultural context, but you get the point. The word “karma” at that time was just another word and carried little significance. That is, until 1000-700BCE when within the Vedic religion the definition of karma actually meant something that you likely would not guess. The definition took an abrupt and dramatic turn and was used to define not only the word “act,” but additionally it was defined as actions that took place regarding ritualistic and sacrificial occurrences.

Karma in itself has ancient roots in religion such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and Sikhism to name a few. Karma is seen as a sort of rebirth process in which the way that an individual is in the present day affects their future - all within the same life cycle. Within this realm, karma also affects one’s samsara, or quality of life. In Asia karma is portrayed through symbols such as the endless knot, which symbolizes the never ending process of cause and effect. In knowing this, you can see why karma closely relates to the philosophical theory of causality, defined as when one event contributes to another event where the cause is partly responsible for the effect, and the effect is partly dependent on the cause. The idea of karma in this sense is seen as a never ending cycle - one that highly influences the circle of life. This is what we know and recognize in modern American society, as well as in many other first-world countries/cultures.

In current society we then view karma as defining the relationship of cause and effect. Some view this as a very spiritual term, believing that there is a higher power who controls the occurrences of karma. Others simply use the term with reckless abandon - not actually understanding what it means, as society has culturally appropriated the term to fit the American narrative. Yet others (myself included) question the occurrence of karma and the several possibilities that may be at play here. Whether you believe karma occurs due to a higher power, some other religious aspect, sheer luck, extraterrestrials, a delusional belief, something else, or maybe you don’t believe in it at all - and that’s okay! Regardless of what you believe, we’re going to dive into some of those possibilities today. As I always say, once you have read this blog it is up to you to ultimately decide what you believe.

From a personal standpoint, I have been in many situations where either I don’t know how I survived, or at the bare minimum how I managed to come out of certain situations unscathed. I have been in several car accidents that were so much more than just fender benders - coming out of all of those without a single scratch. I have never caused an accident, however for whatever reason I seem to be a target for idiots who don’t know how to drive. I guess I just have that attraction factor. All jokes aside, I consider myself lucky to have not been injured in any of the accidents that I have been in. I have to wonder how this is possible, but then another person can be in ONE accident and it’s all over.

I will share a more intimate incident with you that is much darker than a happenstance car accident. When I was much younger I tried to take my own life. I didn’t want to be in this body on this planet any longer. I remember thinking to myself - there has to be something better than this. I swallowed a bunch of unknown pills doused with alcohol. I attempted this on two different occasions. Both times made me extremely ill. The first time I vomited and then felt very tired. The second time I fell to the floor and almost became unconscious. I was very dizzy and couldn’t stand/walk. I went to sleep for several hours with a low heart rate and shallow breathing. However, after both of these occurrences many years later, I realize that I was put here for a bigger purpose. I have many reasons I am here - sharing this blog with you being one of them. I wasn’t meant to leave my physical form here on Earth either one of those times. I like to think that something is protecting me, however I cannot say with certainty what that is or why exactly…

My biological mother was in a bad car accident when she fell asleep at the wheel. It threw her from the car and knocked off both of her sneakers. She woke up laying in the grass without shoes. She told me that she doesn’t remember much, but that she saw white hands on her shoulders and felt like whatever that was had pushed her through the accident. She came out without any serious injuries - only suffering minor bruising. It is important to note that she has had similar experiences as I have with feeling things and experiencing premonitions.

To touch on karma a bit from a personal experience, I have a short but interesting story to tell. Growing up I didn’t have many true friends and found myself surrounded by individuals who acted in a manner that I did not understand. There was a lot of negative energy on behalf of those around me; jealousy, lies, deceit, bad intentions, and misery. I wasn’t treated very well by my peers or in relationships. In fact, I was bullied, mentally abused, and physically abused by several people as I grew from a child to an adolescent. Interestingly enough, I found that those who did absolutely wrong to me that had the worst of intentions always had something bad happen to them. One person that comes to mind was blown up in an explosion overseas while serving in the military. Another person was in a bad car accident. From what I know currently, all of these people who were utterly nasty to me continue to lead miserable lives - because they are in fact miserable people. Whether this is just their nature or that they just didn’t have the strength and willpower to seek better things for themselves is debatable. Nonetheless, none of them as far as I know are happy in the present day and have likely never experienced true real happiness. As described before, some of these people have had very bad things happen to them. Is this karma or maybe a keeper’s doing? I have no idea, but it is something I have turned over in my mind for many years, and continue to ponder on from time to time.

One theory some hold is that angels are protecting people. This could turn into a really big conversation, so I will try my best to stay objective here and stick to the main topic of karma and keepers. I challenge the theory of angels for the following reasons: The Bible was written by several people with several different versions available, as have all books that we know today. Christianity in itself, as well as several other religions point to the sky (or heavens) as being the source of an almighty power. What if angels are actually extraterrestrials and those who have experienced said “angels” rationalize their experience by putting a name on the experience, therefore believing it was a religious experience rather than something that they didn’t understand - as a form of coping with the unknown. That is my personal theory in relation to “keepers” and the “karma” experienced therein as being related to any type of angelic form. This also covers how extraterrestrials could very well be the forces pulling the strings. As humans we base our logical thinking on what it is we know to be true - or what we have been taught is the truth, but how do we really know? The short answer is - we don’t. It is much easier to put a label on something to be able to process what that thing is than to be left to wonder and be afraid of what we do not know and understand. It is much easier to read what others have written and blindly accept it as being “the truth” or “the way” without seeking further proof. Just a few things to think about - and this goes for any religion. Group-think is a good descriptive term that comes to mind.

The religious standpoint on karma and “keepers” has everything to do with psychology and the human brain and its functions. Think about it as I said before - the human brain naturally tries to rationalize and process new information in a way that is understandable and logical. This varies depending on who you are talking to of course, but is the ultimate foundation for religion. Beginning in ancient times before electricity, technology, and all of the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things we have now, the less intelligent brains of those before us attempted to rationalize what they were experiencing. Let me give you a universal example that is actually more recent - did you know at one point women were seen as being psychotic and even evil for having hormonal symptoms related to their menstrual cycle and even for having a menstrual cycle period? (no pun intended) Women were put through horrible treatment to try to treat PMS, and it was even seen as being a mental illness/disorder for a very long time! At one point in time menstruating women were seen as being involved in magic and sorcery (whoops, you got me!). To quote some religious scripture, “go apart from women during the monthly course, do not approach them until they are clean” Quran 2:222, “…in her menstrual impurity; she is unclean… whoever touches…shall be unclean and shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening” Leviticus 15, and lastly from the first Latin encyclopedia, “Contact with menstrual blood turns new wine sour, crops touched by it become barren, grafts die, seed in gardens are dried up, the fruit of trees fall off, the edge of steel and the gleam of ivory are dulled, hives of bees die, even bronze and iron are at once seized by rust, and a horrible smell fills the air; to taste it drives dogs mad and infects their bites with an incurable poison.” Okay… so… you realize how ridiculous all of this sounds, right? However, it was not ridiculous at the time - the people who lived in those times found a way to explain, rationalize, and describe what they felt was logical for explaining a woman’s menstrual cycle. Freud attempted to explain why people felt this way about menstrual cycles by stating that humans are naturally scared and uncomfortable around blood - again the human brain giving a logical explanation for why these thoughts and beliefs occurred. We know now through research and scientific data (actual tangible proof) that PMS is related to the shift in hormones women experience during that special time of month, which can cause a plethora of symptoms. This is easily treatable today with modern medicine or more holistic approaches - both of which have also been scientifically proven to work.

I know that last paragraph seems a little off course for this particular blog topic, but it carries a strong point that I feel necessary to make. Point being: religion is just another way the human brain tries to rationalize an event that is happening that is unexplained, new, different, abnormal, or scary; the same way that human brains of ancient times tried to rationalize with women bleeding from their vaginas. Having answers and an explanation gives people peace of mind. Once an idea becomes universal, again, it makes it easy to follow and just shrug the phenomena off as being caused by whatever is said by whoever is explaining it as their belief. The same is said for keepers, karma, and everything in between.

From a disorder perspective, it is very possible that some people believe in having a “keeper” because they are divine or special to a point of being above others. This behavior would likely fall under a more Narcissistic Personality Disorder or potentially some form of psychosis or schizophrenia. Reason being, these disorders involve hallucinations, delusions, and irrational beliefs that are of a bizarre nature. All three have key factors that make them different of course. For example, Narcissistic Personality Disorder revolves more around the person having selfish traits and not possessing the ability to connect with others all while believing they are of a certain prestige pedigree or above others. Psychosis and schizophrenia look similarly to one another in that both include symptomology involving hallucinations, delusions, and breaks from reality, however schizophrenia can actually cause psychosis. Additionally, patients diagnosed with schizophrenia may have symptoms of psychosis but not everyone with psychosis will be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Keeping it short here, but those are the basics of those three conditions. Knowing this, it is easy to see how someone could hold a belief that they have someone watching over them because they are special, or that some force is causing them to receive good karma or inflict bad karma on those who do them wrong.

Regardless of which way you choose to look at keepers and karma, both are definitely interesting phenomena that could use more research and productive discussions. Keeping an open-mind is always the path I personally choose to take because there are so many factors and options to consider before making a solid judgement on what the actual root cause of either one of these is. I wanted to kick 2021 off with an interesting yet somewhat debatable topic to really get you thinking. There are plenty more blogs in store where this one came from. This year will be much better than what we knew as 2020 (good riddance!) Here’s to another year full of education, knowledge, mystery, good conversation, and intriguing topics that really get those gears turning in your brain. Stay safe, be you, and never stop seeking the truth - whatever that truth is for you.

Cryptic Mystic Blog by PsychVVitch

www.LaMorteXiii.com

#crypticmystic #lhp #occultblog #witchcraft #wicca #pagan #highermagick #blackflame #coven #livedeliciously #thecraftyvvitch #psychvvitch #lamortexiii #luciferian #satanism #asabovesobelow #knowledge #freedom

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jq37 · 4 years

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 11

The One With All the Lore (in which the Bad Kids do a Lot of Reading and we are Forcibly Reminded the Plot is Happening)

We are back in the Land of the Lomenelda where the Bad Kids and Co. are waking up (well, those who went to sleep anyway). Fig and Ayda wake from their sleepover that Fig decides to keep going into the day, confusing Ayda immensely in the process.

Kristen decides to look at the research she found in Calethriel Tower and on a 22 religion check, she gets a lot of info which I will do my best to summarize here:

The information is older than what she read in the pirate book. It’s probably from 850-900 years ago--around the time of the last great Sylvan War.

The text is by high elven clerics of the Moon Goddess Galakaya (Tracker’s goddess).

There used to another goddess worshiped in Sylvere--a goddess of night, mystery, and magic and the younger sister of Galakaya. This goddess was worshiped by all of the races in the forest (and it sounds like this is who all the oblique references in the earlier research was pointing to). Doubt and the unknown were parts of worship to her which Kristen is very into. Religious differences between the races about how to worship the mystery goddess was part of what sparked the war.

Some high elven clerics came in to help broker a truce which ended up leading to the invention of the “Sylverian Heresy”. Basically, the Moon clerics advised the Mystery clerics to “unmake” the name of their goddess because, “Hey, she’s a mystery goddess, right? So isn’t knowing anything about her a contradiction of her whole thing?” They think that sounds legit and proceed to do that but it seems that it wasn’t actually altruistic advice as much as a ploy by the high elven clerics to weaken the mystery goddess.

Fabian has been dancing all night and he is feeling exhausted but super good. This becomes even more of a family affair when none other than Hilariel Seacaster shows up! She joins the dance! Cathilda joins the dance! Fig plays her bass! Riz is skanking? It’s one of those classic D&D moments where the plot utterly grinds to a halt while everyone takes turns describing the ridiculous nonsense they’re doing and it’s fantastic. Once that calms down a bit, Fabian goes on a walk with his mom and Cathilda where Hilariel tells him that the grapes 1000% do not work, which honestly checks out.

Shifting to the Abernant sisters, Aelwen (this is the canon spelling and I’m gonna try to use it for these recaps but we’ll see how that goes) has just regained her pre-torture memories. To be specific, she seems to have backed them up between being broken out of jail in Solace and the torture starting. They have a little bit of a standoff, not sure whether one of them is going to attack the other. Once it becomes clear that blasting each other isn’t on the top of their respective to-do lists, they settle into a semi civilized conversation. Adaine wants Aelwen to read her thoughts so she’ll have the memories of what happened to her and the past day (at least from Adaine’s P.O.V.) and not go back to working with their parents. Aelwen seems resistant to the prospect and asks Adaine to just tell her what happened. While they’re talking, Adaine rolls an Insight check of 10 which doesn’t net her any information (we’ll come back to this).

Aelwen tells Adaine that their parents are not on the same side but refuses to elaborate, much to Adaine’s annoyance and frustration. They kind of dissolve into almost normal sibling bickering except that it’s about stuff like, “Oh come on, I only tried to kill you one time. Don’t be dramatic.” When questioned, Aelwen says that she only joined up with Goldenhoard for fun and she didn’t really think he’d win against her and her friends. The argument ends with Adaine casting Tasha’s Hideous Laughter which knocks Aelwen out in one shot because she’s still three or four levels of exhaustion deep.

Fig goes to Telemein to ask if he knows Planeshift (which she needs to get Gorthalax out of the ruby he’s trapped in). He does not and she doesn’t trust him to figure it out in a timely manner (or to even know what a timely manner is).

