#just no Egeith

[totallyuseless-ugh]

It’s not hard to understand Dungeons (and Dragons)

Darnell never understood the hype around roleplaying games, even less so the tabletop kind. Growing up, nobody he knew around school played anything like it. Him and Pico briefly dabbled in Magic the Gathering at most. But other than that, neither Darnell, nor his friends had anything to do with these games. Most of his time was invested in studying for school, especially chemistry, and starting in high school, he also got into freestyle rapping.

He never knew there were any dice other than the classic six-sided ones, which resistance a copper Dragonborn had, or how often a level five cleric could cast cure wounds, let alone what any of this meant.

That was, until CJ came into his life.

When the two first got to know each other properly by name, they had agreed to meet up the very same day after work. Darnell was still a little hungover, but it wasn’t as bad anymore by the end of his shift as it was in the early morning.

CJ was nice enough to pick him up and drive to his apartment where they spent the whole day. Both shared their hobbies, and they talked for hours despite having vastly different interests. What did however get Darnell confused was the mention of Dungeons and Dragons coming from CJ. He just gave them a confused look and they immediately began a huge ramble about the game, though it didn’t help him understand anything even in the slightest.

“How about this,” CJ eventually gave up explaining the game system. “I got a session scheduled soon with my friends. You could tag along, watch us play and see for yourself if it’s your kinda thing.”

It took them another minute to first explain what exactly a session meant in the context of the game, but Darnell eventually agreed. He would witness his first session of DnD.

The coming weekend, Darnell came along with CJ to the apartment of one of their band mates. Sunghee’s dining table was set up to have a lot of room, which was mostly occupied with bowls of various snacks for the time being. Sydney was already sitting at the table, chatting with Sunghee. She took the chair at the end of the table, half hidden behind a wide cardboard screen with a laptop, several books and a lot more things Darnell, or anyone else could not see from their perspective.

CJ themself sat down and took a collection of things out from their bag. A notepad full with scribbled words and messy sketches, a collection of weirdly organised paper full of tables with numbers, which Darnell later learned was a character sheet, and the probably most interesting item of them all, a dice bag.

Shortly after Rika also joined the table began the game. Sunghee told her friends what scenarios they found themselves in, then they’d tell her what their characters did, and occasionally, they’d have to roll a die to determine if they’d succeeded.

It certainly looked interesting, but just from watching, Darnell couldn’t really figure out a lot. At least Sunghee was kind enough to show pictures of the creatures she talked about so he’d have somewhat of an idea what situation the group was in at that moment.

Listening in on the session sure was fun, so Darnell joined in whenever he had time since then. He only watched though, never feeling the need for playing himself. However, he did eventually create a character of his own.

Around the holidays, CJ’s sister Marie was planning a oneshot and wanted as many players for it as possible. After a bit of convincing, Darnell gave in and met up with CJ to make his first ever character. He decided on a Half-Orc Ranger, simply because it sounded like fun. Since Darnell didn’t fully grasp the game rules yet, they went over the basics together.

While CJ explained what rolling for a skill meant though dropped Darnell the 20-sided die by accident. It took them both almost half an hour to find it again. He apologised for the chaos over and over, mostly because he noticed CJ’s twitching eye whenever he held the die in his hand since, despite how often they said it was alright.

When the oneshot came around, he was given a dice set of his own. CJ said it was an early Christmas present, as a welcoming gift to the game. Though Darnell figured it was more so that he would never have to touch their dice ever again.

But despite the introduction to Dungeons and Dragons, Darnell never got as much into it as his partner did. He certainly understood the basics when CJ spoke about the sessions they were a player in, but he lost track as soon as they began a campaign of their own.

Any mention of world building, lore and game rules became like a static noise to Darnell whenever they’d go on a tangent about their latest plans. He’d try his best to listen, but CJ could tell that he didn’t understand a single word. And yet, Darnell insisted on them telling him about it, simply because he liked to see them talk about the things they enjoyed. Something about it made him happy himself.

The campaign progressed, occasionally taking place at the shared apartment as well. But only when Darnell didn’t have a late shift so the group wouldn’t accidentally wake him up once he went to bed. He’d often sit down with CJ to watch and see what it was like behind the Dungeon Master screen.

The amount of notes and information they had to keep track of was insane. But Darnell wasn’t really sure if that was normal, or just his partner being obsessed with details and organisation.

It still bothered him though that he didn’t understand as much of the material. He didn’t just want to sit around and nod along to whatever campaign plans CJ would talk about. So one day, Darnell decided it was time to change that.

After another session was over, Darnell helped cleaning the table with Sunghee while CJ, Sydney and Rika were putting away all the snacks and preparing a proper dinner in the kitchen before everybody would head home.

“Hey, Sunghee?” He asked hesitantly, keeping his voice low so that CJ wouldn’t accidentally hear him. “Can you help me with something?”

“Sure thing, what is it?” She walked over, at first thinking he needed help with what they were doing.

“Can you.. teach me to understand DnD?”

Sunghee looked at him for a moment. Before she could say anything though, Darnell continued, feeling the need to explain his request. “I just want to understand what CJ is talking about all the time, that’s it.”

She began to grin at his words. “You don’t need my help for that,” she told him with a quiet giggle. “They got all of the books. You can just read those.”

Right, the books. CJ always had a stack of big, colourful books on the table when they were having a session. They’d occasionally use it to check the rules for something their players were planning or see the stats of certain creatures.

