Tumgik
#instead its the same weird 'teaser' that shows nothing and reveals nothing every other year
moghedien · 2 months
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I know there was supposedly a leak about DA4 recently about information about it sounding bad and it supposedly coming this year and respectfully, I do not believe that. not because I know anything about the source of the leak or think that it wouldn't be bad, but because I straight up do not believe that game is ever coming out
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athyrabunlord · 7 years
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LLSHP 10 - Moonstruck
Arc1: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7]
Arc2: [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14]
Arc3: [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18 - sanguinem pudicitia (TBD)]
Interludes: [Carbonado (1)] [Carbonado (2)] [Of Feathers and Wind] [Delphinus (teaser blip)]
[Brief note about School Term] [other LLSHP AU stuff] [YohaMaRuby concept arts] [ChikaYouRiko concept arts] [KanaDiaMari concept arts] [Hogwarts Staff]
[FFN link] (up until ch14!) [Pixiv Link] [Translated to Chinese by plin2290]
A/N: So much for keeping to my update schedule (ノ°益°)ノ  Welp, this chapter is long and I’m still unhappy with some parts, but at least it’s finished. After the previous fun chapter, we’re back for a different kind of fun~ Hope you’ll enjoy reading! Any feedback is appreciated ('▽^人) Words: 8,351
Yoshiko sighs for the umpteenth time since she entered the Room of Requirement. She should be using her time to rest before the next session, but how in Satan's name is she supposed to relax when there are so many distractions around?
"I still can't believe you never told us, Kanan-chan!"
"I think you're as big as Shiitake, hehe~"
Yoshiko drapes over the couch's backrest to see You and Chika patting and scratching the massive wolf-dog. Somehow, after the excess use of magic for the Yule Ball's performance, Kanan's arm has healed exponentially. Dia theorizes that Kanan's own magic has purged the area of whatever malevolent forces that injured it in the first place.
Therefore, after a long discussion within the research group, a happy Kanan celebrates her recovery by revealing her Animagus form to her childhood friends. While the wolf still walks with a bit of a limp, Riko is confident that the older witch would fully recover by New Years now that they know how to treat the wound.
After observing the Gryffindors a bit more, Yoshiko sighs in resignation and flops back down onto the couch. Truthfully, she is rather disappointed that nothing seems to have changed between You and Chika after the Banquet. They are still as close and touchy with each other as ever, but there aren't any gestures that suggest more. She doesn't consider herself an expert matchmaker or anything, but she would like to do something nice for the duo, especially since they have always been nice to her and have unconditionally decided to help them out without knowing the whole truth or their forgotten past.
"Belly flop!" "Woof!" "Ah no fair, I want to play too!"
At least, they're enjoying themselves. Gryffindors are so weird.
"Is it really wise to let them come here?" Yoshiko shares the same exasperated expression as Dia, who glares at Mari to show that she is still upset about the Acromantula incident. In return, the blonde merely winks before transforming into her Animagus self. The lithe golden cat leaps for the human-wolf pile, purring when they fuss over her.
"Well, now that they are part of our group… again, I suppose, I see no harm in letting them know as many secrets as we can. The Room of Requirement at least ensures what happens here stays here." Dia is polishing her saber sword, clearly used to her two best friends' childish behavior.
Upon Riko and Dia's insistence, the knowledge of Yoshiko's connection to the black feathers is kept from Chika, You and Ruby. Therefore, whenever the nine of them are together, they just help each other study and practice more advanced magic, while researches and experiments only take place when those three witches are not present.
"So… what is your Animagi form, Dia-san? I'm sure you've successfully-" Yoshiko trails off when Dia visibly twitches at the question. She warily glances at the older Slytherin's unsheathed sword and mumbles. "Nevermind, it must be top-secret huh?"
"Indeed it is," Dia says stiffly. An awkward silence falls upon them for a while, making Yoshiko wonder if she's stepped on a landmine. She exhales in relief when the door opens and reveals Riko, Hanamaru and Ruby.
Even though it's Christmas break and Hogwarts is mostly empty save for some of the staff and students who decided to stay, they agree to keep up an appearance to ensure that the location of the Room of Requirement remains a secret. They would take turns to go study at the library, and of course Hanamaru volunteers every time.
Yoshiko rolls her eyes as her two Hufflepuff friends squeal at the sight of canine-Kanan, who greets them with a wet lick and wagging tail. She then rolls over and allows the younger girls to rub her belly and jaw. Really, it's hard to imagine that this crooning, oversized wolf is the so-called Grim that unintentionally terrorized them on the first day of school.
Hanamaru looks over to Yoshiko and smiles bashfully when their eyes meet, giving her a little wave. She uncontrollably returns a lopsided grin and waves back too.
Dia raises an eyebrow at this. "Is there something going on-?"
"N-Nothing! I mean, y-yes! Wait, no, there isn't anything, but there's also something-" Yoshiko doesn't know why, but she feels oddly defensive and guilty under the Head Girl's sharp gaze.
"Nothing you should concern yourself about, Dia~" Mari suddenly pops up behind Yoshiko and ruffles her hair. "The power of Christmas is shiny, making flowers bloom, ne? Just make sure yours keep blossoming~"
For some reason, Dia looks away and… is that a blush? The Head Girl is blushing?
Mari cheerfully elaborates. "You're not the only one who enjoyed the Banquet, Yoshiko-chan~"
"What does that mean-"
Dia coughs loudly and announces that break time is over. In spite of the slip in composure, Dia still manages to command everyone's attention and split them up for specialized training. You and Chika have taken it upon themselves to help the First-Years improve on areas they struggle with and, this time, they decide to work on Hanamaru's agility. Ruby, though nervous, requests that her sister spar with her. The last time they dueled, Dia did not go soft on her little sister, and Ruby was pretty much thrown about and struck by countless spells, yet the pair appear quite happy at being able to train together. Dia does look proud of Ruby's determination, and soon the sisters begin to exchange spells in the center arena.
Yoshiko knows better than to get in the middle of that. She glances at Riko, who has gone to the cauldrons and is checking up on Kanan's arm.
"That just leaves you with me, hmm?"
"Oh joy."
Frankly, Yoshiko dislikes her one-on-one Occlumency lessons with Mari. Dia has explained countless times of its importance, that an enemy skilled in Legilimency can easily probe through your mind for information, influence your emotions or actions. Therefore, one must train their mental barriers through the practice of Occlumency.
Naturally, the three Fifth-Years and Riko are already well-trained. Both Yoshiko and Hanamaru are required to learn it as much as they could, while the remaining three do not need to focus on this subject as they are not privy to this group's sensitive information.
As it turns out, Hanamaru must be a natural Occlumens, since Mari is unable to access her thoughts and the Ravenclaw is their best Legilimens. Yoshiko, on the other hand, apparently has the mental defense of a 'pile of dirt', or so Mari says.
"Empty out your mind, Yoshiko-chan, I know you do have great willpower," the blonde folds her arms, appearing oddly like an older sister as she chastises and encourages her at the same time.
"I am trying! It's easier said than done." Yoshiko grits her teeth. As if she wants the irritating witch to know about her secrets!
"Daww, you think I'm irritating? I'm hurt~"
"Ack! Stop reading my mind so easily!"
