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mourntheantagonist · 3 years

Text

Have it Your Way

HWOL Day 2 Prompt: Overstimulation

Rating: E

Word Count: 4.2k

warnings for referenced underage sex with adults and homophobic language

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Billy was always seeking out just a fast and easy release. A quick fuck in an alley outside or blowjobs in the bathroom stalls with whatever guy was eyeing him at the other side of the bar. Usually just two closet cases out for the night to earn the sweet release they were desperate for before they performed the same walk of shame back to their shitty lives in their heteronormative world, hitting on girls and becoming overcompensating womanizers.

At least that was the case for Billy Hargrove. Forgoing feelings and foreplay for the feeling of a cock in his ass as he’s fucked senselessly into a brick wall next to trash filled dumpsters, but only smelling the rich scent of cheap cologne and sweat. A much preferred alternative to the delicate fragrances and cleanliness he was supposed to enjoy. The perfume that always made the dissociation and imagination wear off when he was fucking girls at parties in the host’s parents bedroom, making sure partygoers heard the moans and groans to keep up appearances. Have a reputation like Billy’s and nobody would ever question his early departures. Nobody ever knew what he did for the after party.

California was easy. Getting his hands on a guy who just wanted to fuck was as simple as walking three miles to whatever run down gaybar that would let the pretty underaged boy in through the doors with just the flash of his devilish smile. He never walked home empty handed, just the signature limp of someone who took it a little too rough that night. Men twice his age were always buying him drinks and flirting with him at the bar, he could have anyone he damn well pleased. It was easy, simple, and honestly super fucking convenient. Free booze followed by a no strings attached hook-up with his pick of the litter. No names were exchanged, rarely even words at all. Just telling movements of the eyes and sounds of heavy breathing and moaning that echoed alongside others who found their way into the men’s room. Two, or even three pairs of feet seen underneath the gap of each stall. Panting and releasing expletives as the doors rattled from bodys that were slammed against locked doors.

California was easy.

Indiana was not.

Especially not Hawkins of all places. One bar in the entire town that was most certainly not his kind of bar. No clubs no anything. Release wasn’t three miles away anymore, it was a hundred miles away. But that was Neil’s plan all along wasn’t it? Drag his no good queer son across the country to the most conservative town he could find on the map, where if there even were gay people around they were so far deep into the closet they couldn’t even see daylight.

But there had to be somebody right? There had to be someone. Else Billy might completely explode. Already beginning his reputation building by fucking the first girl who showed interest in the backseat of the Camaro in the school parking lot. With no quickie in a back alley to follow it up, he was left keyed up and desperate and his hand and a mag could only do so much before he completely lost his mind.

Especially when people like Steve fucking Harrington existed. Back in California he never let himself look at another classmate like that. They were off limits. He had the means he needed there and didn’t need to steal looks in the showers or get a little too handsy during gym. But that’s all he’s got. All he had was the glorious feeling of his dick rubbing up against Steve’s ass in tight green shorts as he boxed him out, and the stolen glances of his soft dick as water cascaded down his body and dripped from the tip. Manifesting his entire will to keep his dick down and tamed while he burned the whole sight into his long term memory. Saving it for his sock later.

Billy was correct to assume Hawkins, Indiana wasn’t like California. It was quiet and quaint, but he was wrong to assume he’d entered the land of purity. Small town folks were just as freaky as the people living it up in the city, they were just more quiet about it. Playing the long game to pick up on certain traits and actions before making a move because house parties weren’t gay bars where everyone was already on the same page. It was a game of needle in a haystack. And Billy guesses he finally put out enough clues to be found.

By Steve fucking Harrington of all people.

What Billy didn’t yet realize when he was cornered into an empty bedroom at some random junior house party was that Steve may have found his needle in a haystack, but Billy, he had struck gold.

The door was slammed closed by the force of Billy’s weight as Steve gripped the collar of his shirt and pushed him back against it. Lips slamming into his with bruise inducing force that had Billy almost sinking to the floor. Breath caught in his throat and his only reaction was to pull Steve’s body in closer by the tug of his belt loops so he could feel the dick he so perfectly memorized pressed up against his own through multiple layers of clothing. His jeans were already growing tighter and it hadn’t even been a minute.

How was he already this damn hard?

And now Steve had felt it and it was his own damn fault that he did.

“Already huh?”

Instead of trying to hide it, he just pulls his hips even closer and jerks his pelvis forward against Steve’s. Snaking a hand around to grab at Steve’s ass through his jeans, imagining he was wearing those same little green shorts he wore during P.E.

“Are we gonna do this or not?” Billy asked, in a deep and husky voice, noses nearly touching, eyes half lidded.

“Oh we’re doing this, but we’re doing this my way.”

His way? Well count Billy as intrigued.

“I’m versatile if that’s what you want to know.”

Steve huffed out a laugh and twisted a finger into Billy’s curls.

“Oh I already know you can take, I wasn’t worried about that.” Billy eyed him, wondering exactly what vibe he gave off to make that something he was so sure of. Instead of questioning it for long, he let his hand snake back around to the front of Steve’s jeans and tug down at his belt buckle, leading Steve to grip him by the wrist and pull his hand away.

“Not so fast. My way.”

“Well fuck pretty boy, get on with it then.”

He expects Steve to pull him back away from the door, secure the lock, and toss him onto the strangers bed. All mean and rough just like what he was used to. Completely have his way with him, take his ability to walk and leave him there naked on the bed as he recovered. And he would be completely happy with that. Elated even. Just another hook-up like all the others.

What he doesn’t expect is for Steve to start kissing him again. A hand cradling his jaw as he slowly moves his lips against his, a striking change from his little introduction. This one was soft and gentle and completely unlike any kiss he’s ever had before. The closest comparisons that came to mind were the ones with girls and those were different in the fact that this one in particular was actually enjoyable. And he allowed himself to enjoy it. Allowed himself to take part in something he never had the chance to receive. A solid lead up, the full exposition and rising action instead of skipping straight to the climax. It was weird and foreign but not totally unpleasant.

He could honestly do this for hours if he wasn’t so painfully hard and so desperately impatient. Each effort made to pull away or snake a hand down Steve’s pants or even just touch himself was met with a quick slap on the wrist, until Steve finally got tired of that and pinned Billy’s hands above his head, thumbs digging into his wrists. Immobilizing him. Continuing working away at him with only the use of his lips. Tongue moving like it was on some kind of exploration. Mapping the geography that was Billy’s mouth.

Finally, after what seems like a goddamn eternity, Steve’s lips separate from his. Now they can get to the good stuff. The real reason they were here.

Except he goes back in, this time passing up his lips to instead begin sucking on his neck. Billy’s starting to get sick of these surprises.

Hickies. Something else he’s never received. Never had someone’s lips find their way to the most sensitive part of the area and suck harshly enough to leave a bruise. He couldn’t let that happen anyway. Couldn’t leave any physical evidence behind that Neil could grasp onto. But this situation was different. Neil might even see the hickey and be proud because Hawkins Indiana didn’t have any faggots like him. Must have been a girl right? But it wasn’t like anyone had really even tried to do that back in California. The guys he hooked up with didn’t do any of this. It was different but not necessarily a bad kind of different. Nobody had ever so much as kissed his neck, most certainly never taken skin between teeth and bit down. Not like Steve just fucking did.

Billy physically convulses and stifles a moan with the bite of his own lower lip. Feels as the sensation travels from where Steve’s teeth came in contact all the way down his spine making him almost whimper before Steve finally competes dragging his teeth and has let go.

“You like that huh?” Steve whispers into the crook of his neck. Breath hot against the dampness that coated his neck from the combination of Steve’s saliva and his own sweat. He’s almost positive that he’s leaking precome into his jeans right now because no interaction he’s ever had has lasted this long. He’s never kept his pants up for such a length of time and it’s starting to become too much. Not sure how much of that is Steve’s credit, and how much is the credit of months of jerking off in the shower and forcing his way through another just-for-show encounter with the latest girl who hit on him. It was all building up inside of him, waiting for this moment and Steve really had the audacity to withhold that from him.

“God would you just fucking screw me already?”

Steve just moves back into Billy lips. Chins touching but not kissing him. Speaking the words into his open mouth.

“If you’re not enjoying yourself I can leave.”

No. Anything but that.

“Fine. We’ll do things your fucking way.”

“I’m glad we’re finally on the same page.”

Billy still didn’t fully understand what “his way” entailed, but he figured out soon enough that it had something to do with going slow. Agonizingly slow to the point his dick was absolutely throbbing and he found himself fighting against Steve’s continued hold on his wrists because he just needed to touch. Failing against Steve’s strength and moving on to plan B which entailed extending his hips forward against his thighs, rubbing up and down against the muscle under the denim.

“You’re really fucking impatient, you know that?” Steve says in response and it just occurs to Billy that none of this is affecting Steve the way it is him. He can feel he’s hard in his jeans as well yet he’s not on the brink of collapse like Billy.

But finally Steve does something that at the very least scratches an itch. Releases his hold on one of his wrists and with his own hand palms Billy’s crotch through his jeans. He doesn’t rub or gently squeeze, just lets the palm rest there and ever so slightly push against it and Billy is left to do the remainder of the work. Moving his crotch against Steve’s hand with a heavy release of a sigh. It only does what he needs for just a few short seconds before it starts to get uncomfortable again. He needs Steve to move his hand, do something other than just let it sit there completely still. And now there’s no holding back the whimpering and he’s about ready to resort to desperate pleas.

Steve’s hand leaves where it was cupping his excruciating hard dick and Billy’s learned by this point not to get his hopes up for anything. The hand moves upward and presses against where he stopped buttoning his shirt leaving his chest halfway exposed, finally some fucking skin to skin contact. Billy takes the opportunity with his free hand to finally grab at himself, and he’s more than thankful when Steve doesn’t pin it back up against the door. Instead Steve uses his own free hand to travel up the length of his chest until it finds the spot he was searching for. The spot that would send Billy absolutely reeling. Gently, the tip of one of his fingers brushes over an erect nipple and just the brush of contact makes Billy shiver. Responding to the reaction Billy produces by taking the nub in between his two fingers and pinching them together. Suddenly receptors are firing off like fireworks and his dick is twitching and he’s this close to coming in his pants from the combination of Steve’s excruciating idea of foreplay and the friction against his own hand.

“Shit Harrington I’m fucking close.” He breathes out. Chest heaving as Steve only tightens his grip. Smiles at him, no, smirks at him with raised eyebrows and he ever so slowly lowers himself with the bend of his knees. Then doing the fucking unthinkable. With his right hand he continues rubbing and pinching Billy’s left nipple, while Steve takes the right into his fucking mouth. Dragging and flicking his tongue against the tip before catching it in between his teeth, suddenly an area far more sensitive than his neck. He’s nearly done for. It was a lot.

He thought his problem was that he hadn’t been getting enough.

The problem was he was getting too much.

“Fuck, Steve!”

Billy was never a talker during sex, but right now it was getting harder and harder to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m gonna— fuck, shit Harrington!”

A tight squeeze to his left nipple paired with a wet suction to his right and the frantic humping of his own hand has him finally reaching his limit. Spilling his load into his own underwear coupled with the humiliating noise that escapes his body like a ghost.

That was typically where the night ended. He was rarely ever the first to come and even when he did, the other guy followed shortly after. But Steve wasn’t even close. Erection still very prevalent in the outline of his jeans. Billy had no idea what tricks Steve had beneath his sleeve.

Despite Billy literally creaming his pants, Steve doesn’t stop playing with his nipples, only finally releasing his hold on Billy’s other wrist that had been pinned above his head for practically the entire duration. Steve is so into what he’s currently doing like he derives pleasure from making others feel good. Which is extraordinarily hot, and Billy quickly starts to feel the same cock that was fucking throbbing just moments ago begin to chub up again.

So this was his fucking plan.

He seems very pleased with himself when he’s had enough with the nipple play and rises back up to his regular height to kiss Billy again. Deeply this time, inhaling his smell and taste and relishing in it.

“Now let’s have some real fun.” He says once their lips come to part from each other. By now Billy just accepts that Steve is the one in charge and follows his lead without pushback. Letting Steve guide his hands to his belt, finally giving him the permission to do what he’s been fucking aching to do since he stepped, or more accurately was dragged, through the bedroom door. Chaotically undoing his belt and yanking down Steve’s jeans and boxers simultaneously while Steve pulled his own tee over his head. His dick bobbing free, catching a glimpse of it hard for the first time. So much bigger than he’d remembered. And it’s hard for him.

He starts working at his own belt while Steve undoes the two fastened buttons of his shirt, despite being able to just as easily pull it over his head. Billy drops his pants to the floor, his dick is coated in his own come from his previous orgasm and he’s already more than half hard, earning a grin out of Steve when he looks down to see it.

“Bed.” Steve says, gesturing toward the California King. How fucking fitting.

Billy takes his naked body and lies out onto the bed, letting himself get comfortable. Head resting on a surprisingly soft pillow. Steve checks the lock on the door and reaches down into his jeans to pull out a small bottle.

“You just carry lube around with you to parties?” Steve laughs as he makes his way over to the bed. Crawling on top to where he’s situated in between Billy’s spread out legs.

“Never know when you might need it.”

“Yeah. Well I usually take my dicking rough.”

Steve wrapped a hand around each of Billy’s shins and moved his feet up the bed so that his knees were bent and his hole was exposed.

“Well rough isn’t really my style.”

“Yeah, I fucking noticed.”

Billy propped himself up on his shoulders as he watched Steve. Waiting for the click sound of the lube bottle opening, not expecting to see Steve’s face midway through a movement angling down. Hands bracing themselves against his bare hips, fingernails gripping and digging into the skin leaving crescent shaped indentations as Steve’s lips begin to suck on his inner thigh. His hair falling forward and brushing over his dick that was already getting harder by the second without Steve’s head between his legs.

How the fuck did Billy not know about all these sensitive areas of his? Secondly, how the fuck did Steve know about them?

His legs are fucking wobbling and he can’t contain the movement at all. He’s already gripping the sheets and Steve hasn’t even put a finger inside of him.

Something about the whole thing felt odd, and he was struggling to put his finger on it until he let his head fall back against the soft pillow.

This was the first time he’s ever taken a man to bed. He’s fucked and been fucked by countless nameless and sometimes faceless men, yet he’s never done it in the comfort of a private area, let alone a comfortable bed. The ideal place for such an activity.

However, Billy doesn’t get to think too long and hard about that before cold hands quickly spread his cheeks and the tongue that was just leaving bruises on his thighs is suddenly licking over his hole.

He tenses due to surprise and has to actually bite the pillow to stop himself from loudly moaning when the underside of Steve’s tongue trails back down. His tongue soon darting inwards and swirling around inside of him making him gasp.

Billy thought experience was something he had, easily.

Turns out there were a lot of things that he hadn’t felt before.

And Steve Harrington decided to just check off the whole goddamn list in one go.

He was completely hard by now and beginning to leak pre once again. The head of cock red, and throbbing in his ears.

Steve’s tongue feels good. Really fucking good but he is absolutely desperate to have his back fucking broken by the dick that’s been permanently ingrained in his head for weeks now. He’s fit to scream at any moment.

The glorious sound of a cap clicking open is what pulls him off of the edge of absolute insanity. Two fingers adorning a cool gel find his hole and slowly one of the fingers slips in with a comfortable ease.

As previously mentioned, this wasn’t Billy’s first time around the block. And apparently not Steve’s either, which Billy expected to have some follow up questions once everything was all said and done.

