#god just kill me . get me out . i dont want to be here . i dont want to think abt him. i dont want to talk abt him .

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

burgertron HATE ged prep . burgertron PILEDRIVE WHOEVER MADE IT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE 4 SEPARATE TESTS TO GET A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU DID IT into THE FUCKING DIRT!!!!!!!

#the captain's rambles #if you couldnt tell im having a bit of a rough time <:'] #my mom is like “oh well youre Making it stressful it's gonna be okay” I HAVE TO FUCKING DO SHIT WITH VARIABLES #THIS SHIT WOULD BE STRESSFUL EVEN IF I *WASNT* ALREADY DREADING DOING IT #i HATE education i HATE SCHOOL i hate everything this STUPID SYSTEM STANDS FOR and most importantly I LOATHE VARIABLS #whoever put LETTERS ?? in MATH??? Die. #because now i have to fucking figure out what x and y are on a practice test #i dont even HATE math normally. in every other instance of math im actually okay w/ solving questions #ged math ??? is on some shit #FUCK geds man i hate it here . i wanna just fuck off and go do whatever and be productive with something i Actually Enjoy Doing #not having to sit here and do tests so i can get a piece of paper that does nothing but allow me to apply for a community college #<- a place i am EQUALLY unexcited for and dreading #miserable fucking books i have to do work in. and then i gotta do like 4 different equally fucking miserable tests for each subject #and then i have to pray to god i didnt fail and i got the minimum passing grade of AT LEAST 145 out of *200.* #im going to destroy Everything. #i dont want congratulations for doing this shit either because i didnt wanna do it IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!! #im only doing this because i HAVE TO to get my parents off my ass about it not because i WANNA #if it were up to me i'd be doing just art and collecting or other hobbies i ACTUALLY ENJOY and i wouldnt be worrying about academics #but we cant have nice things so now i have to stress abt this shit like a college student studying for midterms #rant over. im gonna go eat now . pray 4 me that i dont kill someone /lh

[convxction]

realizing i haven't send dance ask from krumb. what am i evening doing?

#ooc.|| faty speaks #[arrest me now #[how dare me #[wow #[the prince trope and i just kicked it out of my brain #[ROLLS SLEEVES. I DONT NEED TO POST A THING I KNOW MY PEEPS LETS FRICKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #[but ye if u wanna dance with krumb l got u fam let me know teehee #[oh god i feel stupid. thanks chrom. u usually nag the heck out of my brain #[oh. i see. #[it is something yo are not good at thats why u kept quiet huh #[ i see it now. asshole. i will not forgive you #[BUT YOU WANT YOUR ORANGES NAGA SMITE U CHROM #[smh. #[ok enough ranting here. #[blamewarstagihopeshedoesnotseeit #[sending extra things because i have been mia here #[swwwooooyy ;a; #[we will get the groove back soon #[i just hate my laptop because it is getting cluttered with school work and it kills the space and everything in it #[i want to save up and buy an external hard disk for school work because ... THERE IS A LOT #[i underestimated word files for worksheets exams lesson plans etc...frick

[gamesyoushouldbeplaying]

Jacob Geller wasnt kidding, that time loop can nihilism

#deathloop #guess whos got deathloop brainrot 2 years later #the ethics of this game drive me insane #if ur the only person trapped in a time loop who knows are you obligated to save it or destroy it? #are you really better than the rest of the visionaries when you kill them all over and over and over? #i have never had a game take me from 'Oh No NPC dont come over here i dont want to kill you!' #to 'how can i kill these guys as efficiently as possible so i can explore easier' this fast #it even has me considering leaving stealth almost entirely which is wild i love stealth :( #but stealth is only really fun the first time through an area or when its avoiding consequences sucessfully #but like fr the more i think about juliannas perspective the more its so crunchy! Like shes basically protecting a bunch of people #living the same day over and over forever #and thats not even getting into the sheer crunchiness of colt and franks relationship like! god i have so many thoughts #anyway shutting up now #gaming #jacob geller #still not done so no spoilers pls #anyway guess who just found out juliana is *spoilers redacted* and im losing my fucking mind a second time #this time loop ruined peoples lives not just once but twice #did colt make all this just to try to recreate the *spoilers* time he lost trapped in a loop????? #im going insane #i speak