"I'm not even actively using Legilimency on you. You're -that- transparent, Yoshiko-chan."
Unlike Dia, whose Leglimency is piercing like a sword and almost triggered Yoshiko to go berserk the last time they practiced, Mari's magic feels more like caramel. It doesn't feel intrusive yet it adheres to her thoughts in a way that coaxes her to relax and thus become more vulnerable.
"I understand Hanamaru-chan's lips are so soft you can't help but keep thinking about the kiss but-"
"Aaaaahhhhh! Stop it stop it stop it!" Yoshiko slaps both her hands on Mari's mouth, feeling as if her face would explode from all the heat that rushes up her neck. Thankfully, You and Chika are keeping Hanamaru quite occupied to have overheard that.
Mari slips out of her grasp in her cat form, saunters a few steps before transforming back. "Doesn't seem like this is going to work until we work out your issues first, Yoshiko-chan. Perhaps I should teach you other things instead hmm? What do you say, shiny Onee-san is more than happy to share her tricks-"
"No thank you." Judging by the lecherous way Mari grins, Yoshiko really doesn't want to learn anything unnecessary from her.
"Why not? You'll thank me one day, and I'm sure Hanamaru-chan would appreciate it too when-"
"I'm going to go work on Potions!" Yoshiko exclaims and sprints to where Riko and Kanan are.
The Gryffindor chuckles rather apologetically at her disgruntled mood. "I feel fine, Riko-chan. I should go exercise a bit to see how much mobility my arm has regained. I'll take care of Mari."
"Yeah! Keep her away from me," Yoshiko growls, fanning at her red face. She glares at Kanan and Mari until the pair are well out of reach on the other side of the room, where they begin to duel. Huffing, she turns to face Riko, only to find her attention elsewhere even as she rhythmically stirs the pot of Potion she is brewing.
"Lily, are you okay?"
"H-Huh? Why would you ask?" Riko blinks out of her trance, appearing rather sheepish as she adds in a bit more ingredient into the cauldron.
"Oh, um, we haven't had much chance to talk lately, but I'm worried about… well, are you okay about You-san and Chika-san being here?" There, Yoshiko is pleased that she finally got this off of her chest. Plenty of things have happened to keep them all distracted, and Riko is good at keeping a tough front even if something gnaws at her mind. Yoshiko knows that better than anyone, for she does the same. As kindred spirits, she understands that all the negative feelings kept at bay during the day would ache at night, when she's alone.
"Thank you for being worried about me, Yocchan, but really I'm fine," Riko relaxes and smiles at her gently. "Truthfully, back then, I was rather upset that Mari-san would involve Chika-chan and You-chan again after knowing what happened, but now I see why she did it. I really miss them. We used to do everything together, so at least this way, I can still..."
Her eyes shimmer with a myriad of emotions, of guilt and sadness, but the way she smiles at her best friends is indisputable as well.
"Heh, yeah, you do seem happier this way. I'm glad they're here too. I wouldn't trade our group of nine for anything," Yoshiko grins, and gives Hanamaru another giddy wave when the latter happens to look this way. She probably looks silly right now but she doesn't mind, knowing the older girl wouldn't tease her like a certain blonde would.
"I agree. This is the happiest I've felt since… well, I'm very grateful, to all of you."
"Just remember, the great Yohane is always here for all of her little demons. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here!"
Yoshiko straightens in her seat and is extra exuberant as Riko resumes the Potion lesson. They have yet to resolve the cauldron-explosion problem, but at least she's grasped the theoretical concepts well enough. After jotting down some notes, she furrows her brows and tries to confirm some of the steps with her tutor. When she receives no response, she glances at the Ravenclaw and notices her attention has drifted once again. This time, she follows Riko's line of gaze and tilts her head in wonder.
"Lily, why do you keep staring at Dia-san?"
Riko almost drops the ladle into the cauldron. "I-It's nothing! Um, as I was saying, Yocchan, the Murtlap Essence is particularly useful for treating painful cuts…"
Yoshiko is taken aback by Riko's loss of composure. Perhaps Mari isn't joking, maybe something did happen between Dia and Riko? Yoshiko has no idea what happened after she left the Great Hall, as she was too blissful in spending the rest of the night watching the stars holding Hanamaru's hands and exchanging little kisses with her girlfriend.
Ku ku ku, girlfriend indeed.
Her lips involuntarily form another lopsided grin and she resists the urge to giggle like a silly mortal. Even now, she is still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the brunette is her girlfriend. Praise Satan, she the unfortunate fallen angel finally has a girlfriend! They are both new to having such concept, and they haven't decided whether they want it to be known to the others or not. At least, Yoshiko is certain that Hanamaru is content with what they have. Surely, their relationship should progress at a comfortable pace, little by little, until one day they would enter the next phase which is…
Blushing, Yoshiko shakes her head and unabashedly blames Mari for corrupting her mind. She sends Riko an apologetic look for not paying attention, only to discover the latter to be lost in thoughts as well.
"It appears that no one is focused today." Dia's disapproving tone is directed at Kanan and Mari, who are playing a game of tag in their Animagi form, and at You and Chika, who are playing a game of Exploding Snap while Hanamaru watches on with sparkling eyes. "But at least, try to focus and do something more productive."
When no one stops what they are doing to listen to her, the peeved Slytherin resorts to a more drastic measure. Riko lowers her head in shame, even though the Head Girl isn't looking their way as she scolds those five. Ruby tries to calm down her sister, which appears to be working.
Mari whines as she struggles in the ropes that Dia has conjured. "Come on, it's New Year's Eve, Dia! We deserve to relax too! I wanna go to Hogsmeade with Kanan!"
"Hogsmeade! Oh oh, I wanna go too! We gotta show Ruby-chan Honeydukes," Chika, also bound by ropes, somehow manages to hop back onto her feet and gives Dia puppy eyes. "Please? I heard Coach Kousaka is going there too!"
"We did receive permission from the Professors to go if we want to," You adds, while Kanan explains Hogsmeade to a curious Hanamaru. From what Yoshiko knows, it is an all-wizarding village near the Hogwarts Express' train station, and there are a variety of shops there that rivals the ones in Diagon Alley in popularity.
Overall, it sounds like the perfect place to spend the last day of the year, especially with a girlfriend. Yoshiko's lips involuntarily curve to a crooked grin for the umpteenth time, and widen even more when she notices Hanamaru's equally excited smile.
Dia, however, is as adamant as her name. "Show me that we have accomplished something today, and I will consider it. How about the Patronus Charm?"
Yoshiko groans aloud. "That's not fair, you know I can't do it!"
"Exactly," the Head Girl's voice is dangerously low. "That is why you need to practice. The rest of you, go catch Mari-san and you will be pardoned."
"What?!" The blonde hastily shifts to her cat form, hackles rising, and sprints away just as You and Chika lunge for her. Kanan, also in her Animagi form, barks rather mischievously and runs after them. Riko appears hesitant, and smiles in relief when Dia subtly nods at her.
Dia then faces Yoshiko again. "Well, what are you waiting for? Come. Show me how much progress you have made."
Though grumbling, she obediently joins her friends in the arena. It was Hanamaru's idea to learn the Patronus Charm in the first place, as she is determined to conquer her fear, and the others agree that it is good idea to learn such a powerful defense magic.