Steve’s single finger was quickly followed by the institution of a second. His index and middle surging knuckles deep inside of him and beginning to scissor open and closed, spreading the walls apart and opening him up for more. Opening him up for Steve.

Soon the second finger turns into a third. And while everything is progressing along much quicker than it was while he was pressed up against that door, it’s still way too slow for Billy. He’s refraining from wrapping his hand around his own dick just out of sheer curiosity to see what Steve wants to do. Fights the extremely tempting urge, instead propping himself back up on his shoulders so that his hands were occupied elsewhere.

Billy’s not sure whether he regrets the decision to look at Steve or not. Because as Steve spreads his fingers within him, he looks fucking ethereal. Hair strands falling perfectly into his face, mouth hanging open with his tongue slightly hanging out past his lips. A look of sheer focus. Beads of sweat constellating his forehead alongside the constellation of moles that decorate his entire body. He’s going to lose it again if Steve doesn’t fucking get on with it already.

It’s actually beginning to hurt with how much desire he has coursing through his veins and pooling into the head of his cock.

Too much. It’s too much.

Steve can see the look on his face, the aggressive scrunching of his face as he waits for Steve to finally destroy him with what he’s aching for. What has been haunting his every dream and moment alone in the shower.

The rising action was nearing its end, it was time for the climax of this story to begin.

Steve removed his fingers from Billy and ripped open a new condom with his teeth. Rolling it onto his own dick that is finally looking to be at the same point Billy’s is. Absolutely rock hard.

He presses the tip of his dick firmly against Billy’s hole and it’s as if time stops just before Steve makes his slow and steady entrance, and Billy’s breath hitches.

Steve’s own eyes fall shut as he begins pumping in and out slowly trying to find his rhythm, while one hand situates itself onto Billy’s thigh, while the other that’s already coated in lube wraps around Billy’s shaft and begins pumping his hand at an identical rhythm. Pacing perfectly matched with Billy’s own breathing. Chest heaving up and down with every pump of Steve’s hand around his dick and every slam into his prostate.

“I’m close Steve. Fuck! I’m close.” Billy grunts out. Steve just picks up the pace. The first time he’s done that all damn night. Rhythm becoming erratic with Steve’s own breathing following suit. Panting heavy exhales that hit Billy’s stomach with their heat making him shiver and shake.

The muffled music and chatter that’s occurring on the other side of the wall behind him completely goes silent in his head and all he can hear is Steve. His breathing and groaning as he gets closer and closer to his own climax and Billy begins to view it as a competition on who can last the longest.

But it’s already clear who would win that battle, isn’t it?

Surely enough, Billy lasts about another measly forty-five seconds before he’s coming into Steve’s hands and dripping out over his stomach.

But like most of his hookups before, it isn't long before Steve is bottoming out and filling up the condom within Billy. Letting out his own hefty moan upon release. Letting his head toss backwards and his hair flip back out of his face and he could honestly get hard again if he wasn’t literally trying with all of his might to do anything else.

Steve eventually toppled over and fell onto the bed, lying on his back right beside Billy as they both looked up at the same ceiling fan and came down together.

“That was fucking something.” Billy said, finally catching onto his breath and reentering reality.

“Yeah, that was fun. I’m looking forward to next time.”

“Next time?” Billy turned his head so that he was looking at Steve.

“Yeah. You owe me an orgasm.”

Billy looked at him incredulously.

“You didn’t cum?”

“No, I did. But I didn’t cum twice.”

Billy playfully pushed his shoulder with three fingers. “That’s your own damn fault, you know that.”

“Are you turning the offer down?”

Billy smiles, takes advantage of the fact that he can kiss Steve and he does, rolling over on top of him and planting a short and wet one right onto his lips.

“No.”

Billy watches Steve walk out of that room approximately ten minutes later, leaving him naked and alone on the bed just like he expected, except this time, there’s hope for more.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #mandi writes tresh #fanfic #harringroveweekoflove #harringrove week of love #weekofloveifao

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red-hood-vigilante · 3 years

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hbo spn storylines, drabbles, ideas, thoughts, wishlist, whatever you may call it. it’s messy, nothing makes sense and pretty sure a lot of these contradict each other

more of sam at stanford with jessica/flashbacks. jessica potentially lives but is revealed to be a demon (but she developed actual feelings for sam and really did come to care for him because a demon falling in love with a human would be SO interesting) OR she lives but her memory gets wiped like dean did to lisa OR she dies like she did but she is a ghost that haunts sam (he welcomes it but eventually he lets her go -> character arc). he still dreams about her though and he has her keepsakes with him wherever he goes, her rings, her favourite book, anything that was left of her from the fire

you have to be extremely careful when making deals with demons because they are cunning and evil creatures. they will follow the rules of the deal but will find loopholes to put some sadistic twist on the terms. you want money? of course, too bad you’ll be arrested for fraud before you can use any of it and spend the next ten years in jail before i drag you to hell. you want a perfect husband? sure he’ll love you. in fact, he’ll love you so much he’ll keep you locked up in the basement to keep you safe etc etc. saving a person often becomes the person that causes or leads to your death.

the creation of jack: after s5, when lucifer is trapped in the cage again lucifer fuses his own soul with a human soul to create jack, who escapes to earth to find sam and castiel. i have a longer post about this saved in my drafts

lucifer is trapped for good in the cage after s5 but if he was to return again, dean would kill him while sam would kill michael - this would be nice parallels and a sort of fulfillment of the “one brother must kill the other” prophecy because one brother DO kill another brother, just not their own

more azazel and how he came to the plan of how to free lucifer; opening a hell gate earlier, more experimentations with the demon blood etc

mary was infected with the blood when she was a baby, sam is the first and only second generation special child (longer post about that here)

personally, i want to see more and know more about john and mary’s relationship. when mary died, john and mary had fulfilled their destiny (having sam and dean) so does that mean that his love and dedication to mary post her death was falsely fabricated by the angels to ensure sam and dean would grow up in ideal conditions to become hunters? or maybe, after mary’s death, john wakes up from the spell with two kids he doesn’t recognize and a wife he thinks he loved, but the memories of the past years of his life are like a fever dream; he never wanted to live in a town like this nor was he interested in having kids? but here the house is, and here are his kids, but now he’s alone and empty and with no answers. (idk i just find john and mary and their relationship very fascinating) if the latter, if john and mary see each other again it’s like the spell activates again and they become blindly in love with each other, but once gone, they return to their confused and hazey state of mind, like just woken up from a coma

i do like mary coming back but i love how in s5 when she wasn’t found in heaven it was hinted that she was just discarded because she had fulfilled her “purpose” and i think this adds to the whole notion of how heaven and angels can be really cruel AND how mary is this mythical, religious figure to both sam and dean and we only get to know her through their lenses, like religion and faith

ruby is present for a longer amount of time to make the reveal even more shocking. at one point or another, dean does actually trust her and they all work together on cases for a while. ruby’s backstory as a witch is more explored. i like her death in s4 because she’s in this total state of euphoria and has achieved a goal only she was entrusted with, and she is so convinced sam will understand, until sam holds her down while dean carves her heart out. so we either keep that or she serves lucifer for a while (until he kills her which she is happy about because of her blind loyalty to him, could again mirror dean and john/castiel and heaven) or she serves lucifer and like crowley she realizes lucifer will kill demons after humans (redemption arc, but i don’t really like that, let her be evil!!)

dean and sam helps bela out of her deal and she becomes their go-to person when they need a magic item or book. she doesn’t like it but she owes them. regularly hooks up with jo.

angels are really hollow soldiers - they only follow orders and don’t understand the concept free will or choice or individuality at all. they are extremely righteous and strike without warning often on a whim, often very bloody (explosions a la castiel in swan song). if something fall into what they consider justice they will kill it. no concept of love, attraction or gender. real form can’t be perceived by humans unless they want them to, which leads to eyes melting (pamela) or breaking a person’s mind (in 5.16 zachariah actually says that sam and dean sees him in his vessel bc they’re ‘limited’. so.)

castiel, anna, maybe uriel and some others are exceptions to this, but only becomes so after longer exposure to human’s world. even then, they don’t change their violent whims, just the reasoning and where their loyalty lies

hbo spn is s1-5 stretched out for 8-10 seasons with the aesthetics of s1-2. i’m cutting out demon dean, purgatory, the mark of cain, the men of letters, the alphas, leviathatan, god being the real villain all along and the other worlds because it was just too much and far remived from the roadtrip aesthetic. keeping kevin, charlie (she is introduced via ash bc they’re hacker friends), the trials, rowena, uuuh the angels falling is such an interesting concept but idk if it would fit. maybe metatron? but his motivations are different. soullessness + the concept of souls might be kept if it’s explained better. i’m torn on whether or not to include the campbells

hell, heaven and purgatory are explained but only seen in glimpses, keep these ideas ambiguous and up to interpretation outside of what we hear. remember the line ‘hell is...well, it’s like hell. even for demons’? leave it at that. the exception is 5.16 bc that episode fucks so hard

if we end on swan song and let the show be the tragedy it is, i want to keep the ambiguous ending. is that sam or lucifer? if it’s sam, will he contact dean or walk away? we will never know! there is also no ‘the world is ending’ more than once, it really lost its impact after the second or third time.

idk how i feel about the men of letters - it is logical that there would be organized hunting and an established network and system on how to do things, but for the sake of keeping it hbo-style and grounded, there are no networks beyond the roadhouse and singer’s salvage yard.

i want sam and dean not have a permanent home except the impala, motels and impala ONLY. the bunker had potential but it was just for the sake of convenience it was there with all the lore and answers they needed when it was necessary. maybe eventually they do stop travelling so much when it becomes more about the Big Stuff instead of the episodic cases that requires driving all the time but it will be like an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. i want sam and dean to never have a physical house as a home but they scrape together whatever they have make something similar to a show

as the show progresses, sam and dean become pretty hated by other hunters because they’ve started apocalypse and have an increasingly shitty reputation. and john was an infamous good hunter but also a dick. everybody knows that people who work with the winchesters often end up dead, that one brother will sacrifice anything and anyone to save the other and that they frequently work alongside demons. even the ones they DO work with (jo, ellen, bobby, rufus, bela) are hesitant to be involved with them

sam’s powers are strong but after killing lilith and the truth revealed to him, he represses the powers in shock and fear of how blinded he was by them and the rush of power they gave him. a little more about how sam fears what the lust for power and strength did to him. he continues to repress his powers, often to a dangerous point where he will be on death’s door as a result of not using them. when meeting jack and mentoring him in using his powers, jack asks him about sam’s powers after sensing them. sam eventually decides to lead by example and embraces his powers again, but remains extremely careful about using them (this also fulfills dean’s arc of having to let go of the holy-innocent-pure-ideal-not a person but an idealized version of sam-little brother sam he has put on a pedestal for so long)

bobby is viewed as a father figure by sam and dean but bobby makes it clear he doesn’t want that burden or relationship in his life after his wife died. he makes this clear to them too, but sam and dean have fucked up perceptions of parental figures so they don’t think bobby means it (they just latch on to whatever parental figures they can find)

we see more of sam’s relationship with the side characters; sam and jo hunt together on occasion, he hangs out with ash and talks hacking when visiting the roadhouse. he and ellen loves playing poker together. if anything, dean is the one who’s isolated - he only ever really cared about mary, john, sam and cassie, and never really had any friends. sam is way more well adjusted and sociable after spending time at stanford where he’s had conversations that didn’t only revolve around dead bodies and lore.

this could also feed into dean’s extreme abandonment issues and isolation he feels and how this would affect his psyche

sam and dean are both unknowingly prepared to become the perfect vessels; sam loses his humanity by becoming more and more like lucifer (defying his father and his will) while dean becomes prepared by doing what michael did; casting his brother away in his time of need (blindly following his father and his will). very much like in s4 but even more intense and brutal (i love angst :))

we see different hybrids; demon/human (antichrist), human/(arch)angel (nephilim) and demon/angel (???), but none of them are all powerful bc narratively that’s really boring. they’re strong but have very specific powers that affects them and/or their surroundings in catastrophic ways (but no other worlds bs, we stick to the road trip aesthetic, keep it grounded). i want the only all powerful character to be god but he doesn’t show up at all, he’s the ultimate absent father. is it chuck? we never find out!

powers would for example include giving people diseases, force anyone close to them to tell the truth (not consciously, it’s just the air around them), read minds, create storms, light things on fire when they’re angry, make people hallucinate etc. like fucked up shit but not things that are too grande because again - that’s really boring

abbadon, the princes of hell and the four horsemen are more fleshed out villains instead of the one season reign the each had.

being a prince of hell is a title that is inherited - after azazel dies, sam gets the title because he is the one with azazel’s blood in him OR meg does, but idk if that would be as interesting (if she actually was his daughter)

it remains a horror show throughout, lots of gore and blood

the moral code and ethics of the brothers are the opposite of the beginning; dean thinks in black and white, sam sees shades of grey and individuals instead of what they are. however, as the show progresses, their train of thought becomes opposites; dean becomes more open to how people are true evil and how monsters are often victims of their circumstance while sam becomes harsher and less forgiving after ruby’s betrayal along with finding out the truth of his existence and how there’s been demons around his entire life. eventually they’re on the same page and they see the circumstances.

on the other hand; i also really fuck with the idea of dean maintaining his black and white morals on that all monsters=inherently evil, humans=inherently pure and good, but he is the only human on team free will. sam is half demon, castiel is an angel, jack is a nephilim, rowena is a witch, garth is a werewolf, mary is a zombie etc

demons become demons in hell by agreeing to become the torturer and thus giving up their humanity to be free of pain, does that mean they could become humans again by regaining some humanity? by doing good deeds? (potentially this is confirmed with jessica and how she came to love sam; genuine love and care for a human could reverse the demon process?) this also means dean was a demon in hell but was purified/turned back again when castiel raised him. this also plays into dean becoming like michael; in trying to absolve himself from what he did in hell he becomes ruthless, unforgiving and righteous to evil, much like the angels, regardless of his personal connection to a person and what he would consider “evil”

dean and pacifisim: after dean is cured from being a demon/the mark of cain/is made aware of his blind righteousness that he used as an excuse to kill, he becomes firmly determined to reign in his anger and violent tendencies by becoming a pacifist (like sam in s11) as a way to redeem all the blood he’s spilled. of course in his profession and true dean fashion he won’t be able to do it 100% so he decides to only act in self defense, and he only goes batshit violent on the offense when it’s about protecting sam

OR. dean’s self righteousness becomes his own downfall; the belief that all evil must be eradicated, refusal to see the circumstances and the shades of grey is what pushes him to lose his humanity and become a demon and therefore, in a potential ending the ruler of hell, because i think it would such an interesting journey from a to b, that dean starts out human, revels in his holiness, executes and kills in the name of his own holiness in the belief that he’s becoming the ultimate angel, the ultimate hero when it’s doing the opposite. if this happened then sam would take the opposite route; starts as a human, becomes more and more demonic, stops himself and returns to his hopeful and optimistic self, has faith and humility and that is what makes him ascend from abomination to purified and holy (trials).

