#like i know this isnt normal and i need treatment for my anxeity and vomiting but i cant get it without help

[satansappendix]

I'm frustrated by my mom

#she doesnt seem to understand my concern that the random vomiting im expericing is esophogus cancer #i mean my dad literally just died from it a few months ago #even when i bring up that this morning i woke up needing to vomit and when i ran to the toilet i literally couldnt #i was doing all the motions of throwing up except having things actaully really exit my stomach #a little bit did at the very begining then stopped #and now i have a tight pain in my chest right arounf where my stomach would be but nah thtas just acid reflux #thats all the classic symptoms according to my mom #which its not????! #like that doesnt make anysense to bereflux #the unexplained vomiting did but this fucking doesnt #and now im so stressed im gonna fucking die from a stupid cancer and i dont feel like i can tell her about it cause shell just think im craz #the same way she thought that when i was so stressed that lageos got hurt after he fell out of a second story window #but nah he was fine you are overreacting #i just cant tell her anything okay #im so stressed about everything and all and my stupid anxiety is making it fucking impossible to seek treatment #like i know this isnt normal and i need treatment for my anxeity and vomiting but i cant get it without help #like i cant function i need help making the stupid calls to the gatroenertoligst #I just cant do this #and i know im probably insane and that its actually some simple thing #but also im so stressed about it and i cant do anything but sit here and have nothing happen or change #you know its funny to be so scared of dieing and also be fucking suicidal #like i dont see anything in my future and it all seems so bleak and like ill be stuck forever #but also thinking about if im gonna die from cancer or something is so terrifying #im in a bad place lol and it doesnt matter #it all feels hopeless and terrifying and i dont want to be a burden #and it feels like everyone hates me and know thats not true but i cant help it #and i want everyone to hate me so i can just sleep and noone will fucking care i can just be done and noone would notice #i dont know im just here i guess #im not well