"Hey, how are you today?" As soon as the words leave her mouth, Yoshiko feels like jumping into a hole. That's the stupidest opening line ever! Even though Hanamaru is her girlfriend now, it doesn't mean she has to act any different, does she?
Fortunately, the brunette just finds her antics amusing. "I'm good, Yoshiko-chan. Riko-san showed me where to find some of the rarer books in the library so I had a very productive day zura."
Hanamaru's smile makes her smile too. Yoshiko strikes a pose and subtly scoots closer so that their arms are touching. "Me too. Now let's get this Patronus task over with so we can go have fun at Hogsmeade!"
Her heart speeds up a little when Hanamaru reaches for her hand and holds it tight. This new relationship status is really nice, she grins dazedly, but then something catches her attention and makes her frown.
"Hey, where are you going, Ruby?"
"Piki?" The pigtailed girl pauses and sheepishly twiddles her thumbs. "Oh I just thought, I'll go practice over there and-"
"Ruby-chan." Hanamaru's voice is uncharacteristically firm. "We've already talked about this."
Yoshiko glances between the two Hufflepuffs and understands the situation right away. "Ah, come on Ruby, I appreciate you wanting to give me and Zuramaru space but that's not how we work."
The day after the Banquet, Yoshiko and Hanamaru had agreed to tell Ruby everything about their relationship. The last thing they wanted is for Ruby to feel left out, and so they continue to act as they always have. Yoshiko did entertain the idea of going on dates with Hanamaru, but they already are, sort of, and dates aren't urgent.
She quite enjoys spending the holiday with her close friends, and is in no hurry to do those couple-y stuff she's seen on TV. Hanamaru wants to take things slow too, comfortable and content with what they've done so far, thus that takes the pressure off of Yoshiko too.
"Don't ever think you're a… um," Hanamaru purses her lips as if trying to recall what she's read about in novels. "Third wheel-? I think that's what the term is zura. Ruby-chan, it won't be us if you're not with us."
"Yeah, it's not like Zuramaru and I will suddenly start making out in front of you or anything," Yoshiko chuckles, though her ears redden a moment later as that very image fills her mind. Her girlfriend kicks her shin, light enough not to hurt but still forceful enough to make her shut up.
Ruby giggles at them. "O-Okay. Just let me know when you do need to be alone." She links their arms together and giggles again. "Hehe, I'm just so happy for you two! I thought it'll take longer to happen, since Yoshiko-chan is… well, and Hanamaru-chan can be headstrong too."
"Oi what's that supposed to mean?" "Aha, Ruby-chan, that earns a Tickle Jinx zura~!"
Before they could start fooling around, Dia coughs loudly. Yoshiko and Hanamaru cringe under the Head Girl's frown, forgetting they actually have spectators. Ruby, in an attempt to placate her irritated sister, casts the Patronus Charm.
So far, among the trio, only Ruby is able to produce a thin, silver shield. Given enough practice, she should be able to summon a corporeal one like Kanan and Mari (and surely Dia too). Hanamaru tries very hard but her innate fear prevents her from casting the spell properly. Yoshiko is frustrated by the translucent string that shoots off from her wand whenever she tries as well.
This is a very advanced and complex magic, especially for First-Years like them. Therefore, Dia only requires them to be able to produce incorporeal ones like Ruby's, and that's exactly what Yoshiko wants to achieve.
"Dia-san! Are we free now?"
The three Gryffindors have successfully captured Mari, who is held tightly in Kanan's arms while Chika and You have their wands pointed at the hissing feline.
"Very well. What do you have to say for yourself then, Mari-san?"
The blonde Ravenclaw pouts at her friend. "I'll help the girls on their Patronus Charm, happy?" She glances over the trio, nodding at Ruby's attempts but frowning at Hanamaru's pale face.
"Maybe it's best not to push her? Whatever her encounter with the Dementor is preventing her from casting it properly."
Dia nods slowly and places a hand on the brunette. "Indeed. This is fine for today, Hanamaru-san. We shall try again at a later time. Your Shield Charm is quite powerful, so do not fret."
Though disappointed, Hanamaru smiles gratefully at the encouragement. Yoshiko stands up a bit straighter and tries the Patronus Charm again, groaning at the pathetic string that resembles a spider web drooping from her wand.
"Think happy thoughts. See? Shiny~!" Mari easily conjures up her corporeal Patronus and smirks. "Any happy thoughts would work. You know what I'm talking about."
"Can't you offer any good advice?" Yoshiko scowls at the sparkling seal, wondering for the umpteenth time why the Ravenclaw's Patronus looks slightly different every single time.
"I am being serious here," Mari schools in her expression, her voice lowering to a soft, encouraging lilt. "The Charm draws energy from positive memories, the happier the better. Try it."
Yoshiko blushes as she recalls the kisses again. "I'll try it. In private. I feel like there are too many eyes watching me, I can't concentrate."
"Fair enough. But how should we impress Dia enough to go to Hogsmeade?"
As if to answer Mari's question, You salutes and calls out. "Expecto Patronum!"
Her wand conjures a fluffy-looking horned owl, its form shimmering from the power of the spellcaster's magic. Chika high-fives her friend and does the same, summoning a massive tiger with scruffy fur around its head.
Kanan whistles. "Oho, I didn't know you two could conjure corporeal Patronus."
"Hehe, you're not the only ones who have secret powers, Miss Animagi~" Chika wraps an arm around You's shoulder. "Though I don't remember when we learned it-?"
"Must be from Riko-chan, we learned a lot from her," You looks puzzled as well, though the duo don't dwell much on it and look at Dia for approval.
The Head Girl does seem impressed. "It is heartening to know that the two of you are well-prepared in defending yourself should such need arise. If I remember correctly, you can conjure it too, Riko-san?"
The Ravenclaw nods and casts the spell as well. A bright rabbit hops off of the tip of her wand and approaches Dia, nestling beside her leg. Riko blinks at her bunny Patronus as if she wasn't expecting it to take such form. Dia raises an eyebrow at the corporeal Charm, her expression slowly changing from mild confusion to shock when some sort of realization dawns upon her.
Riko must have arrived at a similar conclusion too, for her cheeks become so red that it matches her hair. She looks ready to bolt in mortification while Mari and even Kanan begin to snicker.
"What's the big deal?" Yoshiko curiously stares at the harmless rabbit. "I mean, sure it's a small creature, but that doesn't matter as long as the spell is strong."
Mari's eyes are twinkling in mirth. "Rikocchi's Patronus used to be a cat. It is very rare for a Patronus to change form, but when it does, it is because of an emotional change which, in this case, is-"
Her mouth is then audibly clamped shut by Riko's hands, similarly to what Yoshiko did earlier. While Yoshiko still has no idea what's going on, she finds Riko's panicky, blushing face quite relatable.
Chuckling, Kanan pats Dia on the back as if to congratulate her. "So, Hogsmeade? I think we've all worked hard enough."
Dia blinks out of her daze, swallows hard and mutters. "I suppose we have, yes."
Though still confused, Yoshiko excitedly pulls Hanamaru into her arms while Ruby is smothered by the cheering Chika and You.
Hogsmeade it is!