[toxooz]

considering more and more abt how straight up buying a house is the best option for me and im

#like i dont want to rent bc its just money going up someones ass every month but investing in a house loan would Put the money somewhere #plus when its paid off i can resell and get the money back after all those years in a sense #but gOD im only 23 going on 24 is that not too youngGG UGH #i got the money for a house loan?? i think?? a good foot in the door so to speak #bc god the rent is just so high for fucking everywhere and to think its just not going anywhere long term kills me #my options seem to be rent house for crazy price every month or decent trailer in the sketchiest trailer park known to man #all the decent apt or house rent is in citys like hOURS AWAY UGHH #but finding a decent house to be in for a decade n a half or so and just putting money into that??? sounds best #i never planned on living in this shitty town long term but lets be real years are going by dangerously fast to me now so that long doesnt #seem so long now and i can plan on where i want my Long Term house for my milfsona in life while getting credit/ experience #but god loans??? down payments??? alllll that Important Document shit??? cripplingly terrifying #BUT the payoff like in unit washer and dryer some Actual room advanced privacy just being able to have my own 110% space ooooffff #def going to do a HELL of a lot more research and talk with peers but the discussing ive done so far sounds like i have a fighting chance #plus i was so terrified of moving out and fucking up something important after being backed into a corner at 21 and now look at me💪 #doin p alright so far i think #the only problem is the time i have and whether i can find a decent house around here thats affordable

[coldvampire]

sometimes disability aids are things you would expect them to be, sometimes its a collective giving-in & soliciting the help of a professional organizer to tackle the massive piles of Stuff crowding the house.

#this has gone on for multiple years as a result of having to unearth the entire basement after the water tank flooded #none of us were able to do anything about it even though we all know we needed to/really fucking wanted to #over two days we've made SUCH a dent in the work. my god. & tbh most of it really does just seem to stem from having another party here #who can delegate tasks and not get stuck like we do. im actually very good at doing things its the decision making that kills me. #12 hours of cleaning no breaks yes i am tired but it didnt even feel like i was working that long tbh #back to it on wednesday probably #also we're getting Shelves to replace the ones that the contractors tore out but never rebuilt so stuff WILL have a spot #god im tired lmao #but yeah if this is a struggle area for you & you can budget for it i cant recommend it enough #we actually dont even have as many things as i thought the post-flood boxes just werent packed well at all #(ngl im pretty sure i can also work with this woman bc she's definitely some type of nd fdghj you dont have that many texture opinions #about fabric on your skin otherwise usually fdgh)

[qasian-tech-support]

Please ignore if I clicked the wrong blog to respond to.

But I also want new Megas and Protomen :(

RIGHT?!?!

I mean, yeah, the Megas also have their takes on Skullman's theme ("Cracked Skulls"; inspired by MM4) and Chill Penguin's theme ("Chill XMas"; inspired by MMX), and I guess there's also one based on Storm Eagle's theme ("Rougmer Storm"; MMX), but I haven't listened to that one yet.

Like, I get that they have a good story arc to cover the first 3 classic games, but it would be so cool if they explored some of the themes of the following games, y'know? Or flesh out the MMX or other series music! Or hell, pick and choose some Robot Masters and make a new narrative, or like literally anything, please, people are starving over here! And it's not like they aren't still active. Don't get me wrong, I love their Castlevania stuff under the Belmonts label, but it would be nice to get Mega Man content outside of just remixes/remasters of their existing songs. Plus, they're still doing concerts, so like the audience is there for it!

And as for the Protomen, I hope that they actually end up releasing Act III at some point. Having listened to The Fight, it makes me crave it to an unhealthy degree. I love the grimdark kinda take on Mega Man that focuses more on the role that humanity takes in all of the conflict. I feel like that angle gets extremely neglected in Mega Man media.

