#jinxthelesbian

[asterkiss]

Could you do number 120 from the sarcasm prompts if ur still taking requests? it fits mabel and bill too well!!

(( btw sorry for liking a bunch of ur posts at once, It's easier to save them to read later that way 😭))

Never apologise for binge liking my stuff, seeing it all gives me happy feelings inside! <3

-DEAD WEIGHT

'Hnnnnghhhh!'

'Gross, gross, get off me!' Mabel yelled, batting the zombie off her as the decomposed corpse tried to grab her head. She saw a flash of teeth as it tried to chomp on her arm like a chew toy before a baseball bat swung down upon its skull.

She winced at the crunching noise, scrambling up to her feet as she regarded her saviour with a smile.

Then she realised who it was.

'Oh, it's you.'

Bill smiled. 'Wow, I save your stupid life and that's what I get? You got a stone cold heart there.'

She frowned with concern. 'I thought Dipper was with you.' The two had been together when she'd left them behing bickering to go ahead. Bill hadn't offed him, had he?

'Eh, he's fine. Last I saw him, he was rolling down some hill screaming like a girl.'

Oh, is that what she heard? She thought that was another woman in trouble.

'So,' Bill began, regarding her as the zombie made guttural noises beneath his foot.

Mabel smile back innocently. 'Soooo... what?

They both stared at one another without flinching.

'Shooting Star.'

'Yes?'

His eyes narrowed. 'Y'know, last I checked, there weren't any undead zombies roaming in these woods.'

'Oh, well you see, that's actually a really funny story.'

'Uh huh.'

'See, part of the reason I wanted to check the caves out is because I heard there was this wizard who used to live here and he could answer any five questions you had in exchange for shiny stuff! So, I brought some blank CDs and went to where he was supposed to be but there was nothing there!'

'Nothing?'

'Well, there was this weird stone that now I'm thinking about, was kinda shaped like a coffin? And it had some weird writing on it that I decided to read and.... well, tah dah?' She offered a sheepish smile, holding out her hands towards the thing beneath his feet. Usually it was Dipper who raised the dead by accident and she scolded him. Urgh, he was gonna have a field day having the shoe on the other foot, wasn't he? Noooooo.

'Please don't tell Dipper,' she said quickly.

Before he could reply, the zombie beneath him groaned again. Bill growled, looking down in annoyance. 'Will you shut up!?'

'No.'

They both froze.

'Whoah, did you just talk?' Mabel asked, eyes wide.

The zombie continuned to struggle but a clear voice came from beneath Bill's boot. 'Yes.'

'Ah, it worked!' Mabel gave a jump of delight. 'See, he's answering questions!'

'Yeah, and now you have three left.'

'I- huh?' She paused, thinking over the last few lines of dialogue before she frowned. 'Oh, urgh. Gotta make this one count then.'

'Why did you need a dead wizard to answer your questions? Maths too hard?'

'Yes,' the zombie groaned. Mabel kicked the wizard in the gut before giving Bill a glare.

'You're wasting my questions! And besides, I wouldn't disrespect him like that!' A pause. 'I was gonna ask him if there were any boys who liked me...' The ones in her school so far were being very wary, and she'd been shot down three times already. If she knew where to start with a positive frame to work with, it might be better.

'I can tell ya now there is.'

She blinked, tilting her head. 'Really?'

'Yeah, Gideon Gleeful. Go get him, tiger.'

'Bleh.' She made a face to his amusement.

'Anyway, I'm betting you cast some form of Speak to the Dead spell,' Bill drawled. 'We ask him two more questions, and he'll go back to being dead.'

'Is it really that easy?' Mabel realised her error a second too late as the zombie released a hissed "yes". She groaned in agrravation. Okay, one more question. Gotta make it count!

But before she could ask question both of the duo caught sight of flashing blue lights in the distnace through the treeline. Mabel froze. Cops? Had someone heard their screaming?

'Oooh, that's bad.'

'Oi, grab his legs. Now.'

Mabel took hold of the wizard by his lower half, grimacing when she felt some bare decomposed skin under her fingertips. The guy looked very much like a wizard with a long beard and robes adorning his corpse which has mostly decayed by this point. Gross.

Bill grabbed under his arms, and the two of them began shuffling away from the police lights. Talk about your Monday night.

The demon grinned. 'This is fun.'

'Seriously? We're trying to hide a body!'

'Hey, it's not like we killed him. Heck, you un-killed him technically. Ain't no laws against that. Well, not human ones anyway.'

The sound of movement in the bushes made them both freeze, heads snapping around as the leaves began to move. Mabel felt her heart leap into her throat as a figure stepped out from the overgrowth to reveal-

'Oh, it's just Dipper,' she said, sighing in relief as her body relaxed.

'Sup, Pine Tree.'

'Hnnnghghh,' the zombie groaned.

Dipper stared at them all with wide eyes, gaze dropping down to the zombie in their arms.

'What the hell are you doing?'

But before either of them could respond, a raspy voice cut them to the chase:-

'Flirting.'

'Huh!?'

'What!?'

Three pairs of heads snapped down to watch as the zombie made a peace sign with its fingers and dropped dead for good. Mabel and Bill both exchanged quick glances before grimacing and hastily dropping the wizard on the floor in favour of stepping away from one another.

Dipper continuned to stare on. 'Seriously, what the hell is going on here?

#prompt meme #jinxthelesbian #drabble