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"Mirai zura~"
"That's like the eighth time you've said that today," Yoshiko smirks when Hanamaru playfully punches her arm as expected and proceeds to ignore her. She doesn't mind, as long as her girlfriend continues to hold hands with her.
"So what did you end up getting zura?"
Ruby looks quite proud of her collection, opening the bag to show her friends the various chocoballs, toffees nougats and many more. Yoshiko's always knew that Ruby likes sweets, but that amount would last them well past the second term!
Then again, Honeydukes truly is the most fantastic sweet shop she's ever been to. In fact, all the places she's visited here at Hogsmeade are amazing enough that she almost wants to utter her girlfriend's catchphrase.
"So what now? I think we have a bit more time before we have to meet up at the Three Broomsticks."
Hanamaru immediately replies. "Tomes and Scrolls-"
"Veto. I said we have a bit more time, not an entire day- no, you can't use those eyes, that's against the rules!" Yoshiko hastily turns away, knowing that the longer she stares at her girlfriend's sparkling puppy eyes, the more likely she would cave.
Ruby giggles suddenly, which makes the couple share confused looks. "You two still act the same, even though you're together now."
It is one thing to call Hanamaru her girlfriend in her mind, another to hear her friend state their relationship aloud. Shuffling, Yoshiko tried to appear nonchalant. "W-Well, I'll have you know, I turn a blind eye to Zuramaru's eating habits when she really convinces me to."
Hanamaru rolls her eyes at the taller girl before pulling Ruby close, making sure their arms are comfortably linked. "We're both really new to this so Yoshiko-chan and I agree to just be ourselves. I mean, if she suddenly starts giving me flowers or be extra sweet, that would be creepy zura."
Yoshiko deadpans. Hanamaru sticks out her tongue. Ruby's still giggling.
True to their discussion at the Room of Requirement, the trio see no reason to change how they are around one another.
After a while, Ruby says quietly. "But, surely, you'd want to spend some time together in privacy right? Hogsmeade is a nice place for couples..."
In response to that, Hanamaru pouts and squeezes their entwined arms, while Yoshiko tugs at those signature pigtails. "Piki?"
"Haven't we talked about this already? Stop thinking you're intruding on us or something. You gotta get that kind of mindset out of your head."
"Unless...you don't like spending time with us, Ruby-chan?"
"Eh? No, that's not what I meant-"
"Then it's decided. You're stuck with us and that's the end of the discussion, heh."
Just for good measure, Yoshiko ruffles the shorter girl's hair, which prompts Hanamaru to chide her as usual. Yup, their trio dynamic is operating normally just fine.
"Anyways, back to topic, where should we go? As much as I like Quidditch, I'm not going anywhere near Spintwitches Sporting Needs again…"
After a long discussion back at Hogwarts, the nine witches have decided to split up not just to maintain their distance in public but also so it does not draw attention, moving in a big group. As soon as they set foot in Hogsmeade however, Kanan and Mari practically pushed Dia and Riko towards Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop and told the rest that they would be patrolling the area, so they should relax and have fun.
The trio had a great time in Chika and You's company, for the duo are familiar with the area, in particularly Zonko's Joke Shop. When they got to the Quidditch Shop though, the duo became so engrossed that the three younger witches unanimously agreed to let them be while they go explore other places.
Ruby smiles fondly at the thought of the two lovable Gryffindors. "They really love Quidditch don't they?"
"Yeah, and it's good to let them take mind off of things anyways," Yoshiko knows that the duo have already given Riko their blessing, much to the latter's embarrassment, but certainly even the dunderheads need time to recover. Besides, she is determined to set up Chika and You, after seeing how her plan almost worked at the Christmas Banquet.
She is a Slytherin after all, clever and sneaky!
"I still want to go to Tome and Scrolls but, you're right, we probably don't have enough time zura…"
A part of Yoshiko really wants to go as well, not because she likes books but because she adores Hanamaru's expression whenever she reads. Next time, she vows inwardly. Looking around, she takes notice of the sparse Hogsmeade residents and visitors walking down the street since most people have gone inside for warmth. They could just head to Hogsmeade and wait for the others, especially since she's heard rumors of the delicious Butterbeer served there, but Yoshiko feels like there should be one last stop before they call it a day.
Yoshiko perks up in excitement when she spots something. "How about that? An abandoned building, haunted maybe? That looks like just the place for the great fallen angel! Let's go check it out!"
Down the path, somewhere in the distance, is a lonely building that sticks out like a sore thumb in a flat field full of snow and nothing else. The surrounding barren forest is a good distance away, as if giving this dilapidated house a wide berth.
The two Hufflepuffs appear hesitant but intrigued as well.
"Come on, we'll go take a closer look, and by the time we get back here, we can just head straight for the Three Broomsticks and still be on time!"
Convinced, Hanamaru and Ruby follow after Yoshiko, who exuberantly runs ahead towards the sinister-looking shack. There are many eerie locations in Hogwarts, though she's too fascinated by the magic to feel the 'scary vibe', and she hasn't ever personally met any of the ghosts. The most frightening experiences she had in the magical world are the night with the supposed Grim, and the battle against the Acromantula colony, but those had been circumstantial and not exactly 'test of courage' material.
This ominous building though! It totally meets her standards and, with proper modification, it could even serve as a demonic den for her legions!
"Yoshiko-chan! Wait for us-!"
"Y-You shouldn't be going over the fence! It m-must've been locked for a reason-!"
She could barely hear Hanamaru and Ruby's calls. She's so caught up on creating her ideal hideout that she's levitated herself over the barbed wire and fence before she realizes it. Her mind blanks out until one sole purpose remains. She needs to get to that shack as soon as possible. She must answer its calls-
"Ack!"
Her charmed scarf activates and successfully trips her, making her tumble and roll forward several times before faceplanting in the icy cold snow.
"Yoshiko-chan!"
She shakes her head in bewilderment, adrenaline still high in her veins, and blinks up at her worried friends. Hanamaru quickly checks her over while Ruby has her wand out as she scans the perimeter. They are half way between the Shack and the fence, and certainly way too far to call for anyone's attention. The winter sky is forebodingly dark, illuminated only by the moon and faint glow of Hogsmeade's shops in the distance.
Yoshiko breathes heavily and shakes her head one more time, her mind now calm enough to access her situation. It's been months since this last happened, and it always had something to do with the Forbidden Forest. Yet this time, the compelling force comes directly from that Shack.
"We need to contact the others," Hanamaru says firmly.
"I-I've already sent a message," Ruby adds, holding out the gold-rimmed piece of parchment that she's scribbled on. Before they came to Hogsmeade, Dia had given each of them the parchment that she's placed the Protean Charm upon. This spell enables them to communicate with one another in case of emergency.
"Thank you," Yoshiko whispers in a shaky tone, smiling when Hanamaru huddles closer and Ruby pats her shoulder. She's more freaked out than she would ever admit, so she's very thankful for their company.
They wait there in the snow, alert and nervous. They are too wary to move from their spot in case something happens, and they trust that the older witches would arrive soon enough. To their surprise, Riko comes towards them from the west side of the barren forest while Dia could be seen heading towards the Shack. The Ravenclaw's expression is full of worry and consternation as she crouches besides the trio.