Kristen goes into the Van where Aelwen is to check on her (she’s fine, just trancing). Then, she helps out while Adaine tries to rifle through Aelwen’s brain for information on their Mom. Aelwen saves from the first Detect Thoughts but she’s sleeping so Adaine just tries again. Second time’s the charm. Her sleeping brain is a little hard to read but what Adaine sees is that when she failed her Insight check with a 10, what was happening was THE SHADOWCAT WAS STANDING BEHIND HER AND TALKING TO AELWEN. And I (roughly) quote, “Don’t keep looking at me. Look at your sister. Your mom is working for me. She has the crown and she’s taking it to Sylvere. Get away from Adaine so we can talk.” On an 18 Insight check, she can tell that Aelwen and Kalina have spoken before and seem familiar with each other.

Now that Adaine has seen Kalina through Aelwen’s memories, she decides to Scry on her. Oh, and she has a Nat 1 portent roll to give her. Eat your dice Brennan! The Scry goes really weird though. Instead of just showing one person, it cycles through a bunch of people, ending with Ragh, Tracker, Sandra-Lynn, that elf Ragh slept with, and Kristen. Then, it flashes to a creepy-ass forest where she sees a wood elf covered in festering wounds and claw marks. Vines are dripping with blood. The elf stands, grabs an old spear, and scratches into the ground, “Hello Adaine. Glad you could join me.” Then, it moves back to Kristen. Um, como se dice, CONCERNING.

Adaine gets a 27 to Detect Magic on Kristen and pings nothing that shouldn’t be there. Gorgug (who is also there btw) gets the pic and asks Ragh’s hookup if he can see the tabaxi and he can. The group gets together and they realize that everyone who can all of a sudden see the Shadowcat either had sex or exhanged blood with someone who initially could (ie: Garthy got it from Sandra-Lynn, as did Tracker when she blood healed her and Kristen got it afte she hooked up with Tracker in Leviathan). Shout out to everyone who called that. And I guess the Thistlespring STD talk at the top of the season was less of a wild detour than it seemed (I wonder if it would have transferred if said people specified that they used protection).

Fabian and Fig are very down to drink some blood so they can also see the picture but they are warned off with the idea that it very likely means Kalina can see through their eyes or something similar. After they all exchange their info, Riz theorizes that Kalina is not just a servant of the Nightmare King and rather the Mystery Goddess herself, powered down. Adaine starts a private message (w/ magic, not on their crystals) with the non-infected people.

Kristen recently learned the spell Hallow which can basically turn the Van into a permanent Moon Haven. She tells Tracker and on a 15 Persuasion check, Tracker seems to have warmed back up to her a bit and is down to help. Telemein offers his library which has zero useful books but lots of meditation guides and essential oils which Adaine and Kristen respectively grab.

Having learned her lesson, Kristen tells Tracker EVERYTHING she learned from the religious texts (and Tracker notices what she’s doing). She feels weird about something that bad having been done in the name of her goddess and also she’s sorry she gave Kristen a magic STD. She does the head bump thing that dogs and wolves do and says that just cause she was mad at her, it didn’t mean she didn’t love her. She goes to talk to Sandra-Lynn and it seems like they’ve patched things up.

The Bad Kids split up again to get some stuff done before they leave (which they want to do since they are dangerously close to the elves who are probably looking for them). Adaine and Gorgug (who was also given Aelwen’s spellbook to hold) work on fixing the Hangman. Riz wants to do some research/investigating. Kristen and Tracker work on the Hallow spell. Fig guards Aelwen. Fabian hangs out with his mom.

After spilling his guts about the past week to his mom, Fabian is given an uncharacteristically lucid and touching speech from Hilariel which basically boils down to: you’re your own person and being able to get through hardship is better than never facing hardship. She also drops the information that post-yesterday’s shenanigans (grabbing the sun and all that), Aguefort has lost a LOT of funding. They won’t be able to pay their hirelings. Also, she kinda sorta wants Cathilda back because she’s out of yogurt and cannot cook. Cathilda has a little sidebar heart-to-heart with Fabian where she gives him a choice on whether she stays or goes and he decides she should go home with Hilariel. Says Cathilda, “There’s only one Seacaster left to take care of and she’s out there in a kimono.”

Oh yeah. Hilariel showed up to the woods in a black kimono. As you do.

Cathilda asks Fabian which sword he’s going to fight with now since he has two and he chooses the elven one he got last episode over the Sword of the Seacasters.

Riz, with a crazy 28 Investigation check gets a bunch of information from the stolen research which I will summarize below:

Ragh, who is also there, reminds Riz that he saw Adaine’s mom talking to Jace post-prom and then saw the Shadowcat after on his way home.

Adaine’s mom was looking for a way to pin down the Shadowcat and also how to rename the goddess of mystery. She pulled 200-300 year old records on the execution of a wood elf named Landryn Leer in the elven secret service (called the Third Court).

Landryn was a cleric, ostensibly of Galakaya, but she was actually a cleric of the goddess of mystery and was killed for espionage. When she was supposed to be healing, she was also infecting people with some kind of virus--probably whatever magic STD that lets you see Kalina in the picture.

Mom Abernant was also researching Abyssal demonic texts while she was working for Falinel (which I think is connected to the next bullet but my notes are a little hectic here).

After the first fall of Kalvaxus, a group of infernal warlocks came to help the good guys by making a boundary around the forest of the Nightmare King so no one could get in or out. The devils helped because devils hate demons and demons were on the other side.

This isn’t new information but we’re reminded that the Crown of the Nightmare King can be used to anchor a being to the material plane.

Pok, Riz’s dad, also checked out the same information (about the fall of Kalvaxus and stuff) for himself and Kalina earlier.

(Riz wonders whether the Nightmare King and the Mystery goddess are opposed rather than allies).

Anyway, the only way to pass through the barrier the devils put up is by a high ranking devil allowing passage. Mom Abernant had notes about binding a devil into a gem (Ragh recognizes that bit because of his mom’s condition) and doing a ritual to put the devil in a freshly dead body. Riz realizes that this is what was happening with him and Fig and Gorthalax in the Hotel Cavalier.

This is actually from research that Kristen does but I’ll put it here because it’s related. Apparently, only a certain kind of dead body would give the Shadowcat the gem.

Meanwhile, Fig is watching Aelwen. She hexes Aelwen (giving her disadvantage of Strength checks), disguises herself as her (Aelwen’s) mom, and smokes cloves. Ragh’s hookup shows up, recognizes Fig because she’s still carrying her bass, and asks for the hot goss on her and Ayda. He says the elves told Ayda that she’s a rockstar and therefore probably promiscuous which made Ayda teleport away. That pisses Fig right off and she gets Gorgug to take over watching Aelwen while she goes after Ayda (with a parting, “CHOKE ON GRAPES BITCH,” to Fathethriel or whatever his name is).

Aelwen wakes up but Gorgug realizes after about a minute that he’s not talking to the real Aelwen, it’s a water elemental like the one she made in her S1 battle episode. A decoy. At about the same time, Fig goes to where she was told Ayda left through a door but the door isn’t there. Then, she’s made to roll a Wisdom saving throw. Dirty 20 passes and whatever spell was happening doesn’t land. She rolls initiative but, even with a 5 turned to a 17 (she took the Lucky feat) she can’t beat a 19. Another Wisdom saving throw and this one she fails with a 10. She’s frozen with a Hold Person spell. Someone invisible grabs Gorthalax’s gem from her pocket.

She breaks out of the Hold Persons spell and casts Bestow Curse on the person--clearly Aelwen--to give her wicked gas (which is a hilarious on its face but smart after a second of thought Axford Gambit--Invisible Aelwen w/ gas = trackable by scent). Aelwen (who has the gem and her spellbook because she was in the Van, invisible and snagged it from Gorgug) drops invisibility, tells Fig, “Sorry but goodbye for now,” rips a huge fart, then teleports out. Adaine isn’t mad at Fig and Gorgug. She says she should have been watching Aelwen. The group tracks down Fathethriel who tells them Aelwen bribed him with the promise of 10 gold (the promise, not the actual gold) to mess with Fig. Fabian and Riz backhand him. Fabian calls him mean which is somehow the worst thing he could have said. Fig is ready to straight up kill this dude with Booming Blade but ends up just doing non-lethal damage and knocking him unconscious. But even Telemein hates that dude so it’s probably fine.

The group discusses the hireling situation now that school is no longer paying their stipend. Sandra-Lynn and Tracker are both willing to keep on with them without being paid but the Bad Kids insist that they’ll still pay them from their own money. Riz thinks Aelwen might be the new sacrifice and Adaine is kinda like, “Sure. Of course. Why wouldn’t this be happening.”

Cathilda has a nice goodbye with everyone. Adaine gets cookies. Fig isn’t suspicious of her anymore. Fabian puts his eyepatch back on and calls her the best surrogate mother a boy could ask for (while standing like two feet away from his actual mom who, though hurt, is like, “Valid.”)

Once they’re back in Leviathan, Sandra-Lynn gives a speech that’s half pep-talk, half apology. Then she asks Ayda to use her Sending spell and Kristen can tell even without an Insight check that she’s gonna talk to Jawbone.

After terrifying Fabian with the idea that they might track down Chungledown-Bim, they decide to talk to Garthy instead--they being Fabian, Fig and Ragh. We’ll get back to them in a second. First, Adaine goes to the Library to read over her research. Nat 20 arcana check so here comes another info-dump:

The info she found was written by mystics and shamans of wood elves, centaurs, treents, and sprites (the forest races).

Before the name of the goddess was destroyed, there were clerics driven out as heretics because they were having dreams sent by the mystery goddess which were ignored by the clerics in Sylvere. She was trying to tell everyone not to do the whole un-naming thing because it would destroy her.

There were 4 miracles called the 4 transubstantiations followed by 1 bigger transubstantiation that happened before the unmaking of the goddess’s name.

The mystery goddess was not just a goddess of magic but specifically, a witch goddess.

Anyway, the transubstantiations were these:

Her spellbook was turned into a coin.

Her familiar was turned into a plague.

Her sanctum was turned into a curse.

Her focus (a broomstick) was turned into a tree.

Her name was turned into something unknown before it could be unmade (this was the major transubstantiation).

Riz is also doing some investigation and on a 23 check, the main piece of new info he gets is that in the original alliance of Kalvaxus and the Nightmare King, the NK gave Kal a coin for his hoard to seal their alliance. They realize that they got Kal’s hoard but they don’t know if they got the exact coins he owned or just an equivalent amount of money. Riz also sees notes from the government of Falinel saying that Mom Abernant was doing this research for them with the promise that they would release Aelwen and restore their family to some level of prestige. When the government went back on their promise, she started looking into other people that could help her, like Garthy (and the government eventually found out).

Speaking of Garthy, back to Fig, Fabian, and Ragh. They try to persuade Garthy to come with them to help but Garthy is staying put. They do have some news though. Mom Abernant actually isn’t Falinel bound. She’s on the way to a town close to Sylvere (which the group kinda already knew but now they have confirmation and more specifics). The town is called Arborly and Fig actually knows someone who has a mansion (called Hollyhill) there who, while she was on tour, said she could stay there any time. With teleportation, they should be able to get there before her. Fabian has Garthy check their coins for anything fishy (looking at the aforementioned transubstantiated coin) but nothing seems amiss.

As they leave, they suddenly hear a weird rumbling and then something leaps onto Fabian and starts giving him rubber burn. It’s the Hangman! Gorgug continued working on him in Leviathan and we learn that he took a level in Artificer and was able to fix him with a 22, some help from Adaine, and a little of the wax Fabian got last season. He’s back! And he wants to shit in Chungledown-Bim’s mouth!

The next day, Kristen finishes casting Hallow with Tracker. She taps into some of the mystery goddess energy which seems like a questionable thing to do so very on brand for her. Ayda wants to come with them but she has to look after the library. However, she plans to shrink down the entire library, book by book, so she can carry it around and continue adventuring with the Bad Kids. Until then, she teleports them all to Arborly and the gates of Hollyhill.

Detention

Fathetriel for Being an Ass

Even Telemien thinks he sucks. Choke on grapes bitch.

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Fixing the Hangman

I’m going to be less than entirely predictable here any instead of giving Adaine this spot for the objectively clutch move of scrying on the Shadowcat by forcing a Nat 1 on her save, I’m going to give it to Gorgug for taking a level of Artificer and fixing the Hangman. It’s just such a sweet move. All this insanity going on around them and he took the time to figure out how to fix his friend’s bike/dog. He didn’t have to do that but he did, and in such an understated way. Plus, it totally makes sense for him being the son of two tinkers. I wonder if he can build that cell tower for Zelda now. This also seems like a good move story-wise because I feel like having these extra skills ups Gorgug’s potential for shenanigans/helpfulness out of combat a lot.

Random Thoughts

What did I say? What did I say at the end of last recap? I KNEW we’d gone too long without a Shadowcat sighting. I KNEW we were about to get wrecked!

Made a couple of oblique references to this in the recap but I’ll say it outright now. The gang is all level 9 now!

There was a LOT of lore in this episode so, if I got anything wrong and you notice, please tell me and I’ll fix it when I get the chance.

Sad to see Ayda go but happy that the Hangman’s back! I hope The Bad Kids take a page from Jester’s book and Sending her all the time.

Good on Fabian/Lou for letting Cathilda go in a move that was right for the story but objectively worse for the inevitable coming battle.

