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badaxefamily · 5 years

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A year ago today, I got news that was devastating to me, but entirely expected. I should elaborate a bit on exactly what WildStar means to me.

Being autistic, my brain latches onto things seemingly at random, and won't let go. They're called special interests, and technically are different from hyperfixations though there are similarities. Though whether the individual is hyperfixated on them or not varies over time, special interests tend to stick around at least in the background all the time and often last one's entire lifetime. I personally have a few special interests, including dragons, Pokemon, and as of the beginning of 2012, WildStar.

Somewhere around there, the last MMO I had played, Phantasy Star Universe, had closed or was about to close (I don't remember exactly) and I was actively searching for a new one for my brother and I to play together. My requirements were strict: No medieval fantasy settings, sci-fi of some variety was required, just like Phantasy Star. Lots of character and style, no excessive violence or sex, just fun. I actually found a site that lists ever sci-fi MMO that exists. Most didn't even make the short list for me, being too close to medieval fantasy, too serious, or too violent. Only one really stood out: a game still in development, the only information available being a cinematic trailer from 2011 and a few early "interviews" with the characters in the trailer. I was absolutely fascinated right from the start. The art style, the story of a ragtag bunch of exiles stumbling across something of galactic historical significance sure to lead to untold adventure, the undertone of a space Western! It was all perfect.

I eagerly sought out ever scrap of info I could. I listened to music tracks that were put on YouTube. The first song I ever heard was "The Rescue Mission", which originally played during a cutscene in the Northern Wilds, when the escaping Exile ship is destroyed. I didn't know that was its purpose at the time though, I just heard the masterful note-slinging of Jeff Kurtenacker. The song still gives me goosebumps to this day. I remember hearing that song for the first time and thinking "this is the one." I even got to play - sort of - in the stress tests. I say "sort of" because the point of those early tests was just to hammer the servers with too many people, which caused pretty much everything to break. I remember in Stress Test 1, only Dominion characters could be made, and some of them weren't finished yet (Chua for example), so I made a male Draken named Jedidiah because there wasn't a name randomizer yet and I was in a silly mood. I wandered around Crimson Isle, unable to really do anything because the lag prevented combat from working, but I was getting to explore! The world was coming alive. In early 2014 I was in the Winter Beta, and loved every moment. I also took my testing job seriously, diligently documenting anything that seemed off. I wanted to help make this work.

I could go on and on. The first time I saw Celestion (another "this is the one" moment), the time the Lolilopp challenge bugged and the hallucinations got stuck visible, the inside jokes, the strange creative processes my characters went through. But then my wrists would be tired from the typing. I have to stop somewhere.

Last summer, after months of no new content being added and uncharacteristic silence on the part of the devs, I and the other "oldbies" were suspecting closure was imminent. The publisher was NCSoft after all, notorious for never keeping a published title around unless it could go independent. I held out hope a bit longer than many, ever the optimist. But eventually I recognized what was happening. I started playing FFXIV, I could barely even log in to WildStar, knowing its fate. After the announcement, and the final farewell in November, even I was surprised by how distraught I was. Hadn't I known this was coming, for months? That was when I really realized that WildStar was a special interest. And that's important for many reasons. Special interests really have to be indulged in. Refraining, or worse, taking one away, is psychologically damaging. And unforgivable sin, a personal attack. And that is why I have such unending vitriol for NCSoft. They took away a special interest, something that has never happened to me in my entire life. No amount of logical thought can shake the instinct-level feeling that I personally was attacked, my joy stripped away by greedy and uncaring strangers. The best I can do is the Thumper rule: if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. There are still a few Carbine folks working for NCSoft, and I can't bring myself to say anything positive about what they're doing. The best I can do is remain silent. Other times - when in like company - I can be a bottomless mine of salt.

I don't want to end this post on such a sour note, so I'll relate an anecdote from Winter Beta: In Whitevale there's a quest where you're supposed to help the Pell with a ritual, and one of the things you have to do is interact with an Eldan machine. At one point during testing though, the machine couldn't be activated from the ground. The game would think you were too far away. The temporary solution to this was to climb on top of the machine and activate it from the top! At the time, the two factions couldn't communicate at all, so helping each other required getting creative. At least once or twice, I informed opposite faction players of how to get around this bug by /pointing at the machine, then jumping to the top of the machine and jumping up and down on it. Pantomiming and emoting were frequently used this way, but that instance is the only one I really remember. I just think player ingenuity is interesting like that.

I made friends in WildStar that I still like to pal around with. We’re still sending each other videos and memes on Discord with “Is this (character)?” or “This is H4H”. WildStar will never really be gone to me.

#wildstar #wildstar one year later

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