this could be a perfect 10 season structure as well: s1-5 are when sam and dean start off humans; dean becomes holy and as close to an angel a human can be, while sam drinks the demon blood and almost becomes one to gain the freedom and power he wants, but begins to turn it around to send lucifer back to hell. s6-10 is when dean becomes the unholy and sam becomes the holy even though neither realize because now there’s no grand master plan - this is who they are, who they choose themselves. don’t know how this ould end though; either as normal humans again (but there wouldn’t really be a ”normal” after everything) or they really go off the rails with sam like ruling heaven (not as god though, just as a good and just man) and dean ruling hell. castiel is human and stays on earth with jack.

the gothic americana aesthetic is kept throughout the entire show and is only shot on film

after s5 castiel returns to heaven to help restore order, and he takes charge for a little while, but eventually returns to earth after trying to introduce democracy to angels who didn’t get it. in his place, anna takes over and she rules heaven well (after trying to kill mary when going back in time she isn’t killed by michael, but narrowly escapes and remains in hiding to heal until castiel reaches out and finds her)

when finding out they are The Vessels and will be brought back regardless of what they try, sam and dean explore what this means more. dean throws himself into dangers and to protect others. he is burned, blown up, stabbed, electrocuted, beheaded and eaten, but wakes up the next morning in his bed without a scratch, without any pain and memories of his deaths. he revels in this untouchability. sam kills himself over and over only to be resurrected again and again by lucifer. he remembers the pain and blood.

that being said, while dean is like angel royalty, sam is demon royalty. the demons don’t go after him, they don’t hurt him. some even offer up themselves to be drained of blood, even after lilith’s death. it makes it really difficult to stay clean but he pulls through with dean and castiel actually supporting him. to help sam get through his addiction, dean stops drinking alcohol and they go through their withdrawal together

the angels almost worship dean as the michael sword and have an open disgust towards sam for being lucifer’s vessel - they always answer dean’s prayers and calls for help, they follow his orders if need be and don’t hesitate to heal him if he needs it. sam could pray until his vocal chords bleed or call out for help while holding his guts in his hands; none of the angels would come to his aid. the only one who answers sam’s prayers is lucifer as a voice in sam’s head or a hallucination. sam could call demons to help him out but he refuses

sam isn’t the first hunter to drink demon blood, to try to enhance his own abilities using the supernatural as a means to get there - there are hunters who have altered themselves with parts from werewolves and vampires to become better hunters, like the styne family (the guys from s10), blurring the lines again of what’s good and human vs what is evil and inhumane

if angels can’t find a vessel to volunteer, they will force them to say yes - the how is not important, only that the ‘yes’ is said, whether its meant or not, any verbal yes will do. the angels never sleep and they never eat, which is disturbing to sam and dean who are exhausted all the time and eat scraps whenever they can

castiel, like all other angels, is taught to despise and not care about sam winchester at all, but the more castiel gets to know sam, he becomes fascinated with him, how lucifer’s ultimate vessel, starter of the apocalypse and destroyer of god’s creation can be so kind and gentle, so full of faith, acceptance, optimism and hope. in dean castiel sees a good man, yes, but also a man who’s bloodthirsty, rages, revels in war, resorts all problems with violence, loves conditionally and expects unquestioned loyalty. sam too, has a darkness and bloodthirst in him, but it only comes out in glimpses. castiel thinks it’s funny, how sam turns out to be the opposite of lucifer while dean is so alike michael

#hbo spn #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #iben spoke #girl help this makes no sense #these are just things i want to see plot-wise and character arc-wise

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lovelyirony · 4 years

Note

#6 No ones going to hurt you or #5 Your safe now with winteriron pls!! Maybe post civil war? Or whatever you come up with♡

been a long time since this list has been on my dash!

Bucky didn’t follow the rest of the team. He couldn’t, not when he didn’t know who the hell any of them were. Sure there was Steve, he knew Steve. But it was still like when you know you know somebody, you’re just not sure why.

He sneaks out in the dead of the night with nothing but a note left behind.

New York is a helluva place still. Everyone moving, rushing, and talking. There’s never silence, something he appreciates.

He holes up in hotel rooms, slipping in and out of apartment buildings with ease. He’s not sure what he’s trying to do right now. Maybe find himself in a life that people say he lived. Maybe redefine himself.

What he wasn’t expecting was to help Tony Stark escape what would’ve been an already unsuccessful mugging.

Stark blinks at him.

“You gonna kill me this time? I gotta say, an alley isn’t really ideal for me.”

“What?” Bucky asks. “No, of course not. No one’s--I’m not gonna hurt you. Are you gonna kill me?”

Tony cocks his head to the side.

“Why would I do something like that?”

“I can list off five reasons.”

“And four of them would be Steve-related,” Tony mutters. “Speaking of, why aren’t you holed away with him and the team?”

“I don’t know them as well as they want me to,” Bucky says. “And I don’t know myself as much as I think.”

Tony nods.

“Did they tell you about BARF?”

“Well I’ve done it about a dozen or so times--”

“Nope, not the gross one. Come with me. It’s science time.”

Bucky is surprised when Tony leads him to a lab. It’s not cold or cynical. There’s a printed out picture of what looks to be a skeleton making a stupid joke.

“Welcome,” Tony says. “Sorry about the pictures. Interns are trying to educate me on modern humor. Not going well. Anyways...”

Bucky gets explained about a program that could potentially help him come to terms with the words.

“I assume Wakanda offers a similar, more advanced program?” Tony asks.

There’s no anger in his voice, not then. Bucky stills.

“Why not go after them?”

“If I’m being completely real, they’re not worth my time,” Tony says. “And besides, I have more things to do.”

He doesn’t mention Siberia. Doesn’t mention anything.

“Hey Ice Pop, where you staying at?”

Bucky doesn’t want to lie. He also doesn’t want to let Stark know he’s been technically breaking-and-entering.

“Some hotels.”

“Yeah, no,” Tony says. “You’re not a good liar. Should’ve had you keep the mask, huh?”

He’s not shying away from who he used to be. That’s...refreshing.

“Sure,” Bucky says. “Could even bring you a matching one.”

Tony barks out a laugh.

“Thanks, but if you do I’ll be forced to use it. You’ll be hailed as a genius in Pepper’s eyes. No, you can stay at one of my smaller apartments around town. Let me get you the keys.”

Tony says sometimes he just needs to sleep somewhere else.

“Surrounded by a legacy is not as cool as you think,” Tony says, smiling sadly.

Bucky nods, not sure what else to say.

Tony isn’t sure exactly why he’s doing this. God knows he should be telling everyone about Barnes being here, should be foaming at the mouth to destroy him.

But Barnes left the team, went to New York. Didn’t even have a plan, just lived from room to room and kept out of sight. Tony had to say, he wasn’t expecting that from somebody like Barnes. He’s not sure what he was expecting in the first place.

Pepper and Rhodey disapprove.

“This is a terrible idea,” Rhodey says. “What if he comes back?”

“He doesn’t know where Winter Wonderland is.”

“Not hard to guess. He’s either gonna destroy Hydra bases or come back to where his home used to be,” Pepper says. “Anyone with half-a-brain could figure that.”

“What if he kills you in your sleep?” Rhodey asks. “You know I’m not a light sleeper, I can’t help you.”

“Friday has protocols in place and he won’t,” Tony says. “If he really wanted me dead, I would’ve been dead when the whole mugging thing happened.”

“Wait, what?”

Brunch is awkward on Sunday. Bucky was invited, came, and ordered the same thing as Pepper. They’re not sure what to talk about.

“So, um, what is everyone’s opinion on yogurts?” Tony announces. “I, for one, think Greek yogurt is the best. If anyone says the flavor strawberry-banana is the best, die by my blade.”

Rhodey cracks a grin.

“Peach is the best, don’t you dare go against that.”

“For people who went to MIT, both of you are stupid,” Pepper says. “Best flavor is strawberry, obviously.”

Bucky pipes up.

“Um. I like orange cream.”

“Now that, right there? Absolutely not,” Tony says. “That’s disgusting. Absolutely abhorrent. No, we’re getting you better yogurt.”

From there, Bucky gets closer to them. Of course he keeps himself at an arm’s length distance: he’s not an idiot. Just because Tony Stark let him into his life doesn’t mean he belongs there. Rhodey and Pepper give him enough looks and cautionary statements that he knows he is quite lucky to be there at all.

It’s not until Pepper calls him and asks him to be an emergency “watcher” in a sense when Tony’s talking on a public platform that they get closer.

Bucky hasn’t expected to be included in anything, and that’s completely fine with him. Tony’s already doing too much for him as it is, letting him live in a nice apartment and using truly revolutionary technology.

So he’s surprised when Rhodey gives him a glance.

“You eating pizza with us or not? We’re ordering pepperoni, if that’s your thing.”

“You sure?” Bucky asks. “I don’t wanna intrude or anything.”

“Rhodey wouldn’t bother asking if you weren’t welcome,” Tony says. “Just so you know. Come and eat really shitty pizza with us.”

Bucky decides shitty pizza is the only way to have pizza, no matter what Pepper says.

“I can’t believe you heathens ordered this,” she says with a sniff. She still eats four slices, however.

Bucky laughs.

The news is always...something. People are wondering where the Avengers went, and Bucky grips the arm of the chair as he remembers Siberia.

Over and over, he apologizes.

“Why?” Tony asks one night. “Why do you still keep apologizing? I said you were fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Bucky says. “And I...I damaged the arc reactor. I fought you.”

“You did it because Steve didn’t tell me about my parents and I took it out on you as well as him,” Tony says. “This isn’t all your fault, don’t put it all on your shoulders. I should know, that’s my specialty.”

Bucky comes over a lot more after that.

Tony knows that this shouldn’t have been the result.

But he likes James. Likes him in the way that he learns how to make coffee and latte-art because it’s a small thing that Tony likes, but he can’t go out without getting hounded for questions about returns.

Likes the way that he hums along to the radio and texts Tony about songs he hates and loves, the way he got excited over being able to make a playlist with hundreds of songs on it.

The way they can handle each other, knowing the truth.

It’s...odd. But not unexpected.

(He just hopes Pepper and Rhodey don’t make fun of him the next time.)

They do. ;

Relentlessly.

“Leave it to you to get a crush on an ex-assassin,” Pepper says, snorting. “And you gave him a home and care first.”

“Shut up,” Tony grumbles, resting his head on the table. “Not my fault.”

“Your fault entirely,” Rhodey says. “How are you gonna ask him out?”

“Why would I ask him out?” Tony asks. “He probably has way too much shit on his plate, he probably feels bad that he sort of killed my parents, and not to mention the whole Rogers issue.”

“So?” Rhodey asks. “You ever let that stop you before? Worst comes to worst you just move on and have awkwardness for, like, a month. It can’t be as bad as that time you confessed you liked Tim in sophomore college year.”

“Oh god,” Tony groaned. “That was the worst.”

So he decides to ask about James. Because Rhodey is right, and life is too short. Besides, he’ll probably say no and Tony already has a suit lined up with a destination in mind, so it’s not like they’ll see each other that next week.

James has gotten him takeout food. Oh god, he’s so sweet.

Tony steels himself. “So, um, you may not want to do this, but? I really...really want to take you out. On a date. Not kill you. Jesus Christ, no, but um--shit.”

He’s messed this up entirely.

Bucky laughs. He smiles at Tony from where he’s standing at the kitchen.

“If you wanted to kill me I would’ve expected a faster response in this last year, Tones. Yes, a date sounds nice. Are you sure about...about me? I mean...”

“James, sweetheart, let me tell you about one ex that threatened world domination because I wouldn’t go to a movie with them after we broke up and they still terrify me more than you...”

Tony loves dating Bucky. The way that he smiles widely when getting even the smallest things. The way he loves to play music and dance around the kitchen and bump into Pepper and Rhodey, who laugh as they gently push them out of the way.

The way they look at each other and it’s a little like a promise. The way Bucky is always holding onto part of him, keeping one of Tony’s battered, old tools by him at night when they’re apart.

Sure, they’ll have to explain it at some point. God knows there’ll be disapproval.

But Tony finds he doesn’t mind that if he gets to look at Bucky every single day and love the living hell out of him.

#lovelyirony writes #holy SHIT this prompt was a hard one to write #i hope it's okay anon #winteriron #bucky barnes #tony stark #not team cap friendly #(as usual on this blog)#pepper potts #rhodey #anyways they're all Hilarious

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k-liight · 3 years

Text

important (?) life update

to cut to the chase, my life has been and is gonna be changing real fuckin quick. we're finally selling the rental house my dad's owned for years instead of continuing to rent it out to people, and he's gonna be moving in about 3 weeks like he's been planning to for a few years, but now the time has come. he actually caught the ✨c-word✨ a little over a month ago from his boss, who had it way worse and almost died, but he miraculously made it, though because of how rough it was to his body he's probably never going to work again, which leaves my dad out of a job. guess that might be part of the reason why my dad's leaving now and not even later, but I suppose things are finally falling into place for him, especially now that he's recovered. so that means my mom and/or I will have to find employment soon enough. and I guess that's all the most important information said and out there, but there's more to this ultimately, which I’m putting under the cut if you don't feel like reading a wall of text because it's more me just getting stuff off my chest than anything

unfortunately things haven't yet fallen into place for me like they have for him. I was hoping that I could have been out of here myself long ago, but of course, ✨the c-word✨ kinda ruined all those plans for me and threw them right out the window lol. thing is, this whole entire bullshit has put even more strain on my parents' already rocky relationship with each other and my relationships with the both of them, even well before he caught it himself. like as soon as shit started shutting down my mom practically forbid me from being anywhere near him- six feet my ass, we'd be on opposite sides of the fucking house or accidentally pass each other for half a goddamn second and she'd scold me like I just committed a felony; I didn't know he was there and I had to pass him to use the bathroom, whadaya want me to do, piss my pants? she'd make me fucking. go into HER room and keep me there whenever my dad wanted to use the kitchen just to keep us separated. she thought us both too much of dumbasses to not stay apart from each other, but like... fuck, man. and looking back, this isn't even all, she practically had this mentality for my entire existence. my parents used to have really terrible and verbally violent fights when I was a child, and I specifically remember one time overhearing my mom say something along the lines of her having the right to basically deny him of taking any part in raising me at all, and that he was only there to work to support us. what the fuck? my support goes out to single moms whose baby daddies (for lack of a better term) are absent or were obviously shitty/abusive, but if a child has two halfway decent parents I believe that they should both have equal effort in raising the child. I dunno if her views have changed since then (I was only in second grade or so) but it still stuck with me. that paired with her overprotectiveness makes it clear that she wanted control over me in a way right from the start. last night, I had a conversation with my dad after months of hardly being able to talk to him for various reasons. we had a talk about what we're both going to do once he moves, and he expressed his disdain at how my mom has more or less sieged control over my life and hasn't let him have much say in it. and while there were a few things he said I didn't agree with, they weren't the points of the conversation so I didn't find any good in causing unnecessary arguments about it. but there was something he said that struck me. I was saying how I'm gonna have to learn how to do shit for myself whether she likes it or not, and he simply said "and you have learn to think for yourself too." in any other context, I would have scoffed internally at such a thing. I have a mind of my own! I disagree with her on lots of things! the fact that we happen to share similar values that he does not share with us is just a coincidence the way I see it. but I realized that wasn't what he meant. it's nothing to do with politics, and it's not me having a preference for her over him (cuz I have no real preference). it's about me literally not knowing how to live my life for myself. almost every single decision I make, it's never about me even if it's supposed to be. "I'd do this or that thing, but what if Mom [insert negative reaction here]?" "I and everyone else needs permission from my mom to do anything with me because otherwise she'll get mad at us." "I know she doesn't like it when I ask too many questions, but what if I get this thing she wants me to do wrong? I should ask just in case." and, as wrong as it may feel for me to say this, this sort of behavior is exactly the kind of thing that someone who's been abused will do. my dad was under the assumption that I was simply prioritizing her wants and needs until I clarified that it's actually out of fear that I behave in this way. since becoming an adult, I've realized more and more things about how my childhood I considered normal was actually pretty fucked-up, and relating to more and more signs and symptoms of emotional abuse, but this realization... pretty much confirms it. it still feels weird to say though, because it implies that I hate her or that she knew what she was doing to me. I do love her, and appreciate all the good things she's done to help me, and I know damn well she cares for me. but the way she's raised me and continues to treat me to this day have had some obvious effects on my psyche. my dad said that the only way for this to end was for me to get away from it. unfortunately, that's not exactly possible right now because I'm financially dependent on her. so the next best thing is to set up my boundaries and demand she let me to learn all the shit I need to know in order to make it on my own, because I sure the hell won't learn anything from continuing to be sheltered. as for finding employment, I'll be restricted to in-town jobs without a driver's license (unless I can get ahold of the local transportation services, but I wanna work on my driving anyway, but THAT might become difficult because it'll be winter before I know it and winter driving is a whole nother hassle lmao) and I'm still debating on whether or not I wanna continue any more college, but yeah. I may continue to be sporadic depending on what happens after dad moves out, but hopefully now that I've been able to more accurately pinpoint all the shit in my life that's affected me today, I'll be able to work on fixing what should have been taken care of years ago and get a step closer to healing 💚

#Light's stupid stuff #status update #vent #kinda #more like me realizing and coming to terms with shit lmao #cw emotional abuse //

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heavyelectricity · 3 years

Photo

“You weren’t living, you were just existing”

Seven years ago today, I moved into a tiny flat in Bournemouth, all of 20 square metres. You can see it there. I only meant to be there for six months, but ended up staying until March of this year, a week before we went into lockdown. I didn’t have space to set up a desk in there, nor did I fancy an indefinite period of total isolation, so I joined my family.