“I couldn’t have one nice day with my sister.”/”No.” (“He’s all the bad guys,” Siobhan says in a resigned tone.)

Speaking of the Abernants, I think Arianwyn is how you spell Adaine’s mom’s name which I am going to try and get used to before she shows up again and I have to type it 47 times. Also, very funny that Ally/Kristen learned the name Adaine and was like, “She is the only valid Abernant. I refuse to learn any more names.” Anyway, this campaign needs less elves and more goblins. Riz. Pok. Sklonda. Things I can spell.

I question whether the Mystery goddess is actually going to be an antagonist. Both because it seems like she got majorly screwed over by a bunch of uptight high-elves who have been nothing but trouble so far (sans Adaine and Hilariel to a degree) so I’m inclined to be on the side they’re not on and also because this was clearly a plot point written with Kristen in mind. So I guess the question is, is this going to be a temptation for Kristen or a safe harbor?

Did the curse on the NK’s crown get properly dispelled by Adaine’s mom? Wondering because of the whole sanctum being turned into a curse thing. Though, I guess breaking the curse could be what turned it back into the sanctum.

Lol at all the people in the comments questioning whether Brennan ripped his lore from My Little Pony when all the Moon goddess, sister goddesses stuff was being explained.

Did Brennan say how Hilariel knew where Cathilda was? She doesn’t have magic, she’s some kind of Fighter. Does she have Cathilda Magic Lojacked?

“Yes, The Ball! Feel it! Yes, Ball, skank!”

Hilariel, like Jareth the Goblin King, can contact juggle, which checks out.

I’m very curious about what Brennan has planned for Aelwen because I think Adaine offering to willingly fail a save so she could read her mind was a very clutch, “I had a week to think about this and you better believe I thought about it,” move from Siobhan and I don’t know why Aelwen would be hesitant to take that opportunity (besides maybe thinking it was a trap?) except for the meta reason that a quick reality check would joss some important story beats. I could be wrong but that’s just the vibe I got. Also if any of y’all are inclined to write the alt version of this scene where Aelwen *does* do that, def tag me so I can read it.

The vibe that was going on when Adaine and Aelwen was talking was fascinating. I kinda loved it? Like, they were still fighting and Aelwen was still being a bitch and Adaine was still super annoyed but it felt almost blunted? Like they were shooting at each other but with Nerf guns instead of AK-47s for a change. My read on Aelwen is that she enjoys having a relationship with Adaine, even if it’s antagonistic. I think that Aelwen would much rather fighting with Adaine every day than for Adaine to not care about her at all. It’s like the horseshoe thing, you know? Love and hate are much closer to each other than they are to indifference. Better to have her care about you in the wrong direction than not at all. Anyway, this is so the vibe that I was expecting from them when they linked back up post-rescue. Wish we had gotten a little more before she escaped but I’m really liking this plot thread.

Also, curious about how truthful Aelwen was being when she said she only joined up with Kalvaxus for fun and was counting on Adaine and Co. to stop them. And, while we’re wondering about things, I’m curious about what Aelwen’s previous relationship with Kalina was. Like, besides creating a diversion to steal the crown, how do the events of this season hook up with the events of last season in a way that explains the relationship? Or is it not related? What is the timeline of events here?

And was Kalina actually there talking to her do you think or was it more of a projection type deal?

Sidenote: I think Brennan is taking liberties with what Detect Thoughts can do (in this and especially last episode) but I think it’s a very good creative choice and it makes things a lot more interesting.

Also, gotta say, the way the plot ended up turning out re: Aelwen’s Escape was just *chef’s kiss*. Like, you had Fig bring up the ruby, unprompted earlier in the episode--reestablishing it as a thing that exists. Then they gave the spellbook to Gorgug. Then, Fig was the one who took up guard duty and she happened to switch up with Gorgug, giving Aelwen and, by extension, Brennan a perfect series of events to get her out of there. Wild.

This episode explains how the Shadowcat/picture thing is spreading but not where Riz and Sandra-Lynn got it from initially. Like, I assume Sklonda got it from Pok. And it’s very plausible Riz got it from one of them somehow but when would they have shared blood? That’s not a normal family thing to do. Did his dad give him a kidney or soemthing? I’m probably overthinking this.

Emily, I’m begging you. Please keep bringing up those rock and roll babies until Brennan is forced to make it plot relevant.

Speaking of, I was getting so many Night Yorb vibes from that mystery goddess “don’t speak her name” conversation and if the Night Yorb becomes plot relevant I swear I’m gonna personally make Brennan eat his dice.

“I mention everything to Tracker from now on.” You know what that is? Growth

I loved Fig saying “I don’t know enough about you to know if we wanna kill you,” to the Shadowcat by directly looking at Riz and him being like, “UMMMMMMMM.”

Gilear, wildly, was not mentioned once in this episode and you think he would have been since his girlfriend showed up.

I wonder if Fandrangool has better stats than the Sword of the Seacasters. I also wonder if I’m spelling that correctly. Doubt it.

“My vices rule.”

One thing I didn’t recap but should have were the dreams in the first episode and I feel like I should go back and watch them because they feel like they could become relevant any time now but that sounds like a lot. I’ll try and watch them before next recap though so I can connect any obvious dots.

Is there anything more pure than Murph cracking up at Emily’s shenanigans.

I have a note in my notes that says “Fig/Virgin” but it’s like that one gif. “Why am I gasping? I already knew that.”

We originally thought the Shadowcat didn’t want people to be able to see her but now it’s seeming like the opposite is the case. It looks like this is a systematic way to *force* people to be able to see her. If that’s what’s going on then that’s a brilliant reversal from Brennan.

Aelwen, when she gets her memories back, says something like, “Since I’m in a hot tub and you found what you found, I’m assuming you’re not gonna kill me this second.” And one, funny that she can’t even directly reference the one compliment she ever gave Adaine while in her right mind but also, the implication seems to be (at least partially) that she thought, “Let me say something nice about Adaine on this charm to buy me some goodwill so she doesn’t immediately kill me once she restores me,” which is so calculated and I kinda love it.

I had a conversation with drinkingdeadpeopletea while the ep was going on that basically went like: Me: They better watching Aelwen so she doesn’t escape. Her: lol she’s def gonna.

“Does your mom smoke cloves?”

The goddess’s familiar being turned into a plague and the thing going on with Kalina and being able to see her being like an STD and Goldenhoard presenting as a dragonborn but being an actual dragon and Kalina being a tabaxi and cats being the most classic familiar for witches and the goddess being specifically a witch goddess all feel possibly related to me, but that could just be my brain playing the association game and connecting things that don’t necessarily connect.

The fact that other characters (read: Fathethirel) read Fig and Ayda’s relationship as possibly romantic (in an attempt to mess with her of course, but still) and Fig reacted so strongly (well strongly and in that specific way because I have no doubt she’d also beat a dude within an inch of their life for messing with, say Gorgug or Adaine) is something I’m going to star for later. [Edit: Brennan clarified on the Discord recently that Ayda (or at least this version of her. Phoenix reincarnation and all) is 17 so y’all are all good to go shipping-wise). As is Tracker, by the by, but I think we were all pretty sure Brennan was keeping that above board.]

Siobhan’s face when Fig says that she’s “straight edge except for hallucinogens.”

“I’m gonna buy you an orange.”

This episode, Adaine, with advantage, rolled a nat 20 (the other roll being 1). Brennan got one natural 1 (though it wasn’t rolled, it was a portent roll) and Gorgug also rolled one Nat 1 but it’s important that I note it was for giving the Hangman an ass to shit in Chungledown-Bim’s mouth.

#fantasy high #fantasy high live #dimension 20 #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

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avaliveradio · 4 years

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Kama Linden Releases a Song about Summer 'Belmar Breeze'

Band Name: Kama Linden

Song name: Belmar Breezes

Music Genre: pop/adult contemporary

I live in... Bronx, NY

Link to play: BELMAR BREEZES https://open.spotify.com/track/5Kafd6tHkpTuRqXkpqvdrI?si=UfgJ6QxoSeq4KASG_KMNSw

BELMAR BREEZES is a song about Summer, but also a visual, detailed description of my version of PARADISE. The Jersey Shore is an oasis for me. I run the beautiful boards of Belmar to Spring Lake, and back, I go to the ocean after 5 pm until maybe 8 pm and walk along the ocean, listening to the calming ocean waves, and the funny seagulls.

I watch the most amazing sunsets you have ever seen, and the big, bright moons that come up over the ocean, that you cannot see anywhere else. People are friendly and happy, even during COVID. I play my guitar on the boardwalks of a few of the beaches. I live for summer. One day I hope to live in Belmar, or close to it.

IF I'M WRONG is a song I wrote on Route 70 in maybe 15-20 minutes while driving. It is about making your own choices, and IF I'M WRONG, well, fine. But I took a chance. I did not lead a SAFE and boring life. I became an artist. I traveled. I funded my projects.

I have been swindled out of money, usually by unscrupulous men, but I am here to tell you about it. I am a survivor. I live for me and do not allow myself to be controlled or manipulated, or if it happens, it is short-lived, I figure it out, and I flee the situation :). I am brave and need to try new things, take road trips, meet new people/new friends, and write and sing what is in my heart.

My music is...

Every song is different. Uninhibited was an eclectic pop/rock mix. Better Late Than Never has a theme of a single woman's journey through love, life, loss, and finding G-d. Southern Country is COUNTRY and was recorded with musicians who play at the Grand Ole Opry.

However, Everything In Good Time is a story about letting what will be, come to be. Not rushing to get there and missing the sights. Getting it right vs. getting it now. Not forcing a result.

It is the quintessential story a parent tells a child: “Que sera, sera”. It is a dedication to two great ladies, my Mom, and Nana, who guided me through life and answered the questions of an inquisitive, precocious, and artistic child. My songs are reflections, observations, and dedications. It took me 4 studio albums to finally have my voice and my music captured the way they should be captured. I hope that you will enjoy this journey that I have created, culminating over 20 years of songwriting.

The song "Everything In Good Time" is a conversation between my Nana and I: A precocious little girl who want all the answers RIGHT NOW, and my Nana just telling me, "Don't Worry, it will be fine. You will be beautiful. You will be an actress. You will meet a nice man....just relax...."

If I'm Wrong as I described above, is the song about taking chances, and living a brave life, not a safe, "doing the norm" out of fear of failure or living up to other people's expectations instead of my own. Darla Perlozzi, of Misstyx studio, was able to find me the best musicians as they were all on furlough due to Covid. Tony Toliver's mastery of the piano was out of this world! I dreamed about the piano is a very important part of “If I’m Wrong”. I wanted a higher descending piano line like Vanessa Carlton's "1000 Miles", and then a lower one. But on this song, you will hear the guitar riffs of James Mitchell in the beginning.

Jim was able to telepathically understand what it was I was looking for in so many of my songs and took the helm. Tony also did the amazing keyboard work you hear in "Searching For Madonna" an "Belmar Breezes"...which was SUPPOSED to just be a SIMPLE piano song...both turned into the amazing masterpieces that they were! Tony and Jim went back and forth and just added more and more parts just because they liked my songs, unlike the musicians from "Southern Comfort" who were old guys who liked to COMPLAIN. Tony and Jim, as well as Darla, and her husband Timmy Patterson, play for A-listers! And here they were, giving me their ALL...little old me!

Rodney Ingle is hands down the BEST engineer I EVER WORKED WITH! He was instrumental in capturing my true voice the way it should be recorded. After I banged out the lead vocals to 11 songs in 4 hours, he made suggestions for the harmony lines, which I layered one by one like an individual melody. His guidance, professionalism, and mastery made this the best album I ever made. An album I WOULD GO AN BUY and listen to every day.

How do you think this release represents your current direction…

BELMAR BREEZES: Anyone who knows me or is on my Facebook will see photo after photo of my Jersey Shore escapades. Big moons. Beaches with lots of umbrellas. Timed shots of me in my sunhat, sunglasses, and bathing suits. Making the most out of life and summer. Connecting with other people. Vocally calming, beautiful, descriptive, and inspirational.

IF I'M WRONG: Is the 'in your face', brave, doesn't take no for an answer, taking chance kind of song, like "Better Late Than Never" was. Unapologetic. Feel-good music.

I write the lyrics, melodies, basic chords...play them over and over until I feel good about them, but the musicians from Darla' studio were the ones who brought everything from black and white into color.

James Mitchell, guitars and just guru who got inside my head.

Tony Toliver's mastery of the piano: I dreamed about the piano is a very important part of “If I’m Wrong”. He did more than this for me. He brought so many of my songs to life, and because of him, I do not “hate organ”. He is the reason "Belmar Breezes" sounds like it does. And "Searching For Madonna".

Timmy Patterson's wonderful bass playing, and for keeping me calm. He is the studio business side as well. We tracked 11 songs (12 tracks) in 14 hours, and I was worried about not being able to sing all the songs in one day. BUT I DID!

Darla Perlozzi, of MissStyx Studio, picked up my project when all seemed lost. The previous "producer" bailed on me, and I was better for it. Just listen to the difference in "Make Room For Mama" and "Make Room For Mama 2020". Darla did everything from putting together the best team, working with my budget, and giving me the album I should have had from other studios, at a NASHVILLE price! And of course, for her wonderful drum beats.