Since that day, Darnell spent nearly all his free time reading. Whenever he was home alone and had nothing planned, he’d always sneak one of the rule books from CJ’s shelf and read it thoroughly. When going out, he’d often listen to a podcast of other campaigns. All the time he didn’t spend with CJ, Darnell was diving into the lore and workings of the game system.

He didn’t tell them anything about it. For one, because Darnell was afraid of saying something wrong, but mostly because he wanted to keep it a surprise. So when he began to understand what CJ was telling him, he was pretending to be clueless as before.

Even a while after he had finished reading all the books, Darnell didn’t say anything. He never mentioned anything to Sunghee, didn’t jump in with his knowledge when CJ had to check the spell list in their Player’s Handbook, kept quiet in every session about anything that wasn’t basic player knowledge.

Darnell was waiting for the right moment, the perfect opportunity. And it took a while to present itself.

*

The couple had a day off together. But instead of getting to enjoy it in any romantic way, they had to tend to their usual adult responsibilities. At least they could go grocery shopping together, that made the task just a bit less mundane.

Back home, they were putting away the groceries as CJ began to talk about their latest campaign ideas. “I was thinking of swapping out the silver dragon from the original book story with a white dragon. I just think it would fit more into the setting of the icy mountain peak, y’know?”

“And they’re supposed to get information from that dragon, right?”

“Exactly. I feel like an ancient white dragon is more likely to have knowledge about an artefact called the “never-ending snowflake” than a silver dragon.”

“That wouldn’t work with the lore, though.” Darnell said it in his most casual voice as he put the milk cartons in the fridge. CJ just stared at him in disbelief. “I’m sorry, what?”

“First off, white dragons have their lairs in cold mountain *caves*. But more importantly, they’re too dumb and animalistic to speak with your players. Especially since they can’t speak common.”

Keeping their surprised expression, CJ stood in the kitchen unmoving. They needed a second to process what their boyfriend had just dropped on them before they’d get their phone to check this information.

“Fuck, you’re right.. wait wait- why do you know all of that?”

Darnell just shrugged, “Read the books, did some research.” He closed the fridge door and before he knew it, CJ had him pinned against the counter, kissing him all over. He surely got the surprise as wanted, but this reaction was certainly unexpected, not unpleasant though.

It certainly paid out that he enjoyed doing deep dives into any interesting type of topic.

#cj #darnell #short story #sorta beta-ed #I’m sorry #thanks to steddie Twitter for giving me this idea lol #Sunghee #ferocious maniacs in general tbh #just no Egeith #sorry dojo

[totallyuseless-ugh]

You rocked my Heart

Chapter Two: Sir, you got my attention

It took Darnell about a week of writing and reviewing his own text before he was satisfied with his draft for the article. What probably took the most effort was correcting every ‘he’ into ‘they’ when it came to talking about CJ. This minor yet important detail required a lot of time, focus and lots of correction fluid. After all, Darnell couldn’t, and wouldn’t, present anything that was mediocre at best.

This was the perfect time to finish the article too. The club was beginning to plan the next issue of the newspaper since there was a strict deadline for submitting the layout before printing.

As Darnell entered the room in his lunch break, Catherine was already shuffling around pictures and texts on the light table to find an appropriate layout. Meanwhile Tommy and Lucas were reading through submitted texts to sort them into piles based on how likely they were to be published.

The air was thick with stress and exhaustion. Especially the other club members walking around the room added to this. Every time Darnell got to witness this, he couldn’t help but feel like he was in the middle of holiday shopping. The only thing missing now was the annoying Christmas music playing on loop.

He didn’t let any of this affect him though. He had submitted articles before several times, so the anxiety of handing over the paper wasn’t there anymore. Especially after being rejected so many times before.

Darnell approached Tommy, tapping his shoulder before holding the handwritten text towards him. “Would you mind reading this?”

“Trying to get back in the print, hm?” He laughed a little and accepted the submission.

“I just followed my gut feeling. Something felt off, and I think people should know the truth.”

Tommy just glanced at the title, then raised a brow at Darnell. “You think that this small band club thing is really going to interest anyone? Nobody is talking about it anymore.”

“At least give me a chance, man!”

To Tommy, it almost felt like he was doing Darnell a favour with this. Everyone, including Darnell himself, knew well enough how his latest submissions were just lacking something to catch people’s interest despite the amount of time and effort he had put into investigating. However, once Tommy had actually read past the headline and opening paragraph, his initial doubts began to melt away. If Darnell remembered correctly, he even heard Tommy gasp quietly at one point.

After reading it himself, he handed the paper over to Lucas for him to get his thoughts on the article.

“Shit, I had no idea Moore could be this.. dickish,” Lucas muttered and looked back and forth between Tommy and the author of the text.

“I know, right? Isn’t being ‘the nicest teacher’ her whole shtick?”

They looked at each other for one more moment. Lucas, still holding the paper, then turned back at Catherine and dropped it right in front of her on the table. She was about to yell at him for messing up her work, but he quickly cut her off, “Cat, we found our cover story.”

*

Even after the weeks of further planning, submitting and printing the newspaper was Darnell still beyond excited. Not only had he finally gotten one of his stories published again, but this was his very first top story. Though he had to explain to the others first the use of ‘they’ for CJ, nobody doubted his decision. Most students reading this probably wouldn’t really pay attention to that anyway. All they would care about would be the way Ms Moore’s real self got exposed.

However one small group did actually notice, and it definitely was a welcome surprise.

On his way from class to the usual hangout spot, Egeith had no choice but to always pass through the cafeteria. He always chose the quickest route to the exit, just to avoid jocks or other douchebags trying to mess with him. But one day, while about to follow the same old habit, he noticed something strange.