Idk, as a fan, it's just kinda frustrating how neglected mega man gets. Like, it feels like the rare times whenever we do get content, it focuses on the first three or four games (if we're lucky), and then it just dies off! Or goes dormant for a decade or more. The franchise has so much creative potential that just isn't realized and it's so sad!

#hoping praying everyday for more #oh god and like just how foundational both bands have been for the creative efforts for the classic series #the archie comic even references The Megas a few times!! I GAVE YOU HAIR (ROBOTIC HAIR) #imagine the potential with a Bass focused narrative! or Quint! or Dr Cain!! #and Capcom themselves arent free from scorn here. if they encouraged more creative efforts a la the archie comic it could stimulate #even more interest in the series beyond just jumping and shooting. like that helps to build an evergreen fanbase #and i mean more than just XDiVE. like i find XDiVE charming yeah but like. Im not seeing the profits from being put back into mega man stuff #having friends that have gotten me back into transformers really makes me reflect on Mega Man. i get that transformers has toylines and MM #is more game focused and that def makes a difference but like. the amount of comic series and issues that help flesh out the transformers #universes. for MM we get like 55 issues for archie? 'indefinite hiatus'? bro we know the sonic stuff brought MM down with it just say 'dead' #let IDW take up the license and get Ian Flynn to come back. i know we likely wont get ArchieOCs like Tempo back but like #idk.... it hurts bc i know how good of a job the archie comics were. its hard to imagine a reboot that isnt basically identical in story to #archie. esp bc how much love was put into tying in with the side content like the hand held games. but surely something could be done #somehow it could be continued. find some kind of Genesis Wave-esque mcguffin to change the OCs out. retcon the sonic stuff out completely #i really dont want to see MM1—MM3 needing to be revisited *again*. its like a Dr.Wily/Sigma in their own right for how much it comes back #like thats prob what kills a lot of creative endeavors tbh. the themes and events are so foundational that theyre nigh inescapable #I'm just.... tired.. #i have so much love for mega man and so many chains holding that love down

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. so the guy from school i visited emailed me today like: good news! we unanimously voted to extend u an offer here #so expect the formal offer in the next week. and im like uuuugh i wanna say yes so bad #bc in the us i would have more flexibility in the program than i would in the uk #and my options in the us r either to b a big fish in a small pond at this schoolor a little fish in a big pond at the other #bc this school is underfunded and a bit isolated out in the mountains but the staff r pretty great and big egos dont seem like a big issue #but if i go to the other school its like a big well funded school. the application was like 75 dollars. fuck u and really annoying #and i mean id have to live in new jersey. so in the city with city driving and prob a more high pressure school environment #and more of a chance of dealing with big egos. but like career wise im sure it would b good. assuming i don't mentally collapse #but i mean that doesnt seem as fun as spending 5 years out in the rocky mountains #like thry have fucking moose and bears! there were deer and turkeys in town! #and my dad just sent me a video of all the spring peepers singing back home and im like 😭 bc froggies and he was like i bet u could find #frogs out in [redacted city] and im like 😭 ur right. it just seems like the better choice for my poor overtaxed brain and the project is #so cool too. i want to get the cyano species as my computer background asap. and the guy is nice and apparently super supportive #and i could probably walk to hiking trails. god. i mean i have to say yes to that. i wanna say yes so bad. send me the formal offer bro #ill fucking take it before i even hear back from the other schools lol. ugh. i hate making choices #oof i am so excited to kno where im going and plan my departure. its gonna b such a pain moving tho i pray that my mum or dad can drive #with me bc otherwise the 20hr drive by myself might kill me. thats almost as bad as my initial move out here lol. the us is so big #ugh. again choices. is this the right choice? probably one of the biggest decisions of my life. the project feels so right. cyanobacteria #my algal group of choice. and hot springs. how tf do u say to no to that? i mean. id b doing that in new jersey too but with red algae #ugh. put me out of this misery lol. also as an aside. shout out to my fucking disaster brain for not being able to focus on a single thing #my boss in a meeting: so glad to have students and staff so excited to b working on this project!! me: lady i hate that im on this project #bc im just sitting in until they can get an actual student. i just do what im told but appreciate the enthusiasm lol #ay. im so tired. i wanna see the snow and mountains. and fix my head. and get outta the desert. and listen to frogs 🐸 😌 #unrelated

