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disloopy · 5 years

Text

remedy for a broken heart pt.2

nafla

genre: angst

word count: 3k

a/n. i’m sorry this look on nafla is superior don’t try to convince me otherwise. this part is soooo long im sorry but i hope its a good finish since you guys have been waiting forever for it.

with a little bit of this, with a little bit of that we gon be alright

Nicholas sighed in exhaustion, plopping down on the couch next to you. The current state of the small studio he shared with the rest of the boys reflected upon the amount of time he spent there, working on songs but never finding one that seemed to qualify his ideals.

“What are the stakes?”

“Hm?”

“I mean if I quite music... can I live?”

You turned to him, setting your phone aside. “Ask yourself... you’re the one who said music is your life.”

“I know... but I’m afraid people here won’t accept me cause I’m not one of their own.”

You laughed. “Babe, it’s always hard at first, I’m sure they’ll eventually learn how amazing you are and will look past the differences.”

“You know,” Nicholas murmured. “Jinyoung hyung suggested we go to Korea for a a while.” He knew he had peaked your interest with those words. “He knows some people there. If we can start a stable career, then it won’t be too hard when we come back here.”

You smiled with a bright “that sounds great!” but there was a hint of worry in your eyes. Nicholas liked that. “Jinyoung is always reliable, isn’t he?” you said, looking away for a second. Nicholas nodded in agreement; trusting Jinyoung would be the only right thing to do in any situation.

“So are you all going?”

“Me and hyung are gonna fly out first, then we’ll get the others to come.” You didn’t say anything for a while so Nicholas reached over to clutch your hand. “When I get back, you’ll be dating a real rapper.” He hoped these words could at least be somewhat comforting to you.

“I already see you as a real artist,” you told him with a smile.

“Dude, what’s the deal?” asked Daniel, walking into Nicholas’s room as he was getting dressed for the day. “Mina just asked me if she can stay in the guest bedroom for the rest of the trip... did y’all fight?”

“We broke up,” Nicholas told him plainly.

“What?” Daniel couldn’t hide his shock. “We literally here to relax and you guys went ahead and made your own drama.”

Nicholas sighed in irritation. “Daniel, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” The younger boy fell silent, and put his hands in his pockets, staring at the floor.

“Well damn... so did y’all break up break up or...” Nicholas knew he was referring to the ‘incident’ with you . It wasn’t something he was proud of, the fact that all his friends, who were avid supporters of you, were conscious of the whole thing.

“Fuck... I don’t know. Girls are so complicated.”

Daniel pressed his lips together. “Really, I think you’re complicated.” The two boys chuckled quietly, unsure of what was funny. “So you still up for tonight?”

“I don’t think it’ll be good if I came.. since Mina...”

“Bro, she’s coming too.”

“Alright, I’ll think about it.”

As Daniel was leaving the room, Nicholas asked him to keep quiet about the whole situation to which he respectfully obliged. Daniel was known to have a big mouth but he was also trustworthy and always had his friends best interests at heart. And with that thought, Nicholas found it might be easier to forget about everything and have a fun night out with the boys instead of moping around like this. His friends would be by his side anyway and maybe that’s what he needed at the moment.

Nicholas left the solace of his bedroom to join the rest outside. “Yo, Mina, I got smth for you,” said Jinyoung, walking over to where she sat next to Daniel. She looked up from her phone, trying to peer around Jinyoung to see what he had hidden behind his back. Nicholas also watched, trying not to look too unhappy.

“You know how you love Post Malone? Well, he’s in the city, performing tonight and we got you tickets.”

Nicholas saw Mina’s expression brighten as she took the tickets from Jinyoung and jumped up, shaking her hips in delight.

“Oh my gosh, you’re the best!” She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Daniel pulled her back onto the couch.

“Don’t get too excited, you’re going with Owen.”

Mina’s lips parted and she rolled her eyes. “Ugh, are you serious?”

“I heard that!” Owen called from the kitchen to which Mina gave Daniel a sheepish look and he grinned, ruffling her hair.

Rather than being envious of the way his friends treated her, Nicholas found himself feeling sympathetic. Mina had a way of hiding her emotions ― much like you ― and she was too obviously pretending she didn’t care about what had happened earlier that morning. Her pretense had worked for her in the past but Nicholas knew her too well.

That night, Jinyoung and Daniel came into Nicholas’s room, informing him that they were leaving and if he’d like to join. “Can I come a bit later? I’m just not feeling it right now,” Nicholas told them, hiding away under his covers where he had been napping in all afternoon after a tiring shopping session with daniel.

“Bro, you’ve been sleeping all day, what’s wrong with you,” said Daniel, trying to pull his blankets off but Nicholas held on to them tightly in fear his friends might see his phone open to your instagram page which he had been scrolling through for the past hour.