When I left, I thought I’d be returning when the office opened again. My employer had other plans. In May, we were told that our office would never be opening again, and that we would be expected to work from home permanently. If I couldn’t do that temporarily, I would have no hope of doing it permanently. I had to leave.

I thought about staying in town, but decided against it. Too much of my social life was tied to the office, and my friends were clear that if they no longer had to live there for work, they would consider moving away. Before I started on Retro Gamer, I was clinging to a life that wasn’t working for me anymore, and I didn’t want to make that mistake again. But if I didn’t stay, where could I go?

Living in the north was something I considered, if only briefly. Spacious houses and cheap rent would allow me to work from home effectively, and I could save for a deposit on a house closer to home. But I’d be starting all over again, with no family, no friends and no opportunity to make those connections. And let’s be honest, who’d bet on any print magazine continuing long term? So when we cleared the office in June - my first trip into the outside world in three months - I got my stuff sent back to Essex.

I also weighed up the idea of somewhere further out from London, like Chelmsford and Colchester, where the rent was a bit cheaper. Again, the prospect of day to day social contact bugged me. So I decided to come back to Harlow. It was harder to find a flat than I would have liked, and more expensive, but I’m here now. My tenancy in Bournemouth ended yesterday, though I actually left a couple of weeks ago. Meanwhile, I was building furniture in my new flat, with my dad.

“You weren’t living, you were just existing”

That was his assessment of my life in Bournemouth. It was a shitty place - who has to climb a ladder to bed in their thirties? - and by the end it was nothing but a source of stress for me. I’ve rarely lived in a place where I had as little fun, partially because I was dirt poor for most of my time there and partially because I rarely had company. But I did have good times there. I had fun when Kimi stayed over. I had fun when Para joined me on stream. I had fun fixing up the Neo Geo, or playing through Steins;Gate, or just watching Peep Show for the hundredth time. And outside of that flat, I had a job I was enjoying and an office environment I was comfortable in. I’d go over to my editor’s excellent shed, or Para’s place, and have fun. By the end, I even had just enough money to enjoy life a bit.

I think “just existing” is a far more apt description of my last eight months. Everything has been temporary, yet endlessly unchanging. Work at the same kitchen table, because there’s no point in getting anything better. Don’t go anywhere, because it’s irresponsible. Don’t watch what you want, because it’s not agreeable to the family. Routine meals because deviation from the standard can’t be tolerated, and besides, compared to Bournemouth there’s fuck all choice here when it comes to delivery places. The only surprises have been new miseries - a family death here, a broken laptop there, and all that work stuff too.

This weekend, the bed moves over. That’s when I’m living in my new place for real. New chapter, I’m told. God only knows what it’ll bring.

#personal

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q-u-a-c-k · 3 years

Text

im just gonna talk. I apologize for feed spam so I'll just talk under the cut

----------------

also I'm sorry for the complete spam I hope you can ignore me well enough, but I just wanted to say that I feel content for the first time in a while. I've been doing shitty lately but too scared to really say anything about it. my brain is constantly urging me to relapse or do something stupidly insanely harmful to myself. but right now the voice is quiet and I'm allowed to think and I like thinking happy things like this. I wish there was a way to have the voices this quiet without doing it this way (unintentionally high, I think there was something in my drink that I didn't put in there). like if anyone actually reads this and knows a way to quiet the voices in my head so I can think, please let me know. I know things like taking time to take care of myself or positivity things, but when the voices are back they dont really let me do that stuff. so if anyone has a quick and effective way of getting them to be quiet please tell me.

anyways I think I already told you two, but I have the potential to be quadruple gay and I think that's pretty cool. So identity crisis time trying to explain it. Although I'm still confused about how two of the parts work together but I'm gonna try to explain it while I can think. So I'm definitely gay and I think probably pan because I honestly have no preference, a pretty person is a pretty person. I believe I'm ace or at least under that umbrella term because ew. I think I might be nonbinary but I've never really outright said I use that label. because I honestly dont know yet but I'm not comfortable with male or female and I just am who I am but dont know what that is. so I'm hoping it's okay to use at least until I figure it out? and now the confusing part, possiblity of aro???? I'm not really sure because I could have just not really found the right (or any) person yet and I dont really want to use a label just because I'm not really sure. but like thinking about romantic stuff like... it's okay?? but that doesnt really sound like my thing. like I'd like to hang out with people and know them better and do things like dates but not with a romantic intention? just to vibe with the person? idk. but it's confusing because I also said I was pan but idk what about me is oen if in possibly under aroace. like I know they're both umbrella terms, but I dont know where under them I am. or where pan fits? idk identy crisis, yay!!

I wanna do a platonic date with someone. Like we can go to the movies or something and go to a park and just get to know each other better but like platonically. I think that just sounds fun. I need to get a job so I can have money to platonically take someone on a date. I've been meaning to look for places or put in applications but I keep forgetting. Which also reminds me, I want a fuckung sword. Imagine how cool that would be!! I have the money for this nice one that I've been looking at for a while, it's a pretty white longsword with a blue gem in the hilt. I want it so bad. but my parents wont let me get it which i think is stupid. like I'm gay and have themoney, let me get my sword >:(

I want an axe, too. it doesnt necessarily have to be a pretty one because I wanna get strong and chop wood with it. I want to be a lumberjack. like not cut down trees that dont need to be cut down, but anything that has fallen already I wanna chop up with an axe then make things out of it!! I like wood working stuff. it sounds like fun. but I would need the right stuff to do that that I dont have right now. like skills.

that is making me think about another life crisis but I dont wanna think about that so I'm gonna try to think of something else like how I cant wait to move out. because they have stuff planned out for me and what they want me to do but I realized I dont wanna do that. and now I'm thinking and vaguely talking about the crisis I dont wanna think about so I'm gonna think about what I actually want to do. I wanna do the plan thing you came up with where you're gonna have your cottage in a small town and we're gonna live hopefully somewhat close to you and we can visit each other a lot and vibe. you're gonna do what you want to do and work in a museum and talk about the things you enjoy.I dont really know what I want yet but I know I wanna live near you so we can hang out and be a lot closer because you're my family and my best friend. I think I wanna have lots of plants. I want to take better care of them than I do now and. have a lot and spend time with them and make sure they're doing well and growing. I like most plants vibes. they're mostly simple but very pretty and calming and looks like what home should feel like. you feel like what home should. like sometimes when the three of us are playing games like minecraft or something and it's getting all competitive and laughing it feels like home and makes me really happy. I'm excited to leave this place and have a real home.

I wanna leave as much of this as I can behind. and since I don't plan on coming out to them soon or possibly even at all, it might actually be easier to leave. because once I do I can go by Ash everywhere and not the name they gave me. I wont have to feel sad when I have to introduce myself as the name they gave me. and as far as people would know this is my name and the only one. they wouldn't even know what the other one is and cant call me it.

I still dont know what I want, but I know just being there I'll already be happier than here. they upset me a lot here. they say rude and insensitive things and insult me whether they know they are or not. and I think one day when I leave, if they try to justify themselves instead of fixing it, I have the freedom to leave them behind. they're not as bad as a lot of other people's family, especially since I thought compared to other people my family was nice. but still I think unlike the voice says I dont deserve to feel bad about who I am, especially when they're the ones who impacted me that way and made me a lot of who I am. or caused it.

I also cant wait until I move out because I'll have a lot more control of what I can and cant do, how I can be myself, and what kinds if things I'm eating. because right now, my parents dont really buy things that are good for you because it's cheaper to get processed foods. and when they do get better things, they get things I dont like. or I never get any because my siblings have it. bht I guess in some weird way it is good that they make me feel horrible about food stuff because then that's less of the bad stuff that I eat. I don't really like eating at all and I thought that was a good thing becuas ei vcd ont have access to the things I'm supposed to be having. so to me it's better to have nothing than things that are bad. and I've been kinda proud of myself for having less because it's not good stuff. like last night's I had a slice of cheese, half of minimal dinner, then only a little bit of chocolate. but then my siblings got taco bell and now I feel like shit. because I felt bad because they got it specifically for me but I didnt want it but I had it anyways. but I'm proud of how I did today before that!!!!

I want it ti rain. I wanna go outside when there thunder and lightning and pouring rain and just walk around. I want to stand in the rain. the rain makes me happy and calm. I feel safer in the rain. and it's just an overall pleasant thing. of course i don't want it to flood or cause harm to anyone else, but I want it to rain. good thing rain season is coming up soon. it might be cold but I dont care. I've waited too long for it.

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thehandsomeasshole · 3 years

Text

@starttheanarchy from X

"Then why use them for a job they are not meant for, just keep them to their original purpose and make something new that works for what you need. And because quality work will save in the long term with less repairs, replacements, and malfunctions over all. And your welcome." The wide grin could be heard in her last three words. She was raised to have some manners after all. "And DT could probably do it as long as the load weight isn't over hmmm..." She drifts off as fingers tap together, mental math being calculated. "Eight tonne? Maybe less. I'm not exactly sure on that front since I actually haven't tested his limits on that front. Hmm something to test another day." Her eyes drifted over the floating form of her robot as it stayed ever vigilant of her surroundings. She knew it could do some heavy lifting since she had used previous versions to move things in the junk yard.

Eyes roll at yet another reason on why to avoid corporations, and another as he seems to enjoy being a pest.

"Actually last thing I did was fix up several things that were in disrepair in Overlook, since too much of the population of that poor town have the skull-shivers and had no access to the medicine. Something about repair tickets being ignored or something like that. And I didn't come here for the shallow reason of becoming rich, I'm opening the vault to try and prevent a very clearly corrupt corporation from monopolization on something that might be a blessing or a curse." If she had it her way, she would keep it locked forever since no one has a full understanding of the capabilities and issues of Eridium that began to spawn after the first one opened. To many variables and yet everyone wanting to just add more into the chaos.

"Yes, yes. The definition fits, but you seem to think I am on the same level of depravity like the Fleshrippers or the Bloodshots. To which all I can say is, rude and incorrect. And princess? Really?" That got her to shoot a glare back at the space station.

"Not everyone. Yes there are people who still deserve a chance to be treated like a decent human because they are. But you seem to be hard at work for making it so those people are just as dead as the rest. And you are right, no one has used an army of robots to lay siege on a planet in the name of their own ideals. They used armies of people, and all of them were considered like a plague upon humanity in the context of history. Dictators, tyrants, oppressors, authoritarians, monsters. Wonder how will you be written down."

At the laughter, and how it grew as she talked about what started this whole hot mess off for her on planet side, it made her skin itch with irritation. Out of everything on this fucking disaster hellscape, it was Hyperion that tried to kill her first. Sure others might have had to deal with bandits at other stops, but she went from off the inter-space shuttle to the train with no issues.

It was fair to say Jack was the first person to try to actually kill her. Even when escaping Eden-5 they were aiming for capture to make her life a living hell instead of a death sentience. It was one of the reasons she was trying so damn hard to keep surviving at this point, out of spite for the asshole who tried to kill them after using some shitty signs to inform them of their supposed doom.

Hands were clenched into fists and she could feel a chill roll through her body. It was like the ice never left at times.

A deep breath as she turns her face to the sun that burns the landscape, she is fine and alive. And she isn't going to follow his script and get pissed. She isn't going to scream like everyone else on this planet. The Mechromancer is going to do what she always does, go against what is expected.

"How about you tell me something else instead. You worked with the Crimson Raiders? What happened? What is the full story, from beginning to end?" Her voice is calm and even, one that seems to hold no judgment and wanting to listen. And she does, after all there isn't much information on the group. Gaige had no plans to jump ship, but she honestly had as much trust for them as she did for most anyone on this planet that wasn't shooting at her. Eden-5 taught her that the only person she could ever trust was her father and the friends she created with her own two hands.

"No bullshit, no propaganda. Just your side of the story. I have time."

Jack did smile at the little sass she threw his way, despite himself. "Well, empty, those things weigh nearly five tonnes. So, nice try. I guess." He chose to ignore her initial comment about using the loaders for their designed purpose. There was not enough patience in Jack's body to unpack all of that right now.

"Oh, the vaults are definitely a curse. But, once you get the ball rolling around here, there's not really anything anyone can do to stop it." Jack shrugged lightly, scanning through the first four pages while he spoke, "You just… gotta do what you can before another idiot comes along and screws everything up even worse than you did."

"Nah, you're right. Princess made me feel a little icky. How about… I- I'll get back to you, I'll think of something real good." he laughed lightly, beginning to scribble down some notes on the papers before he continued.

"You sure as hell act like 'em, you and your bandit buddies. Just exactly how many things or people have you killed since you got to Pandora? Hey, look, I'll even give wildlife a pass cause- Well, you could kill a hundred skags one day and the next day there'd be two hundred more. Let's just focus on people. Maybe you're not running around screaming about meat bicycles, and maybe it is a little rude of me, but it's also correct. You just don't wanna admit it."

"The people who are still decent in this universe are few and far, kid. In my entire life, I've only met two people who were truly selfless." One's dead and the other’s… worse. "But, you do realise that if it wasn't me up here, it'd just be someone else? Hell, Dahl and Atlas would still be plowing through planets like they're big balls of paper and slaughtering everyone in their way while going off about fighting for those planets' freedoms and peace."

"Ooh, I love tyrant! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Always considered myself more notorious, than anything else." The sharp, almost humorous-sounding edge to his voice gave the impression he was teasing her, "Kid, it's nothin' I haven't heard before. You really think I'm gonna be kicking it anytime soon, anyway? Nah. Nope, not happening! I got way too much to do."