[ria-starstruck]

OK so perhaps i will post my other artfight pieces here (and even on insta? hmm) BUT like in what way should i post them. keep in mind this is ~20(?) drawings iirc so:

#idk how comprehensible this poll is bc im tired #making it 1 day duration bc yeah #considering posting the rest of em due to popular (mitch) demand DFSHFKSDLFDSJDSF TY o7 #art polls #art poll #artposting #uhhh if theres anyone who i have attacked who is also on tumblr who is also following me who is ALSO seeing this poll AND doesnt want me to #post their attack uhh lmk?!?!!?! <-the string of coincidences that have to line up for this... #people put whether they post af posts in their bios right...maybe i should do that... #but ya even if it's like months down the line or smth and u recognize me from artfight + youre like hold on a second i dont like that you #posted that attack #just let me know!!! will gladly take it down if thats what makes a person comfortable!!!! and this goes for anyone that ive attacked!!! #oh if u pick individual attacks post immediately it means u hate me </3 🥺 it means u hate me and u want to kill me to death </3 😢😕🥺😞 #(jkjk i wouldn'tve added it as an option if i wasn't down for doing it SHFKLSSDFJS) #it Will b fun posting artfights here tho bc i get to ramble in tags abt the attacks #oh thats only if theyre individual tho. my god these tags are long asf....i have Got to learn to say less. ok headin out

[chisatowo]

Y'know not to be a party pooper but I think ppl should start thinking abt their queer hcs for more than five seconds when making hcs for characters. Like I think ppl get too comfy in the "fuck you, they're all gay/trans/whatever!" mindset sometimes and that sort of spiteful gut instinct way of going abt it can lead to some. Honestly rly gross hcs. Like I mainly just think ppl should examine their gut instincts before just stamping it on, because sometimes gut instincts are unconscious bias, and like it's not inherently evil to have a queer character that somewhat lines up with a stereotype sometimes, real people can as well, but like you've gotta handle that shit with care and caution man, looking at you non lesbians having mean lesbian hcs

#rat rambles #rat rants #Im so so tired sorry if this is nobsense gndjdndh #but yeah this applies to literally every queer identity man pls just be normal guys #I rly dont want to assume the worst in ppl when they have shitty looking queer hcs if I dont know all the context but like god damn #like I said I rly do think its possible to write characters that overlap with some stereotypes without making them a stereotype #like obviously it depends on the stereotype and who the person writing the character is but still #Id also argue that in many cases showcasing these sort of ppl in a nuanced and in depth light is incredibly important #like for example Id fucking kill for neurodivergent aspec rep that didnt treat us as babies or aliens #I dont want both groups to be lumped together so offensively all the time as is common now but like. neurodivergent aspecs do exist #and we deserve good representation too yknow? #I feel similar abt a lot of aspects of my identity. which is why it makes me sad how lacking in critical thinking skills ppl are sometimes #like ppl on here will rly just list the most offensively sterotypical queer hcs Ive seen in my life and get pissy when ppl point it out #and Ive ranted abt this before but theres also a lot of ppl that I dont think actually like. get most of these negative sterotypes. #like vaguely understanding theyre bad but not understanding why theyre bad #so in an attempt of writing a nuanced versions of stereotypes they just. portray stereotypes. #I think another thing thatd help here is if it was a more commonly accepted mindset that you can accidentally write shitty rep #like characters can 100% fall into a shitty stereotype and it be an 100% incredibly bad thing regardless of the writers intentions #and more likely than not youre going to fall into this when trying to add more representation to your story. social bias runs strong man #and like its obviously a case to case basis but like usually if you find out that your doing smth unintentionally shitty just change it bro #like idc how much of your hcs or whatever is built off of it if you find out youre being shitty with a certain identity fucking change shit #this applies to much more than just queer identities ofc like seriously pls listen to ppl when they criticise you #also let yourself criticise yourself! like obviously you can never perfectly capture smth you havent experienced but if you suspect that #an aspec of a hc or oc might be problematic then like look into it yourself you dont need to wait to be called out on it #alright yeah my brain is melting so bad rn I should shut up before I just mindkessly ramble all night long dndndjdh