Jinyoung just sighed. “Daniel, leave it. Don’t force him to come.” Nicholas looked at him with grateful eyes and Jinyoung nodded. “I actually gave Mina those tickets so she’d leave you alone tonight,” he chuckled and Nicholas threw a pillow at him. “But you can join us whenever you’d like.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

When everyone left, the house was quiet and Nicholas hated how lonely he felt right now, but he brought it upon himself . He reached for his phone again, refreshing your instagram page to see that you had updated your story.

Hesitantly, he brought his thumb on top of your profile picture, swallowing hard as your story opened up to reveal a picture of you with your arm draped around an unfamiliar girl, a bottle in your hand, your trademark million dollar smile plastered across your pretty face. You had tagged “Avalon Club” and Nicholas realized it was the same club his friends were going to. That’s why Daniel wanted me to come so bad.

Nicholas closed the story and went through your instagram posts once again. You had changed a lot and the posts showed it clearly. There was a gap in dates wherein you hadn’t posted at all and the posts from before the gap were of him and you, years of memories locked in a couple photos that had been buried under the more recent ones of you looking happier.

“Call when you land, alright?” you said, pulling away from the hug with Jinyoung. You asked him since you knew Nicholas would pass out and forget by the time they go to Korea.

“Don’t worry, I will,” Jinyoung replied, fixing his beanie that had almost fallen off from the contact. You finally moved to Nicholas who was waiting for you with open arms. He pulled you against him, burying his face in your hair ― little did he know, it would be the last time he’d get to do so.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” you told him with a little pout. Nicholas saw that you were trying hard to hold in your tears and he pulled you closer again so the others wouldn’t see. “Don’t you forget about me while you’re there, okay?”

He moved back, cupping your cheeks. “How could I ever forget about you?”

But the truth is he could, and he did. After going to Korea, Nicholas found himself busier than he would have expected. He made sure to keep you updated for the first couple weeks but after one or two hectic months, he couldn’t find motivation to pick up his phone and call you. His busy schedule kept him occupied but even when he was free, it seemed there was no time for you.

Besides that, Nicholas’s new life presented him with extravagances he could never have imagined of in a thousand lifetimes, nor could he refuse them. Although he had done a very selfish deed and couldn’t muster up the courage to face you after that.

But the girls that went back and forth from Nicholas’s room didn’t pass without the knowledge of his friends who thought he was being sus and questioned him about it. “Did you break up with Y/N?” asked Jinyoung.

“Uhhh...”

Jinyoung shook his head. “I did not expect this from you... seeing how attached you were to her, I thought you’d be begging to go back to America everyday.”

“Calm down, she’s prolly in another guy’s pants right now too.”

But both men knew you weren’t like that. Nicholas didn’t bother sending a breakup text because you had probably forgotten about him as well. However, you didn’t feel that way at all.

When the crew returned to America after gaining some popularity, you were still there, hitting nicholas up with instagram messages which he didn’t find it in himself to even open because at this point, ignorance was bliss.

And it seemed like the eye contact he made with you on his first American stage spoke a thousand words, none that either of you could ever speak to each other. To this day, that look still haunted him. It wasn’t any normal “breakup” if you can even call it that. Because sometimes, he found a part of himself was still with you.

Nicholas must have watched your story about a million times, staring at the picture of you for so long his eyes began to hurt. He couldn’t stay here any more. He was pathetic.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Daniel smirked when Nicholas finally arrived at the club. He had already drowned his self-pity in a few drinks when Daniel and Jinyoung found him seated at the bar.

“Having fun?”

“We should be asking you that,” said Jinyoung, propping his elbow on top of the counter. “You look down... was it Mina?” At this, Nicholas’s head snapped toward Daniel who shook his head quickly.

“I didn’t say anything, I swear.”

“Mina told us you guys were having a fight in the car while we were dropping her off,” Jinyoung explained. “What’s gotten into you?”

Nicholas sighed. “Yeah... it was my fault not hers. Did she tell you we broke up?” His relationship with her was on a thin line.

“Uh no, she said you guys were ‘on a break’ or sum like that.”

Though slightly disappointed, Nicholas was relieved that she didn’t want to leave him altogether. His heart already felt weak at the thought of losing yet someone important in his life again.

“By the way... Y/N’s here,” Daniel said quietly. “We wanted to tell you so it doesn’t turn out like last time.” Nicholas faked surprise but in reality, he knew all too well your whereabouts.

“That’s nice... I don’t really feel like talking to her right now, though.”

“I guess you gotta tell her that yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat, getting up from his seat. “Don’t look now but she’s walking right towards us.” Nicholas froze. That means you were probably right behind him. Nicholas and Daniel smiled and waved at you over Nicholas’s head and then gave him a look before walking away.

“Hey stranger.” Your voice was soft, almost like a melodic tune. He hadn’t heard it in what felt like ages.