Seeing their questioning gaze, she elaborates as she gestures at the direction she came from. "Dia-san and I were over there - there was a hut within the woods where… Chika-chan, You-chan and I once used it as a hideout, for our research."
Yoshiko and Hanamaru shares an understanding glance, while Ruby furrows her brows.
"I… I haven't gone back there since," Riko clears her throat and struggles to maintain a placid tone. "Well, nothing's changed in that place since then. The Hut is still fully Warded from intruders, but now that this happened, perhaps there is a connection to the Shack even though it's far enough from it…"
"You mean, whatever makes me blank out every time, is connected to-?" Yoshiko feels dismay twisting in her stomach. She's always guessed it, that the peculiarity she experiences has something to do with Riko's quill and those feathers. Now that her speculation is confirmed, memories of that day with the black tendrils begin to surface again and it's taking all of her willpower to keep the panic at bay.
"Most likely," Riko replies grimly as she leads the trio away from the Shack. "We need to go back to Hogsmeade to meet up with Chika-chan and You-chan. Dia-san says she's going to investigate the Shack - Kanan-san and Mari-san messaged that they are on their way so-"
They pause when a howl echoes through the desolate clearing.
It is a savage, heart-piercing sound.
"T-That's not Kanan-san," Riko turns around just in time to see flashes of spells around the Shack. "Dia-san!"
The Kurosawa heiress has her saber out, slashing and deflecting Curses while returning fire towards the three cloaked figures converging around her. Four more silhouettes trudge out of the Shack, their movements jarring and awkward as they slowly move towards the fight.
"Onee-chan! We need to help her!" Ruby is ready to sprint to her sister's aid if it weren't for Riko's firm grip on her shoulder.
"I-I can't… I need to keep you safe, all three of you, that's what Dia-san would have wanted." Even as she says that, the Ravenclaw is also looking at the vicious fight with a conflicted frown. She conjures up her Patronus and sends the silver rabbit off to the direction of Hogsmeade, most likely to look for Kanan and Mari since they could not alert the authorities due to the Unbreakable Vow.
Ruby and Riko flinch when a particularly powerful Curse shatters Dia's Shield Charm, and it is only due to the heiress' fast reflex that she avoids and deflects the following onslaught of Jinxes. Yoshiko hasn't even realized her hand is shaking, but she certainly can feel Hanamaru's trembling form against her.
"We need to go, there's no way we can just stay here while Dia-san is in trouble!" Yoshiko swallows nervously. "The scarf will activate if anything happens again, Lily, so I'll be fine. We'll be okay, and we'll help however we can."
Riko nods grimly and flicks her wand before tapping the trio on each of their heads. Yoshiko blinks at the odd sensation of an egg cracking and something travelling down her body. She glances down at her hands only to find thin air. Likewise, her friends have also been rendered invisible from the Disillusionment Charm.
"You must stay out of range, and do not draw their attention unless you are absolutely certain you will not be discovered. Promise me, please," Riko glances at the direction where her Patronus had gone off, biting her lips in trepidation. "Kanan-san and Mari-san haven't responded since their last message, so there's a chance they may be caught up in a fight as well, so we'll need to hold off those attackers as long as we could."
Upon hearing verbal agreement, Riko then runs towards the Shack, firing Stunners as she goes. The trio blindly reach for each other before carefully following after her, mindful of the footprints left in the snow.
Once they are close enough, the three girls could feel the air heavy with raw magic, the atmosphere tense enough to stop them in their tracks. Riko is good, very good, yet even she seems to be struggling as those cloaked figures keep her on the defensive with their barrage of Dark Magic. At least, the enemies appear to be leery of Dia's sword since they carefully keep their distance as they circle around the two witches.
"I don't think we can help even if we w-wanted to zura," Hanamaru murmurs fearfully, and Yoshiko could feel Ruby nodding in agreement. Truly, this fight is beyond their abilities, a whole different league for mere First-Years like them. Dia was correct in what she said long ago, that the trio is trained to defend themselves but not to attack. As much progress as they have made over the term, as advanced they are compared to their peers, they are still green leaves.
The rapid exchanges of Curses and Charms, the switch between offense and defense, and the sheer repertoire of spells are too much for them. Yoshiko could barely keep track of the enemies' whereabouts, let alone their attacks and how to counter them.
Suddenly, one of those four silhouettes join the fray. The biggest one lunges at Dia, who reacts before the stranger even reaches midway.
"Confringo!"
The blasting Curse hurls the assailant back towards the Shack while creating a shower of burning snow around them. The cloaked figures manage to shield themselves in time but Riko quickly follows up with a powerful Aqua Eructo, forcing them to stay there or else the torrent of water would have smashed them away as well. Twirling and flicking her wand, Riko causes the jet to freeze and locking the three attackers in place.
Before Yoshiko could cheer, another chilling howl immobilizes her in place.
All eyes are on the fallen form against the cracked wall of the Shack, as well as the other three silhouettes whose tattered cloaks have been blown off from the Curse earlier. The four men appear clean-shaven and are dressed respectably, but they all share the same blank expression as they stare at the moon.
Dia's sword is pointed towards them as she stands protectively in front of Riko, whose wand is trained on the three frozen attackers.
The stalemate doesn't last long, for the four men howl at the moon again in unison before a horrific transformation begins to take place. Bones cracking, muscles rippling and fur sprouting, four hulking werewolves stand where the humans used to be, with their lips curled to reveal savage fangs and their nails elongated like claws.
Dia gapes at the creatures, her hand lowering just an inch from shock. That minimal movement is enough to signal one of the werewolves to spring into action.
"Dia-san!" Riko fires an Impediment Jinx at the werewolf bulldozing towards them, but the spell merely bounces off of its furry chest. Dia pushes Riko away just before impact and is knocked down by the werewolf's pounce.
The sword, gripped in place by its powerful jaw, is the only thing preventing the creature from biting Dia's throat. As if it isn't chaotic enough already, the remaining three disperse in different directions, one heading towards Hogsmeade, one away from the Shack, and one right towards…
"Shit!" Yoshiko almost stumbles, her shaking hand holding her wand in front of her but no spell comes to mind. Even though they are invisible to any onlookers, the werewolf must be able to smell them. What can they do, if no Jinxes or Hexes seem to work?
While she is paralyzed with fear, Ruby suddenly empties the candy bag onto the snow and Transfigures the pile into rabbits. The werewolf pauses, sniffing curiously between the critters and the spot they are standing. After a tense moment, it decides to chase after the magicked rabbits and disappear into the barren woods.
"Good call, Ruby! Now we need to-"
"Lacarum Inflamarae!" Due to Dia and Riko being occupied, the cloaked assailants are able to free themselves enough to conjure balls of fire to melt the ice holding them in place. Riko had utilized a binding spell to summon ropes and pull the werewolf off of Dia, who quickly slashes at its ankles.
Whimpering in pain, the werewolf collapses in the snow, bleeding and heaving. With one enemy incapacitated, the two witches turn their attention back to the cloaked figures and soon, the nerve-wrecking spell-exchanges resume. However, Dia and Riko are obviously unsettled and worn out by the fight, distracted by the possibility of those other loose werewolves returning for them.
