#immersed myself in fiction so much i keep dreaming of having relationships that ill never have because most other people just Dont Work That

[archirdarchernar]

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#vent #tw vent #i feel like im going to explode #i cant bring myself to do anything so all this energy is just gathering and building up and i feel like im seconds away from exploding #i want human connection so fucking bad but im so fucked up no one would want to compromise a relationship with me #immersed myself in fiction so much i keep dreaming of having relationships that ill never have because most other people just Dont Work That #Way #all my relationships feel so shallow now #ig thats my fault #for never presenting the real version of myself. showing others caricatures and exaggerations of my character so i can be more likeable #ill never feel safe enough around anyone to drop the act. and even if i do ill feel too guilty to stop #ive doomed myself theres no fixing me #theres no motivation to do anything anymore i can barely get myself to lift a finger #hey why didnt anyone tell me just sitting up would be so hard. why didnt anyone tell me just drawing a few strokes would take most of my #energy #if anyone ripped my heart out right now id thank them for putting me out of my misery #theres nothing here. might as well also become nothing #this feeling is awful id prefer being hurt instead #i cant make it go away #someone please just kill me #arc 3am logs