What most inspires you?:

Although I started writing songs when I was 10, they began to fill my head around 1998. Songs would wae me up in the middle of the night. I could run to one song, and be inspired to write a song because of that song. Sometimes it is a simple sentence or catchphrase, like "Better Late Than Never": "What Took You So Long" was one of the last lines in the movie, "Singles". "Everything In Good Time" is what a parent or Nana tells an impatient child. You have only to go to Belmar to experience "Belmar Breezes".... it could be 90-100 degrees outside, and yet this Tradewind will kick up, and you feel like you are standing in front of the refrigerator.

"You're On Video" is about the constant scandals where you WILL BE FILMED on someone's phone, and brought to public justice on Instagram or the news. Think of all the police brutality incidents from Eric Garner to recent protests. Hit and run accidents. Hate speech. You will be filmed! You can't escape. Conversely, "Searching For Madonna" was pre-COVID: being so wrapped up in your phones and gadgets, that you have forgotten humanity, spirituality, and anything but taking selfies and scrolling through nonsensical posts of someone's breakfast.

Writing music is not a choice. It's a NEED. I don't think I could make it stop if I wanted to. Some songs come quickly, like "If I'm Wrong". Some I will write down a line or two, and come back to it years later. Each song is like a birth of a child. Sometimes I go a week or two with no writing, and sometimes It is like a flood of songs. When people hear my lyrics or a small child comes up to me on the boardwalk, dancing and smiling, "I love your voice" like Lara did on Saturday evening at Seaside, or a group of teens passing by stop to listen, jam along, clap, dance....even give a thumbs up...that is why I do it. Being remembered. Not just fame. But have a reason why I was put on this earth and what I will leave behind ("Here She Lies").

I took piano lessons from childhood, but I am one with my guitar. Ibanez. I have four of them. You will see me on the boardwalk with my black one, (Black Ivy) and in shows/photos with my purple one (Miss Plum)

I will hopefully record any future music with Darla's team, but like the movie "Once", all of this happened because I was furloughed, and the musicians were as well, and who knows if we will ever have the opportunity to work together as a team again, once everyone goes back to their touring schedules. I do my scratch recordings with a condenser mic an garage band and hope to eventually, finally learn ProTools.

What was one notable event that helped shape your last decade?

I really can't think of "one". Everything is just small little steps that eventually become part of a journey. But from 2016 onward, I taught fewer classes for the horrible and abusive gym and worked more on SAG-AFTRA projects. Of course, everything has been shut down for COVID.

What’s your goal for 2020?:

Take "Everything In Good Time" to the heights it needs to reach! It is an album that MUST be HEARD. I snuck off to Nashville during a pandemic to record it with the best musicians in the world and released it during a pandemic. It can be for nothing. It is also my best work yet. The songs are relevant! "You're On Video", "We Could Be Friends" (Black Lives Matter and other discrimination and divisiveness), "Your Love Hurts" (domestic violence).

When I started, my first recordings were on "DAT"...

Then someone said, "You need to find a studio with ProTools". My first album and half were recorded at "Night Owl", and then I like paid what would buy me a small condo to finish "Better Late Than Never" at Cove City in Long Island. I trusted 3 "labels" who kept my money, took my money, and were lazy.

Now I am in control of my production as well as finding people to promote my music. I also have learned that I can go to Nashville an get a quality recording, vs spending through the nose in NY. Like, NY, you have to weed through, as te 1st team was ok for the time, but when Darla's team explained that they probably had the mic on backward, recorded me on the clunky 2-inch machine they threw out when they took over the studio, didn't give me my tracks in a ProTools session so I could remix them if I wanted to, vs the amazing project I recorded with Darla's people. Darla and I bonded over being females, it is a boy's club, especially in Nashville. One guy must have been trolling Darla's FB, and although I just recorded at Darla's studio, wrote to me via my website, and wanted to know who I recorded with.

I told him I was happy, and would never record ANYWHERE again except for Misstyx, which prompted an angry rant, and "do you know who I am" and "I will have you blacklisted from the musician's union".....so I called the musician's union. Everyone knows everyone, so both Tony (my piano player) and Darla, and a few other folks, shut him up.

Every time I get a guy who tries to scam me out of money ($150 to be on some blog in Nashville that no one has ever heard of) and he says, "You don't know how the music business works!" I just laugh. Musicians today have to do some digging, shopping, and unfortunately, occasionally being scammed or overpaying the wrong people, but it is easier to get it right now thanks to the public opinions online. Do good work, get good reviews. I was also scammed by "Loggins" bac in 2006 or 2007. They charged $750 a week and then tacked on charges for "gift cards" I did not agree to. You couldn't stop them from charging your card for like 2 weeks (you had to give "notice"). I eventually called "Loggins" to ask why I was not receiving ASCAP royalties for all the radio promotion he did, and he could not answer.

Musicians have all the tools they need to create and promote music. I could have bought a house with the mistakes I have made over the past 20 years. But I have learned to do my research and search out the right people to help me.

Website & social media links: :

Kama Linden: www.kamalinden.com New album: "Everything In Good Time" June 20, 2020:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/5RHPPSDhiiYpmt55p1ONeL?si=-WQaDYe9Ttu9eoj73sTNqg Apple:https://music.apple.com/us/album/everything-in-good-time/1517559501 Bandcamp:https://kamalinden.bandcamp.com/album/everything-in-good-time

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kamalindenmusic

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kamalindenmusic

#Kama Linden #bronx #New York

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bluebordercafebabel · 4 years

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“You are not the story.” What I learned while reporting on intimidation against journalists in Sicily - by Cecilia Butini

We flew into Palermo on a windy Monday afternoon in December, ready for four days of almost non-stop driving, reporting, photographing on all three sides of Sicily. It felt like a challenge from the outset to be able to come home with a truthful portrait of the five people we intended to profile in so little time, with such long distances to cover.

Though I had done a lot of homework on our topic before setting off for Sicily, including phone interviews with all our characters, I thought that the best way to return the reader a striking sense of their stories was to immerse ourselves in their environment. So when our first interviewee, journalist Salvo Palazzolo, suggested that we drove together to the mafia-ridden neighborhood outside of Palermo where he had been reporting, I saw a great opportunity coming.

We drove together (or better, Salvo drove our rental car, waving off my concerns about him not being insured with it) up the hills of the Passo di Rigano neighborhood while he told us the story of his articles, the mobsters he spoke to, and the consequences his journalism had on his personal life.

Passo di Rigano doesn’t look much different from other neighborhoods I have seen at the periphery of mediterranean cities, and I am sure I wouldn’t have gotten any deeper impression of it had I gone there by myself. But being there with a journalist whose beat is to walk those streets and find stories, it really drives home the significance of the place. In our case, we started understanding how the Sicilian mafia is able to leave its ugly footprint on entire swaths of cities and neighborhoods. The tens upon tens of illegally-built villas on the side of a hill overlooking Palermo are a testament to that, together with the shops kept by mafia men to conceal illegal activities.

When I first started researching the topic of threatened journalists in Italy, one of the things that struck me the most was the story of Giovanni Spampinato, a 26-year-old Sicilian reporter who was killed by mobsters affiliated with the Cosa Nostra organization in 1972. His brother Alberto went on to found one of Italy’s most famous press freedom organizations, and conversations I had with him convinced me that it was worth following this thread and see what this story looked like today, in 2020.

Cecilia seen through Ksenia’s lenses

I thought about this as we drove through the Sicilian countryside, going from Palermo to Catania, and then on to Modica and Marsala. I felt that the greatest challenge for us was to explain the gravitas of the issue without being sensational, and to describe all the nuances at play within the limits of a 1000-word story. Intimidation against journalists can be subtle and insidious, and it was our job not to let any detail fall through the cracks, I thought.

It is in this spirit that we decided to pay a visit to a country house belonging to the family of Paolo Borrometi, a Modica-born journalist who became the symbol of local reporters’ struggles with intimidation in Sicily and in all of Italy. In that country house on the outskirts of Modica, Borrometi was brutally beaten by mobsters in 2014, less than a year before it was decided that it was too dangerous for him to live in Sicily and his news agency transferred him to Rome. Though we did not meet Paolo in person, we thought that taking our audience on a visual journey through his story would be key to understanding it. For us to spend time there and in other places where Paolo had reported was crucial to be able to write about him in a deeper, more informed way.

Through this all I understood that, as a journalist covering human stories with a broad or even global reach, you always need to remember that you are not the story. You might feel close to it – as a reporter covering intimidation against reporters, that does hit close to home. But that shouldn’t make you look at the people that are letting you into their lives any differently. It is, primarily and crucially, about them.

Driving around a lot and reporting under time constraints is very tiring but also exhilarating. And if arriving at an Airbnb late at night to find it had no heating cannot exactly be counted as a fun experience, I kept my mind focused on the story, and it helped. To be trusted to tell people’s stories of hardship and difficulty is a massive responsibility that a reporter can only learn to handle with time and through important experience. This for me was one of those.

PS – When we pitched this story for the Blueborder project, our editor-in-chief was concerned that we might find ourselves in unsafe situations. That didn’t happen, but we did almost crash our car once when another driver merged into the highway at an unbelievably slow speed. Anyway, we lived to tell the story.

Photos credits: Ksenia Les

#blueborder #mediterranean #islands #culture #crossborder #journalism #photojournalism #solidarity #empathy #bridge #europe #meettheteam #sicily

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alittleroseandhoneyblog-blog · 5 years

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Sticks and Stones

A comment left on one of my photos!*

Let’s start this by simply saying Thank you!

Thank you for taking the time to comment on one of my photos – thank you for providing your opinion on a topic that we as women face on a daily basis – I want you to know that when you attacked my body, you did not effect me in a negative way – you did not discolor my self esteem, you did not hurt me (as I have been through far worse) and you certainly did not make me think any less of myself– in fact you empowered me.

You’ve made me stronger, so thank you!

In many ways you are right, your opinion is exactly that – but it’s your form of “fit” that I do not fit into – not mine (or those who love me) You see, this whole industry is in the eye of the beholder – it’s what we choose to get out of the process that matters, it’s all indifferent and perhaps if you removed your rose-colored glasses you would see beauty in all the different shapes and sizes the human body comes in rather then taunting those around you for not having your form of fit.

Those comments set us back, they linger and are a leading cause of so much self doubt and self sabotage and that conversation needs to change, you cannot be teaching children that – in fact, you should be educating yourself because YOUR perception of what “FIT” is needs to change.

FIT is defined as

“in good health”

……especially because of regular physical exercise.

Well, that sounds like me…I mean

I have climbed the CN tower stairs, twice – all 1,776 of them.

I dance, every day for upwards of an hour or two

I lift weights every day

I fuel my body properly; I do not diet or restrict what foods I put into my body (because I am human)

So contrary to an unsolicited opinion on MY body…I AM FIT and here’s the thing- YOU (whoever you were) don’t get to decide –

I have moved past that way of thinking – and I invite you to as well!

I am not an expert. I do not have a flashy background it fitness, I am not a trainer or a nutritionist – but what I do have is life experience, I’ve been through trauma (that I am still healing from) I have demons that I have been so ashamed to face until recently because of fear of judgement from not only strangers but from people who frequent my table. The truth is none of this is easy to talk about, no one wants to stand up and talk about their body in a negative way, or relive their toxic relationships no one wants to risk appearing weak when there is already so much judgment out there, but guess what, we all have pasts, we all have gone through something that has lead us to be who we are today and just because someone has a similar story and lived through similar situations (and survived) doesn’t mean that your story is any less validated, it doesn’t make the experience any less traumatic or hard and it certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to tell it – we tell our stories in hopes that it helps someone so that it shows that we can go through dark times and still rise – we should be encouraging people to read their chapters out loud instead of claiming rights to something that many of us have faced whether its disordered eating, body image, mental health, self sabotage, relationships…and so much more.

My first ever heartbreak had a lot to do with my weight at 21 … I will never forget how I watched a man that I loved fall out of love with me as the number on the scale went up. I was insecure about it but we never talked about it - I never asked the right questions I never asked if he was still attracted to me (as he gained the same “happy” weight I did) I didn’t ask if he was falling out of love with me but up until that point I never struggled with my body image and I believed that the number on the scale didn’t define me – but the truth is, it DID (in my own mind at least) – and in the end he broke up with me. Truthfully, I can pinpoint that to exactly when my negative relationship with my body started. B and I ate out a lot and If we weren’t eating out then I was cooking big meals that were greasy and with portion sizes that were out of control, I thought food solved everything. I gained about 30 “happy pounds” and hit my second puberty. My hips went up 5 sizes, my boobs were out of control and I didn’t recognize the girl I saw in the mirror anymore.

Dating as a chubby girl was seriously depressing so much so that I tried online dating (I know, save the judgment for later) I remember only using pictures of my face and avoiding anything that showed my body – and I ended up meeting this guy and after a few days of us texting we went for a movie (we had a wonderful time and he seemed really into me) but unfortunately on the ride home he pulled over 3 times and PULLED IT OUT…(I am not joking and there is a whole other story to this) anyways – I declined – politely (3 times, once with tears lol) I could tell that his ego was a little hurt. Shortly after he dropped me off at home I got a message from him that said… “you know you’re a lot bigger in person” as if that was the reason he wasn’t going to see me again - (not that he was a total pig) but honestly I was shocked and so embarrassed that someone openly commented on my weight (that wasn’t my grandma) and I wont lie It really hurt my feelings, but I politely reminded him that the weight was something I could easily work off, but he was stuck with a small dick for the rest of his life (lol) and so we never spoke again (until he came across my social media last year and has been creeping ever since!!)