Jack's brows knitted together and slowly raised in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Sure, maybe she didn't care, he'd just never had a person who hated him ask for his side of the story before.

He decided not to express his shock.

"So, I'd been working on Helios since it launched, I was, uh-... A- a programming and engineering specialist for Hyperion for ten, fifteen years, maybe. I was in charge of most of the construction, getting together schematic proposals to give to my bosses, all that kinda shit."

"The first time I met Lilith and Roland was when Dahl decided they wanted to massacre all the workers on Helios and take it over. They… They didn't discriminate. If you worked for Hyperion, they'd gun you down without even batting an eye. They killed so many of the workers up here, I knew them all personally. We- we didn't even have a real military then, for God's sake! They shot workers out of the sky when they were trying to evacuate. That was the level of murderous psychopaths we were trying to deal with. We defended as best as we could, but even the freaking loaders weren't weaponised yet, I had like… Six hours to get them into a position to defend themselves, and you bet your ass I did it. I guess that actually answers your earlier question, too. I used them for a job they weren't made for out of necessity, the damn Lost Legion shot at them when they were running away, too. Assholes."

"I managed to get the vault hunter's I'd hired down to Elpis in a moonshot, think you've met a couple of them. They got to Concordia thanks to-" Shit. He hadn't actually thought about Janey in a while. He'd ask Athena how they were both doing, but she'd probably curb stop his head before he could even say hello. "-uh, this mechanic. They asked Lilith and Roland to help cause, y'know, Dahl had stuck a jamming signal somewhere on that moon and I couldn't work Helios's defences until it was shut off. They knew people on Helios were dying, and they said no."

"They only started to help when their lives were in immediate danger and Dahl got control of the moonshot laser and start firing away at Elpis. I really did trust 'em to help us, y'know? Like they promised they would."

"I guess they kinda did. We managed to get control of the laser again and… They blew it up. They nearly took the whole space station down just because they didn't want Hyperion having it. That stupid laser could've saved Pandora, you know. It could've- The blasts were so concentrated we could've wiped out an entire bandit settlement and their nice neighbours next door would've barely felt the ground tremble. I'd worked so hard on that laser. You have any idea how hard it was to make? How much progress they destroyed when they blew that damn thing up? A lot! A whole, freaking lot and-... Sorry. Off topic. Uh…"

He made a small noise, "Oh, yeah. Anyway, after that it was just a rush trying to get to the vault before anyone else did. Dahl was already there, but after what happened with those two I wouldn't have been surprised if they got to the vault first just so we couldn't."

"But, we did. My vault hunters took care of the- The Empyrean Sentinel, I think they called it. Big bastard, more human than the other vault monsters. Freaky stuff."

"So, the Sentinel was dead, and we finally got to the vault relic. It looked like… Nothing. Very underwhelming. Just a weird little floating vault symbol. I decided to touch it and-..." Jack went quiet for a while, his knuckles growing white with how tightly he was gripping the armrests of his chair, "And I saw… everything."

He felt sick even talking about it. The pit in his stomach growing deeper and he knew if he didn't stop soon he'd fall into a full blown breakdown. So, he took a shaky breath in and continued.

"Wasn't long after that when Lilith made her grand entrance. She destroyed the relic and- blasted the fuck out of my face. You ever had your face branded by some freaky eridian technology? It sucks. Real bad."

He let his head drop back, and he rubbed his eyes, "So, there's my side. Think I can quit my day job and become a professional story teller?" Though he tried to make a joke, the fire in his voice seemed to have dissipated. He just sounded… tired.

#jack was not expecting that either hsndkdkd #and also i do see what you mean about this turning into a whole ass novel hahaha #it could've been paradise // borderlands 2

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bestillmyslashyheart · 5 years

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Maria didn’t pause to overthink herself. The second she pulled in behind Alex’s truck she shut the engine off and was out of the car, package securely in hand.

It was a short distance from the car to the door but by the time she cleared the steps the door was swinging open, Alex filling the doorway with an uneasy look on his face. Maria wasn’t having it.

“I need a friend and alcohol and as sad as my life is right now you’re all I’ve got. Think we can stow our shit for a few hours?” She asked brightly as she kept moving. She didn’t stop to wait for an answer. A few decades of friendship powered her through the door and past Alex’s frozen frame until she plopped herself on the couch. The door closed softly as she busied herself pulling bottles of alcohol out of the bag.

There was a laptop open on the other end of the coffee table and a stack of papers sitting next to it but it was gone before Maria could get a good look at any of it, Alex scooping it all open and disappearing it without a word. He returned a moment later with two glasses and a bottle opener but Maria ignored them. She wasn’t really one for wine and she didn’t plan on needing a glass. When she didn’t move to take either item, Alex dropped them onto the table and took a bottle from Maria’s outstretched hand.

Maria set the extras aside and opened her own bottle of tequila before settling back against the couch cushions and propping her feet up on the table.

Alex said nothing as she took a large swig.

Maria said nothing as he took a small sip of the whiskey she’d given him, his body still tense.

They sat in pained silence for a while as they each sipped their drinks, Maria unwilling to start talking and Alex clearly not willing to press.

“Y’know, I kind of hate you,” Maria admitted after a good portion of her bottle was gone.

Alex started. “Maria-”

“You left,” Maria spoke over him. She came here to vent not to have a conversation. “You and Liz, you both just left. Rosa died and the two of you vanished and I had to stay. I had to stay here alone.” She took another swig. “Ten years, Alex. Ten years with only the occasional text or email.” She shook her head. “I saw you twice between graduation and you moving home a few months ago. Twice. In ten years. I didn’t Liz at all. Hadn’t even heard from her in almost nine years.”

She stopped and took a sip, her eyes fixed on the window over Alex’s head. Alex took a large swig.

“Do you want me to apologize?” Alex asked softly. He paused, waiting for her to cut him off again but she stayed silent. “I’m sorry, Maria. It was a really shitty thing to do, to just disappear on you like that. I should have stayed in touch more but-”

“But it happens. People grow apart,” Maria finished for him. “We’re not the people we were in high school, Alex. We’re not the friends we were in high school.”

“No,” Alex agreed quietly. “We’re not.”

Maria took a sip. “You know who’s been there for me? I don’t have many friends Alex, not really. I’ve got people to drink with at the bar, I’ve got employees, but I don’t have friends. Not like I had you and Liz and Rosa. What I do have? What I did have? Was Michael Guerin.” She dropped her gaze in time to see him flinch. “For ten years, he was the closest thing I had to a real friend in this town. Sure, we’ve never been close, not like you and I were in high school, but he was the one person I could count on if I needed something. I need the sign fixed? I go to Guerin. He’ll fix it up and not charge me out the ass for it. I can trust him.” She let out a harsh laugh and shook her head. “You and Liz were great with my mom that day but when it came time to actually put her in a home you know who was there? Guerin.”

“Maria-”

“I didn’t expect anything from you, Alex. Like we’ve said, we’re not the friends we used to be a few days of nostalgia doesn’t change that. Do I want us to be close again? Yeah, I would really like that. But we aren’t. Not really.” She took a sip and closed her eyes briefly before looking at Alex. He had a lot more whiskey in his bottle than she had tequila in hers. “I don’t owe you anything, Alex. Not when it comes to Michael Guerin.” Alex took a large sip and nodded.

“You don’t,” he agreed.

“He is someone that I care about, someone I can rely on, someone who has been there for me when I really needed him, and he is someone I can very easily grow to love. And he wants to be with me.” Alex closed his eyes, his body tensed like he was waiting for another blow. “And if I want to be with him, I do not need your permission or your blessing.”

She paused to see if he would say anything but he just took a large swig from his bottle.

“If I move forward with him, you and I will never be friends again, will we?”

“We’ll always be friends, Maria,” Alex promised softly.

Maria smiled sadly. “But not like we were. We will never get back there.”

“No. No, we won’t.”

“You two had something ten years ago while I’ve had a solid decade to build up my relationship with him.”

“Ten years of being his friend with the chance now to be more, how can you say no? I’m not sure a decade old friendship should give you any pause.” Alex looked at her sadly.

“Don’t give me an ultimatum, Alex.”

“I’m not,” Alex protested. And the worst part was, Maria knew he wasn’t. He’d already said he would always be her friend. The question was, could they ever go back to who they’d been to each other or would they stay as they were? And the decision was in Maria’s hands.

She dropped her feet to the floor and gave him a hard look. “Tell me something, Alex.”

“Ok,” he agreed after a beat. “What do you want to know?”

“What is he to you?” She didn’t bother specifying who.

“Everything,” Alex exhaled softly without pausing to think about it. Maria flinched. “He’s my family and my home and my one safe space in this fucked up world we live in. He’s-” he stopped and took a sip and Maria fell back against the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Alex’s face twisted into a weird semblance of a smile. “We’re not who we used to be, Maria. And back then? Back then everything happened so fast and then Rosa died and I left and- and we just fell apart.” Maria somehow got the impression that he was talking about both he and Michael and the two of them.

They drank in silence a while longer until their bottles were more empty than full.

“You said you hated me,” Alex spoke too loudly into the silence. “When you started talking, you said you hated me. Was it just because I left?”

Maria took a large swallow. “No. Y’know. I’ve never seen the two of you together. There was one time at the bar but I was busy and I didn’t really pay attention. I didn’t even know I should be paying attention.” She laughed. “I’ve talked to you about him and him about you but I’ve never seen you two together. Not until yesterday.”

Alex closed his eyes as he remembered. Maria followed suit, her eyes slipping shut as she sank somehow deeper into the couch. The day before was the first time Maria had been to a meeting of the minds, as it were. She’d discovered the alien secret a few days earlier by accident but that was the first time she’d been brought up to speed on everything that had been going on in her friends’ lives. It was also the first time she’d been stuck in a room with both Michael and Alex and it had been painful. In more ways than one.

Her psychic senses were off the charts with the heavy emotions coming off the two of them but she hadn’t needed them to tell her what was readily apparent. The two of them gravitated towards each other unthinkingly. There had been a few times where one or both would notice that they were closer than they’d been and had to take a conscious step away. It was usually only a small step but both of them would get a pained expression every time, like that little bit of distance, that little bit of forced distance, was causing them physical injury.

It wasn’t just their bodies that sought each other out, either. Alex had left the room to get something to show everyone and Michael’s eyes had tracked him the whole way. Even when Alex was gone, Michael’s eyes barely left the doorway he’d disappeared through. The meeting hadn’t lasted even an hour but Maria was ready to run away five minutes in.

“You said he was the guy from high school. He said whatever you two had was long over,” Maria finally said. “I don’t know what the truth is and honestly,” she waved a hand in the air, “I don’t really care. You were right when you said it was a choice between our old friendship and letting something grow with him. And I made that choice. Because you left once and I feel like you’ve had one foot out the door since you came back so choosing you over him seemed really stupid. But then I saw you two together and I realized, I’m a fucking idiot.” She started laughing, a harsh choking sound that was more sobbing than laughter. It took her a few minutes to get herself under control, Alex staying silent the whole while. “I’m always going to be his second choice. He cares about me, I know he does, and I think he could love me just as much as I could love him but no matter what, I will always be second to you.” She started to shake her head before she stopped and pressed a hand to her forehead. “I can’t do that. I can’t be second choice. And I really fucking hate you for making me that way. I know it’s not something either of you can control but dammit, Alex, we could’ve been good together. We could’ve been great, even. And now I’ll never know.”

“I’m sorry.”

Maria scoffed and glared at him. “No, you’re not. You didn’t want us to be together.”

Alex sighed heavily. “Did I want to watch the love of my life be in a relationship with someone else? No, of course not.” Maria couldn’t hold back the little sob that escaped her at the term. “But I didn’t want you to get hurt, either. I want you to have something, someone, great. You deserve it. And I’m sorry that I’m getting in the way of that.” He slid down on the couch until he was lying flat, an arm outstretched with the bottle dangling close to the floor.

Maria blinked away a few tears and let herself mimic him. She pressed her face into the couch and dropped the nearly empty bottle to the ground, not caring if the last dregs of tequila spilled out. Alex could clean it later.

---

There was a light sound at the door before it swung open and Maria stirred. It was dark outside but there was enough ambient light to highlight the shadowy form in the doorway, a man with broad shoulders and a cowboy hat on his head. Maria turned away and pressed her face into the couch. It had definitely been the middle of the afternoon when she came over. She didn’t want to think about what time it was now. Or why Michael was letting himself into Alex’s house in the middle of the night.

She listened as Michael stepped past her to go to the other couch. He murmured softly, nonsensical words in a gently voice. Slowly, because the room was definitely spinning more than it should be, she craned her neck to watch.

Alex’s face was twisted in pain and Michael continued to speak softly as he rolled up the pant leg on Alex’s right leg. She watched as Michael revealed the prosthetic until she could see where it attached to Alex’s leg. The mechanism looked twisted and Michael worked quickly but gently to loosen it and pull it away.

Maria turned her head before she saw anymore. Alex had always been private about his injury and it wasn’t her place. She tried not to feel bitter about the revelation that it was clearly Michael’s place.

It was only a minute, if that, before Michael was crouching in front of her but listening to him care for Alex made the seconds stretch.

“What are you doing here?” She croaked.

Michael’s face twisted. “You called me.”

“Wha-” she tried to shake her head. “No, I didn’t.”

Michael hummed. “Six times, actually.”

Maria tried to sit up, Michael’s hands coming up to help her. “What did I say?”

“A lot of things,” Michael admitted, his voice sad. “But the main gist was you were here and you and I were through.”

She started to nod before stopping herself. “We are. So why come?”

“You were really upset.”

“That doesn’t tell me why you came here.”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay, Maria.”

“Well, I’m not. Alex is fine, though, glad you checked on him first.” Michael flinched and Maria closed her eyes. “That was bitchy. I’m drunk and upset and I shouldn’t have said that.”

Michael didn’t say anything.

“Can you take me home?” Maria asked. “I don’t- I just want my bed.”

“Sure,” Michael agreed easily.

“Without you in it,” Maria clarified. “We’re so done.”

“I know,” he promised quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You should have told me the truth. About you and him.”

“I know.”

“You love him. You’re in love with him.” She almost meant it as an accusation but it just came out tired.

“Yeah,” Michael confirmed softly, no hesitation in his voice. “He’s-”

“Everything?” Maria supplied.

Michael looked at her oddly but nodded after a pause. “Yeah.”

Maria nodded. “We’re so very very over.”

#malex fic #rnm #roswell fic #my fic #long post #maria pov

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notthecanadianaverage · 4 years

Note

All 65 ho! 😤

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I mean I guess kind of sometimes? As someone with ADHD, object permanence is a big thing so if I don't see you, you aren't real xD

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Um, it varies, actually. Generally speaking, I'm not afraid. But sometimes I have lots of nightmares and the darkness is awful and I will deadass sleep with the light on. Also while I'm not afraid, if I hear sounds, I am terrified xD

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Jason Mamoa. He seems like a fine person but something about his appearance triggers my fight or flight.

4. What is your favorite word?

Hippopomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

I think maybe either a birch or a weeping willow?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

That's not yellow

7. What shirt are you wearing?

I'm wearing a green Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time shirt that my sister got for me a few years ago at Fan Expo.

