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#it's like it feigns warmth (feeding him. offering him his band badge. trying to make a connection?) but there's just emptiness. it's cold.
ofyorkshire
·
3 months
Text
turning the bizarre image of angry, vengeful 1983!bj feeding what i am almost certain is a hallucination of his child self a wedge of orange around in my head today.
#it's so strangely uncomfortable yet sweet and i can't pinpoint why.
#there's a coldness in that scene and idk if it's coming from how bj interacts with him (*making* him eat the orange)
#or how he imagines a hollowness in little barry from the moment he sees him. or if it's bc before we can even assume barry isn't real
#we know bj is there to visit his mum and he's getting angrier and more unstable the closer he gets to his old home.
#it's like. even though i don't think bj would be violent toward a child... something puts me on edge.
#it's like it feigns warmth (feeding him. offering him his band badge. trying to make a connection?) but there's just emptiness. it's cold.
#(barry vanishes inexplicably when bj attacks his mum btw and his mum doesn't mention him *once* so it leads me to believe he wasn't real.)
#(also the comment about ghosts seems two-fold: mrs. anderson thinking bj has been dead all this time and barry being a 'ghost' in bj's head
#but like. idk. that scene is so weird. the way bj interacts with what must be himself. it teeters between trying to be kind and
#seeming to almost dislike/hate what he sees.
#film!bj is interesting to me at that stage but i want to pick book!bj's brain more. i don't understand him much at all.
#again tho. none of this *really* has any bearing on my portrayal since i'm more film-based. but still. turning it around.
#wondering if there's anything to pick from it.
#wondering if... bj hates his child self? probably a bit. probably... could at least learn to be gentler with himself.
#hm.
#out of fairy tales [ooc];
#sorry putting on my clown nose again.
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