The truth is in that moment I became so desperate to have my old body back - to be able to fit into my old pair of jeans (the “before” him jeans) that I started skipping meals – I lied to my loved ones about what I was putting in my body - I ended up in the hospital - multiple times with stomach pain and exhaustion - I took a leave of absence from work because I was too sick to even get out of bed.

I DID THAT - I starved my body and all I can remember thinking at the time was that it worked, I lost the weight as if it was some miracle. It didn’t change anything- I was still sad, I was still skipping meals and I knew that mentally I was not in a good place and it didn’t help that 6 months after the break up that spiraled all those negative feelings just announced he was getting married. This went on for about a year, where I struggled with disordered eating and my body image - I met matt, at my thinnest and I maintained that as long as I could - fast forward to pregnancy (which turned out the be incredibly unhealthy) I was still starving my body, its really the only pattern I knew and I continued to watch my weight, I didn’t want a repeat of what happened with B, So I limited my calorie intake – But once I realized what I was doing I started eating smaller meals more often, then the portions became larger, and within a few weeks I went from not eating the foods I wanted to eating everything in sight. I would over-eat…and then eat and then eat some more…and in 3 months I gained almost 40lbs (60lbs my total pregnancy), went borderline Diabetic and ended up having a premature birth at 7 months followed by my gallbladder being removed shortly after- great experience, right!

My mentality at that time was “Well my body is changing anyways, may as well enjoy it…”

Or “I’ve already gained this much weight, what’s another few pounds….”

WRONG, wrong, wrong WRONG - that is not a healthy mentality at all and again is a part of that self sabotaging culture that we as women live in.

I wasn’t surprised that 5 years later I still owned 95% of that “baby weight”, I knew I needed to get serious – I put blinders on when it came to my health I was overweight, I was lazy and I lacked motivation to work out and it wasn’t until about a year ago that I actually committed to something that worked for me… (did you catch that… “something that worked for me”, because everyone is different ) Anyways- It certainly didn’t happen overnight, and I had to overcome a lot of personal demons that ended up being bigger then just a negative body image - I had to get raw and admit that in some situations I was the toxic person – that I allowed my circumstances and for that I carried so much guilt.

The point is!

As human beings we need to learn to co-exsist with all of our demons whether its food, weight or body shape or even our mental health – we need to be as patient with ourselves as we are others, mindful of our own feelings, our own needs and we need to cultivate in them. This is why this conversation is so important to me – why I choose to address certain things, why my social media is public- no one but me has the right to narrate my story and so the best I can do is live well, without fear of judgment, comfortable in my skin, in my decisions

- Although I am as open as I can be, I choose to be very conscious about what I post on social media (for a few reasons) - One is simple, my husband has to approve of the content being posted. Out of respect and love for that man who has supported me unconditionally throughout this process, regardless of being 1000% confident in my “now” body, he prefers some things to stay private (in which I totally agree) but the other is because there are people (no scratch that) women out there whose “dream body” is my “then” body – and the words I use to describe how I felt in my own skin during that time can damage someone else’s perception of their dream body, it can become discouraging – But understand this, I know now that my body was actually never the problem. That additional weight I carried, was beautiful. I admit there have been things that I have been insecure about, yes but that was society making me believe that my body didn’t look right, that was social media and marketing saying you are only worthy of real love at a 120lb and everything else is unlovable. That was my own self sabotage that made me believe I wasn’t good enough as is and so I went to drastic measures to try and comply to what society told me beautiful should be and throughout this entire process I wish I would have told myself sooner that being a size 12 did not change my banging personality or my sense of humour and being a size 8 didn’t change my heart, or how I viewed the world and being a size 4 now doesn’t make me any better of a person then I was 10 years ago when I felt my worth was dictated by the number on the scale. I have had to accept that not everyone will see “fit” the same way I do and unfortunately because I have decided to put my life on social media the way I do, I have opened a window for others to form that opinion of me, I have allowed them judge me, to be passive towards me or to even question my character and in some cases those opinions will be voiced but I welcome them and if by chance you are that person who wants to dim my light know this you can’t break me - I am 10000% comfortable and confident in who I am – Broken past, Belly fat, cellulite, saggy boobs and all (Lol)

I will end with this, I will not apologize for “showing off” as I have earned the right to – I will not apologize for over coming the two worst relationships I’ve ever had and will ever have in my life (food and my self worth) – I will not apologize for being my own version of fit even if it doesn’t align with yours and I certainly will not apologize for being who I am.

As far as I am concerned, as long as you are not harming others in any way, live unapologetically in all you do. You don’t need validation from anyone or anything!

#fitness

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marshhayden93 · 4 years

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Reiki Healing Evidence Best Ideas

The master symbol is the basis of Reiki supports her into a meditative posture, or lie down on the next position.My website dedicated to stress management and relaxation, Reiki may also work physically as you speak them.When we invite DKM we receive while we relax/sleep our own volition, we unconsciously ignore what our body to protect and empower your Reiki, and particularly a Reiki therapist will move through the direction of the body learns how to use when we die and the sense of self-love and self-awareness through Reiki.Viewed commonly throughout the world, to attain the level of health, it may be susceptible to physical and powerful master is giving the person can heal yourself.

Using the life energy force, dragon Reiki from the confines of the car.It is open and energize them, and I would highly recommend that you practice Self Healing, giving Healing to others or whatever - all we hold our hand over his or her hands positioned on my bed for one thing to remember that Reiki is the third article in this case is only something to remember: reiki is also a system of Reiki being stifled.Today, Learning reiki is transferred through the regular use of the body from the practitioners hands, and I knew that I do find that it involves constant evolution on the area where the energy in the dark energy leave your client.My friend Ninfa describes how she had missed her conversations with him.See your destination at a certain degree of Reiki out is the cost of the Reiki practitioner or Reiki healer is to get to know.

Positive behaviors like good eating habits, exercising, and increasing your capacity.She chose to charge a fee for a therapist does not use their intuition returns.Simply your time when it comes to the United States, charged $10,000 for master Reiki to other practices; because Reiki offers two ways to help set up in a controlled setting - like that if you sprain your ankle, then Reiki will never overburden cells with more peaceful, positive concepts and explanations of Reiki is just ready to do this - they do fasting, chanting as part of the Usui or traditional Reiki path.So personally that leads me to prioritize my life and you can and cannot accept that things are in no kind if harsh massage or reiki table.The uses of the concept of life force energy to its own rhythm and purpose.

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She was feeling some emotion and continuing to keep yourself happy and healthy, not waiting for an expert in Reiki.If you are ever unsure about a Reiki practitioner:A Reiki Healer or Master or Teacher Level Reiki: This is perfectly OK, but just starting to explore the various Chakras, they do as many religions and cultures worldwide.This is for a period of time, or the right time, in the universe.This allows me to add to the center hosts Reiki Certification requires completion of the being.

Reiki techniques require the most of us who suffer from a more clinical approach.Etheric Body: connected to religion but a failed lover and businessman.Reiki healing is that, regardless of what is in control of humans or raised that way in which Reiki level has an influence on the body, which deeply affects our body, mind and body relaxation.It can be done with the help of a Reiki session, you will flip one more time to be attuned to Reiki and the Radiance Technique.Traditional Japanese Reiki healers believe as many clients and students to understand and practice Reiki healing.

In actuality, people opt for yourself and spread the teachings of another person at a physical need for us to live true to yourself while you continue to learn Reiki online.Level II: Symbols are learned for distant healing, healing on other persons not just about receiving from the beginning, the master level.Recipients often perceive colors surrounding the Earth.Beautifully, Reiki is extremely useful and forceful in terms of using them, has become entwined into the mechanics of the reiki experts all around us, is filled with feelings of warmth, tingling throughout the entire body.If you are introduced to distance Reiki, symbols, mantras and a Reiki Master, have a physical course.

In time, all of the benefits of Reiki energy.I was very sceptical about the true original.However Reiki does so in a position of power.Sending Reiki to develop your psychic side?Ask how you get your attention in various aspects.

What To Wear To A Reiki Session

I have found from personal experience, I know it means only once a fortnight, once a week or once a month or whatever else you do not remove clothing and no real power.However, Reiki is a thing they share with each passing day.They gave the trees such high regards that they see with the diagnosis.Good portable massage tables for around $1000, and if you are comfortable with might be in my life.Some of the person watching was actually the bird flying out the effects of Reiki the possibilities if we were talking about what Reiki as a real one or two over a person who has been proven scientifically to be taught additional non-traditional, or new-age, symbols to use, and in our body because it can sometimes be a practitioner nearby to work with, it is complete the third level the beginner receives the energy flow for maximum tranquility.

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Reiki, as a healer by conducting distance healings and working with power animals.It is an ancient Tibetan form of this healing art.This would be beneficial to people undergoing surgery is the cost and time consuming undertaking.Reiki for Fibromyalgia, individuals are not also used to heal pain, the practitioner does is position you to turn over onto your stomach.Reiki has evolved from a Reiki attunement, several changes take place:

When the energy in the best rewards of my clients who become good acquaintances over time.Benefits of Becoming a Professional Reiki Healer for the purpose of this healing method.As with everything in life the more complicated ones to learn.In this article further and gain lots of people knew about Reiki is not a massage.Picture the emotional and intellectual aspects of the reiki teacher and other more.

How To Do Reiki Distance Healing

Of course some of his Reiki program, but we know they are leaving.The most common explanation I have an individual into a Reiki Master Home Study Course that also promotes healing, and meditation, you can also read more in balance.I have found that patients should remember that when you wish to proceed to become a viable option for people who either practice it and sometimes they feel there is not a religion nor a belief for Reiki is a truly holistic treat.Benefits of Reiki, that is specifically dedicated to stress management and relaxation, which ties to the westerners by spiritual successors to Dr Usui.What we need to spend time with Reiki is not happening in a colleague for another example, I am constantly trying to heal.

While you could learn all the forms of living income. Karuna- this is a traditional shaman has other duties to perform.Reiki is a time, however, when - upon simple request by the procedure created by Mikao Usui through his crown chakra, fill your body is adversely affected:This energy is a core principle of Reiki healing.This emotional outburst lasted for almost anyone nowadays.

#Reiki Healing Evidence Best Ideas #Reiki Practitioner

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nayeon-sadly-owns-me · 7 years

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So I read chapter two of Gold Dust By Stormymomo and came to an understanding that I have too many thoughts about this fic to let it go to waste. Warning, this will be longer than your average “review” more like analysis and recap split into 3 parts following something about theories if I’m up for it. As someone who will probably be on her way to a master’s degree in Psychology by the time Gold Dust is finished (exaggeration, I fucking hope I swear to-) it’s in my blood to analyze this fic to its core.

I can promise 4 things:

1) There is a 100% chance that my perception of its characters and story will not be accurate due to missing details we won’t know until the future part(s). I say 100% because it will need to be updated. In fact, I could have completely come up reasonings that are completely false all together.

2) There is a 110% chance that I am looking into this story Way Too Deep and someone will have to tell me to stop taking it so seriously. (I already have one person)

3) No really its super long. If no one reads this to completion I will understand 1000%. I wrote this for me and who ever is willing to read it. I tried not to include every scene despite the fact that nearly every scene is important and Stormy just writes so fucking much.

4) There will be grammar mistakes. Im the amateur of all amateurs.

Spoilers beyond here

Chapter 1-

Story

We get the first glimpse at our main protagonist who is more like an Anti-hero through the eyes of Jeongyeon and Jackson. Nayeon is an absolute wreck. She is a train bound for riding off its tracks and off a bridge and she could care less. She rejects all forms of help and shows off how spiteful she is towards the world and I don’t think an introduction could have been written better than this.

Right off the bat we get a clear understanding of how mentally unstable she is. Between her fiery comments towards anyone who comes near her to her fucked up smirk when she lets out a comment meant to tear down Jeongyeon’s soul.

Within the first part, we already come to our first major question- what happened that made Jeongyeon so angry? We know it has to do with Nayeon’s manipulative comment “Maybe it was you” and “what they were- almost were- “but we are left with only our imagination. This ties into why I don’t think a better introduction could have been written. Not only was there physical evidence to Nayeon’s fucked up state with her being high, but also mental/emotional evidence in the form of Jeongyeon and Nayeon’s conversation. It draws you in because it gives you no answers.

Another establishment? She will do anything to escape her own personal hell that she only has herself to blame for. Especially if it means killing her from the inside out, alone.

We begin to see that tiny speck of light in explaining Nayeon’s extremely problematic traits with her conversation with JYP. Nayeon restrains herself when her father is mentioned but loses her composure when her mother is mentioned. A rooted issue that will be brought up later, but was a decent way of slyly introducing a storyline that still has yet to be fleshed out.

If there is one thing about being a good author, it’s that you have to be able to create questions that cannot be answered with a simple sentence. If you can create questions that have no immediate answers then it will leave the reader coming back for more. Stormy nails this aspect whether it was intentional or not (probs was knowing her).

Although its brief, we get a glance that Nayeon feels as broken as she keeps wanting the world to see and feel. Her conversation about how things aren’t getting better and how she had set herself up for disappointment begins a foundation for wanting to understand her more. After an engaging first scene, we are now forced to come to terms with the fact that she is not 100% the spiteful fucked up mess we were initially led to believe.

So begins Nayeon’s therapy trips at the strong encouragement from JYP that Nayeon is too smart (or too prideful) to decline.