The students were all chatting as loudly as they did every day, but nearly every other second could he hear somewhere the mention of Moore or the school band. At every table were at least two or three people holding a newspaper, no matter which group had claimed this part of the cafeteria.

Curiosity got the best of him, and Egeith bought one for himself. He actually didn’t remember if he ever spent money on one before throughout his entire school career.

But he didn’t take the time to read right away. His priority was back to leaving the building as quickly as possible.

“Ey guys, look at this,” Egeith said as soon as he finally got to his group of friends. They all looked confused over the newspaper he was holding up in the air like it was the greatest discovery in human history.

“Dude, since when do you read this stuff?” Sunghee raised an eyebrow at him, and Rita wasn’t sure that moment what to think of this either. But he didn’t let either of them bother him and just presented the cover page to the group.

The layout was as boring as always. Title up top, a few headlines to get a reader’s interest. One of these headlines absolutely stole the show however, “The Band Club Drama: How Ms Moore is responsible for the sudden auditions”.

“CJ, you should see this,” Charlie muttered, unable to take her eyes off the print.

The person in question groaned a little as they now also walked over to see what everyone was gawking at. “What, did someone perv teacher finally get caught?” They hadn’t paid any mind to their other friends who all couldn’t stop staring at the front page.

CJ now read the headline as well and furrowed their brows. Not because they were confused, but rather couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Egeith took this as an invitation to flip open the paper and finally read aloud the article to his friends.

“Just a couple weeks ago, the music teacher Ms Moore had come into the club room of our school’s newspaper. She announced that there would be new auditions for the band club, but upon asking why only answered that a handful of students had recently left.”

Rika was the first to laugh at that. “Wow, not even the guts to tell the full truth, ey?” She elbowed Sunghee standing beside her and also got a cackle out of the black haired girl.

Egeith meanwhile had scanned briefly over the text, skipping a few passages to see where it would get interesting, “It turned out that the guitarist CJ was kicked out by the music teacher, apparently because she couldn’t tolerate their wild behaviour. One would think this meant they had caused harm or damaged school property. The truth, however, was that CJ had broken their own guitar by accident. Nothing else.”

It took a moment for CJ to process what they were being presented this moment. Whoever had written this article had made the effort not just to find this information, to just present the whole story without a filter or bias. But this person took the time to use ‘they’ the whole time.

As Egeith continued to read out loud came they back from their thoughts and interrupted him. “Who wrote that?”

“What?-“

“You heard me dude!” CJ quickly moved to stand next to their friend, eyes jumping across the double page wildly in search for a name. Then they finally found the small text hidden right under the headline, ‘written by Darnell Hodge’.

Reading the name was like unlocking a memory. A very hazy and blurry memory they had nearly forgotten about. While waiting for Rita to finally drive the group of friends home had someone suddenly come by to talk to them. A guy with dark skin and bright blue eyes, who had introduced himself as Darnell before he had asked to talk to CJ. He didn’t even get the chance to ask a question right away. He was both confused and curious about why all of CJ’s friends referred to them not as ‘he’, but other students did. Darnell had even asked if they wanted him to write about them in the article in the same way as CJ’s friends talked about them. But it took a while to piece together these memories. Back when it had happened, they were pretty much high as a kite, and that always messed with their brain when it came to remembering things.

“I gotta show this to Via!” Egeith zoomed off with the magazine in hand, leaving his friends to discuss among themselves what they had just been presented. Though they were mostly ecstatic over the fact that someone had stood up for the group and finally showed the school that Ms Moore actually wasn’t as peaceful and friendly as she always liked to show herself. But CJ still was stuck in place, almost paralyzed by the entire situation. For the rest of lunch break and still going during class, their mind couldn’t focus on anything but Darnell.

Up until this day, almost nobody they had met bothered to refer to them in neuter. Only their handful of friends and a few family members did this. And from the few bits that CJ had heard of the article, they could also hear that Darnell was arguing for their side. Hell, the title already made it clear that he was siding with the group against the teacher!

All of this made them very curious about him. They wanted to get to know Darnell, get to know him properly and see what kind of person he was to be this way. Only problem was that they had no idea how to approach him. CJ wasn’t sure whether Darnell was always busy running around school to find information for his articles, or if he possibly spent his break somewhere other than the meeting room. The two also had no classes together, so there was no chance to talk to him that way.

For now, CJ was clueless as to how they could find him. But they knew that they wouldn’t give up easily.

#cj #darnell #egeith #rika #sunghee #Charlie/Sydney #you rocked my heart #chapter two #again this story is (unfortunately) sponsored by nord v- #I mean by semi-beta reading #maybe one day I’ll put in the effort to let them be fully beta-ed #just gotta find someone to do this job lol

[totallyuseless-ugh]

You rocked my Heart

Chapter Three: Stupidly Lucky Coincidence

CJ had a goal, so now it was time to find a way for them to reach it.

Since the publication of the article, they began staying inside the school building for a little longer. They didn’t jump from their chair at the ringing of the bell to run outside. Instead, they began to take their time at the end of class and strolled down the hallway without a rush. Their friends were confused at first why CJ ended up arriving at the usual hangout spot even later than Egeith, but nobody seriously questioned it. Not even his girlfriend Via bothered to squeeze an answer out of them.

The change of habit didn’t really help CJ though. They learned no new information, let alone seeing Darnell since the interview. At first, there was the idea to spend an entire lunch break going from room to room in an attempt to find him. But it sounded a bit stalker-ish to them, so that was thrown out the window as quickly as it had come to mind.

