#like maybe im weird for thinking abt a long term relationship and marriage at 18 but ....

[lovecrazedpup]

i dont want to sleep

#im like a toddler LMAO throwing things around my room bc im so fucking angry and upset #(im throwing a plushie into my bed but still) #i genuinely think i want to breakup like idk this isnt even a joke or looking for reassurance anymore #like maybe im weird for thinking abt a long term relationship and marriage at 18 but .... #we arent ? very compatible ? long term ? #its unfair to him if i keep this going considering hes a bit older than me yk #nvm im writing this out and im crying maybe i DONT want to break up #im tired of overthinking and obsessing over everything . im tired of seeing him as better than me and perfect . i want to be equals #i just want to be normal and to be in a normal relationship where we do normal things #i just want support i want love i want literally ANYONE to tell me that im ok and that im loveable #i hate our stupid time difference and his stupid job i wish i was like this earlier on in the day it is AWFUL being alone #my head hurts and my throat hurts and i hurt #i want to scream and cut and stab someone #i fucking hate her #so much #shes a fucking bitch i wish i could kill her . like genuinely . i want to pull out her teeth lmao if she didnt exist id be happier #GOD i want to stop comparing myself to her and thinking abt them together but ill always be a second experience and its depressing #'youll be my first for anal' yeah great bc thats exactly what i want to fucking hear #not doing much to stop the 'you only want me for sex' thoughts but YEP GREAT THANKS #me : pouring my heart out and trying to say what im thinking !! him : haha yeah sex ! oh also have some inspirational quotes #god just kill me . get me out . i dont want to be here . i dont want to think abt him. i dont want to talk abt him . #i wish we never fucking met ! i wish i never picked up that stupid game #i dont want to lose you though #i hate how attached to him i am . why did you start talking to me again . #shouldve fucking forgotten me while youre fucking your friends and getting high up north island #cant say shit to him though bc itll be the end and ill probably kill myself bc i unfortunately live for him #its over when we meet anyways lol so i got ? 2 months ? 3 months ? of happiness before its gone #i think im gonna do smth bad but i doubt he would care at all . would probably be happy if i die or ghost him . #gives him an excuse to talk to his friends again lol . its so over for me #jamie.txt