#ive had the studying problem also since the pandemic. like in bachiller it was there but it was manageable

[minglana]

i dont mean to be a debbie downer on january 1st of all days but lately (bc of exam season maybe?) ive been feeling like my life is completely stagnant and its going nowhere. i should be finished w my degree. i should either be working or getting my masters. but instead im over here with one or two or even three more years of finishing this stupid degree. and the thing is that YES i could just drop out but i also dont want to. i started this thing and im like halfway through. i should finish it even if its just for the sake of finishing it. i also know that its completely normal to not finish a degree in four years, many of my classmates that i started with are still studying w me, but many of my friends from my same year (who didnt study engineering) are already finished and doing god knows what with their lives... i know its always said that engineering is more difficult than other degrees and that its normal to take more than 4 yrs, but it still doesnt stop me from feeling like shit

i also just feel like bc im studying i dont allow myself to have fun, bc i get distracted on my computer and do things other than studying, and if i didnt have to study i would like to hang out more with my friends. but since i spend so much time on the computer doing stupid shit, i take away the time that should be for me doing extra activities and socializing and leave it to study.

and yet another thing is my ever-constant problem of not being able to make myself study. pre-pandemic i was able to make myself study. i even dare say i enjoyed it. but now i dread even the thought of studying. idk if its bc i dont like most of the classes im taking or if im fatigued or what but i genuinely feel completely lost on what i can do to remedy this problem

#ive had the studying problem also since the pandemic. like in bachiller it was there but it was manageable #ever since the pandemic its gotten out of control honestly #im hoping that by going away on erasmus i can clear my head completely and the change of scenery and life will help me at least a little bi #bc i genuinely cant keep on going like this. like. this entire month idk how ive managed to survive from the dread and anxiety #and stress ive been carrying around. and its all manmade. as in i made myself the stress and anxiety and dread. all bc. my brain refuses #to cooperate. and i cant make myself study!!!! #z xarre #long post #ta esborrare #<- maybe