#irl ppl too but there's smth so special abt. in online there's no obligation at all to reach out or interact. but we still choose to

[noxtivagus]

I FEEL BETTER AGAIN

#🌙.rambles #the way i often feel better after perdev class really makes me realize that. yk literally /hearing/ it rlly comforts me a lot ;; #n yh i remembered smth again earlier #oh man i'm really grateful for the kindness of strangers #online friends were once strangers you've never known #irl ppl too but there's smth so special abt. in online there's no obligation at all to reach out or interact. but we still choose to #a lot of times it's not really /that/ deep but the thought of it is comforting when you feel alone #somewhere out there. even if you don't communicate directly w words... we understand each other in a way yeah? #there's smth especially comforting to me rn abt the kindness of someone you're not /v/ close with #but you still understand each other. maybe even deeper than w those irl #since honestly i can't rlly bring myself to vent or rant or ramble to my irls anymore ;;; #so there's this certain special gratitude n appreciation i have for ppl who know me online. esp on tumblr bcs i talk here a lot #that said though... there's smth as comforting as well abt #honestly i'm really big on those 5 love languages. so w irls there's physical touch that i love & #words of affirmation expressed through voice. those two stuff r esp special to me thanks to the distance put by the pandemic #even if i'm not rlly speaking voices give me a lot of comfort. which is one reason why music is so special to me. melodies n/or lyrics #somewhere out there. there's someone thinking abt people /like/ you #the specificness of being close w someone tho n understanding in depth after building a connection tho #all of our friends were once strangers. n thinking abt all that is v beautiful but. oh yh. i've been distant again from my reality;; #a few months ago i felt like i was talking too much so i ended up disconnecting ;;; ever since that active thought #i've been initiating stuff less n less. subconsciously. #problem tho is that when i'm sad i actively distance myself even further n that's so destructive but i wna get better again #i really wonder tho. there's sm distance n misunderstandings that can arise out of ignorance n disparity in perspectives #combining who we are n our personas n identities across platforms. irl. different social media. if we're not careful n self-aware then #the way we carry ourselves n how ppl perceive n relate n approach us wld change drastically. #best not to think /too/ much abt that tho bcs that cld be draining. T_T i care a lot at heart so im worried that i've been too distant #it's so hard to reach out but i wish i cld just clarify w all the ppl in my life that i still really really care. i'm just struggling TvT #in time in time. i need to just do what i can in a given moment. and it'll be enough for myself. n i'll keep on improving n i'll get better #thinking abt everyone i've ever known rlly comforts me. i'll improve my health so that hopefully i cld enjoy that company n be myself again #it's hard dealing w the constancy of the pain but i don't have to fall to that ache all the time. slowly is enough. i can be kind to me too