#it's like being super alert on a fucking battleground 24/6. absolutely exhausting

[lucy-ghoul]

x

#i think what really upsets me about intrusive thoughts/ocd related issues #is the lack of control over my own brain #like. it's really really scary and i've been living with it for almost 14 years #the fact that your suffering is not provoked by something you did/other people did #but by your stupid fucking brain you have 0 to control over #you can't do *nothing* about it except taking your meds waiting for some fucking peace of mind at last and endure #this feeling of helplessness is unnerving i swear #no wonder i fixate on fictional control freaks (tho i don't consider myself a control freak tbh) #no matter how different in temperament/experiences i can very much relate to the longing for some power over yourself #it's very painful and maybe an aspect of ocd that is not much talked about #even the fact that i'm like. 100% lucid makes it all so difficult #i know *exactly* what's real and what's not. i know these random thoughts while extremely unpleasant are an exaggeration #and that i give them too much importance #but at the same time.. i really can't do anything about it #it's like being super alert on a fucking battleground 24/6. absolutely exhausting #well... at least tonight it's eurovision time so for a few hours the depression is forgotten i guess #(obviously don't reblog please) #mental health tag #val speaks #txt