The problem ended up being solved on its own though, just through sheer luck. Or rather lack thereof for CJ.

*

Another school day had finally come to an end for the last students that stayed for a club. CJ was one of these people, leaving the school gym after showering and changing back into their normal clothes. Rika had an important appointment, so she had left school earlier, meaning all her friends had to get home on their own. Since they lived rather close to the school grounds already had CJ decided to take their bike to school.

On their way to the bike stands were they starting to question their decision on showering before getting home, whether they would just take the risk of potentially sweating through their clothes a second time. That problem, however, was completely forgotten about just a minute later. As they were about to take off the bike lock saw CJ a far bigger problem, both of the tires were completely flat.

Meanwhile Darnell came out of another meeting with his club, having to wait by himself for his mother to pick him up. His thoughts were still revolving around the things discussed earlier. But his attention soon latched onto the sudden yell from across the school grounds, “MOTHERFUCKER!-” followed by a crashing sound of metal.

It sure was far from being a very inviting situation, but Darnell's curiosity outweighed his fear of getting into any trouble in that moment. Thus, he went out to investigate and into the direction he previously heard the chaos sounding from.

To his surprise, he found CJ sitting on the ground by what looked to be their bicycle, head buried in their hands as they groaned and grumbled quietly.

"Having trouble coming home?" He asked with a quiet chuckle, though Darnell made sure to keep his distance from CJ. While they didn't seem to be like any of the jocks, chasing and beating up anyone who just dares to look at them wrong, it was best to stay safe. Today was really not the day he wanted to piss off someone from the boxing club.

CJ peeked through their fingers at Darnell and their eyes widened almost in an instant. At first, Darnell thought it was time to run as they stood up from the ground so quickly. But CJ just quickly brushed the dirt off their clothes and cleared their throat. "Ah- I mean, sorta?.. not exactly easy to get home on two flat tires," they pointed back at their bike for Darnell to look at the damage.

"Damn.." he muttered to himself as he took notice of the situation CJ was in now. "And now you got no way home?"

"Nah, but the walk is gonna take a while. Probably like, I dunno.. half an hour," CJ shrugged it off a little. They didn't exactly have a choice, they'd have to push their bike all the way home and then fix the tires in case Rika couldn't take the group home tomorrow either.

Darnell however didn't like the thought of them having to go home by themself like this, so he tried to come up with a solution. "I mean, I could ask my mom if she could bring you home? Just gonna put your bike in the trunk and then drop you off."

The offer certainly was tempting to CJ. Anything was better than a 30 minute walk with a broken bike after doing sports. "You sure it wouldn't be a problem to her? I'm a complete stranger to her after all."

"Don't worry about that, she won't mind," Darnell reassured them with a smile. He slowly approached CJ, holding his hand out as an offer to take their bag, though it took them a moment to understand what he wanted from them.

While Darnell then waited nearby with the sports bag slung over his shoulder was CJ ducked down to finally get the bike lock to open. Once the chain was off, they stood back up but didn't further move for another moment. It certainly confused Darnell. Never before had he seen a person practically freeze and load information like a computer. "You're.. Darnell, right? The guy who made this article a while back?" CJ asked him while almost entirely avoiding eye contact. Darnell wasn't sure whether they were shy or embarrassed, or if this was just a thing they always did.

"Yep, I'm the one," he responded with a warm grin, though he couldn't really tell if this was appropriate in this moment. It was kind of hard for him to read CJ. "I figured you would remember me, since I interviewed you personally."

A small smile cracked out of CJ's mouth as they chuckled a little. "Actually, yeah. Though to be honest, I almost forgot about the whole thing until that article came out. My memory ain't the best at times." Darnell relaxed a little upon hearing this. He really didn't want to risk getting on their bad side, partially out of fear, but mostly actually because he didn't want to cause harm to a student he reported about.

"Well, I hope the things I wrote were to your liking."

"To my liking?" CJ couldn't help themself but softly burst out laughing for a moment. "All of us were fuckin' hyped to read this! Egeith showed it to all of us like it was the greatest thing in existence!"

Darnell was speechless for a moment. He was hoping for CJ and their friends to be satisfied with the article, but he didn't expect them all to be ecstatic about it. This was almost flattering to hear.

CJ finally picked up their bike to carry it with them over to the parking lot. Their laughter had died down already as they once more tried to think of how to phrase the things they wanted to say next. "Y'know.. I also appreciated that you called me 'they' the whole time."

"Of course I did," Darnell responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You go by they, so I talk about you that way."

"You may say that, but not a lot of people think the same. So many know, yet they all don't care." CJ sighed as they eventually set the bike back on the ground where they would be waiting with Darnell for his mother. He too put down the bag to get the weight off his shoulder and looked over to the other.

"Let them be stupid then. It's not your fault these idiots don't care about pronouns."

Once more had Darnell managed to get a smile on CJ's face, changing their expression from upset to content with ease. "I guess so," they shrugged a little and watched a car pulling up into the parking lot just a moment after.

The engine switched off and a woman got out of the driver seat. Her dark skin, curly hair, and most definitely the bright blue eyes made it obvious that she had to be Darnell's mother. Karen smiled at her son and opened her arms as he walked over for a hug. "Hey Nelly, how are you?"

"Doing fine, as always." His mother was about to say something, but Darnell was quick enough to speak up again first. "Would it be possible for us to drive CJ home? Their bike is broken and it would be kind of a long walk otherwise." He pointed over at CJ who waved a little as Karen looked at them and their bike for a moment.