8. What do you label yourself as?

Panromantic asexual. Gender identity wise, demigirl. I recently learned what omnisexual is and I'm curious, but I don't want to come out again so panromantic it is xD

9. Bright room or dark room?

Bright! Lots of sunlight for plants and reading!

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was being trained at work

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I think 18, just because mentally I'm still there.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My boyfriend :3 I miss him.

13. Your worst enemy?

Dickface. He called me his step daughter once and I almost fucking lost it in that Tim Hortons. I had to fight so hard not to say anything. I was also fighting some pretty rough food poisoning that week so I was not in the mood to argue xD

14. What is your current desktop picture?

On my computer? I think it's a rat xD it's either me with Cortana on my shoulder or Willow peeking through some bars, I can't remember.

15. Do you like someone?

I like my boyfriend. A lot. I mean I hope I do since we have been dating for 6 years xD but I also have a celebrity squish. Patrick Dempsey. Motherfucker. Yes. That smile. Those EYES.

16. The last song you listened to?

https://youtu.be/0Eh4b0Ge-sM

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

That power hungry cheeto. But only if I wouldn't get caught.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Dickface. He is a child abuser and just a shitty person all around. I called him a stupid idiot on my birthday and lost my fucking mind because I didn't actually mean to and he looked PISSED.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don't know who, but I would make them cuddle because I am touched starved and need a fucking hug xD

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I'm doing this all in my phones notes so I can't add a picture, but I love my tattoos and piercings! I have both nostrils pierced, my septum and snakebites. Tattoo wise, I have the Triforce of Courage on my left hand, a small blue hard on my right thumb, a beautiful memorial rat tattoo on my left leg, Midna's Fused Shadow on my left arm and Expecto Patronum on my right wrist. I. Need. More.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Not gonna lie, I'd probably jerk off xD

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

If I shared it, it wouldn't be a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I... don't know

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

I would stick with my normal Subway order: lettuce, tomato, red onions, LOTS OF PICKLES, cheese, black forest ham, mayo and salt and pepper.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Not gonna lie, I would probably get some Subway and maybe some candle making supplies.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

California. I miss my boyfriend. Let's go.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Joke's on you, I don't really drink alcohol! I would instead request all the apple juice :')

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Pet rats for everyone!!!!

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I enjoy cunt :3

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My little stuffed lion. I would also grab my teddy bear seeing as they are always together.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (Tw rape for this question)

I mean... all of these experiences have made me who I am. But if i can erase one experience without changing who I am, it would be nice to not have been raped.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I would say Indonesia because volcanoes! But I am also very gay and I don't believe that is a gay friendly country... so... maybe Japan? All of this assuming that the boyfriend is with me. If not, then California.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My grandpa. I really miss him... I want him to see how far I've come and I want to spend more time with him.

34. What was your last dream about?

I have been having a weird amount of sex dreams lately...

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Rat mom? I like to think so! Shameless plug, but I have a blog here called @ratpotatoez where you can see my beautiful chonks. I'm also on Facebook and YouTube.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

I mean yes? But not for like an overnight stay.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

Fuck socks

39. What type of music do you like?

Depends on my mood. I love heavier, alternative rock but my heart will forever belong to Simple Plan.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I think they're both really lovely!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilla

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don't like football. The only sport I watch is hockey.

43. Do you have any scars?

I am covered in self harm scars (I'm working on covering them up with tattoos). I don't really have any scars with cool stories. I had one that went down my arm but somehow it healed??? Someone in gym class accidentally took a chunk out of my arm with their finger nail and I had a hole in my arm for the longest time!!! I also have a scar on my knee from when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4. I was balancing on some bricks in someone's garden and I lost my balance, fell, and hit my knee on the brick. I remember there being blood running all down my leg as I screamed and cried. So that was fun.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I don't know. I do know, though, that I want to go to culinary school. I also want to go to school for creative writing.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight. I gained 100+lbs when I went off my anti-depressants and I swelled up like a balloon. I've felt like shit about myself ever since.

46. Are you reliable?

I sure as shit hope so!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Was it worth it...?

48. Do you hold grudges?

I try not to, but I think I do ._.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

PIGEON RAT

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

"I just really want to punch this horse in the face, okay?"

51. Are you a good liar?

I think so, yes. Trauma does that to you.

52. How long could you go without talking?

When I get super super drained, I go mute. I can stop talking for days at a time.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I once left the hair dressers with essentially what was a fucking bowl cut. Yea, I wasn't thrilled. I refused to remove my hat.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes. At 3AM. Because fuck a healthy sleep schedule.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I can do an okay British accent and an okay Indian accent.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter. Just butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Um... I don't remember the last time I drew. Actually, that's a lie. I tried drawing a "small town doctor" while playing Drawful. I drew a very tiny doctor with a city skyline behind him.

58. What would be you dream car?

Literally anything with the popup headlights.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I talk to myself in the shower. Granted, I do that everywhere xD it's the only way I can work through my thoughts. I also cry in the shower a lot.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. We can't be the only ones here.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

I don't really have a favourite. But I do like D. Mostly because it's the first letter of my boyfriends name, but also it reminds me of a woman I helped while working in tech support. She needed help figuring out her gif keyboard so I helped and she was so excited when I told her how to search for gifs. She then started giggling like a little girl saying she wondered what might happen if she searched for DICK. She made my day xD I think about her a lot. I hope she's doing well.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Don't do this to me...

Dragons are obviously amazing but haVE YOU EVER SEEN A DINOSAUR?!?!? LIKE THOSE THINGS ARE REAL. THEY WERE ALIVE. THEY FUCKING RULED THE EARTH. HAVE YOU SEEN A STEGOSAURUS?!?!?!?!?

64. What do you think about babies?

I like babies a lot. Like so much. I have super colourful hair, too, so they seem fascinated with me :') but their little chubby cheeks omg

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Fun fact: I actually really like the smell of wet dog. It's kind of a really comforting smell.

#yaaaaaay #ho #thank you #tumblr sucks

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sad3girl · 5 years

Note

do a headcanon for the byers+el And Hopper BUT not in canon timeline, more like if Hop hadn’t died and that 3 months later was him and El moving in instead of the Byers moving out

I started this and then someone called me and you know tumblr it didn’t save shit, so this is going to be a shitty version of what I originally planned.

I can do canon or AU headcanons you guys just let me know, here we go:

Hopper and Joyce trying to take it slow (and failing)

Hopper finally taking Joyce on that date and it being slightly awkward at first

Then getting over the awkwardness and it turning into the best date of their lives

Hopper kissing her when he drops her off at her place

Joyce getting home with the biggest smile plastered on her face

Hopper getting to his motel room (because his damn house was destroyed) and being glad El was staying at Max’s because if she saw his goofy smile now she would never shut up about it

Hopper taking Joyce out a lot and treating her to all her favorite foods

Always wearing his super fashionable shirts

And getting made fun of by El because of them

Secretly, Will and Jonathan also make fun of him

The kids being super happy for their parents

El staying over at the Byers a lot because Hopper doesn’t want her to stay at motels all that much

El staying over at Max’s a lot too because of that

After the first couple of weeks, Joyce and Hopper start having more dates in, just at her place

Hopper tried to cook once, and it doesn’t go over that well

Joyce teaching El many ways to do her hair

Will and El hanging out and becoming friends

Jonathan teaching Will and El about music

Will and El drawing together all the time

El bonding with Will about the Upside Down and feeling like they don’t fit in

Jonathan driving El to her dates with Mike, and becoming just a bit protective of her

The Byers boys and El constantly teasing Joyce and Hopper

Hopper and El having dinner with the Byers every Sunday

Hopper and Joyce hosting a Sunday barbecue every other weekend for the whole gang

Joyce going shopping with El

Hopper giving advice to Jonathan about pursuing his dreams

Hopper becoming a father figure for Will, who was always verbally abused by his real father

Joyce giving El the talk, much to Hopper’s dismay

Movie nights with the Byers boys and El when their parents go out

Will and El covering for Jonathan when he sleeps over at Nancy’s

Movie nights with Hopper, Joyce and the kids

Mike going over to the Byers to have dinner with all of them

Mike apologizing to Hopper and respecting him

Hopper warming up to Mike, eventually

Hopper and El having game nights with the Byers

Hopper and El having father daughter time

Them going out to dinner, to the movies, and Hopper teaching her how to play poker

Mike actually apologizing to Will and being a good friend again

Mike making more time to spend with his friends, both as a group and one on one

Will telling Mike he was right about him not liking girls

Mike having known for a long time that was true, but not judging him for it (”it may have been true, but I said it like it was a bad thing, and it isn’t, it was stupid and I’m really sorry”)

Joyce teasing Hopper every time El goes out with Mike

Hopper and Joyce being really over the top on the PDA in front of their kids to annoy them

Hopper gradually moving in and while they both notice, neither says anything

Will and Jonathan being completely done with them every time they get cheesy

El never being annoyed at their PDA but thinking it’s romantic

Max spending the night at the Byers a lot because her house reminds her of Billy

Max and Will annoying Mike and El by pretending to be grossed out by them all the time

Max giving Mike advice when he’s an idiot because she feels bad (”i swear if anyone finds out, you won’t be dead but you will wish you were”)

Max and Mike being best friends but acting like they hate each other

Their bickering getting to everyone’s nerves

Nancy and Jonathan spending more time at the Wheeler’s place because it seems like the Byers home is always full nowadays

People in town talking about Joyce and Hopper’s relationship

El meeting Mike’s parents

Ted being shocked to learn his son has a girlfriend (because unlike Karen he pays zero attention)

Karen being so happy to finally meet El (because listening in on their phone calls didn’t do their cuteness justice)

Karen taking a million pictures of them, to the point it gets really awkward, but she is so proud of her baby boy

And obviously Karen showing El Mike’s baby pictures (and El having to pretend she has never seen them before)

Hopper trying to help out by going to the supermarket but forgetting it isn’t just him and El anymore, so instead of buying what was on the list buying only junk food

Joyce telling him to just clean up if he wants to help and to leave the shopping to her

Hopper and Joyce being domestic and married AF

Joyce going to the station to have lunch with Hopper during her break

The Party getting to officially meet Suzie

The girls becoming instant friends with her

Lucas and Max breaking up every other week

Everyone making fun of Lucas for it

The Party playing D&D again

Lucas and Will spending two weeks planning a campaign

Max making so much fun of her boyfriend for being a giant dork

But still playing the game

El getting really into Wonder Woman, and eventually just into comics in general (her favorite superhero ends up being Scarlet Witch, but Wonder Woman is right there too)

Dustin and El going to the comic book store way too much

Steve being the one to drive them and complaining the whole time

But reading a couple of comics while he waits for them

Dustin and El just being the best of friends

Max, Dustin and El being an iconic trio

Will and Mike having really deep conversations

Lucas trying to get El’s advice when he and Max fight

And failing

Instead getting advice from Mike, who knows what to say because Max told him

The Party being normal, carefree kids

El learning to live without her powers

Hopper being there to hold her when it gets too much and she breaks down

El feeling kind of useless without her powers

But having her friends and family to remind her she isn’t useless, and that they love her

Will coming out to his friends and family one by one, after a lot of talking things through with his bestie

Some being more shocked than others (Hopper suspected, Joyce and Jonathan knew, and so did Max, because let’s be honest she came from California)

El not getting why it’s a big deal Will likes boys (”so? i like boys too” “yeah, but you’re a girl” “so?” “i don’t know, that’s normal!” “why?” “because!” “well, that’s stupid” “yeah, i guess it is”)

Hopper becoming even more protective of Will after that

The Byers-Hopper clan going back to school shopping

El wanting everything that sparkles and is colorful

Will laughing at Hopper’s “i’m about to shoot myself” face

Jonathan picking the least amount possible of things so his younger sibling can get better stuff

Hopper and Joyce arguing about whose car they should take when they go out (“mine is newer!” “well mine isn’t a police car Hop” “and mine is bigger too!”)

School starts and El being really nervous

El and Will sleeping in the same room when they are scared, anxious, nervous,etc

Will and El talking about their fears for high school the day before they start freshman year

The Party having an awesome first day of school

Until they leave and Troy corners them

El being confused about what the term ‘fairy’ means

Once Max tells her, wishing she still had her powers

But realizing you don’t need powers when you have fists the next day when Troy calls Will that again

Getting low key high-fived by Lucas and Max while Will chastises her for punching Troy

The Party going out with Steve, Nancy, Jonathan and Robin on Friday to talk about their first week

Things not being perfect, but pretty damn good because they all had each other

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laraslandlockedblues · 4 years

Text

I have something I’ve been thinking about, especially now that I’m back over on Twitter (admittedly with a new account than I’d had before) and have been trying to reconcile how I utilize different platforms and why.

Long rambles so I’ll be sure to tag this long post and put under a read more.

TL;DR - I essentially traumatized myself for a political group doing research after the 2016 election, and while I thought I could handle it I found out I could not. I walked away from politics and at the same time discovered that fandom/fanfic writing was alive and well and I lost myself into writing for DA. I literally did actively avoid politics through tumblr and fandom because it was what I needed to heal. It’s why I’ve been such a shitty ally, and while I know that doesn’t excuse my inaction and silence, it hopefully explains why I hid behind privilege and often didn’t speak up. However, moving forward, that will be different.

I can no longer stay silent.

Almost four years ago, after crying my eyes out on election night, I became part of a group that was trying to decide what the fuck we could do moving forward. We all took up roles and duties we were suited for, and at the start mine was to delve into research. I was good at it, and at the time I assured them that I was able to read things that could make your skin crawl and walk away unscathed. It was a skill we needed.

And so, I set to work. I dove into the world of pro-Trumpers, the alt-right, the radicalization of young white men through the internet, and I worked on learning. I would spend my days reading reddit, 4chan, wherever I could find them gathering and sharing their ideas and plans. I took notes. I studied their lexicon and wrote it down. I figured out how they dog whistled and what terms they used around “normies” to try to bring them into the alt-right. I studied how they were trying to “red pill” people. I studied the way they actively were trying to push the Overton Window so that their ideas could be enacted further down the road.

For weeks this was all I did.

At first I was fueled by my rage and disbelief at the election, and I was hopeful we could figure it out soon and overcome. As time went on, though, I lost that hope. I couldn’t walk away from the research unscathed. I carried it around with me, crying over what I was reading, what I was discovering. The depths of hatred in people shook me to my core, as well as the realization that I had been blind to it and even a part of it at one point.

I was raised by conservatives who admire Ayn Rand, after all. It took me living out on my own and speaking to people from all walks of life that I finally began to shed both religion and my formerly held political views. Two of my closest friends are the children of illegal immigrants. They were the first of their families to graduate from college. Going to their graduation party (as well as others for their families) changed my whole world. Being the only white, English speaker in a room was exactly the kind of experience a lot of people in our country need to have.

And now I was having to research people who actively hated some of the best people I’ve ever met, and also actively worked to never be in the sort of situations I had found had changed me so completely as a person.

I gave up. I sank into such a deep depression I took to drinking more, drinking so that I could sleep instead of staying up until 5am, until I had to go seek a counselor. I was in a red state, in military healthcare, and my counselor only saw the symptoms and side effects of my depression, not the cause. I didn’t feel safe telling her that I was thoroughly depressed because of what I saw happening to my country. Because of the election.

So instead I was treated as an alcoholic, as if that was not a symptom and was in fact the main cause (don’t @ me, I know it makes it worse. But it was not the cause.)