[el-im]

Color of Night (1994) dir. Richard Rush

Now I finally get it--you are like my ex-husband. You think that everything’s gotta be either black or white cause you’ve gone colorblind! But God’s on my side. 

#films #how come none of you told me brad dourif was in this #'they only wanna fuck me or marry me. they dont want love' lmfao get wrecked #VEDEK YARKA?! #'trapped rat syndrome with a recommendation of a non-fuck with therapy' ok hiiii #that looks like the house from ? the player ?? #'we're meticulous' sir... #OH MY GOD #BIKE SHORTS #BABY THIS IS UP MY ALLEY #me + scott bakula + my mountain biking tanline against the world huh #KSDJHFS #'you have a kindness in your eyes but you're using it to keep me away' ok we are treading a little into dangerous territory here #*faint kill bill sirens* #'kick a garbage can starving artists crawl out' #'i think it's love and i don't know what do to about that.' 'do you think she loves you?' 'no' 'do you care?' 'no.' #'she's perfect. she comes-she goes-and i dont even know shes been except for the faint smell of perfume' #'BUSCA EL CAKE' same #'they got 31 dollars.' #'i just sit around and wait for you' 'you do?' #'you are not well. she is not well. and to you it feels like a bond' just like ** ***** ************ #i spent the last half hour of this movie laughing my ass off #what the fuck??? #it was... it even bad. for awhile. and then it was SO bad and then it was ok and then it was just absurd

[widevibratobitch]

a girl reads her favourite play for the hundredth time and reaches that one scene that always makes her lose her mind. 2095770658570609 injured 453378997001 dead.

#'I have still a confession of importance to make and to you I make it. Mine has been a fortune which but few enjoy. #I loved a monarch's son. My heart devoted but to one made him its world.' #SHUT UP SHUT UP OH GOD FOR FUCKS SAKE NOBODY SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN #'Here on this holy altar. here in the heart of his queen. the object of his love and adoration. here I deposit my last sacred legacy. #Here may he find it when I shall he no more. [tURNS AWAY AND TEARS CHOKE HIS UTTERANCE]' #JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY WHY DONT YOU #this scene alone unwaters my crops and worsens my skin and leaves dirty dishes in my sink. #this scene wraps me up in tinfoil and throws me into the microwave. #'you and carlos belong to each other. no paltry judices shall make me alter this opinion. promise me that you will love him. #promise and vow to me that you will love him for ever' 'i promise that my heart alone shall ever be my guide' SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING ETC #'youre going without telling me when. how soon. we shall again see each other' 'rest assured we shall again see each other' AHSHSJDDIJSDKDH #'I KNOW YOU HAVE LONG WISHED FOR SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY OF FALLING. SHOULD IT BREAK A THOUSAND HEARTS WHAT CARES YOUR PRIDE FOR THAT? #OH NOW I KNOW YOU WELL. ALL YOU HAVE AIMED AT HAS BEEN ADMIRATION' S C R E A M I N G C R Y I N G S H A K I N G T H R O W I N G U P ETC ETC #'G O . I NO LONGER VALUE ANY MAN ON EARTH.' #'[FALLS AT HER FEET IN MOST VIOLENT AGITATION] Queen! Oh God! How lovely still is life!' #get out. fuckin. leave me alone. i dont ever want to read another sentence with mine own two eyes. im going to burn every book i ever owned #im going to set fire to my house and to myself. i am NOT normal about this. nobody has ever been as not normal about a play as i am rn. #i hate this #don carlos #schiller #don karlos #also it's funny because i always lose my shit and need to put the book down for a moment to get a grip at the exact same moment #that Schiller made Posa break down a little too so after that 'when I shall be no more'. #it's just too much for me to handle. #god i feel so exhausted. i dont think i can continue rn. ill leave the prison scene for tomorrow. #once again @Verdi why oh why omit this scene from the opera?!???!!?! #honestly the power this holds over me. like no other. no matter how many times i read it i will always end up #severely dehydrated from all the crying #ok yknow what. im pinning this because i need everyone who comes to visit my blog to know just how distressed i am