"Not a problem, hun. But a proper introduction would be nice first," She nodded over at the stranger as she let go of Darnell again to open the trunk of the car. CJ was slightly overwhelmed for a second. Things were going just a tad too fast, so they needed some time before they carried the bike over to the car.

Both of them loaded the bike into the back. Once the door was shut again extended CJ their hand towards Karen, "CJ Ashton, junior year student." She smiled and waved her hand to dismiss the handshake, chuckling softly over the sweet gesture. "Karen Hodge. Nice to meet a new friend of Darnell."

CJ wouldn't exactly consider them and Darnell to be friends yet, they barely knew each other. But for the sake of getting a car ride home, they just nodded and smiled at Karen in return. "Also nice to finally meet his mother." There was not a lot of time left for introductions though, as Darnell had already dropped both their bags into the back of the car before sitting in the backseat.

In order for them to give proper directions was CJ sitting in the front passenger seat. During the whole car ride was the radio turned off so Karen could focus on driving. While following down a longer road though spoke she up again, turning her head briefly towards Darnell's 'friend'. "You said your name was Ashton, right, hun?"

"Uh, yeah. CJ Ashton," they repeated themself, wondering why Karen asked them this question.

"So your dad is Cristoff Ashton? Tall guy, dark hair, works at the bank?"

Despite him sitting right behind them could Darnell tell that something was off. Their hesitant response almost sounded to him like they spoke through gritted teeth. "Mhm, that's him. My father." Darnell wasn't sure whether Karen was oblivious to their tone or chose to ignore it, as she just kept on smiling. "What a nice coincidence." She didn't care to elaborate, and CJ seemed to be just fine with that.

Luckily, the ride was soon over as Karen parked the car in front of CJ's house. They took a look at the empty driveway before getting out of the car. "Thanks a lot for the ride," they told both Darnell and his mother. He promptly got out of the car as well to hand over CJ their bag and help get the bike back out of the trunk.

The two stood there for a moment, smiling at each other as neither of them knew what to do or say. "I.. suppose I'll see you tomorrow then," Darnell eventually spoke up to which CJ happily nodded. "Lunch break, same place as last time."

*

From that day on, it became a new habit for CJ to spend break with Darnell. Both would usually meet by the same spot CJ hung out with their friends already and just sit together talking. Though over time, this eventually changed to them just waiting for each other there and then walk around the school grounds as they chatted, just the two of them.

Halfway through the semester began the weather to get colder. But CJ refused to walk outside with a scarf around their neck, despite the low temperatures. Thus the two settled on the compromise that from now on, they would spend lunch break inside the school. Not in the cafeteria though, that place was far too loud and messy for them to just talk in peace. Instead, they sat in the hallways on a window sill together.

Another lunch break was coming to an end just as the two were in the middle of a conversation. "I'm telling you, this was probably the stupidest thing I saw him do! He-" The school bell interrupted CJ right then, getting them to groan loudly out of frustration. "Oh come on!"

Darnell couldn't help but laugh over how dramatic they always acted at the end of lunch. "I suppose you have to finish that story some other time then," he shrugged and got off the window sill to grab his book for class. But CJ was having none of it.

"Is it really too much to ask for me to talk with you in peace? Man!"

"You're not getting picked up after school today, right?" Darnell asked, getting a confused look along with a slow nod in return. "Why don't we just hang out after school then? My sisters got tutor lessons today, so they wouldn't bother us when we're in my room."

The idea was so obvious and simple, it almost upset CJ all over again that they hadn't thought of this sooner. "Hell yeah! Let's do that!"

With that decision made, CJ and Darnell parted ways for their final class and their clubs. Both of them were already excited to spend more time together afterwards. Any outsider would've wondered why the two made such a big deal about such a casual thing. That's all it was after all, just two friends spending time after school.

For Darnell, this was the first time in years he would be taking a friend home after school. CJ wasn't his only friend of course, but since Tyrone had found out that Pico was gay, he had banned his son from seeing the redhead. And since Nene was a girl, the two couldn't hang out normally at either of their homes. The door always had to stay open, if they were allowed the luxury of being anywhere other than the living room at all.

Meanwhile CJ also had friends of their own whom they regularly spent time with. However, they rarely could go out of the house for long times. Everyone lived at least two blocks away, and all of them despised Cristoff, meaning they wouldn't come over to CJ's place for longer than an hour when their father was home. So even though CJ wouldn't be able to hang out often at Darnell's house for a long time, this rare treat was a highlight for them.

For the two, this was not an everyday occurrence. Something that sounded completely normal to any other student meant a lot to CJ and Darnell.

#cj #darnell #you rocked my heart #chapter three #karen #this chapter is sponsored by Read: Beta Legends #yes we do beta jokes now #so my dude #you better keep giving me good ideas

[totallyuseless-ugh]

You rocked my Heart

Chapter Five: Five Steps to losing your Mind

The winter holidays were steadily approaching, and CJ was anything but looking forward to it. It wasn't new for them to hate being stuck around their father several weeks on end. What was unlike them, however..

"I'd rather go to school than endure another Christmas with that dick.." they muttered, arms crossed like a stubborn kid. All of their friends stared at them in disbelief.

"Please tell me you didn't just say this," Charlie sounded almost terrified to hear CJ repeat themself. But to everyone's horror, they nodded. "I did, sue me."

Egeith, Via, Sunghee and Charlie turned to look at each other as if they were clueless on what to do. "It has to do with Darnell, doesn't it?" Rika eventually asked with a raised eyebrow. When she noticed CJ quickly look away changed her face into almost a petty grin.

