#kids playing house. you be the mom. i'll be the dad. yadda yadda.

[sciderman]

(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender

sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)

i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#gender is soup #sci speaks #i'm so sorry i know you might hope for something profound but... i think when i'm put on the spot like this i can't say anything really #i think whatever i am is definitely pervasive in everything i write #but like.. gender means something different to wade than it does for peter. #just like it'll be different for everybody. we make different associations based on our experiences and our trauma. #like.. wade associates femininity with love. because of his mother. associates masculinity with violence. because of his father. #peter associates masculinity with responsibility. because of uncle ben. associates femininity with confidence. because of aunt may. #i think there's all kinds of reasons why we choose to present the way we do. and what gender means to us. #just like we'll associate a colour with something. or a smell with a memory. it's complicated. #i don't think i'm some kind of expert on gender things but... i just find it interesting to explore. the psychology of it. #i don't think it's supernatural. it doesn't come from nowhere. but it should be a playground. #i don't think anyone in this world should be restricted to a certain role to play. i want to try all the roles and see how it fits. #see how well i can play them. #maybe because i haven't found one that quite fits. so i want the opportunity to try whatever i can. see what feels right. #i think it would be fun to be a wife. i think it would be fun to be a husband. i think it would be fun to be a firefighter. i think it wo #shrugs. different outfits for every day. different roles to play. #today i'd like to try... #i think it's like kids learning how to be adults by playing pretend. by playing roles. #i'm learning more about myself and other people and fitting into the world by trying on different roles. #kids playing house. you be the mom. i'll be the dad. yadda yadda. #i still feel like a bit of a kid who hasn't figured out how to be an adult yet. so i'm still trying out roles to see what fits.

[dragynkeep]

I'm sorry to be coming into your inbox like this but I've just had a hell week and I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone so if you want you can delete this but I need somewhere to get this out of my system.

So last Sunday my dad was out on his boat with his friends catching up and drinking. Well later that night he decides to drive and get a coffee. Except when he went to turn into the parking lot he slammed into another car, front of his was pushed in, window cracked, his his chest hit against the steering wheel. Just a total mess. I think there might've been kids in the other car.

Police are called obviously my dad has minor injuries and goes to the hospital. Except he refused a breathalyzer and because he's clearly drunk he gets arrested at the hospital and spends a night in jail. My mom had to pick him up the next day. And now his license also got suspended.

Then he tells me he's facing possible jail time because he got a dwi, got into an accident, and refused the breathalyzer so now he has to spend thousands on a lawyer to help him avoid prison. Because if he gets convicted with a felony he'll lose his pension which he uses to largely pay for the house bill's. So if he goes away I'll lose my house.

Oh but that's not all, twice this week he asked me to try and leave early from work or take off and I'm working 2 jobs this summer. I asked my boss if I could leave early on Tuesday got permission and then he turns around and says actually never mind. I'm like are you fucking kidding me you want me to look like a liar in front of my bosses? Then the other day on Friday I'm forced to take off that night because both my parents will work and I have to watch my brother. But I had to drive them both to run errands. And the whole time my brother is yelling, touching everything and my dad is yelling at me. I go a slightly longer way to get to the highway and he's yelling, I accidentally miss one turn because they're both distracting me and he screams I'm gonna get them killed. Like can you chill? I took the next street we were at the place he needed to go. He got his dry cleaning, the marina to fill up his boat, he told me he'd fill up my car and buy us dinner as thanks but he's snapping at me and yelling the whole time telling me I need an attitude adjustment and remember who I'm talking to. Like I'm not a grown adult and he needs me.

We finally get home I can shower and try to relax then one of my brothers friends just comes over. Whatever they can play a bit before my dad leaves for work. Except this little asshole then says oh hey my girlfriend is throwing a pool party we can go but we need adult supervision.

So my dad says ask your sister. And so my brother comes and I'm sitting there like excuse me? I literally took off work and spent over an hour of my time driving you around town and now you want me to go to some kids house I don't even know to go to a party that I don't know how long it will be or where it is? And be responsible for two 10 years olds that have serious behavior issues? Yeah no I told my brother sorry but we're in for the night. He throws a tantrum says he hates me yadda yadda yadda. But then my dad says I'm so selfish such a selfish girl if it doesn't benefit me I won't do it.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

I got this man coffee to help cope with the stressful situation, I've taken off work multiple times to be available to help. I drove his ungrateful ass all afternoon to do things he needed and I'm the selfish one?! So I was fed up and told him that he yelled oh it was 3 places big fucking deal but he filled my car up and got me dinner. Yeah he said he would do that he volunteered that when he asked me to take off 2 days earlier. I didn't ask for that. We start arguing yelling I'm so fucking done. Then the asshole has the audacity to come into my room and says he has enough to deal with as is.

I then tell him this isn't my fault. Then he just screams bloody murder at me. Telling me to shut the fuck up cursing me out calling me every name under the sun saying if I don't like how things are I can pack a bag and leave.

So anyway fuck my dad for being so stupid to drive drunk, lose his car and license, forced to spend vacation money on a lawyer to avoid jail time, making me miss work when I have my own car insurance to pay and I'm saving for school and then yelling at me when I willingly make myself available to help him out. And I try to tell him unless you know for a 100% fact you need me don't ask me off for work because my bosses will be less likely to give it to me and I don't want to be seen as unreliable and get fired. They like me for now I got a bonus I want to keep it that way because if he does go to jail then I'll have to help my mom with whatever bill's comes our way. He then snidely says oh he won't ask me for favors anymore last time he'll be in my car and I'm not seeing the bigger picture I just don't get it like I'm a child. No I get it perfectly dickhead he loves to remind me he might not get off. If that happens we'll need more than one income to stay afloat.

But yeah fuck my dad for causing this whole stupid mess that's been driving me insane while I have to pretend like everything is normal and fine at my jobs. Can't tell friends or family what's going on and I'm worried if things go south I may have to quit school before it even starts to help out.

Just fuck my father he's such an ungrateful asshole and I'm done he's dead to me if he goes to jail I'll never call or visit and even when he gets out our relationship is done. Hopefully I can finish school soon meet some good people and finally move the fuck out of this hellhole and live my own life.

Sorry for this but it's been a bad week my parents constantly hurt me my brother is too much and I'm scared I'll possibly end up homeless 😪

Sorry to hear that and sorry it took so long to answer. I hope that you’re feeling better now, and things will look up for you!

#answered #luke.txt