Tumgik
#like my old colleague who was muslim was always happy to talk to me about Islam and her name-sake Aisha
pickled-flowers · 4 months
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Having very big thoughts about spirituality and humanity.. alas I am never articulate enough so I'm just gonna rent in the tags as always
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indianstories · 3 years
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SHARDA and ABDUL
SHARDA AND ABDUL
Sharda and her family lived in old Mysore area of kopal, a locality of mixed Hindu and Muslim population as the occupants were all poor people, below poverty line, who were allotted government built housing through a lottery draw. Obviously the neighbors were not by choice but by lottery. This proved to be one of the most successful ways to promote mixed community living and cultural tolerance besides building understanding and amity.  People of Kopal lived in harmony for decades, the call from Mosque and slokas from the loudspeakers of Temple and Bells from the Church were all revered by all. Sharda’s mother Madhu was a school teacher. Madhu was married to Raju a street hawker who sold cut spicy masala smeared cucumbers in front of the government school. Raju had neither influence nor money to bribe, to get a job in the government. He felt that there no harm in selling cucumber and earn the same money. Madhu married Raju against her parents’ wishes as she was from an upper caste orthodox Brahmin family and Raju ,a handsome man, an unemployed graduate of History, was from the backword tribes community. Sharda was the only child to them and was an extremely pretty girl, brownish color, dark long hair drooping down to below her hips. They were so thick that her mother would tie two braids and fold them still to see them hanging up to her back. Her beautiful eyes white like that of a gazelle, her smile would compel to stop a passer-by  for a glance of her perfect set of white teeth and a killing smile with dimple on her cheeks. Raju and Madhu   wanted Sharda to become a doctor and they would spend most evenings after dinner at home talking for hours in the imaginary future of Sharda as a doctor and Raju would not have to sell cucumber any more . They would dream of comfortable old age, would imagine themselves in a bungalow, a car servants and rich guests visiting them.  Madhu’s neighbor was a Muslim, Rahman,who was a cart puller in the rice mandi. He was married to Fatima, who use to make papad and pickles at home and sell them through local shops. They had a son Abdul. Abdul was a handsome boy too. Both Raju’ s and Rahman’ s family  sunk very well. They knew that Raju was from a lower caste and Sharda was a Brahmin and theirs was a love marriage. The friendship between Raju and Rahman as well as Madhu and  Rahman s  wife Fathima was so intimate that Madhu and Fathima would exchange  whatever they cooked for dinner. Madhu remained a vegetarian but Raju and Sharda ate non-vegetarian food. In the Evening Madhu and  Fathima sit on the their door steps and talk for hours until Raju or Rahman return. Sharda was an early riser and so was Abdul.  Sharda and Abdul would both step out and stay at their doors, talk and often play cricket in front of the door. Their wickets were three bricks, their ball was stitched from old cloth and their bat was  a plank they picked up on the road. In less than a year, Rahman's wife met with an accident and had an instant death. This tragedy in Rahman's family brought them closer to the Sharda’s family. Abdul was very sad and Madhu would console him. Abdul was a sober boy and a studious student; He too had a dream to become a doctor. He would always console his father with a promise of comfortable life when he settled down in life. Abdul and Sharda were good friends as kids but as Sharda grew up and Abdul grew into a young man,they slowly withdrew themselves. They did not meet often and stopped playing together. Madhu would always take Sharda along with her to school. Sharda studied in the same primary school as her mother. Sharda was a math teacher and that made sharda interested in Maths which helped her to score high marks in aggregate. Abdul was in High School and was always topping in the class. So was Sharda .She always stood first in the class. Sharda was a good debater and had tremendous leadership qualities. 
. Madhu taught maths for lower classes and also drawing as that was her passion. Both Madhu and Raju earning, they were financially far better than Rahman and Abdul.