"I see how it is. You didn't suddenly start to care about school, you just want to see him. Go ahead, tell me I'm right. We all know I am." It sounded incredibly arrogant, but that was just her way of teasing any of her friends. The fact that she was right, however, made CJ only more persistent on not wanting to admit it.

They shrug slightly and continued to avoid looking at any of their friends. Now that Rika had exposed the reason for this outrageous statement stepped Sunghee forward to stand with her. "For real dude. You almost exclusively hang with him during breaks now. And even when you don't, you're either just physically present or you don't stop babbling about him."

"Fine, I'll stop it then.." CJ huffed, wanting to drop the topic and just pretend this conversation never happened. But Charlie shook her head. "Jay, we all know th'next day Nells is back in school, you're gonna forget you said this and waddle around with him like nothing happened."

At this point could CJ feel how their blood began to boil. The way their friends talked about them was anything but 'caring' or 'well-intended' in their eyes. "Like, just admit it that-" Rika continued before being cut off.

"What? What is it you keep pulling my damn dick about, huh?!" CJ had pushed themself off the wall to stand just mere inches away from Rika. Their eyes were wide open, staring at her with an intensity that made almost everyone around fear for a moment that looks actually could kill. But their boxing mate wasn't fazed by this even one bit.

"Admit that you got a crush on Darnell."

Eyes flickered back and forth between the two friends, waiting for any type of reaction. The few seconds that ticked by dragged on like they were minutes. That only caught the group even more off guard when suddenly, CJ's right arm shot forward to punch Rika right in the guts, knocking the air out of her and making her bend over with a pained groan.

Charlie and Sunghee were quick to jump in and check on her, all while Egeith and Via watched CJ leave, both of them standing as if frozen in place out of shock. Luckily, Rika had already thought of this possible outcome, so the punch landed against tensed muscle. Regardless, the force of that hit was enough to make her knees weak for a while.

*

CJ didn't see their friends for the remainder of their school day. Not because Rika and the rest of the group were avoiding CJ, but because CJ was avoiding them. They all would've been okay with talking things out and settle the problem. However CJ was still pissed off. It went to the point that they actively chose to walk home in the freezing cold instead of having to ride with any of the bunch in a car.

Anything was better than being pestered about them 'having a crush on Darnell'. The long walk after school gave them enough time to think about the whole situation over and over.

A crush on Darnell. Ridiculous! Rika must've been on some some stupid drug to come up with such an insane claim. The two have been friends since elementary, she should know CJ well enough to see this was not a crush. Out of all people, she should be the one to know what a crush looked like for them. Hell, Rika helped them get together with a girl just a few years ago!

To be fair, the relationship lasted barely a few months. But only because Hanna had to move towns and neither of them wanted to be in a long distance relationship. That didn't matter now though! The point was that Rika should've known better than to say this stupid nonsense. CJ was in the right, Rika wasn't. Darnell and them were nothing but friends, end of story.

Despite how easy they had made it for themself, their mind couldn't stop bringing the topic up over and over, no matter how many times they tried to dismiss it.

At least they soon arrived at home, so they had other things to worry about then. It wasn't great, but at least it worked as a distraction.

In the foyer hung CJ their coat and scarf in their usual places and left the snow covered boots to dry by the doormat. The house was already warm enough to make the first snowflakes melt right away. Joane was busy in the laundry room, and Henry and Aaron were unaware of their brother's return as both kids' eyes were glued to the tv screen. For a few minutes, CJ would get a chance to lay down in peace.

In their room, CJ tossed their bag aside into its usual corner and put on one of their vinyls to play. The headphones were already plugged in as always, so in that brief moment where the music was not yet being picked up by the fine stylus flopped the tired teen down on their bed and put them on over one ear before closing their eyes.

For just a short while could they relax. Pretend everything was fine in life. Ignore the pain of their knuckles and fingers on their right hand that continued to throb with every heartbeat. Be a normal junior year student with a happy family and amazing friends.

But as always, the illusion didn't last long forever.

"CJ!" Cristoff's loud voice sounded through the entire house not too long after the oldest child had laid down for some rest, half an hour at most. He had just come in and closed the front door as he caught sight of the puddle of melted snow in the foyer. CJ probably would've heard that yell even with their headphones completely on.

Just as they were making their way downstairs came Joane running into the living room. She switched off the tv and grabbed her youngest kids by their arms to quickly send them upstairs, "Come on, hurry up! You don't have to hear this, go play upstairs." However Cristoff blocked her path and shook his head. "No no no, let them stay. It might be a good idea for them to see that there are consequences for bad behaviour. They don't have to become such a failure like their brother after all."

"You called?" CJ grumbled as they had reached the end of the stairs. Cristoff looked at them with an exaggerated fake smile. "There he is!" He was about to continue right away, but CJ didn't give him that chance. "Let them go."

His smile immediately turned into an ugly glare as he snarled at them, "That is exactly the type of behaviour I was talking about. Not even an ounce of respect for his father left."

"Kinda hard to respect someone who makes his wife and kids watch how he tries to yell at his oldest child to be honest."

Cristoff didn't turn his stare away for even a second, he was almost entirely fixated on CJ in that moment. Meanwhile they looked back at him with nothing but exhaustion in their eyes. Today had already been stressful enough for them, it would've been great to at least catch a break at home. But of course the universe wouldn't let them have that.

"Look, yell at me all you want. But keep them out of it," CJ tried to reason with their father despite them knowing this rarely worked, if it ever did. Thus it didn't surprise anyone to see Cristoff shake his head.