Then I discovered Mass Effect for the first time. And I replayed Dragon Age. I fell in love with Garrus and once more with Alistair and Fenris and Cullen. Late at night, a little tipsy and wishing Garrus had had more of a romance, I googled him and discovered Ao3. And I began devouring fic. And then I had an idea for my own (Goose Bumps).

The rest is well-documented history, here.

I sought refuge in fandom and fanfic. I sought refuge in telling stories. I admittedly used some problematic tropes when I first started out, so enthralled by just finally *writing* again that I didn’t pay attention to how I was consuming the media. I hadn’t written in so long, having hit writer’s block with a mystery I’d been working on (inspired by the “sundown” town I had to visit in-laws in in Illinois), and the act of just writing anything was so liberating for me I gave little thought to anything else.

Never mind the fact that my first real interaction with someone in fandom led to me being manipulated, gaslit, and abused. We’ll gloss over that part.

But these things all compiled into a me who was no longer vocal when I saw things that were more than just concerning and needed to be addressed. I ignored things that made me angry. I saw mutuals sharing important political messages and my heart would start racing and I would log out for the day. I couldn’t see the content without having an adverse reaction to it. I also didn’t want to make myself a target by saying anything - after all, I had written fics and been targeted by an abuser simply for that. What sort of reaction would I get if I helped to call out problematic art and artists?

I was frozen by fear.

I let myself be silent. I let myself take refuge in my privilege as a white cis woman. I let myself only write and block anyone who was racist/sexist/ableist/terfs/you name it. I blocked and moved on.

Because I could.

I had that luxury.

I am no longer frozen by my fear. I am now emboldened by it. I understand wanting to seek refuge in fandom. I do. If moving forward me being political here on this platform causes you distress and you have to unfollow me, trust me.

I get it.

But I can no longer allow my silence to enable those who seek to cause harm. I can no longer stay silent in the face of what is happening in the world, in my country, in my backyard - in my fandom.

This is not in response to anything more than my determination to be better than I was. For three years I’ve allowed myself to seek shelter, while not allowing others the same decency or courtesy by creating a safe space free of racism or other harmful ideologies. I’m not the only one who deserves to seek shelter in fandom. White women are not the only ones who deserve to seek shelter in fandom.

If those statements seem radical or uncomfortable to you, feel free to show yourself the door.

This is not an attempt to explain away my past (in)actions. I don’t need pats on the back. I don’t need reaffirmation. These thoughts have just been circling in my head now that I’ve finally reconnected with that group and have been politically active on Twitter and my personal Facebook again. This blog is still mostly fandom and shitposts. But I also want to be better in how I participate here, instead of keeping it just to my Twitter.

Racists, TERFs, homophobes, sexists, fascists (yes, you’re a fascist if you’re “anti-antifa” get fucked), nazis, etc - none of your like are welcome here. My art is not for you.

#long post #personal #needed to ramble this out of my system #tw racism #tw alt-right #i'm determined to be better #and i will no longer be silent #this is not an excuse #i just needed to conquer my own trauma and now even if it still causes me distress #i have to act #tw: alcholism #tw: alchohol mention #forgot those two

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bekahdoesnerdshit · 4 years

Note

no one else has reblogged ask meme Mondays so I'm just going fucking apeshit with u. from the big boy: b7 for raini bc it's funny, c1 for cog bc it's inchresting, h3 for brilliance bc I know there's some gay shit going on and I want to hear more, then a17 (character proud of themselves or ur proud of ur rp as them) L5 and L6 for whomsoever u want to talk about

I won’t need a readmore for this one, I tell myself. There’s not that many questions, and they’re not proseboys. I was a fool. She’s too long to be allowed to run on people’s dashboards unrestrained 😔 Thank you! For going apeshit!!

Raini

B7. How do they respond to babies crying in public? I guarantee the image you have for how Raini would react to a crying baby is 10000% correct. She’s unhappy. Uncomfortable. Unimpressed. Can you please make that thing be quiet. Why did you have it if you can’t mange it. This is why she’s never having kids. Like she’s not gonna say anything to the parents or shoot them dirty looks, because she’s not that specific flavor of asshole, but she’s going Mind Her Business and vacate the premises if possible. People who want to take care of something should just get a cat. Goddamn. There is ONE (1) baby that may qualify for an exception, and that’s Red. This is because (and please, picture Raini, the absolute picture of ‘fed up’, squatting down to look a fussy Red in the eye while she says this) “Baby Lent. You’re better than this. I know you are, and you’re letting me down. You need to stop making that noise.” This is unrelated to the question, but please also picture a Raini who was asked (blackmailed?) into babysitting using her Mage Hand to change Red’s diaper. It has nothing to do with the question but I think it’s a Very funny mental image. Thank you.

Cog

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? Absolutely! The way Cog approaches the world is defined by three main mantras: - Kindness is a discipline, not a character trait. - Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it is always worth doing. - If you are able to help someone, you have an obligation to do so. Between these three things, Cog sees the world in pretty black and white terms. There are right decisions, and wrong ones. The difference between the two is usually clear to anyone who cares to look, and so most of the evil in the world is born of selfishness. Consequently, Cog does very poorly in morally grey situations. She will commit without hesitation to any course of action that she deems “right” and “kind” no matter how drastic or dangerous it is, but she pretty much shuts down the second she’s faced with a decision that has consequences for someone regardless of what she does. I’m sure that has not, and will not, come in her life ever at all. Ahah! I think originally, this worldview was born of naivety. She grew up that religious kind of super sheltered where everything in the secular world was dangerous and dirty, and so when Cog began to realize that definitely wasn’t the case she made the choice to intentionally see the best in people and the world around her to fight what she was told growing up. When she started traveling with her party and actually seeing more of the world than the extremes of a) shitty cult town b) shiny clean magic school, she began to realize that the true state of the Wasteland was somewhere between what her Mama had told her and what she wanted to believe it was. But I’ve never in my life made a character who is stubborn as hell deep down, so instead of letting the world she found herself in change her Cog took a deep breath, rolled up her sleeves, and settled in to be the one changing it by loving and helping the people around her.

Brilliance

H3. Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right? I think Brilliance absolutely adores the idea of two people being made for one another. Two souls, wandering the world looking for one another? Who slot together so perfectly that when they find each other it’s clear they never could have fit anywhere else? Bruh. Yes, she knows love takes work. Sometimes you and your partner are going to disagree, and sometimes there’s going to be conflict. The world isn’t “love at first sight” then smooth sailing for the rest of your life. But you put in the work to make your lives better, together, because the universe gave you this person to care for. Maybe there are many people who you could be happy with, and those relationships aren’t anything to look down on. But when you find The One, Brilliance thinks, you know. She certainly did.

Don’t Worry About It

A17. What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves? Gonna hijack this question to talk about rp moments I’m proud of because Alex sorta kinda gave me permission to do that! Alright! For Raini, the biggest rp moment I’m proud of was her “I’m getting our memories back” speech a few sessions ago, specifically the line, “We’ve been fighting with one hand tied behind our backs for too long. If we’re going to die fighting this thing, I want to know exactly what I’m fighting for.” Morgan and I had been planning to kick off our return from July Hell Hiatus with Wish Two for a couple of days, which meant I was lucky enough to be able to spend a little while planning what to say. I feel like that line in particular embodies Raini’s unwavering confidence in her magic, her determination, and her specific brand of caring for the people around her without actually admitting that’s what she’s doing. I also really liked the way the scene of her apologizing to the party for being Bitchy post losing Magic for a minute went! Idk if anyone else remembers it, because it was pretty short in game, but! I thought it was a very good moment of Raini finding the most Roundabout way to say “thank you for looking out for me while I was defenseless”. If I can pat myself on the back a little, my Cog monologues kick Ass. The most recent one was when she was talking to Ace about how War is Bad (radical, I know) and there was a moment where she looked at him and said, “...I’m not going to ask for your help, because I don’t know what I’ll do if I do and you say no.” Which. OOF. That was her and I realizing in real time that she and Ace were very much on different sides of this issue. When the session ended everyone said they Loved how good and hurtful that conversation was and I :’) Also, there was a really small moment when Cog was pleading for Maelo’s life (when Sunny’s dad had him locked in a cat carrier. It’s a Long story, made slightly better by the fact that Maelo was wildshaped into a cat at the time) and Cog went Straight for the dad heartstrings by sniffling and asking if, please, would Robert at least let her say goodbye to her friend before he killed him? Please? 😢 She is using her baby face for EVIL! And oh my god how could I forget! Arcane Timeout! When the party went back to New Alexandria and was confronted by Ace for helping a prisoner escape (which, in fairness, Maelo did do) and Cog brought the encounter screeching to a halt by casting Wall of Stone to make a timeout hut with herself and Ace inside. She then sat herself down, looked Ace dead in the eye, and told him that the wall wasn’t coming down until he actually talked to her, or until he broke her concentration on the spell. She banked hard on him not being willing to hurt her, and it paid off. There were tears all around, both in and out of character. It was Wonderful. Also! I do just want recognition for the fact that I did not give into my impulses to be a little Shit as Cog last session by subtle casting Heal in Ace’s face after he Counterspelled my Healing Word. it was what I Rebekah wanted to do more than anything; unfortunately Cog is a better person than I am. There is No worse feeling than wanting so badly to do something you have no choice but to admit isn’t in character. Rip. For whatever reason, all of my favorite Brilliance rp moments came during combat. Pressing her forehead to Sabre’s after he died in silent grief, forcefully taking a Narzugon off his Nightmare and then using Misty Step to mount it herself and take off after her friend, planting herself in the chokepoint of a hallway to stare down three minotaurs so she could keep her party safe behind her, pushing deeper into the hellwasp nest to rescue Dembe and Sabre despite knowing that doing so all but destroyed her chance of making it out alive, the list goes on. There were good out of combat moments too (despite the rest of the party’s best efforts 🙄), but I feel like for once I made a character who really shone in combat. oh GOD I just remembered one really really good rp moment, when our rogue Zihro died when he got separated from the party during combat. We finished taking care of the main devil we were fighting, then began searching the dungeon for Zihro and the npc he was with. We, instead, found both of their corpses. Dembe looked to Brilliance, our healer, and demanded to know why she was just standing there instead of fixing their friend. We were only level three or four at the time, so Brilliance had to tell Dembe, again and again, that she couldn’t fix Zihro. It was too late, she wasn’t powerful enough yet, her goddess wouldn’t answer a prayer like that- It was a rough scene, and without question one of the best rp moments I’ve had with that group. Tae, if you’re reading this, you’re the only one with rights. Also, please unfollow this blog immediately. Now as a quick pick-me-up after that mess, Pip’s best rp moment was when our barbarian Durokal -who couldn’t read and had a habit of running off and causing Problems- found a plaque he could tell had five words on it, and called Pip over to read it for him when Pip finished chasing him down. Pip, annoyed and out of breath and all of two feet tall, looked up at this 7 foot half-orc and told him, “It says: I’m. Gonna. Kick. Your. Ass.” Also, he regularly called very powerful figures in Barovia by sweet nicknames with “Mr.” in the front. As a sign of Respect. Because he’s the Best. sdfhsdkfj he also he couldn’t think of a fake name quick enough one time so he told an npc that is name was Dick and he was Very embarrassed about it. She: bought it!

Brilliance, Again

L5. Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”? The answer is Cog, but we already went in depth on her morals this ask. She’s HAD enough screen time let’s move on. Brilliance is the only other character who, if asked, would say they saw themselves as a good guy instead of just “a person”. She strives to do right by the people around her, and to protect the light and beauty found in the world. She doesn’t have the same illusions about the world wanting to be a good place that Cog does, and she very much understands that sometimes the best thing you can do for the world is to put the things that make it dangerous six feet under. What’s interesting I think is that, despite being a paladin, she isn’t Lawful Good! She’s Neutral Good, because you know what? She wants to do the right thing, and laws aren’t always right. It’s up to you, as a person with a mind and free will and agency, to look at a situation and decide what you think is the right thing to do. And, for Brilliance, generally the right thing to do is heft her sword, raise her shield, and face trouble head on.

Raini, Once More

L6. Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”? I don’t have any evil aligned characters, because I personally find things like “getting along with my party members” sexy, but the character who’s the shittiest and the worst is obviously Raini. She’s not a bad person per say, she’s just selfish and results oriented. Very much “the ends justify the means” and in a party like hers she’s aware that somebody has to be the bad guy sometimes, and she’s not afraid to make sure that’s her. She’s also very very likely to fall victim to her hubris making her feel like she definitely knows what’s best, and acting on that maybe without consulting other people (see: the whole fucking premise of the campaign). She sees a goal, she sees a way to accomplish that goal, so why shouldn’t she begin taking the necessary steps to reach it? I think the events of the game have mellowed this flaw out a little bit, but you can still see traces of it in the way she, for example, wordlessly handed Lent a bunch of diamonds before launching her consciousness into the Abeast and very nearly dying in there without consulting with the party first. It happens! Also, behaviorally, she’s just. I mean. She’s like that. The worst. And that, I promise, will never change.

#syn-odics #Rainivere #amnesia campaign #cog #wasteland campaign #brilliance #dia #word count: 2273 #new tag! just for my own personal edification #answered #mine

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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What battery percentage is your phone on right now? 44%.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Cancer and diabetes.

Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say? My mom. We were talking about the story being covered on 48 Hours on the ID channel.

What's your favourite Mexican dish? I like burritos, especially from this local Mexican restaurant. It’s simple, just beans, rice, cheese, cilantro, sour cream and guacamole, but it’s so good. I like to have this gravy and cheese dip on the side for dipping, too.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, I’ve been to a hockey game once.

How far do you live from New York City? I’m all the way across the country on the opposite side in California.

How often do you talk to your parents? We live together, I see and talk to them all the time.

Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I just used pads. TMI, but I say “used” because I don’t have a menstrual cycle anymore due to health reasons.

What was the weather like in your town today? It’s supposed to be 77 F today. It’s slowly been starting to cool down. I need it to drop down more for my liking, though.

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? Yes, but for some reason whenever I’m asked this I can’t think of an example.

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? One.

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, my childhood birthday cakes were ordered from a cake shop.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? In the Tall Grass on Netflix with my mom and brother.

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Derek.

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but a few times a week.

What accent do you have? As a Californian I feel like I don’t have one, but I guess it would be a Californian one? *shrug* Like I said, I don’t feel like I have one but everyone does. It’s not distinctive like someone from Boston or North Dakota, ya know? Ha, I Googled Californian accent and it even says, “Their accent is indeed similar to General American, meaning it sounds to American ears like it isn't an accent at all. Everyone has an accent, however.” Then it talks about how we pronounce certain sounds/words differently and some of our sayings and slang. Ha, it also brings up how if anything, non-Californians would probably think of a Californian accent being valley-girl or surfer dude, which yeah that’s true people do tend to associate us with that and words like “hella” and “stoked.”

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It’s a pumpkin cinnamon scent or something like that.

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? I’ve never had a job.

How about the worst? --

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, I have wavy hair.

What is your ultimate goal in life? I don’t know.

Have you ever visited someone in prison? Yes.

What months were you and your siblings born in? I was born in July, my younger brother was born in February, and my older brother was born in November.

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? Yeah.

What are your three favourite vegetables? Potatoes, spinach, and broccoli.

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? I check Facebook and a few other social medias a few times a day.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? It gets stuffy now and then, but it doesn’t tend to last long. I haven’t had a real stuffy nose, like because of a cold, since earlier this year.

Who is your favourite comedian? I don’t have one.

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? White.