Many a times Sharda would ask Rahman if he needed any help for the education of Abdul. Rahman would avoid help from Sharda and often lie to her that he has enough money to pay for the fees and books. One day Sharda and Madhu spotted Abdul in a second hand book shop where he would pick books of his class but drop them back after knowing the price. Madhu stepped behind him with cat steps and hiding behind him watched all the books he looked for. Both mother and daughter disappeared from the scene and came back after Abdul left. Madhu bought all the books for Abdul and dropped them at his house before he could return. Abdul though felt embarrassed at this kindness, accepted the books with folded hands. Rahman went to thank Madhu. Raju just entered when he saw Rahman and Abdul in tears,tears of gratitude. When Sharda was eight years, Abdul was twelve. As Sharda grew up into her teens, Madhu would cautiously watch her and constantly escort her when she went out of the house.. So was Abdul conscious of the limitations of talking and playing with Sharda. Time passed, both studied well. Sharda grew into a beautiful young woman a heartthrob that would stun even the elderly men and even women crossing her way. Abdul would sometimes have her glance when she steps out for a moment. Abdul was so fond of her that he would miss her if not seen her for a few days. Madhu was conscious of the feelings of both Sharda and Abdul, but she was cautioned by her colleagues in school. Her close friend, Radhika use to caution Madhu that Sharda is not only beautiful but an intelligent girl entering college and soon a rich Hindu boy would ask for her hand .she should not be seen with Abdul or ever seen talking to him. Madhu did not really welcome this caution, but she shared it with Raju. Raju agreed with her colleagues and so the distance between Sharda and Abdul increased. But to get a glimpse of Sharda,Abdul would stay out of home, walk up and down the lane for hours hoping for a glimpse of Sharda at least from the window. Sharda also realized the Abduls restless walk across the lane,and would peep out of the window around late evening, wave at him and disappear.
When Sharda passed her 9th exam, Abdul passed his 12th with a first class and distinction.. Abdul,s father wanted him to go for a job, but Madhu and Raju wanted him to become a Doctor. Rahman was so poor that he would not afford to pay the fee nor even buy medical books. Madhu suggested that Abdul should raise bank loan, but no Bank agreed to loan money to rickshaw pullers son.
Madhu took Abdul to the State Bank of India branch where Madhu had an account and met the manager, Anil Sharma. Anil Sharma offered Sharda a seat as he knew her as teacher of his own daughter. He directly asked her if she wanted any loan for her daughter Sharda? She replied” No Sir, she has not entered a college yet and she dreams to be a doctor.” Sharma said, ‘Madhu ji ,why not, she is intelligent and beautiful. Do not hesitate to take loan from us when she needs”. Madhu, pointed to Abdul and said, "Sir I have come for this boy who lives in the neighbor and we have lived like family members. He is an honest, hardworking and promising citizen. He has scored 95% and would easily walk through to a Government Medical College.” Sharma asked "Good, what is his name? He is Abdul and his father is a rickshaw puller and has no mother". Sharma:” all that is good but who will stand guarantee to him and does he have any things to pledge?” Madhu said "Sir, he has a one bedroom home like mine allotted to his father under Asha home and he may have some small payments left to be paid to have it in his name, Sharma" there are hassles and I would advise you to keep out of this as we cannot predict the turns it would take”. Madhu insisted, "Sir I am very keen that Abdul should study medicine and if he leaves it, it will go to another boy. Sharma said" that may not be another Abdul, so you should not indulge so much. Madhu finally said "Sir, what if I offer myself as guarantor?"
Sharma said "what will you do when your daughter needs loan after three years? Madhu ji please, you are going beyond which you may regret. How much do you trust his father a rickshaw puller and this Abdul? Madhu, says "Sir, I may regret more of he loses this seat in medicine. Sharma, Madhu ji, give me time to think and you too take your time to consult your colleagues and your husband. Madhu & Abdul return home and Madhu takes a promise from Abdul not to reveal and discuss their bank visit with any one. Abdul nods his head. Madhu discussed this with Raju who confessed his ignorance in all these matters and left it to Madhu’s wisdom. Madhu discusses her intention to get Abdul a loan with her friend Radhika working with her in school, who also had a son Narayan seeking admission in medicine. Radhika started shouting at Madhu “are you a insane woman falling into the trap of a Muslim family”. Radhika had in her mind a long term plan for her son. She instantly came out with her mind. "Look Madhu" she said "your daughter can also be a doctor and my son will also get into medicine. I also need to get a loan and if you guarantee for my loan, my son could be your Son-in-law and both your doctor daughter and my son could bring happiness to both our families".