"You bastard child got quite some nerve, trying to tell me what to do. You are a failure, good for nothing other than serve as the perfect bad example for Aaron and Henry so they won't turn out like you, too."

Every word their father was spitting from his mouth got CJ more and more angry. They started clenching their right hand into a fist as it still rested in the pocket of their hoodie. "They're kids. Just let them be and I'll fix whatever stuff I did wrong this time."

Cristoff put on the same fake smile from before as he laughed just as staged over his eldest's words. "Oh you wish." Before they could bring their hands up had he already stormed up to CJ and grabbed them by the hair on the back of their head.

"Cristoff, please.." Joane quietly begged her husband. By that point, she was holding both kids close to herself and trying to shield their eyes as best possible from the scene going down in front of them. But he didn't pay her any mind as he stared right into CJ's half open eyes.

"Now tell me, why should I listen to a little rat like you? Hm?"

Even with the threat being right up in their face had CJ the guts to look over at their mother and little brothers. Joane met their gaze, holding onto Aaron and Henry like she was prepared to pick the two up and run. The firm grip to the back of their head made it impossible for them to nod at her, so they only twitched their eyebrows upwards as a sign instead.

"I asked you something!" Cristoff yelled and yanked at CJ's hair. He hadn't noticed Joane rushing past him towards the stairs with her kids until they were in his line of sight, rapidly climbing up the steps. "Joane, if you dare-"

The very second that he had taken his eyes off his son took CJ the opportunity to kick their knee upwards into his groin, knocking him fully to the ground with a jab at his chest. As Cristoff dropped on his back and yelled in pain took CJ a deep staggered breath, trying to bite back the tears that welled up in their eyes. The loud sounds, the pain, and the aggression in them was far too much at once.

"Never try shit like this again," they warned their father from afar. "If you just as much as think about making anyone's life hell here, I swear I'll knock you down until you can't show your face at work anymore."

They didn't care whether he had heard their words. CJ had made themself clear enough, this wasn't all they could do. Thus, they quickly made their way back upstairs into their room and locked the door behind them. The record player had stopped spinning already a while ago, and now CJ was once again left with the heavy feeling of rage in their stomach. Just that this time, they didn't feel bad about punching a friend over a stupid conversation, but instead a form of guilt and remorse from knowing Aaron and Henry had to witness this.

*

The next day CJ woke up, they couldn't believe their eyes at first when looking at their alarm clock and seeing it was 10:47 AM, on a Saturday. They jumped out of bed to search for their watch. And although it always was behind by a minute or two did it also present them with almost the exact same time of day.

When quietly opening their door were they met with an eerie silence. No siblings bickering or squealing, no frying pan moving atop the stove, not even the tv was playing. At first, they hesitated to go downstairs and look around, but the thought of being all alone in the house was far too scary for them to keep hiding away in their room.

Luckily, Joane was sitting in the kitchen and reading the newspaper all by herself. She put down her cup of coffee when she saw CJ peek around the corner and smiled at them. "Morning, Jay."

"Where is everyone?.."

"Henry and Aaron are still in their rooms, probably sleeping. I thought it would be best to let you all sleep a bit longer today."

"And Cristoff?"

Joane sighed a little, looking elsewhere for a moment like she had to decide what she would tell her oldest son. "I have no idea. He grabbed some clothes and took off, sometime between last night and this morning. But I doubt he'll be gone for long."

The two fell silent for a moment. It was hard for either of them to form any sort of coherent thought at that time, especially with CJ's already muddled and messed up mind. Before they even noticed her getting up had Joane already pulled them in for a gentle embrace, holding CJ to comfort them. They had no idea how much they needed this up until then.

"I was thinking that once everyone is up, we could go visit grandma," Joane muttered after a while, still keeping her son close in her arms. "To get out of the house, think about other stuff for a while."

"Sounds great, but I'd rather stay home actually.."

"You sure this is a good idea?"

"I need time to myself. Did some messed up shit yesterday, m'head wasn't straight.."

Their mother was about to defend CJ's actions as she heard what they had said. But all that came from her was a soft 'oh' when she understood that they weren't talking about the things that had happened at home.

"Alright then.. I'll let you know when we leave, and I'll call before we come back. Sounds good?" She smiled again as CJ nodded against her shoulder as confirmation.

As they made their way back upstairs a while later came Aaron out of his room. He looked as confused and scared as CJ had felt earlier this morning before he sighed in relief at the sight of his older brother. They looked at each other for a moment before Aaron ran up to CJ and hugged them tightly.

"It's okay, Ari. He isn't here," they quietly reassured him. He looked up at CJ with big, worried eyes and spoke in a voice that sounded as if it could break more easily than a fine vase. "Are you okay?.."

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. Now go to mom, she has some plans for you two today." CJ patted their brother's back lightly to get out of the hug and finally lay back in bed. Though as Aaron had left and CJ was by themself in their room settled yet another unknown and uneasy feeling in their guts.

The comfort from the two hugs was still lingering in them, but something was missing about both. And CJ had no idea what that could possibly be. They tried to figure out the answer, eventually pacing around their room in circles. Every new round made their frustration grow until they eventually stopped dead in their tracks as something had caught their eye.

On their desk was still the collection of notes from their chemistry study session with Darnell. CJ rarely used that desk for anything other than tossing somewhat important papers onto, so it was no surprise to still find it laying there. The pages were filled with coloured sketches and info texts that the two had made together on that Saturday.