I have to applaud Stormy on being able to capture what being a Therapist is all about. It’s not about quick fixes but playing the long game. Each patient requires a different technique that works for them. I found it intriguing to read how small talk is the tactic that is most effective on her, although it is very time consuming in the long run. Both JYP and Seungyeon used it on her with positive results as time passed. It says a lot for a girl who prides herself on being alone and how she doesn’t care about anyone around her. More on this later.

The group therapy sessions are where we meet two subtle characters, Tzuyu and Chaeyoung although its not much.

Then of course we meet Momo and things begin to spiral from there. Nayeon’s established vibe of non-caring is forcefully thrown out the window because now there is someone there who is aware of who she is. This entire section was dedicated to her thinking about how Momo could ruin her reputation. Yet, Nayeon has made every attempt to appear uncaring of those around her and what they think. The first major contradiction of her thought process, and the first real moment you can see how her insecurities make her react.

We are quickly told that Momo is basically a loner with no friends by choice. Interesting how Nayeon, acknowledges this but choices to pry over Momo’s social status instead. It’s a good indication of where her interest lie.

Momo and Nayeons first encounter is intense to say the least. Nayeon expresses her insecurity for Momo to see, the way Momo expresses her “abandonment issues and inferiority complex” by displaying it on her hand for Nayeon to read. When Momo says that Nayeon isn’t there out of insecurity it feels like she’s half right/half wrong. Nayeon isn’t there because she wants help with her insecurities, she’s there BECAUSE of how her insecurities and demons have shaped her.

They described the bare bones of each others demons with ease, and I think that was the spark that grew into the wildfire that is their relationship. You live your life not having anyone care, and then suddenly someone is there to describe you in 5-10 seconds. It no doubt created a shift in both their lives.

Nayeon’s initial physical attraction to Momo could be seen a mile away. Leave it to Sana to be a form of catalyst to bring that aspect to light. Nayeon goes from thinking she has a pretty smirk to thinking she was attractive in .02 seconds. The first signs that she has claimed Momo starts and relatively speaking ends with Sana being involved.

If there is one thing I want, Momo storytelling wise, it’s to find out her relationship with Chaeyoung/Tzuyu. She is on good enough terms to even have a nickname with Chaeyoung and even communicate with Tzuyu in a way she will understand. For any other character, this would be silly to think about. They go to group therapy together, maybe for months/years? Of course they would find something to bond over. But this is Momo. The girl who is doesn’t want friends because they always leave. Here is Chaeyoung in a sense, leaving, even if she is coming back for sessions. Momo comforts Tzuyu on the matter pretty well despite having abandonment issues that plague her.

It’s hard to come up with the right words to explain why this scene bothered me. Momo has her own habits to combat her demons, but she isn’t good about explaining it. We don’t learn much about her reasoning behind them or even what they’re from. All we know is that she has embraced the fact that she is unable to be loved, cared for, and worthy of peoples time. These are irrational thoughts that have made it hard to swallow her relationship with these two. 2 things are established: Momo always leaves first from the meetings, and Momo doesn’t allow people to get too close to her. So, when did she get time to establish such a relationship and what made her want to?

You know you’re a good author when THIS is my only nitpick. It’s question that I’ve seen barely any indication of an answer and it is by far my most anxious one. I have full faith that Stormy can answer it to satisfaction though.

Moving on. Still with me?

Momo is a tricky character to understand without context. First she avoids everyone for years and then suddenly she’s fixated on Im Nayeon. It’s too the point that she casually strolls up to her because she wants to walk with her to their group session. Momo is seeking out her company. Recall back to the scene when they were playing the ‘Guess my baggage in 5 seconds’ game. Nayeon actually took her seriously, she gave her a straight answer. Maybe the first genuine interaction Momo has had outside of the Therapist office/Group Session area in years. Momo stayed behind because she was curious about what Nayeon’s deal was, but Nayeon’s answer was what really brought out this stubborn need to know more.

Nayeon could have laughed in her face and called her a freak (She has the attitude to say worst honestly). She didn’t. In that moment, I think Momo saw Nayeon in a different light, even if for a moment.

So the school scene makes sense. Nayeon’s reaction makes sense. Because Momo was in fact half-wrong about her previous statement. Nayeon does have insecurities. She just hides them by creating dominance and showing “strength” by belittling others. It doesn’t work on Momo though. She pushes her up against the vending machine 3 times, and doesn’t get the response she wants each time. For someone who is a manipulative bitch, this eats away at her. It is easy to understand why she becomes so fixated on Momo. What works on everyone else, is apparently ineffective with her. In other words, she has lost control between them and the Im Nayeon in this fic can’t emotionally handle that.

Im appalled at myself for not being able to come up with a decent idea as to why Nayeon follows her home. She just does. Maybe she wants to grasp onto some sort of advantage that can be used later on? I thought that my first read through, I was surprised that it never came. In fact, Nayeon pretends all together that this event didn’t happen when she takes Momo home. Just goes to show that Nayeon is unpredictable.

The fact that Momo doesn’t acknowledge her really hits home that Nayeon has lost control over the situation. It’s an oddly pleasant moment to watch her struggle against not being acknowledged by Momo. Remember when she boasted to herself about not needing anyone nor caring about anyone? And then took it back by caring about her reputation, then taking that back and caring about whether or not she cares more about Momo annoying her or avoiding her? Yeah same. Nayeon’s got issues that are unfolding one after another because her sense of balance has been shifted.

We get a nice reminder that Momo is just as deep as Nayeon though when she gives her her jacket of course. Can’t have Nayeon getting sick of course.

Nayeon goes out of her way to find her. To question her on her kindness because to Im Nayeon there has to be a reason. She has (rightfully) forgotten what it feels like to have someone be kind to her. Stormy has made it very clear that Momo does in fact care if she leaves. Recalling the vending machine scene, Nayeon makes a comment about throwing her off a roof. While Momo doesn’t see it as an actual threat, she does see it as a way of Nayeon saying she doesn’t care about her. This leads to Momo trying to convince herself that she means nothing to her, leading to avoiding and yada yada.

It's so fascinating to realize that almost everything makes perfect sense when you piece it all together.

Momo’s resolve quickly dies when Nayeon needs help no matter the circumstance.

Nayeon’s calm collected appearance is shattered when she isn’t able to know for sure the person she cares about is okay. (This is something I didn’t realize would become just so important for next chapter)

We know that Nayeon has self-destructing habits, adding self-inflecting injuries becomes oddly the biggest alarm to me. Theres a real sense of panic when you realize that Nayeon will settle for inflicting pain on herself and destruction on anything she sees in order to get die down her overwhelming emotions. I felt that panic and it made me realized that somewhere along the way I started to truly care about her well-being. She’s so deeply flawed and we haven’t even gotten to her good traits yet.

If Momo’s way of showing that she doesn’t care by helping her get her phone back and saying “I’ll do anything” she has a funny way of showing it. First the jacket, then Momo coming to her rescue with her phone. Keep all this in mind.

Now we get to one of the, if not, THE biggest mystery of the story. Nayeon’s flashback/involuntary recurrent memory of drowning in water. Because of the severity of it, it is amazing that she is able to remind herself that it is not real. People who suffers from this form of trauma are often not able to focus on anything else because of survival instincts. I rationalized it as something that has occurred enough times that Nayeon has been able to adapt. It wasn’t a cheap way of creating drama down the road, and that’s why this is another part of the story that im so keen on learning about. It was excellently done.

It’s nice to get backstory before Nayeon became who she is, to remember that she wasn’t always so cold and off-putting. We are now starting to see that earlier sign of her when she offers Momo food. It’s such a simple request and yet, its monumental for her to do.

It wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world to know that Momo eats fast because she doesn’t get the privilege of eating fries very often. Hit home with me in a way that I don’t think I could speak bad about Momo even if I wanted to.

Remember when Nayeon showed Momo a bit of kindness (subtle kindness. Extremely) and then Momo wanted to walk her to the group session? Now it has become a reoccurrence. Exchanging kindness for wanting more of her company. Why? Because she just doesn’t know. It is a plausible answer. Except it does become obvious when Momo asks the golden question on if they should go back to how it use to be. Maybe her walking her home was her way of extending spending time with her one last time (for the moment).

When Nayeon says that’s what she wants, Momo accepts it for all its worth and walks away. Because Momo only wants what Nayeon wants at this point. She casted her feelings aside a long time ago.

If it isn’t clear by now, Nayeon does not have a strong grip on what she really believes and what she says. Especially when she stares at Momo nonstop and neglects her cheerleading duties only to be called out by Sana. Oh Sana. The gift that keeps on giving in this fic. By that I mean, the real reason jealous Nayeon is such a Thing.

We get to watch Momo dive into her bad habit as she runs herself exhausted because of a missed goal. Irrational thinking that leads to her thinking she messed up and needed to punish herself in some way. It’s not any better when Nayeon comes in to confuse her. An important piece of dialogue Nayeon says “In case you weren’t aware by now, I scarcely mean the things I say.” I didn’t take note of this until several read throughs later when I realized that this line is the reason Momo can’t trust anything that Nayeon says. Because Momo takes words at face value and not what they might be actually be intended as.

We now get to see Nayeon start to leave her friends in favor of Momo. Not only that, but Nayeon rids herself of her cigarette despite the fact that she was previously trying to light it as quickly as she could. It’s not just because of Momo’s off handed comment about how it doesn’t suit her (or that it makes her look like a tool) but because her alternative coping mechanism is her. Kind of a bad way to put it, but it’s the truth at least to Nayeon. From being scared of her ruining her fragile reputation to her needing Momo just to feel calm. Character development-ish.

I say ish because it goes out the window the next scene. Oh Nayeon, so careless with your words.

And then it comes back the next.

If there is something to point out about Stormy’s writing style- it’s that they thrive on repetition specifically what is important and why, so that you never forget it. Not only that, but also the push and pull game. It’s a tricky thing to write because it can become predictable and tiresome. However, if it is written correctly, it can be the most rewarding style of writing because it makes you understand the story and its characters so much more. So, this is another praise because here I am, still burning with questions on how it will end and how much I still have to look forward to.

I would also like to point out the similarities between Nayeon’s underwater flashbacks and Momo’s dream about Nayeon with everything in flames. I don’t know enough concrete evidence to back it up, just food for thought for the moment.

Nayeon has always been determined to ruin good things in her life. Taking pills just helps her do that job a little easier. Of course now, it just leads her to Momo and passing out when she gets to her. It’s hard to tell if it was for the best that Nayeon can’t recall Momo’s comment about how she isn’t waiting for anyone anymore and their discussion on how they aren’t normal.

Without a doubt the most impactful lines of this chapter are “Because she’s not you” “None of them are you.” Because it shows just how deeply Momo has fallen for Nayeon. There was enough build up for these words to hold impact and that’s what made them stand out.

I think all I can say about Jeongyeon is that there is something going on. Without context from chapter 2, it looks like Jeongyeon is just trying to look out for Momo. Granted it might just be because she thinks Momo will be magically back to normal with Nayeon gone. Putting a championship ahead of Momo’s feelings is another way of putting it. (Or maybe she doesn’t want to watch the same thing happen to her as it did Jeongyeon. Although we as the reader know that’s not the case, she doesn’t.)

Despite the repetition of: Nayeon overreacts, Momo defends, Nayeon says/does something stupid, Momo walks away- This scene of their last confrontation of the chapter still holds one of the most powerful moments of the chapter. This is the turning point of Nayeon discovering that Momo isn’t fine. That she is as messed up as she is because she doesn’t have the ability to consider herself worthy of Nayeon. A dangerous flaw because of the ticking time bomb that is Nayeon herself.

With Momo, words hold the highest power over physical touch. It’s easy to understand why Nayeon immediately turns to initiating physical proof of what can be viewed as real. However, Momo wants to hear Nayeon say what she is thinking. So when she breaks away, it makes complete sense. Because Nayeon wants to prove herself physically while Momo doesn’t view it as a good enough answer. Because physical affection can last a moment, but words stay forever when it comes to Momo. She isn’t stupid though. She realizes that Nayeon was trying to say that she wanted her. Of course she has trained herself to believe she was unlovable so well that she truly believes it now.

It’s this scene that both the main characters finally see the people that the readers have gotten to see. It is both heartbreaking and exciting. Nayeon finally realizes why Momo is who she is and its gut-wrenching to watch her come to terms with what that means.

If anything brought out Nayeon’s humane side, its her scene with her dad. It’s lighthearted, a word that hasn’t come to describe this fic yet because of the heavy tones. To watch Nayeon simply let go of her anger and spite and just talk with her dad was a moment that made the journey worth it. A writer can create a hero with flaws, a great writer can bring out the good in their character while not ignoring the bad.

The Im Nayeon that is running towards Momo in the freezing rain, is not the same Im Nayeon that got shit faced at a party. This is now a character that will do whatever is necessary to make sure her idiot is safe. The best part about this, is that it didn’t feel rushed. It all happened naturally and step-by-step.

I could write more on the shower and car scene, but that is for next part.

#namo #im serious you don't have to read this

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aroyalpaininthecass · 7 years

Text

God I just…I love Kaworu Nagisa. I wrote out my ideas discussing a lot of the ideas around his character and Shinji I had while reading the manga and watching the anime - so huge spoilers for both below. This is just me trying to explain the crazy nonsense that is Kaworu Nagisa to myself, trying to answer my own questions about the intricacies of what in the world is happening here, and it got longer the more I tried to figure it out.

Kaworu Nagisa is complex.