[lavender---sunshine]

My dad is taking our living room tv on his trip to the new house on Tuesday and when i saw the gap and the wall where our TV used to be i had to turn around and go back to my room so my parents didnt see me cry

#its not even about the tv. i dont watch tv. #its the fact that they are packing up pieces of a life im still living here and taking it with them over there #i always thought that when i was ready my parents would help me move out #help me buy a car and find an apartment and maybe even help me pay for a while #but they have no have no money saved to help me move and no time to take me to see a car #theyre going to give me nothing and expect me to do this on my own #in the like hardest and most expensive time in history to get cars and houses #and theyre taking the livingroom tv #its stupid and i know ive never been able to depend on them before for any money really but #i didnt even get a graduation gift. they paid for lunch and that was nice but my dad even complained about that #and how much the graduation cake (that i bought myself) cost because all thier money goes to the housr #my mom told me the other day my dad brought up maybe fostering #when they get settled over there and wow if that didnt make me see red #you dont get to move somewhere and get a new family while im struggling #god i want to kill myself #but even worse i want to live and its hard to even just survive #and i cant even watch fucking judge judy on the couch now #theyre taking things as if im not still living here

[shrimplicitly]

i hope everyone who was mean to me today blows up ^.^ and its painful ^.^ and you go to hell ^.^

#image.txt #L+ratio+your soul is literally so ugly #we couldnt steam milk today bc it was broken. really pissed ppl off #also still out of pumpkin #im getting tired of seeing peoples fucking eyerolls keep that SHIT to urself #god i dont want to be mean and judgy but some people are giant fucking babies who cannot handle a god damn thing #guy just came up asked for a caramel mach (didnt even say a size OR temp so u know. its already on him) #he goes 'oh i want it hot' i go 'we cannot steam things' he goes 'what?' so OBVIOUSLY i raise my voice a bit- #-fucking pussy is acting like i yelled at him. ok. whatever. he goes 'god i didnt know u dont have it written abywhere' #mutuals im about to kill him at this point. i point at our plexi that has. is GIANT MULTICOLORED LETTERS: #'we cannot make hot drinks' so i POINT TO IT #THE MAN. FUCJING LOOKS ME IN THE EYES. SCOFFS. ANS GOES 'no one reads those things' SON OF A FUCKING BITCH IM SHAKING AT THIS POINT #JUST SAY MY FUCKING BAD AND MOVE ON #GOD I HOPE SOMEONE RIPS HIS EYES OUT. IN FUCKING SUFFERABLE #PEOPLE SUCK I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE #ALLOW ME ONE KILL PER DAY IT WILL HELP WITH BUSINESS

[spushii]

writing feels a lot like banging my head against a brick wall but slow incremental progress is paying off for me at least. have just passed the 2k word threshold on jophie thing. only took me 3 months Lol

#rannebles #am trying not to be too terribly hard on myself because i definitely. dont much Like writing? and this is one the the first times i've- #-seriously tried to write something since middle school #(actual first time was another jophie thing i hated and killed. lol) #but reading my own work here it feels very. meandering? and like. unfocused thematically #'substanceless' comes to mind but i don't want to say that about it because thats not fair. its fine #it's just kind of a thing thats bothering me that i'm not really equipped to fix with my limited skillset i think #also do not worry about me saying i dont enjoy writing very much. like thats true and im never really one to force myself to do something i- #-do not want to do. #but this is mostly a case of having an idea that Lives In My Mind and if i dont get it out it will eat me alive #+significant desire to get anything at all that is normal in thw ao3 tag god please