For the few times that CJ would make study notes for an exam, they usually tossed them in the trash once that was over. But the thought of doing the same with these notes just didn't sit right with them.

A calm smile flickered onto their face at the sight of one of the corners on the paper where Darnell had doodled a little smiley face as a reward for their efforts. Something about this tiny goofy drawing filled their chest with warmth. That was the moment realisation hit them.

Fuck. I have a crush on Darnell.

Suddenly, the notes in their hands felt like evidence to a crime, throwing them as far and quickly away from them as possible.

How could this happen? How could CJ fall for one of their friends like this? This shouldn't be possible!

They continued pacing around in their room in a now hectic tempo, trying to make sense of anything at this point. The same few questions kept on echoing through their head and refused to let them rest for even a moment. That was until just a brief moment of clarity had reached them.

CJ ran over to their phone and hastily dialled Rika's number as if every second counted. Waiting for her to pick up was almost painful. By the time she finally answered the call had they already twirled half of the phone chord around their fingers.

"Sisaru house, this is Rika."

"Rix, I fucked up, I- shit.." CJ groaned. "I'm sorry about yesterday. You were right, and I was too stupid to see it myself."

For a moment, the other end of the line was dead silent. They almost thought Rika had just dropped the phone and left to ignore their shitty apology. "Y'er dad home?"

"No, gonna be home alone in a bit. Wh-"

"Imma be there in ten. You better make me a fuckin' coffee when I'm there though."

*

Since the beginning of the weekend has CJ not seen their father's car again around their house. Even on Monday morning was not a hint left of it. The snow on the driveway was untouched, and in the garage stood only Joane's car. While this meant that for now, CJ wouldn't have to come home to an absolute nightmare of a family house, it still didn't let them feel at ease to return after school. The constant fear of eventually seeing his car parked by the house again, to endure the entire thing all over again was depressing to say the least. That only fed into their already gloomy mood over CJ's latest epiphany.

Aaron and Henry were bickering about something in their favourite tv show again, having to be reminded over and over by Joane that they should finish their breakfast so they wouldn't be late for school. Meanwhile CJ was staring into their empty cereal bowl. Not even a shimmer of energy could be found in their eyes. Their mother had already taken note of it, but she was hoping it would get better throughout the day. And even so, addressing this at the breakfast table in front of their brothers wasn't the right time and place for this type of conversation.

During the car ride talked Joane with Aaron and Henry, giving CJ a bit more time to think in peace about whatever was getting their mood down before class. She eventually parked in front of the high school and briefly interrupted her own conversation. "I'll see you later then. Take care, Jay." CJ nodded slightly and muttered a quiet 'bye' to her and their two brothers before exiting the car and heading into the building.

Rika and Egeith were already waiting for them in the classroom, their welcoming smiles melting as they saw the rough condition their friend had just arrived in. "Shit.. what happened?"

CJ dismissed their question with a tired shrug as they plopped down into their chair and rested their head on the table in front of them. Neither of their friends wanted to ask them anything as they didn't want to further upset them. A second later though did CJ answer one of Rika's unspoken questions without being prompted to, "Yeah, it has to do with him.."

"Did you ask him already?"

"Why should I if I don't have a chance in the first place though.."

Egeith looked back and forth between the two childhood friends now, being absolutely clueless whether they're talking about Darnell or someone else entirely.

"How can you be so sure about that? I mean-"

"Because he is a guy and I'm not a girl. That simple."

Rika raised a brow at CJ as if she couldn't believe they actually just said this to her. "The same applies the other way around, yet you're here whining about him." She wanted to keep going, but unfortunately their teacher came into the classroom that same moment.

For the duration of their first class was CJ still barely present. Everything felt like it was stuck in time, as if this day would never end for them. That feeling stuck with them until the first break announced itself with the ringing bells. After most students had already stormed out into the hallways followed the young boxer the crowd, heading for their next class. On their way however, someone suddenly grabbed their shoulder to stop them.

"Jay!" Darnell chimed with a wide smile. He felt proud of himself to catch them outside of lunch break. And just like that melted CJ's depressed look into a far softer, almost hypnotised gaze. "Ah- hey Nells."

For a moment, CJ thought he wanted to tell them something. But he was quickly looking around the crowded hallway before looking back at them, knowing there wasn't a lot of time left until the next class would begin. "I really missed you last week, and I wish we could catch up now, but-"

"Yeah yeah, I get it," they chuckled a little as their chest began to feel like a radiator, heating up rapidly by the second.

"I'll see you during lunch though, right?"

"Of course! Same spot as always."

Darnell smiled at them and nodded. "Great, I can't wait." Before disappearing back into the crowd pulled he CJ into a quick but still tight hug, leaving them standing completely speechless in the middle of the hallway.

"Got glue under your soles or why are you still here?" Rika teased a little. CJ's face gained a bright red colour as they quickly turned and ran at her, getting a loud laugh out of Egeith as he jogged after the two and towards their next class.

Things were still far from being back to normal, or rather okay. But that wouldn't stop CJ's friends from doing their best looking out for them. Although they still doubted to even have a smidge of a chance with Darnell was it great to have him back after the one week he's been sick for.

CJ could finally and wholeheartedly admit that they had a crush on Darnell. But hell had to freeze before they would even think about making a move on him, that was for sure.

#cj #darnell #you rocked my heart #chapter five #rika #egeith #charlie/sydney #sydney #via #sunghee #cristoff #joane #henry #aaron/marie #marie #this time we're not out of beta #but we're out of beta themed jokes #i hope the fact that this is the longest chapter so far makes up for it #now the story is at 13.6k words