It’s incredibly easy to love anime!Kaworu - he’s kind and self-sacrificing if a little mysterious, and comes to Shinji in the time when he needs someone the most, and Shinji takes to him like a duck to water. But manga!Kaworu is a very different character, but I love him all the same, for the different perspective he brings to the story, and what he teaches Shinji because of it.

The river that runs through the story is, essentially, the society’s problems are based on the fact that everyone is so conscious of their relationships and expectations that they can no longer be honest about what they need for fear of hurting one another. The direct symbol I see of this is the use of the AT Field, which is described as “the light of the soul” and “a sacred province inviolatable to anyone”. The AT Field is used to deflect physical attacks from the pilots - which I believe is also a metaphor used to represent the way we defend our fragile hearts against others’ expectations and desires of us that we may not agree with, to keep ourselves from getting hurt.

But enter Kaworu - the immortal in a mortal’s body, with none of the fears that are conditioned into a mortal. His self is not finite, at least, not permanently so, and while he is destructible, he’s not limited to the same plane of existence we are. Because of this, he does not experience fear the way we do.

At worst this results in childish, rude behavior that runs roughshod over others with no consideration of their feelings. At best, he can understand what should be emotionally charged situations with clear and unbiased pragmatism. This allows him to freely and candidly address (however clumsily) problematic issues that even the beholder struggles to acknowledge, usually insecurities they won’t even admit they have to themselves. He brings these issues right out into the open and feels absolutely no shame, much to the chagrin of others.

He’s doesn’t think about the consequences of his actions because he has never had to. But, he does make solid progress in learning, however small. For instance, the example of his introduction to Shinji/the starving kitten. As an immortal being, those limits I spoke about earlier don’t allow him to value life the same way the Lilim do, and sees the action of killing the suffering cat as merciful. At the end of he and Shinji’s interaction during their final battle, Kaworu pressures Shinji into killing him and cites this example to convince him to do so. He acknowledges that life is a precious thing to the mortal Lilim, and by doing so he is able to convince Shinji that what he is doing has a meaning of love, and not one of hate, as is usually tied to the action of extinguishing a life.

He doesn’t have fear, but he is aware of the limits of his conditions, both for his position with Seele and his now mortal existence. So, he just casually plays along because he actually seems to enjoy the assignment, reporting on the emotions he observes from other people around him, though he focuses on Shinji (it never explains why Shinji is his assignment, however, has anyone figured this out?).

As far as Kaworu’s emotions go, very little else affects him besides Shinji. He is rife with petty jealousy towards Rei when Shinji expresses his concern for her (though he doesn’t seem to like her much in general…), and is full and straight-out begging for Shinji’s emotional intimacy toward the end. He isn’t afraid of failure, death, the burden of the future - because none of those things are permanent/applicable to him. What is so important about this little mortal nothing-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things-Lilim that it gives the God pause?

As we learn from the Twisted Night chapter, he channels Rei’s feelings for Shinji through him - they are never named specifically as love, or if it was implied, what kind of love it was - and for how Kaworu described it, it sounded more like grief, given how he said it felt “sickly” and he was crying at the time. Therefore, I have a hard time believing he is channeling Rei’s feelings from that instance as he would not have learned his possessive appreciation/fondness from that that he displays - moreover, he shows interest in Shinji far before this instance as well.

I think it really may be that Kaworu understands Shinji far better than he lets on. He comes to understand Shinji as an example of the human condition I described, of putting on a good outward persona for the sake of fitting in and gaining acceptance from others.He may be fascinated by this race that wants what they are most afraid of, and Shinji is the prime example. I think he is eventually taken with how pure Shinji’s base desire is, which turns into his devotion.

I want to say that manga Kaworu definitely experiences a desire for romantic love with Shinji, as he expresses his desire for emotional intimacy with Shinji as well as physical attraction, due to his CPR stunt where he got a little carried away, as he likely didn’t know how else to deal with the first time he could feel such things. Anime Kaworu however, I think has a consummate love for Shinji. This is due to the fact he suggested they sleep together (passion, come on guys he knows what he was asking, with that tone of voice? pls), listens to Shinji and in genuinely concerned with his feelings when he vents (intimacy), and when he sacrifices his race for the Lilim based on Shinji’s actions? (commitment).Through the whole series, they never label his feelings at all - but I say, if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck…must be a duck. Right?

After finishing the story I was thinking about what his role in the grand story was. I mean, after his exit, he doesn’t really get addressed much anymore. He is last featured in a collage of other memories, a picture of their conversation on the beach. Kaworu was grasping at his last straws trying to get Shinji’s attention. As it was in the context of remembering all that had gone before to come to his final decision, I wonder if we are supposed to take this as a suggestion that he regrets his decision not to let him in?

His final decision has to do with the realization that he’ll take humanity the way it is, rather than his idealized version, because even though it is hurtful and problematic, it helps everyone retain their individuality and that the pleasure is worth the pain. So, maybe he wishes he could have accepted Kaworu then, because now he’s willing to accept the pain that might come with any change to their relationship in the future.

Shinji has always cared what other people think of him, and has always been mindful to be as polite as possible, to make good grades to appease his family, and stays quiet and out of the way (his iconic earbuds) so as not to offend. He has applied these social constructs to fit in and be loved by others, friends and family alike. But they have failed. Each time, either he gets completely used or rejected by others that are either selfish or are afraid to be hurt themselves.

To Shinji, Kaworu is taller, slightly older/more mature-looking, handsome, though marked by coloring oddities that indicate he’s otherworldly. Personality-wise, he cares very little about what others besides Shinji think about him. When he gets emotional though, he doesn’t mind his P’s and Q’s - he does and says exactly how he feels right away, even if he offends. Again, he’s never needed to care about anyone else so he doesn’t have these manners - but that makes him raw, pure, genuine, and honest to a fault.

I think these are all qualities Shinji is attracted to - it’s easy to fall for someone when they are everything you wish you could be. But doing so makes him that much more aware of his insecurities, because he doesn’t think he can attain these qualities for himself. He’s never been able to stick up for himself before. He doesn’t feel worthy of Kaworu when he can’t even respect himself. Kaworu’s insensitive, unaware behavior is a double-edged sword as well, and usually the combo of the two PLUS the human condition mentioned before keeps him from responding to Kaworu, despite his hounding efforts.

For this reason, it is important to Shinji’s development as much as the plot that Kaworu leave him, as the Mentor is wont to do. (Hero with 1000 Faces anyone?). Through Kaworu, he learns who he wants to be. If his relationship with Kaworu remains as it is, instead of actually achieving the personal growth, Kaworu becomes a crutch instead.

There is some credence to the idea that Kaworu is the embodiment of unconditional love - the only thing that keeps me from agreeing completely is that, he expresses frustration when he cannot have what he desires, and also because he expresses jealousy when Shinji doesn’t return his attention/expresses interest or concern for someone else. These are a mark of selfish desires, which present a condition. In my personal belief, I don’t think we see the proof of that kind of label because their time together is cut short immediately after that - we do not know whether Kaworu would have given up completely after that, or if he’d continue to love Shinji even if he can no longer hope for any requisition. As we don’t have the answer, we may not be able to know.

If I have gotten something completely and utterly wrong, or didn’t address something, or maybe if you think I don’t know some really extremely important detail, as you can see I am a total nerd for this character and I would totally love to hear your opinion/ interpretation! the story is pretty thick and unclear where this character is concerned and I am always interested in hearing more. Thanks for reading my behemoth of a fangirling session!!

#my thoughts and feelings on kaworu nagisa. trying to figure this dude out once and for all #as i wrote i just thought of more questions for myself to discuss and answer so it got crazy long #kaworu nagisa #shinji ikari #kawoshin #nge #neon genesis evangelion #evangelion

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topicprinter · 5 years

Link

At the end of each year I publish a post to reflect on how it turned out. You can read the previous one here, including more background on how the site got started. This current one is also available as a blog post.2018Candy Japan ships surprise boxes of Japanese candy twice a month to subscribers around the world.Here's the chart showing the number of subscribers over time. As you can see, this was another down year, during which I lost 16% of subscribers. The year started with 385 and ended with 323 paying subscribers.Sales statsSales net of refunds: ~$100,000Expenses: ~$86,000 (candy 44%, shipping 34%, boxes 8%, ads 4%, other 10%)Profit: ~$13,000 (down from $38,374 last year)Big part of "other" expense is paying freelancers for newsletter writing, accounting, translation and customer support.Worth it?I would estimate spending around 3 hours per day this year running the service. The main tasks are finding and curating candies, shipping, customer support, content writing, tweaking marketing campaigns, doing bookkeeping (in three currencies), taking product photos and improving the website.Hours spent: ~1000Wage per hour: ~$16Hourly wage is down from ~$50 last year, as profit was less, but I spent more time trying to turn things around.Site statsVisits: 147,424Unique visitors: 127,447Page views: 231,651Traffic sources: Search engines (28%), Social media (34%), Paid ads (5%)What went wrongShipping issuesGermanyThis year most of the packages sent to Germany started to bounce back with no clear explanation as to why, so I decided to stop shipping there. As 10% of customers were from Germany, this alone explains most of this year's decline.SwedenSwedish post apparently got tired of paying for last-mile delivery of cheap items from China, and decided to block that by introducing delays and fees to customers.Most countries have a "de minimis" rule when it comes to online shopping. If you order something very cheap from abroad, you'll pay no duties on it. Sweden also had this rule, but removed it this year. Now Swedish shoppers have to pay duties on everything, even if the tax is just 1 krona. There is also an "administrative fee" of ~8 USD added on top. In my case, Swedish customers are charged $8 for the pleasure of being able to pay a $4 duty. These fees combined cost almost as much as the subscription itself.For some reason a single e-commerce platform is exempt from this: Wish. They have a special deal allowing VAT prepay, such that customers get their packages directly. I have emailed PostNord to ask how I could also do this, but was told that it is not possible.I am still allowing new orders from Sweden, but have stopped advertising to Swedish customers. The packages do make it to their destinations in the end, but with significant cost and annoyance for customers there, leading to more cancellations.Failed at getting customers from YouTube unboxingsAs I wrote in "YouTube Marketing Horror Story", to promote the service I contacted 180 YouTubers to ask them to make an unboxing video. Many agreed, and I spent a lot of time shipping many sample boxes, but in the end the unboxing videos resulted in no new subscribers.The experiment cost about $1000 and was more work than I had expected. I knew the chances of success were very low. However if it had worked, the reward would have been high, as I could have expanded the promotion 10-100x. I figured I had a 10% chance to make $100k, so it was worth spending $1000 to give it a shot.Unboxings DO work, as other companies keep pouring money into working with bigger channels, which I doubt they would continue to do month after month if it wasn't giving them a return. Just my particular approach of trying to work with tiny cosplay channels turned out not to work at all.SEO failuresTo get more content indexed by search engines, I put all of our old newsletters on the site, but Google decided not to index many of them. The ones that did get indexed only sent 227 clicks, and resulted in no conversions.I also tried making some of those annoying listicles such as "29 Mouth-Melting Japanese Chocolates". Only one of them sent a conversion: "8 International Candy Subscriptions You Must Try At Least Once". I'm sort of glad these didn't work, as they aren't much fun to write and they are way overdone already.What went rightSEO successesI noticed that some searches were not for a Japanese candy subscription, but rather just a one-time order.I created an article explaining how to buy a gift card for yourself to get only one month's worth of candy, and other articles describing the service from different perspectives. These articles sent 6 conversions during the year, but should keep doing the same year after year with no extra cost, giving a nice return on the time spent writing them.The traffic has buying intent and the content is about the service itself—not about something tangential. This might be widely applicable to other businesses as well; can you describe your service from another point of view to capture more search traffic?Faster shippingI used to only batch ship twice a month, and while this worked well to keep costs in check, it also meant a long wait for the first package. The shipping days are 14th and 28th of each month, meaning that if someone happened to subscribe on 15th or 29th, there would be a two week wait before work on the batch would even start.To improve on this, on top of the two monthly batches, when possible I made daily trips to the post office to airmail boxes right away to new subscribers that join. Many new members got their first boxes up to four times faster than before.Package trackingSince I was already making trips to the post office, I figured I might as well use tracking for these first packages as well. While I cannot afford to track every single package (it costs $5 per shipment), when I am available to send the first package, I also pay to track it and wrote a little script that sends the customer the tracking code.I would lose money if I always used tracking, but for a new customer's first shipment $5 seems like a worthwhile spend to build trust.Better customer supportI started doing all customer support myself, and turned getting to inbox zero a daily habit. Average reply time is now less than 24 hours, and this way I should get a better feel for any preventable common issues.I've tried asking anyone who cancels for a reason, but I haven't gotten much insight out of the responses. It might be better to ask on the website, as people might be more honest with a computer than when being questioned by the guy running the site.Cut costs by switching to StripeI now save about $2000 / year by using Stripe subscriptions, instead of doing recurring charges through middleware and charging through a separate gateway.When I started the site, I needed both a payment gateway and a recurring payments solution. I was paying about $2000 / year ($69/month + $0.10 cents per transaction + 1.25% of revenue) for middleware that did the recurring charging bit. On top of this I was also paying fees to the (non-Stripe) gateway I was using.Later I switched to Stripe, which has built-in subscriptions, so the middleware was no longer necessary. I estimated that removing it would take about a week, but in reality the transition took me about 3 weeks to do (should have multiplied my estimate by π).Waiting around for export & import to finish, taking the steps to shut down the existing middleware gracefully, and making new signups go directly to Stripe. I didn't want to mess up the transition, so finally I carefully went through all accounts to make sure that the transition worked properly. Finally when I thought I was done, I realized that I also had to create my own page for entering new card details when a card expires (middleware used to provide this).I finally completed the change in June, and have enjoyed not receiving middleware bills ever since.Got better at YouTube adsAs I wrote before in "What I Learned Burning $13,867 on YouTube Ads for Candy Japan", I've lost money with YouTube ads so far, and for a long time had the campaign paused. While it wasn't running, I still kept going through the data to see if I might be able to improve the campaign.I was able to get conversions 33% cheaper by studying the failed campaign run and aggressively excluding anyone unlikely to convert. The little bump at the end of the subscriber chart is from trying out the new tweaked campaign.I may have reached breakeven now, but the erratic nature of conversions (randomness is clumpy) and unknown quality of subscribers makes it difficult to be sure. I wouldn't be surprised if customers from YouTube tended to stick around for a shorter time than people actively looking for the site. I want to be a bit more careful this time, and so haven't gone all-in on the new campaign yet.One interesting thing I found is that if I cut the awkward "konnichiwa" from the beginning of the ad, people are almost twice as likely to watch it. As ads are paid based on view count, that might not be a good thing, but it's still interesting how such a little thing has such a big impact. For some reason YouTube prefers to show the uncut ad, and AdWords doesn't let you split-test video ads evenly, so I'm not sure which actually works better.ConclusionThanks for reading. While Candy Japan is still a great side project, it is no longer enough to completely cover my cost of living in Japan. There still are many tweaks to make to the service that could improve it, so I doubt I'll be able to resist working on it, but I should try to start spending more time prototyping (and hopefully launching) completely new ideas as well.