"It doesn't seem like they've noticed us yet, what should we do now?" Yoshiko really wants to help, but she knows that they would only burden the older girls.
"The village zura! One of t-those werewolves went that way, right? Surely the Aurors would be summoned and- Protego!"
Hanamaru's yelp is all the warning they have when something slams into the Shield Charm and against them. The three girl collide into one another and fall onto the snow in a heap of tangled limbs. The werewolf, disorientated from the collision, is growling at them with its ears perked and shoulders rigid. Yoshiko glances at herself and discovers that the Disillusionment Charm has worn off. They only have seconds to act before the beast pounces.
"Oi, ugly brute! Come get me!" Yoshiko rolls away from her friends and fires a Bombarda at the werewolf's leg, causing a small explosion of snow. The creature seems unaffected by the Charm, but the noise and rubble successfully catch its attention.
As soon as the werewolf turns towards her, she darts for the woods while firing random Jinxes behind her to slow its movement. She could hear Hanamaru and Ruby shouting at her, Dia and Riko's calls, but their voices are covered by the beast's guttural snarls.
The only thing keeping her from freaking out or breaking down in tears is the refusal to lose.
She is Yohane, the great fallen angel! There are still so many mysteries unresolved, so many things she still wants to achieve, she will not meet her end here! Ruby and Hanamaru have already saved her earlier, it's her turn to return the favor!
As she runs past the barren trees and stumbles over the roots concealed by the snow, she's reminded of her encounter with the Acromantula. Inwardly thanking Mari for that horrible but helpful experience, Yoshiko Transfigures the brittle branches into thicker planks, blocking the werewolf just in time before it jumps on her.
Yoshiko struggles to her feet and resumes running, noting how her magic is not as effective due to the fragile state of these trees in comparison to the ones in the Forbidden Forest. She continuously Transfigures the roots, trunks and branches to walls and crossed bars, but the werewolf plows through each and every single obstacle like they are nothing.
I've only made it angrier! Yoshiko bites on her lips hard, using the pain to overcome the panic as she wills her legs to move faster. Thankfully, this chase between predator and prey comes to a stop when she stumbles upon a logger cabin. Running on instincts now, she hurries for the door, unlocking it and locking it with spells.
She leans against the table to catch her breaths while casting Charms to strengthen the walls, knowing that the werewolf would catch up any time. The cabin is expectedly empty and there are only sparse supplies left behind by the former occupant. She glances at the small fireplace, scowling at the lack of kindles or metallic pokes and tongs she could have used.
Her grip on her wand tightens as she listens to any sound. Unnerved by the silence, she is tempted to venture out to check if the werewolf is still set on hunting her. Her efforts would be a waste if it returns to the Shack!
She yelps when the cabin and the ground quake from a powerful slam. The werewolf must be repeatedly bashing against the wall and door, trying to force its way in. Yoshiko is morbidly reminded of the Three Little Pigs, except unlike the fable, she has nowhere to run and her hiding place is not impervious to the big bad wolf's strength.
Just as she fears, the wooden wall begins to fracture in spite of her Charms. She braces herself and pours as much magic as she could to the tip of her wand. A moment later, the salivating werewolf bursts through the cracked wall, its jaws agape as she shouts.
"Reducto!"
The Curse strikes the werewolf square in the chest, but it does not break or disintegrate as it's supposed to. At least, the force of the spell is enough to propel it towards the pillar, snapping it in half. Yoshiko's eyes widen as the roof crumbles down onto the creature and around her. She fumbles for a Shield Charm, but the hastily-cast magic only protects and cushions her from the worst.
Her vision becomes obscured by dust and rubble while broken planks clutter around her. Trapped beneath the demolished cabin, she barely has room to wiggle and the dusty air sends her into a coughing fit.
A vicious growl snaps her out of her dizziness, and her heart almost leaps out of her throat at the sight of the werewolf's fangs an inch away from her face. Likewise, the beast is trapped beneath the planks but unlike her, its limbs are confined and possibly crushed by the fallen roof's weight.
Yoshiko gulps fearfully, noticing the way its crazed yellow orbs follow the minute movement of her throat. She feebly scratches at the ground, attempting to reach her wand that had rolled away during the fall.
"Dammit! W-What am I supposed to do now?" She can't do wandless magic while there's a possibility that the mad beast would break free and end her.
In response, the werewolf snarls again with froth dribbling around its cut lips. Suddenly a scorching fury replaces the terror in her heart, and Yoshiko finds herself screaming at the creature. "You! This is all your fault! If it weren't for you and your buddies, I would be enjoying the most amazing Year's end with my friends! Yet, you attack them, attack me, and for what? What did we ever do to you?"
She's read about Lycanthropy and knows that the werewolf would not be conscious enough to answer her, but that only makes her angrier. "Those cloaked people! They're the same ones who have been attacking Dia-san, aren't they? Just what do you want with us? Is it about Pureblood? Then how about Lily? How about me? Just what the hell are you people!?"
The werewolf growls again, though its lust for blood seems to have diminished. They glare at each other, their distance close enough that Yoshiko could smell its foul breath and see her own reflection in its moon-like eyes.
No, there is one wandless magic I can try. Yoshiko recalls how Mari used it without her wand, or how Dia did the same with her wand but non-verbally. If she focuses enough, surely she can successfully cast the spell with the target so close and vulnerable.
This is her chance to find out more about their attackers.
Schooling her expression to the coldest she could muster, Yoshiko speaks clearly in her husky tone. "Legilimens!"
The world around her seems to melt then and there, the dimensions morphing like smoke and water while black tendrils of magic swirls around the edges of her vision.
She is standing in what seems to be an underground cavern, with water dripping from the high ceiling and countless pipes surrounding her. The stone path is carved with ancient runes, but she has seen enough to recognize the marks of the House of Slytherin. Looking around, she has no trouble picking out the details in spite of the dim lighting. The material of the wall and the ancient feel of the atmosphere can only mean one thing.
This must be somewhere within Hogwarts.
"Will this batch finally work?"
The speaker is wearing a familiar, inconspicuous cloak as those that attacked Dia, so perhaps this is even the same person. Another walks up to her, grabbing her arm and injecting her with a serum. No, not her, but rather the werewolf when he was still in his human form. This is his mind she has delved into after all.
The memory then begins to deteriorate, melting together with other images. She recognizes Hogsmeade, some pub, Dia-san and the Shack, and finally she sees herself.
She could feel the werewolf's intense emotion towards her. She couldn't discern if it is rage, fear or even any negative feeling at all. It just feels so overwhelming that she's starting to empathize with the unfortunate transformed man. The desire to hunt and hurt grows stronger and stronger as she tries to sift through the distorted memories for clues.
The cloaked figures again, blurred images of herself, Dia-san's sword, feathers imbued with magic, cauldrons boiling some sort of concoction, vials of red liquid that are presumably blood, and even more images of herself.
What, I didn't know I'm that important to whatever they are doing. Dread churns in the pit of Yoshiko's stomach, the anger and bravado from earlier fading. They were sort of calling for me, weren't they? Every time I blanked out, they must be nearby, summoning me, baiting me… but why? Why me? I'm just...
For some reason, she is unable to complete that thought. For the first time in her life, she is afraid to consider herself to be a 'fallen angel'.