Nicholas turned around. “Y/N! I haven’t seen you in forever! Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!” Was that too much? Who cared, he’d already messed up whatever image of himself you had in your mind. You hugged him but it felt like the distance between you two increased and it was like he couldn’t even feel you.

“I came to your concert but I guess your friends didn’t tell you I was there,” you said, sitting down in the seat next to him. “I figured if you did see me, you would have talked to me but you didn’t so...”

Nicholas laughed in embarrassment but inside a piece of him died. It seemed he had been too obvious with his hesitation. Or maybe he was just an asshole. The latter seemed quite accurate.

“Anyway, you are you?”

A mess, Nicholas could reply. But instead he said, “I’m good... I mean, I’m better than better.”

“How’s life as a celebrity?” you asked, laughing. Nicholas couldn’t bring himself to look at you but your laugh felt like medicine all it’s own.

“Wellll, I don’t really feel like one.”

“Really? You sure do act like one.” You murmured the last part. Was this your way of saying ‘fuck you’ to Nicholas? Perhaps Nicholas was thinking about it too much. He needed to drink a little more.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked and you shook your head.

“Nah, I was leaving with my friends right now actually... then I saw you.” You started to get up, taking your bag with you. “I’ll see you around then.”

You can’t seriously let her leave like this, Nicholas thought to himself as his chest tightened. This may or may not be the last time he’d get to see you. A part of him wanted to remain that selfish and stupid self and let you go your way, as if just seeing you was closure enough.

But it wasn’t. The conversation was riddled with tension and if he hadn’t known any better, you were surely throwing shade at him for what he had done. If this was the only way to get rid of the guilt, Nicholas had to at least try.

He gulped down whatever was left in his glass and then stopped you. “Wait, Y/N! You got a minute?” You shrugged, sitting back down, clutching your purse tightly. Nicholas took a deep breath.

“Listen... I don’t want to do this all over again,” he said quietly. “I just want to say I’m so sorry for being the worst boyfriend ever... and for being a dick and-”

“Nick,” you said, cutting him off. “I forgive you.” Nicholas fell silent. Those three words didn’t give him the relief he thought he’d get. A lot of him thought that you’d tell him you missed him and that you waited for him all this time and that you still love him.

But none of that came.

“Seriously...? Just... like that?”

You pressed your lips together. “I mean, what do you want me to say? That I still have feelings for you and I want to get back together?”

It sounded weird out loud the more Nicholas thought about it. “I just wanted closure... I mean, I’ve been kinda thinking about it and it was unfair to you.”

“Just forget it, Nicholas. You said you were ‘better than better’, what now?”

“Maybe I was lying,” he murmured and like that the stony expression on your face crumbled, softened to your glowing features as you stared at the glass surface of the counter.

“Maybe I’m lying too,” you said. “I mean, I know I said I forgave you but sometimes, I sit down thinking of you and I hate you.” Nicholas chewed on the bottom of his lip as you spoke. All this time he’d been worrying about his feeling and his guilt that he never thought about you.

“I hate you for not coming back for me when you promised me you would. But you know what, you have new friends, a new girl, a new life... who am I to tell you you can’t enjoy that?” You sat back and then looked at Nicholas and Nicholas looked back at you. It was the first time you two made direct eye contact and it didn’t feel like a knife piercing through him.

“The last time we were together, I couldn’t help thinking of the future and...” you swallowed hard, taking Nicholas’s hands in yours. Your hands were just as soft as Nicholas remembered. “I knew that this would happen because I know you, Nick. I still let you go and maybe it was stupid but I was right.”

Nicholas held your hands tightly. “I wish that I could go back and change things... I swear I’m not like that any more.”

“Maybe you’re not,” you said, reaching up to touch the side of his face. “I hated you for what you did but I admire you for being able to sit here right now and at least tell me how you feel, even if it’s two years later. You’re not who you used to be, I know that.”

“That’s all I want,” Nicholas whispered. “To know that you don’t hate me.” You smiled and exhaled softly.

“I don’t. And I’m not holding this above you, Nick. We were so good together but we ended and that’s fine too. The best way to move on, though, is to let go of what you can’t control, let go of the past, Nicholas. The universe will align itself.”

There were some days when Nicholas felt suffocated just thinking about you.You two didn’t end on good terms, if you had ended properly at all. But if this was the last goodbye, then Nicholas felt himself healing a little bit.

You slid off your seat and kissed Nicholas’s lips. He couldn’t give in and kiss you back, but neither did he have the strength to pull away.

“There. Now we officially broke up,” you giggled, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “Maybe I’ll see you later, or maybe I won’t. Don’t beat yourself up over me.” You began to leave with your friends and turned around one last time to wave goodbye.

It felt like a certain weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Nicholas didn’t feel guilty anymore, the chains around his ankles were finally free.

He took out his phone and texted Mina. “I’m sorry for everything.” Nicholas got a reply almost immediately, giving him the impression that Mina might have been thinking of him too.

She texted. “I know, love.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

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