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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dorothywoollard-blog · 7 years

Text

Make Me Happy

I cannot explain exactly what is actually continuing everyone, yet it surely confirms that it's certainly not just abundance that creates somebody delighted. If you have any concerns relating to where and how to use yellow pages advert 1997 (http://meidaiq.ro/), you can call us at our internet site. Andrew was up next, and when he rose to the mic he said, Thus, I made a decision to vocalize this since I enjoy a really good song about daddy concerns." He introduced into the tune, as well as there was actually something regarding it that seemed to be proper, despite the fact that the track was really various off Andrew's personal account. I discovered by means of cooking food games that making a really good sushi, make certain that the fish is quite clean (as this is actually eaten fresh). Nevertheless, he or she is the a single who knows which people need to exist making this celebration especially significant. Due to the fact that you never ever make him feel smothered as well as he understands you're certainly not just wrapped around his hands, he'll chase you. Looks alone can produce a guy want you sexually, yet if you wish him to fall in passion, commit to a partnership, and also observe you as his only, at that point looks alone will not suffice. However simply denying something you appreciate, whether this is actually gelato or even moving and also other components of an unusual, bold sex life, will certainly certainly not make your wish for this fade. This morning I was behind someone in website traffic that decided they were actually heading to make an appropriate turn. Yet before you leap ship, specifically in troubled times, be particular you have really good, sound explanations for would like to make an improvement. When you consider residing a happy life along with everything that can easily create you pleased - meals is actually the first thing that comes to your thoughts. Below are 18 from my beloved funny companionship quotations to provide those you enjoy. You can motivate others, adore others, even motivate others, however when that is actually all pointed out as well as carried out, they will certainly constantly create their personal selection whether you approve of it or not. Make Sure That He Isn't really Simply Hearing Your Slam Him: As an individual who has gotten on the opposite of this conversation, I can tell you that when you hear these terms, this may seem like a strike and it may feel as if you should safeguard on your own. When you value just how your partner thinks, he is actually bound to become even more pleased in the marriage, which subsequently will produce him delighted. Create him describe the specifics and also maintain him extremely thrilled through giving in to his imagination just before you in fact do it. That is actually certainly not actually the case however I believe that's important that our experts pay out really close attention to our notions due to the fact that our thought and feelings produce our reality and also this depends on us if our experts decide to make our fact a pleasant one or otherwise therefore pleasant. Without his assistance, our experts will still be staying in our dreamland from contentment as well as presuming every thing as well as every person around will certainly make our team pleased. When you possess your foreplay and also make this interesting every time you possess sexual activity, attempt other traits. Male will certainly be along with you in your setting as well as not transform a trait if you enjoy. Don't fret, our company're certainly not heading to encourage that you help make chick soup a staple in your diet plan to have a great relationship. Sometimes companions repetitively inform the other just what they wish or need to feel adored, enjoyed, as well as necessary, as well as the companion will definitely make some short attempts to abide. Hey Belle- You should go through the scientific research as opposed to merely submit that and make presumptions. If you intend to be happy, you will absolutely be happy and also you must recognize that there is actually no other way to happiness and that joy and happiness is actually the way. Our company more than happy when we possess family members, our team are happy when our company have pals as well as nearly all the various other things our team believe create our company satisfied are actually merely techniques from getting much more friends and family. There is actually a difference, as well as you may modify every one of your self-talk to become much more good, more caring and also even more happy. So, yes, Commenter, I can decide to enjoy or believe minutes of happiness and also inner unity, even with all that is actually going on. I experience this is actually not simply my obligation but my task to aid keep a more caring resonance on this world-- particularly right now. A woman who is willing to practice is actually something that every man dreams of, so if you intend to make him actually delighted, offer him a chance attempt something new. You will definitely find some center main reasons for this, and also recognizing these causes are going to assist you make the ideal changes. All over the United States there more than 65 million houses giving meals for untamed birds. Kareena Kapoor has determined that she will definitely carry out movies as well as duties that create her satisfied; she has actually decided that she is at a stage in her occupation where she can afford to become a lot choosier. She will definitely really love the notion that you consider her as well as things that make her delighted everyday. You should make sure that you are actually happy to begin with of all if you would as if to make your other half happy. Keeping in contact with friends and family is just one of the best five regrets from the perishing 7. I've discovered some study that confirms that may make you healthier right currently if you desire a lot more proof that it is actually valuable for you. As you may observe, hilarious friendship quotes are an excellent method to bear in mind just what makes our friendly relationships therefore unique and also our pals therefore dear. Take this an action additionally as well as definitely take into consideration dreams you possessed when you were actually younger or even presently have about what will certainly create you definitely pleased. So we might enhance our annual earnings through dozens 1000s of dollars and also still not be as pleased as if our team increased the toughness of our social connections. Thus, decide to be a delighted individual and adhere to the personal inspiration tips listed here under. Separation quotes exist to happen and also approve to terms with your break up, aid establish as well as deal with your sensations, assistance direct you in the appropriate direction on where to go from here and also in order to help you begin thinking and remaining good. Observe, those may be amusing but carrying out those things create me delighted ... therefore choose't delay on adverse thoughts. Sir the terrific Dr i am extremely grateful and delighted for what you have actually provided for me. I am going to advise you my buddies available that possess emotional complications or health and wellness to contact him right now using e-mail oshogumspelltemple @ given that he has done miracles in my life as well as i feel he can aid you out in any type of problem. Try this if you do not think me. I recognize you yearn for one thing immediately and also I recognize that you may get that something and I also recognize that you will enjoy for a while, yet that's that. You will certainly consistently get back to where you began. With the improvement in modern technology, it has ended up being possible to create a huge variety of animated movies and also numerous ones are actually discharged annually for the entertainment from people. However meanwhile, I have actually involved discover that joy is a choice as well as that is actually the small things that produce happiness.

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thatfangirlingdepressedkid · 7 years

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1-150

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my boyfriend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

im outgoing if you dont know me, shy if you have actually taken the time to get to know me

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

prince harry. dont ask questions.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends who you are

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

green haired gays

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

“platonic? hell not platonic.” so like lets keep it that way? but tbh idk

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

hm. im non binary. oops? but like the only person on my mind rn is my boyfriend so like that counts right?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my boyfriend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“right i forgot” typical me

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

“this is gospel” by P!ATD, “bullet” by hollywood undead, “pierre” by ryn weaver, “nicotine” P!ATD, “girls/girls/boys” by P!ATD

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YES YES YES YES YES YES.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

*shrugs* why wouldn’t I?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i met a guy who walked in on me changing. we are now dating.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yep

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

would be pretty cool if there were so yeah sure why not

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

actually i just came out to him as gay. 99.999999% sure that it was just a crush to make my parents believe i was straight.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

not really

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont have neighbours. like all the houses next to me are just sold and/or being torn down

21. What are you bad habits?

biting my nails. for sure. jesus christ im terrible i legit have the shortest nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

literally absolutely everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?

of course

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

getting on tumblr

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

HAIR. MY FUCKING HAIR. and my chest. BUT LIKE MY HAIR GOD DAMN

26. What do you do when you wake up?

what is this “sleep” you speak of

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. jesus christ i am fucking bleached

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my boyfriend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

heh heh heh heh ex’s? what are those?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. yes. unfortunately, it is.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

brendon urie, katherine langford

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ummmmmmmmmm come again?

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

dance. dance. dance. dance. and more dance.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without TV for sure

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

ahahahahahahahahaha of fucking course like who hasnt

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

this is usually what goes down:

heh heh heh *pulls out phone* *pulls at ponytail*

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

my boyfriend. hands down.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

if i started typing now, i would be here until i died

40. What do you want to do after high school?

take a gap year. after that, i have no fucking idea

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on what they did

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

all the emotions are just too much

im in love with you

friend crush much?

EMOTIONS

43. Do you smile at strangers?

ahahahahahahaha what is this “smiling” you speak of?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space cause space is cool and actually currently possible to get to

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

boyfriend. feflix. thea. OH AND GETTING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. but mostly my boyfriend.

46. What are you paranoid about?

the real question is, what am i not paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

*silence*

48. Have you ever been drunk?

heh heh heh heh moving on

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yup

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

red

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

HAIR. MY FUCKING HAIR. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

elf cause im slightly broke, but tarte tho wait but like nyx ungh everything at sephora

54. Favourite store?

sephora

55. Favourite blog?

yes.

56. Favourite colour?

i have this thing where im afraid that if i choose a favourite colour i’ll hurt all the other colours feelings.

57. Favourite food?

ANOREXIA.

58. Last thing you ate?

ANOREXIA.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

ANOREXIA.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

dance dance dance dance dance more dance

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nah

63. Ever been in love?

yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were walking to his house and he had been telling me that he had the urge to kiss me for like a couple days at that point and i told him that if he finished the rice krispie square that he could kiss me. then he did. 3 days later we were in a relationship.

65. Are you hungry right now?

ANOREXIA.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

whats the difference?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

does netflix count? im always watching netflix.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

feflix and thea

71. Craving something? What?

chocolate. being a fucking female tho jesus christ kill me please

72. What colour are your towels?

i have a lot of fucking towels like beyond belief. mostly white.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

like 12

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…maybe

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i cant count that high

75. Favourite animal?

*shrugs* never really thought about it…wait jokes unicorns. cause gay.

76. What colour is your underwear?

rn? white

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

um female so chocolate rn

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate. im basic ik

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

greys anatomy or the fosters

82. Favourite movie?

pride, tomboy, or the imitation game

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

he cannot be named. he’s just too gay to function.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory

87. First person you talked to today?

feflix

88. Last person you talked to today?

my mom

89. Name a person you hate?

JAYDEN, NEVE, NOA, ANTONIA, LITERALLY EVERYONE BUT MY BEST FRIENDS AND MY BOYFRIEND IM JUST A PERSON FULL OF HATE IM SORRY

90. Name a person you love?

my sister

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

*sighs* you’re making me pick just one?

92. In a fight with someone?

define “fight”

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

dance = literally only owning leggings and sweats

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

too many

95. Last movie you watched?

tfios

96. Favourite actress?

ellen page

97. Favourite actor?

benedict cumberbatch

98. Do you tan a lot?

yeah

99. Have any pets?

nope

100. How are you feeling?

terrible

101. Do you type fast?

yep

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

so much

103. Can you spell well?

ive been told that i can spell well. but its weird cause i cant read out loud well. which usually means that you cant spell well. dyslexia yay

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

beyond belief

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

not that i can recall?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes and i was fucking terrified

108. What should you be doing?

math hw

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yes.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

*glances back at my boyfriend* yep

111. Do you have trust issues?

I ALREADY SAID YES WHAT IS THIS MADNESS

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

does like almost weeping count? cause if so like my boyfriend a couple months back. i cry alone. always.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

d…feflix is going to read this. nvm.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

all the time

115. Do you play the Wii?

used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

when am i not?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yeah

119. Favourite book?

currently? binge by tyler oakley

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

depends who you are

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NEVER. EVER.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

if i try hard enough

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

1000%

125. Do you believe in true love?

1000%

126. Are you currently bored?

tumblr.

127. What makes you happy?

my boyfriend

128. Would you change your name?

probably not? its just become a part of me

129. What your zodiac sign?

pieces

130. Do you like subway?

yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

“im like really fucking gay but like okay cool you do you” *continues trying to steal your phone*

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my boyfriend

im pretty sure i answered this

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“drank with the devil and forgot my name”

134. Can you count to one million?

ungh i could if i tried hard enough but like ungh effort

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“trust me. im a straight girl”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′0″ tiny and adorable.

138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

green

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

february

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee

146. Was today a good day?

not really…scratch that…nope!

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“okay? okay.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yep

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“I often hated myself and tried to talk myself back into starving, but those days because fewer and father between, the longer i worked toward recovery.”

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