Black tendrils of magic flood over her senses until she's half-floating and swimming in the quagmire of darkness again, just like that time with Kanan and Hanamaru by the Lake.
Before her consciousness completely fades, she manages to hear one thing clearly.
"She is perfect. We will need to get her first before the Kurosawa heiress."
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furederiko · 7 years
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Looking back, over the yea... er, months. That's because the 44th episode of Zyuohger is nothing but your friendly neighbourhood... recap episode!
NOTE: Starting this year, I'm changing the style of my recap-view. Rather than using the usual 'pseudo-live-blogging' style like before, I'm going to exclude the actual 'Recap' part from now on, and prioritizes on my opinions/comments on plot points from an episode. It might still be quite long, but at least this one would be far concised than before. It's also faster for me to work on! LOL. I'll be doing the same with other future titles as well.
- I actually thought since we already had a clip show before (that doppleganger story on episode 27), we wouldn't get another for the New Year. I guess I was wrong. No way TOEI is gonna break their established pattern, right? So yeah, this is a pretty standard clip show, and unfortunately a rather unmemorable one too. Which easily explains why I kept on forgetting to make the review for this episode *sigh*. There IS however, an important side story concerning Azald sprinkled throughout, so if you're looking for a reason to see it, that's the part that might be worthwatching. - Our episode begins with Bard looking for Larry. Yep, I don't think it's ever explained why Bard just took off after helping Yamato and friends as Zyuoh Bird (episode 38)). Even Larry wonders about that. Bard's answer of "I'm sorry, but that will have to wait for later" basically means you need to stay tune on this show if you ever want to hear the reason. As in, "Don't quit while we only have 4 episodes left!". Am I right, TOEI? LOL. - Wow, obvious movie promotion is TOO obvious. And it doesn't even care about continuity issue too. This means Misao is already aware of the Ninningers, eventhough their Versus Movie is only set to premiere today, January 14, 2017. Or perhaps... the event has taken place before the New Year? That's certainly a possibility. Hmmm, I wonder why they aren't pairing ShiroNinger with Zyuoh Tiger? Also, the opening sequence reminded me how Ninninger is crazy about its AkaNinger. We're getting another one in this movie... Aaaargggh. - Hey, everyone is eating New Year mochi. Part of, what I believe is called, Osechi perhaps? Maaan, I would love to try one of that someday. - Mario returns and he immediately reveals his discovery of the Zyuohger's secret. Knowing how caring, helpful, and sincere this quirky uncle has been, can anyone remind me again why it's even NECESSARY to keep the truth from him? I mean, sure they are afraid he might be shocked (like self-proclaimed coward Misao), but after witnessing his considerate kindness and generosity, they really could at least tell him sooner! - Anyway, Mario wants to join the fight, as... Champion of Humanity, Zyuoh Human. UUUGGGH... now I can't get that awful image out of my head. Somehow I'm feeling super grateful that we don't have a Pink-colored member on the team... *sigh* (although a Zyuoh Pig probably would be nice) - Apparently Mario has heard about the story of Bard rescuing child Yamato, but always thought it was merely hallucination. What I like about this remind... er, part, is how Mario is smart enough to understand that there are more Zyuohgers than the number of Champion Symbols. A pretty smooth excuse to recap about what happened to Misao (episode 16). Seeing Mario comforting Misao is pretty moving, methinks. - Misao's backstory is also neatly connected to Azald, giving us the assumption (not confirmation, at least for now) that the Leader might have gone through the same process as Misao. Wait a sec, does this mean we are seeing Azald's backstory? That's BIG, considering Naria and even so-called vengeance-driven Kubar didn't even get one. But... I wonder if it's a little late in the game? - Talking about friends, turns out the Cube Animals don't want to be left out. Unlike "Engine Sentai Go-onger" that constantly showcased the members' Enjins as their individual partners, the Zyuoh Cubes only occasionally showed up to frolic around. To be honest, at this point I've even forgotten that they can solely act on their own. LOL. Quite disappointing that Mario doesn't point out about Cube Whale though, considering Yamato has asked him to make its replica before (episode 34). - Hearing all these, Mario realizes that he doesn't need to join the fight. It's sweet that Yamato reminds him that his uncle is important nonetheless, because he's the 'smile', the comfort, and the... food(eh?) that greets them everytime they arrive home. But must Leo remind us about that lame... cow-breast joke (episode 39)? UGH. Really though, Mario could've been way more than these, if he had known their secret much earlier. A missed opportunity, right there! - It only took 2 weeks and 15 minutes of runtime to get here, but the Zyuohgers can finally hand off their present for Mario. I don't really like that sweater, probably because of the color scheme, but it's a sweet scene nonetheless. Their discussion afterwards is sure hinting towards the finale, huh? Complete with that 'making oath while staring at the shooting-star together' bit. Cliche, much? - Naria scans Azald's body because he's feeling... weird, and discovers that there are 4 Zyuoh Cubes inside him. Since the core Zyuohgers are busy cozying up, Azald decides to target Bard instead. This isn't surprising. After the show wasted their potential for Kubar, there's no one left but to rely on Azald now. I mean, just look at the preview for next episode. - Oh wow, I might be wrong, but it looks like Larry's foreshadowing Bard's death at the end. This can't be good. Then again, we haven't seen much of Bard to actually care about him that deep. All these time he's been absent and acting like a lone-wolf... whoops, lone-bird who RARELY spent time with the Zyuohgers. I doubt his death will give an impact to the team. His only connection is only with Yamato so far, but even that doesn't warrant a higher emotional punch for him. I mean, it WOULD be entirely different if he turns out to be Yamato's real father, but we know that's NOT the case. Oh well, let's just wait and see...
Overall: I don't think it's a good sign for a show if its recap episode feels... forgettable. Wanted to say boring, but well, I'm being generous like Mario so... 'bland' might be a nicer word. I'm still holding out on this show, hopeful that we'll be getting a good to great finale. At the very least, a dcent payoff to everything that's been going on. But even I have to admit, that the trajectory of mine and public's interest isn't really heading to the right direction. The same thing happened with "Kamen Rider Ghost", and it sure didn't end as 'satisfying' as I would have preferred. Next week Tomorrow: Mario meets Larry. Yamato's daddy issue Part Deux. And it's finally Azald's time to shine... (who'd probably bite the dust real soon) PS: Hey, the new show has revealed its first official teaser! Gaaawd, I'm loving these 9-members team the more I see it... XD. Just look at all those personalities they emit from their unique designs! Is it rude of me to want this show to arrive as soon as possible, because that means the end of Zyuohger? Ahahaha...! By the way, this is inline with the fact that they will have a customary cameo appearance in Zyuohger vs Ninninger movie that arrives on Japanese theatres today. We can expect to hear reactions of their debut pretty soon.
Episode 44 Score: 7 out of 10
All images are screencaptured from the series, provided by the FanSubber Over-Time. "Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger" is produced by TOEI, and airs every Sunday on TV-Asahi. Credits and copyrights belong to their respective owners.
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Every week, we pick a new episode of the week. It could be good. It could be bad. It will always be interesting. You can read the archives here. The episode of the week for July 29 through August 4 is “Ship Happens,” the 17th episode of the 10th season of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of New York City.
