#like idk. maybe its just bc the main thing i rememeber abt my 18th was just feeling sad and miserable

[caruliaa]

can i just not have my birthday this year. 1. everyone on earth says being 19 makes you want to kill urself 2. its the wcs and dear john age. i went thru my main reason wcs and dear john are relatable when i was 14 so im either gonna b reminded constantly that im now at an age in these songs tht describe going thru smth too young when im five years older than i was when the main reason i relate to them happened or superstition tht something worse will happen 3. having people i thought of as my best friend at the time forget or not talk to me on my birthday has happened to me twice in my life already and id rather just not take my chances with it happening a third time

#whatever. at least theres gifts. and probablygetting ignored #yk whats so great is that im at the age where my bday is kinda painful bc of getting older but now i also have to worry #that the people i care abt the most r also going to ignore me on a day that i do want to be excited for and celebrate #to make up for how it can also be painful #whatever man. im simultainous excited and want just wanna sleep thru the whole day #like idk. maybe its just bc the main thing i rememeber abt my 18th was just feeling sad and miserable #bc yk. i have to live with the people whove hurt me sm still and ill likely never get out #and the my bday being ignored thing. yk whats soooo funny tht 2 out of the 2 ppl iv considered my best friend online #long enough for my birthday to happen have either forgotten about it or ignored me !!! 🤩🤩 so now im so scared its gonna happen againn !! #if this keeps happening to me could i at least have a bday early in the year so i wld like. not give a bunch of energy to others #before ik if itll be recpricated. i say tht like i didnt write a huge letter abt how great she was and draw patton for tht first best #friends bday when it was after mine. whatever man im just an idiot #flappy rambles #suicide ment #vent kinda yipeee