#instead of just shving me into a new place

[finnslay]

I'm so confused with tomorrow

there's a soccer game. I don't know where I go. Only certain kids can go to the media center. You have to have a 504 or IEP. I have a 504. But I don't wanna go to the media center... I wanna be able to sit and watch a soccer game with my friends and partner and make jokes and be freezing on the bleachers and complain about how I should've just not come because this day is pointless

The media center isn't gonna help anyway. I don't understand anything that's happening I'm gonna freak out. The soccer game...well...at least I know what's going on..

I just wanna be like the other highschoolers...I don't want to need special accommodations. I don't want to go into the "backup plan" for the kids who can't handle it...

I'm just gonna he alone when I freak out and they'll all try to help in the wrong way and it's gonna get worse and I'm gonna wanna die before going back to school...it's gonna make me hate myself even more and then im just gonna be miserable all weekend

Because it basically shows in my face that I can't be normal. I can't do fun things like other teens. I just have to sit in another room while the world goes on without me. They don't know how miserable that can make a person feel.

When I do freak out, they're gonna make it worse. Because they think they know how my brain works but they don't. None of them do... I hate when they follow something because "protocol" or some bullshit...because last time they did they tried to drag me into a wheelchair. It's terrifying...

It. Doesn't. Help.

And I don't even know what my 504 plan is...I don't know how it works. Nobody told me.

So basically. They're really fucking good at making someone feel worthless...

#why is it like that #someone shouldve told me what a 5p4 was #if its for me why not tell me ehats on the fucking plan #instead of just shving me into a new place #with 10 times the kid #in less than half the grades #and maybe tell me how its gonna work #instead of just letting me #“figure it out” #because that makrs me hate myself more than i already do.... #amd itakes me think that my brain eill never be good enough for them.... #i should just... #get pushed to the side #and stored away #with all the other broken parts