Like photos on online dating apps, Bravo’s Real Housewives betrays the reality of the situation. There’s nothing “real” about the stars of the network’s long-running franchise other than that the women Bravo and executive producer Andy Cohen have assembled are living, breathing humans.
They aren’t so much a circle of friends as they are cast members bound by contracts: Every time a new housewife is absorbed into the rolling snowball of a franchise, she’s introduced as some friend that we’ve never seen before, even though we’ve seen most of the people the cast has hung out with over the last few seasons. They also aren’t housewives: Many of women on Real Housewives series like Orange County and Atlanta are divorced, and on the current season of New York City, none of the housewives is currently married.
But after years of watching the franchise’s various series, I’ve come to realize that I don’t mind being lied to.
When our days are brimming with news about threats of nuclear war, election-rigging, Paul Manafort’s weird clothes and various alleged crimes, alt-right smear campaigns, conspiracy theorists, cryptozoological erotica, fire consuming the planet, and miles of sea trash, the only thing that I want to watch at night is something that will massage my brain to mush. And this season of Real Housewives of New York City has risen to the occasion spectacularly.
Led by Bethenny Frankel, a business owner who made her fortune tempting women (and men) with the promise of low-calorie beverages that will still get you drunk, the women this year have given the decade-old series what might just be its best single season yet.
Luann de Lesseps was arrested, slipped her hands out of cuffs, then proceeded to tell a police officer she was going to kill him. Tinsley Mortimer lives in a luxury building that offers room service. Carole Radziwill runs marathons and thinks feathers are clothes. Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan have become the series’ Statler and Waldorf, except horny and drunk instead of old and grumpy. And Dorinda Medley, much like a gremlin, apparently cannot be given a drink after midnight or she turns into a vengeful, malevolent spirit.
It takes a special kind of person to be okay with appearing on a show that’s designed to bring out the ugliest in you. All these women, despite their surface differences, share this trait, and that’s part of the appeal: watching irrationally rich women drop their facades of elegance and sophistication to reveal their ugliest selves in an attempt to — and this is the fantastic twist — remain relevant enough to stay on for another season.
That appeal has grown ever-stronger during a season that also featured a night when two fights broke out at the same dinner on opposite sides of the table, and, like a tennis match, the cameras had to swivel to keep up with the beauty of what was happening. But the zenith of this season was this week’s “Ship It,” a glorious pocket of 40-something minutes in which a housewife literally shitting herself is the third subplot of the episode.
RHONY cast members Sonja and Ramona on their cruise from hell Bravo
The reason this season of RHONY was so anticipated among Housewives fans has to do with the real-life stuff that happened to the cast between seasons. Usually, the big events that happen on reality shows (especially competitive reality shows) remain under wraps, thanks in large part to NDAs. But the Real Housewives is an exception, since the messiness of their own lives — divorces, bankruptcies, foreclosures, lawsuits et. al. — tends to be public knowledge, thanks to ongoing tabloid coverage of them between seasons. These incidents often become plotlines on the following season, turning reality into a teaser of what to expect on the show.
And by Real Housewives standards, reality this year was the equivalent of a trailer for Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War.
In February, Page Six reported that the RHONY cast was stuck on a “cruise from hell” in Cartagena, Colombia. “They all thought they were going to die and they were hysterical,” a source told Page Six. “Bethenny [Frankel], Ramona [Singer] and Dorinda [Medley] were soaked and screaming hysterically, Carole [Radziwill] and Tinsley [Mortimer] were literally throwing up from seasickness. They were far out to sea and they thought they were going down like the Titanic.”
When this report published, Housewives fans immediately began calculating just how many days until it would be until the premiere on April 4, and the additional calculus needed to determine at what point in the season the cast would be taking their ill-fated boat trip. And this week, on the steamy first day of August, the cruise from hell appeared like an off-season Christmas present.
As is the case with so many reality-based series, the unsung heroes of Real Housewives are the editors. Knowing that everyone was tuning in to see their housewives in an infernal situation, they made sure to include moments where some of the women had second thoughts about going on the boat ride.
“Get off the island is what you’re going to be saying,” Sonja tells Luann in jest.
“Can we cancel the boat trip?” Carole asks the women shortly after a fight erupts at breakfast.
“I think I’m just gonna stay and go into town,” Dorina says, after playing her part in said breakfast fight.
Foreshadowing the cruise with lines like this gave “Ship It” the feeling of a horror movie, full of dread-soaked portent. More than the event itself, the lead-up to the cruise provided the episode’s main tension, taking advantage of viewers’ knowledge that everyone we’re watching go against their guts will soon be puking them up.
Bravo
To be quite clear, I don’t think anyone tuning into “Ship It” was hoping for anything bad to happen to the housewives that goes beyond a fall into a bush or some consensual buggery by a man dressed as a pirate. No one looking forward to the cursed cruise was wishing for real harm to come to these housewives; no one really wanted any housewife to die on that boat.
What we do want to watch is these women reacting to mildly preposterous situations. After all, they are masters of turning the most first world of problems into storylines. For example, this season Bethenny and Carole are fighting over Bethenny saying that Carole’s boyfriend asked to be comped during a relief trip to Puerto Rico and that Carole is being “too cool” on Instagram.
Watching these rich women puking and sobbing on a fiery luxury liner in the choppy waters off of Cartagena, Colombia was supposed to be a bonanza of such first-world freakouts. But while there was some footage of various members puking and getting rocked by waves, Bravo put up a title card in the middle of the show (above) that said they had to stop filming when the situation became too dangerous (though there was some audio of the housewives’ screams that survived the storm). The boat ride from hell had gone from main attraction to bonus feature.
But that inconsequentiality is part of the sly beauty of the Housewives franchise, where the draw is precisely that nothing too serious ever happens. You never feel like any episode needs to be watched right here and now — the plot will never leave you behind. And you don’t need to watch every episode, or even pay close attention to what’s happening on screen, to know that someone is fighting with someone else over something impossibly superficial. That never changes.
With the exception of a few women like Bethenny and Atlanta’s NeNe Leakes, who broke into mainstream success and then retreated back into the cushy world of Real Housewives, the housewives are in a holding pattern of petty dramas and jagged cross-talk, perpetually auditioning for the next season, when they will reset and sharpen themselves up for another round robin of bickering and alliance-building.
And when reality — or the cameras that fail to capture it amid choppy waters — doesn’t provide enough drama to keep the Real Housewives engines purring, the series and its cast know precisely how and when to goose the situation.
At the end of “Ship It,” we’re told that the women, allegedly the upper crust of Manhattan, are stricken with diarrhea, inciting a rash of toilet paper thievery and sweaty rushes to the bathroom. Luann, the tallest housewife, shamelessly reveals to the women as they file into the cab to go to the airport that she defecated in her own bed, as the camera wistfully pans to the poor woman scrubbing away the last of the housewives’ brief reign of terror. Luann chuckles as she tells the story, clearly happy to get back New York City and bid goodbye to Cartagena. She isn’t the least bit sad or regretful about a vacation that brought her fights and left her almost-shipwrecked and diarrhea-stricken. Why would she be? It made for memorable TV.
Original Source -> The Real Housewives of New York City boat ride from hell was peak Real Housewives
via The Conservative Brief
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