What did you have for dinner last night? Wingstop.

What was the last concert you went to? Green Day back in 2009.

Are you an ugly crier? Yeah. I’m also just ugly.

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? It’s just Caress bar soap, it smells clean and soapy.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No.

Who do you live with? My parents, brother, and doggo.

What letter does your street name begin with? --

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I pluck them.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few months ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? Not a popsicle kind of gal, really.

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? My aunt. She was just checking in and seeing how I’ve been doing.

Do you have any injuries at the moment? Yes.

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? I’ve been to the optometrist numerous times, but I don’t think an ophthalmologist.

Do you own any animal print clothes? No, not my style.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I’m short and “I wish I was a little bit taller.”

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? Hm, I don’t recall. My mom or brother always pick up my medicines for me, I haven’t gone in awhile.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? Yeah. My current binge-watch is Sabrina: The Teenage Witch (the one from my childhood with Melissa Joan Hart).

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? Yep. Twice. Not a fun time...

Do you keep your files and documents organized in one place? Unfortunately, no. I’d like to be organized with that kind of stuff.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? I don’t bake anymore, but I used to like making cupcakes or cookies during the holidays.

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? Ha, no. I’m too awkward. There’s been times I thought it was obvious I was interested only for them to be like, “I had no idea.”

What did you have for breakfast today? It’s 1:22AM.

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Savory.

Do you like chick-flicks? Yeah.

Have you ever taken an acting class? Yes, which is really shocking for someone as shy and awkward as I am. I actually took two while at community college.

What is your favourite kind of berry? I don’t have a favorite. I really only like strawberries out of the berry choices, but I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had any.

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? I’ve been watching some of my favorite horror movies. I plan on watching a lot this month.

How often do you use Youtube? Quite often.

Do you prefer Prince or Michael Jackson? I like more Michael Jackson songs, but I like some Prince songs as well.

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? Not sure about “the coolest.”

Are you ignoring anyone right now? I guess that’s what it’s called when you don’t respond to messages or make any attempt to contact or reach out to them. :/ That was never the intention and even now it’s still hard to admit that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing the past few years. They eventually stopped trying to reach out and I don’t blame them. I’m such a shitty person.

How do you usually style your hair? I throw it up in a pony tail or bun; not much styling going on.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope.

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? I’ve never worked at a store. I’ve witnessed it happening while shopping at stores, though.

When was the last time you used a stove? I just made my ramen.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Insects, seafood, stuff like bull testicles, etc.

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m sitting on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? Zero.

What was the last pill or tablet you took? My pain medication.

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? Just down the street.

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? My mom.

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? “Even if you’ve slept plenty” ha, right.

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? Nope.

The age old question: dogs or cats? Dogs.

When was the last time you saw your best friend? I see her everyday, all the time. We live together. She’s my mom.

Do you know any couples who resemble each other? No, but I’ve seen couples who do.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? Nope.

Are you tired right now? I always am. <<<

Do you like spring rolls? Yeah.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Lane.

How many purses or handbags do you own? Six. Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? There’s one uncle we don’t talk to for reasons, but otherwise yeah. I haven’t seen any of my aunts or uncles in awhile, some I haven’t seen in years, but there’s no drama with them. I have one aunt that I’m really close to, though.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yes.

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? I used a pen yesterday.

What's your favourite type of curry? I don’t eat curry.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? It happens. Brain fog.

Who makes you laugh the hardest? My mom and brother.

Have you ever had casual sex? No.

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Food.

What's the last letter of your middle name? Nah.

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope.

How long is your hair? Down to my butt.

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? The first pet whose name I picked was our dog, Scruffy, when I was about 4 or 5. I’m not sure how I chose that name. Do you drink diet or regular soda? Regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to.

Do you worry about your own health? Always. Yet, I admittedly don’t do some things I should be doing. I certainly could be doing a lot more.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? Uhh, I made plans to watch something on Netflix with my mom tomorrow haha. Those are the only kind of plans I make nowadays.

Can you smell anything right now? My ramen.

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? 15.

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? I got a new pair for my birthday from my mom. All the shoes I have were birthday or Christmas gifts, to be honest. I don’t recall the last time I bought a pair of shoes myself.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? No. Or any kind of juice, period.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yeah.

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? I’d like if it were cold enough to need a blanket. We’re still not there yet in California even though it’s almost mid-October. :(

How tall are your highest heels? I don’t wear heels. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? Good ol’ vanilla is the best, but I like strawberry, lemon, and cream cheese as well.

When did you wake up today? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, it’s 3:58AM.

Do you change your appearance often? No. I haven’t in quite awhile.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Why? Yes.

How many people do you work with?

What was the last thing you ate? Ramen.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? Probably attempt sleep.

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? Yeah, it’s frustrating.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

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destieltropecollection · 5 years

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Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 9: Coffee Shop AU

rain is falling, looks like love | @alullabytoleaveby Rating: General Word Count: 5536 Main Tags and Warnings: coffee shop au, student!cas, barista!cas Summary: “Um. I didn’t order this.” Cas shrugs.“It’s on the house. Consider it a thank you for your patience.” Dean snorts. “Thanks, I guess. Although I’ve never been much of a muffin man. Honestly, I’d prefer a piece of pie,” he says with a winning smile. Cas determinedly doesn’t fall for it. “Beggars can’t be choosers, Dean. Eat your muffin.” -- OR: Cas works at a coffeeshop, Dean is a customer, and they're both ridiculously in love with each other.

...And One Awkward Barista To Go | @isolemnlyswear-iamsuperwholocked Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2113 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Coffee Shop Employee Castiel, Post-High School, High School Crush, Tumblr Prompt, Based on a Tumblr Post Summary: Dean finally got out of his hometown to go to college, but when he comes back on break he passes the cafe where he first met his old crush, Castiel, and old memories make him go inside...because what are the chances he'll even still be there, anyway?

Noveltea & Coffee | @rustling-pages Rating: Explicit Word Count: 50064 Main Tags and Warnings: Magical Realism AU, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining Summary: Dean once thought his literary themed coffee shop ‘Noveltea & Coffee’ would be a better, more satisfying source of income than working as a mechanic. He thought people would come for the good coffee and stay for an even better book selection. He also thought he’d be running it with Sam, but that didn’t happen. Now he’s stuck with a bad mood he’s emoting all over the place, a lovingly created coffee shop no one ever frequents and a soul full of worry for the brother he no longer talks to. When Castiel – a defeated librarian turned accountant – comes stumbling in during a November downpour, things change so drastically for the better, it might as well be magic…

Not So Alone Anymore | @pherryt Rating: General Word Count: 4211 Main Tags and Warnings: a/b/o dynamics, omega!cas, omega!dean, alpha!michael, web designer!dean, Mpreg, abandoned!dean, Misunderstandings, Pining, Confessions, Cas owns a coffee shop, Angst and Fluff, Pups, past michael/dean Summary: Suddenly alone and pregnant, Dean’s resigned himself to raising his unborn pups by himself after Michael skips out on him for greener pastures. Along comes Cas. They get off on the wrong foot but maybe Dean isn’t so alone anymore...

Nobody's Fault But Mine | @peanutbutterjelly-pie Rating: General Word Count: 6139 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Bakery, Misunderstandings, Mistaken Identity Summary: Castiel just should have listened. He seriously should have. But instead he found himself hypnotized by those beautiful green eyes and he totally missed the most important thing in the process.

50 Last Dates | @reaperlove77 Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1379 Main Tags and Warnings: pining Dean, clueless Cas, Humor, fluff, coffee shop au Summary: It was Dean's guilty pleasure, watching scruffy guy dump his various boyfriends, a real life soap opera. He really, really wanted to get to know blue eyes better, but come on, Dean doesn't date shady. But there's more to the story than he expected.

Autumn in His Eyes | @DesiraeLovesDestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 50464 Main Tags and Warnings: Bar Owner Dean/Artist Cas, Humor, Fluff, Angst with a happy ending, Smut, pining, minor character death, Summary: Castiel worked his ass off to escape his family and make a name for himself in the art world and now C.J. Krushnic was one of the most sought-after artists around. After years of abuse from his dysfunctional family, he was finally living as he pleased and answered to no one other than himself. Until his older brother, Lucifer, was arrested and found guilty of multiple homicides. Now the name C.J. Krushnic was synonymous with sex, lies, and murder. Castiel, exhausted and stressed by the constant paparazzi and speculation into his own psyche, goes into hiding, moving into an inherited property of his beloved grandmother’s in the cozy little town of Bear Claw, Vermont-where he meets one Dean Winchester. Dean, though not without his own baggage, is a kind and generous soul who unlocks something in Castiel. Seemingly not put off by his surliness-in fact, Dean seems to enjoy it- the kind bar owner reawakens Castiel’s muse, making him want to open up about his past and who he is. But Dean is too bright to deserve all of Castiel’s dark and the artist is determined not to let them become anything more than good friends. But Castiel soon learns that Dean has other plans.

Bean's | @lemonsorbae Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6787 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff Summary: When Dean had returned home from his third tour in Iraq, he’d begged the universe for a mundane life. No more guns, no more Arabic, no more shitty showers and MREs; Dean just wanted quiet.

Cakepocalypse! | @mittensmorgul Rating: Mature Word Count: 64145 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, Baker Dean Winchester, TV producer Castiel, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, 13.23 coda fic and therefore canon, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Angst and Fluff and Smut, but mostly fluff with a dash of crack.. Summary: “What the hell you tryin’ to sell me?” Dean asked, folding his arms across his chest. “Not selling, Deano. Buying. Or at least, renting for the duration of a limited season run,” Gabriel said, as Dean’s frown deepened. “Have you ever dreamed of being a Hollywood superstar?” Dean laughed outright at that and shook his head, turning around to pick up his coffee again. “Man, no way in hell. You got the wrong guy.” Spoiler alert: He did not have the wrong guy.

The Angel Cake Challenge | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 8132 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Romance, Team Free Will 2.0, Day At The Beach, Mistaken For A Couple, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Public Displays of Affection, Pet Names, Endearments, First Kiss, Closeted Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Good Omens Summary: There's a kooky gay couple sitting in this little beachside bistro, at the table next to Dean. Dean's biggest mistake was telling them they looked cute together. Now they've noticed Cas, and they're silently encouraging Dean to be as openly affectionate as them. Dean didn't sign up for this challenge. But now? Hell, he's in it to win it.

Purple Horse in a Coffee Shop | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 8437 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, Crack, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Office, Pride Parades, Coffee Shops, Horses, Colorblindness, Pride, Workplace Relationship, Agender Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Wizard Castiel, Bisexual Dean, Prince Dean, Pansexual Sam Summary: Nobody expects to see a purple horse at a Pride parade. So, naturally, Dean Winchester is surprised to meet his office co-worker and long-term crush, Castiel, riding atop a magnificent steed - and dressed in full wizard regalia, no less. Somehow, Cas thinks he (and his decked-out horse) are wearing grey. They visit a coffee shop with their friends and family, trying to get to the bottom of this mix-up - and apparently the purple horse is coming too. “One medium black coffee with two sugars; one macchiato; three small soy lattes; one large decaf with a caramel shot - and ten apples, please.”

#destiel #writersofdestiel #destielfanfic #destielfanficnet #deancasfanficnet #supernatural #fanfic #tropes #coffeeshop AU #destiel trope collection #2019

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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Yeah I recommend Berserk to you precisely because of certain moments I think you will adore and love. The overall story and characters themselves as they grow and change. What makes it hard is that yes it does have some outdated and graphic representations of hard to read things. I'll be blunt. Yes there are a couple cases or rape and sexual assault. 1 very graphic to in fact. There are scenes you will hate, but the intention is to hate them so thats why I think it works well.

Loved that moment! Yeah, for all that I’m not about excusing shitty behavior because someone feels bad about it afterward (and certainly Guts has a lot to answer for…) it’s because he feels conflicted that we find him compelling and, I have to admit, I’m an absolute sucker for that archetype. Seriously jaded character is faced with kindness for once/after a very long stretch and just starts buckling under the enormity of it. I eat that shit up and it’s one of the reasons why I’m enjoying Guts and Puck’s dynamic so much. Puck keeps trying not only because he’s a good person (elf) but primarily because he keeps catching these glimpses of Guts’ true feelings. Theresia being a perfect example, even before that last panel. Guts says with what sounds like 100% total confidence yeah, go ahead and kill yourself, what do I care? Which makes him look and sound irredeemable. But the second Theresia’s life is actually in danger he is throwing his sword out to save her and willing his already damaged body to do whatever it takes to pull her back over the edge. He proves himself a liar. That action doesn’t erase the previous action of speaking to her like that—and Puck is right to continually call him out on that behavior, even if he knows what Guts “really” means—but it nevertheless demonstrates how much of that behavior is a cover and/or learned. It tells us that he can unlearn it provided he has the opportunity to do so. We’ve actually seen that a lot in the first three volumes, particularly with Puck and Vargas. Teeny tiny moments where Guts starts to crack and the second someone notices, the second he does, he’s compensating with violence to prove his supposed indifference. Puck is expressing confidence in him and overall trying to be supportive? No, no, no, I’m going to insult you and threaten to kill you. Vargas likewise expresses confidence in him and says things that align them in ways he finds uncomfortable? Let me just kick you and yell about how we’re totally different. Absolutely. No doubt about that. Notably every time it happens they’re not just expressing confidence in regards to his abilities (Guts knows he’s powerful) but rather in his ability to do the right thing. I know you’ll use those awesome sword skills to help me, help him, protect others… and Guts lashes out against that, both due to the vulnerable place it puts him in—caring about others means you’re more likely to be hurt by them. See: the whole fiasco with the priest and his daughter—and due to his need to characterize everyone as either weak or strong. The weak don’t deserve protection. If that were the case it would not only shoulder him with that responsibility but even put him in that category, he deserves protection while weak, and oh boy, that’s a whole can of worms no one wants to open…

That last panel was definitely the most overt moment so far. A second when the circumstances and the sheer exhaustion of the fight broke him just long enough for something real to shine through. What strikes me isn’t just what you say above (all true) about how horrible a situation this is for Theresia… but likewise how horrible it is for Guts as well. This is a moment where he, baring using Theresia as a human shield, kinda did the right thing. He worked to avenge Vargas (no matter what excuse he might give). He freed this town of a demon. He tried to kill the beings responsible for this whole mess and, failing that, gave (fucked up) advice to the survivors, telling them to live their life on their own terms, even if that means ending it. The he saves one of them anyway. It’s all an incredibly gray, incredibly messy situation, but by Guts’ standards it’s downright heroic. And this is where it landed him. Not just done in physically, but emotionally too. He tries his hardest and all he got in return was another person screaming that they hate him and plan to kill him. Like… that’s rough to put it mildly lol and it perfectly demonstrates why he continually rejects Puck so much. Between the childhood rejections in The Golden Age Chapter One and this rejection now, why would he believe Puck when he says anything kind? Or believe him when he says that compassion is worthwhile? By what standards based on what he’s lived through? From a character perspective I think it’s pretty crucial that Puck isn’t a completely kind, completely optimistic person. Just because Guts would never, ever trust that. Puck will challenge him and hit him if necessary, calling him out on that shit and acknowledging the bad part of him… while also praising him for things he thinks Guts is doing well. That balance is way more believable than someone who just roots for Guts 24/7 and thus it’s something that has far more chance of getting through to him.

#Anonymous #berserk #mymeta #rape tw #suicide tw

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