#its not that im opposed to its reclamation or use

[ponderosapineneedles]

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#i hate q slur discourse so im gonna vent about it here instead of commenting #but i do kind of hate how queer is used so universally as ~queer theory~ or ~queer lit~ or whatever #a) it isnt inclusive. reclamation is a complicated and personal process and its kind of unfair to hoist that on everyone #b) even when slurs are reclaimed like. it still feels weird to have them be used in the NYT #and in academia and shit #its also really intetesting be the 'reclamation' is more spatial than temporal #like at the same time my university offered queer history courses #i heard someone say 'ive never seen one of those queers. they know better than to come around here' #its not that im opposed to its reclamation or use #but it feels soooooooo disingenuous to act like reclamation is a finished process and it feels like #to have it be used to advertise shitty YA lit to me #is just an insult. y'know? and academics that go 'queer just means difference or deviation from the norm!' #instead of a word people use to enforce SPECIFIC rules about who can perform femininity and when and how #like when i hear the word i think of a) the shitty conservatives from my hometown #b) academics whose theories i either find vastly overrated or horrifically misinterpreted #or c) seattle liberals whose experience of ~queerness~ is so vastly different than mine i sometimes wonder if we speak the same language #its a word that should be reclaimed by screaming and writing it on my arms at a protest #not by like. having spotify use it as a podcast category

[angstics]

THINKING about how if fake your death was never released, burn bright would’ve been my chemical romance’s final song for years. the song that ends with:

for this interpretation, the city lights is a representation of the audience (like torches). when put into the context of this earlier verse:

we see a cycle of give and take between the band and audience with the fire, ie their passion. passion sustains itself at either source, seeing as the band “steals” it at the end, meaning it isnt theirs. to align two-way passion — or artistry or mission (purifying flame), whatever the fire is — with identity then to go:

“YOU MADE ME WHO I AM / BE AFRAID OF WHAT I AM” is insane in two opposing ways. 1. for the band and audience to be conjoined monsters, or 2. for the band to be the audience’s monster. im approaching both these ideas on the basis that both groups are endlessly flawed but not evil.

for the audience and band to be monsters made of the same materials aligns with their shared fire. we are feared by the world for our shared, cyclical otherness. at the same time, for the audience’s fire to have burned the band in ways alluded to in the song (drug addiction, martyrdom, mental health issues, loss of self, reliance on darkness to create art) — also referenced in foundations “fate had left its scars on his face / with all the damage they had done” — creates an uncomfortable warning call: this experience has hurt me. be afraid of this life.

these interpretations can be combined — we are together in this dependent relationship (audience emotional dependence, band self-destruction) only saved by love for music (the fire). we need each other because others dont want us (“youll never get to heaven / with a life like yours”). be afraid of our community of social degeneracy.

despite starting the band themselves (“we lit the fire”), they were still molded by their experiences (“cause it makes me who i am / you made me who i am”). horrifying loss of free will is combatted (“ill never fade away”) by the final, total reclamation of passion (“if i steal the fire”). by turning the torches off (“from your city nights”). they broke the cycle. this is a goodbye. they’ve said goodbye so many times.

#mcr #i think that’s what gets me. it feels like theyre always on the brink of giving up. for extremely understandable reasons. #but they always try again. the foundations connection…. #chemical burn!!!