That instant proposal stunned and confused her. Madhu silently return home in a dilemma. She could not talk to Raju about it as Raju was too simple to understand and take a decision. Raju’s only skill was in making spicy cucumber slices that sold like anything in front of the school. She was restless and awake till late nights. It was a Saturday and she waited till Monday to go the bank again. She met the manager again in the morning and Mr.Sharma did not welcome her with the same enthusiasm. She made her wait for one hour before he looked at her. He said "tell me Madhu ji" Madhu, with her eyes down said "Sir I have decided to sign guarantee for Abdul’s education loan”. Sharma "Do you realize the consequence of his defaulting?" "Yes Sir" said Madhu.” I will have to pay his loan or my house will be attached”. "Yes" said Sharma. "And still would you risk with your own daughter needing your help? And the expenses of her studies and her marriage? Sharma's tone was harsh. Sharma threw a bunch of papers to be filled up in front of Madhu and asked her to get them filled with all supporting documents after admission letter is issued for Abdul by the medical admission boards. After returning home, she walked into Rahman's home and told him "Rahman bhai, Abdul will be studying medicine and I have taken loan from the Bank. When he starts earning, he will pay back to the bank with interest. Tears flowed through Rahman’s eyes and he bowed down to touch her feet Madhu resisted with her hands firmly on his shoulders.
Abdul joined the Medical College, and wore the new shirt and trousers that Madhu bought for him as her gift. On the first day, Abdul came to Madhu’s home, touches her feet, takes her blessings and his eyes start searching for a glimpse of Sharda ,before leaving to the college.. Sharda was hiding behind the curtain and Abdul could only see her feet, her nails coloured and mehandi on feet. Abdul imagined her in a bridal dress but had no courage to call her or move the cloth curtain to see her. He walked out wishing Sharda, whom he started calling Amma.
Time passed, Abdul has been passing with very high marks that qualified him for full fee exemptions and a handsome scholarship from the government of India. This gave a great relief Abdul and to Madhu. Madhu approached the Bank to inform that Abdul would not avail further loan for rest of the his studies. Besides, Abdul would pay back the first installment of loan in two years from the scholarship he would receive.
Three years passed by, Sharda too passes twelveth with 90% marks and got admission in the same medical college that Abdul was studying in his fourth year. Though Abdul and Sharda were leaving for college the same time, they would avoid walking together on the road. They would walk on the opposite footpath of the road, as Abdul was conscious of the mind of the neighborhood and he did not want any remark on Sharda by the people of the locality. Even in the college ,Sharda, was one of the most attractive young woman. She would always prefer remain in the girls crowd avoiding any encounter with the boys. Abdul and Sharda would confront in the cafe, smile at each other and part to sit at different tables.
The college library was kept open on Sundays and on days close to the exams. The reading hall use to be packed with students. Often boys and girls were seen on benches outside the library under the large shady trees. It was not uncommon to see a boy and girl engage in combined study. Sharda wanted to sit with Abdul for some time on the bench, on the pretex of seeking clarification on some doubts in physiology. She was too shy to ask him to sit with her on the bench. Abdul too was very conscious of the fall back if they were spotted by passers on the main road just outside the college. For two years of the overlapping stay of both Shardha and Abdul at the medical college, the feelings of attraction, fondness of each other remained subdued, consciously so by both. Abdul always felt the burden of the obligation of Madhu. Sharda's mother. He very well realized that without sharda’s mother, he would not have entered the medical colleges. He would not imagine even to hear a word from anyone that would be against Sharda or her mother’s honour. This indebtedness kept all his feelings for Sharda buried with himself. For two years in the same college, the two who spend hours playing in childhood, did not dare to speak to each other. But Sharda would miss Abdul, if she did not cross her on the corridor or library or cafeteria at least once a day. It was the same with Abdul, but Abdul was matured and highly mellowed personality.
Abdul bought a bicycle when he was in third year from out of the scholarships money, and commuted to college on the bicycle. One day Sharda was a bit late to leave home and was rushing out and her mother at the door waving her hand. Abdul came out at the same time, and seeing Sharda rushing on road, asked Sharda, “Amma should I take Sharda on the pillion on of my bicycle?” Sharda’s mother smiled and said, Abdul, "you should avoid such gesture", this was a loud and clear message to Abdul. The same evening while returning home, Sharda saw Abdul on his bicycle. She waved at Abdul and asked "Abdul, can I be on the pillion for some distance? Abdul said with a sad face and tears in his eyes busting out, Sharda, "Perhaps not". He then said "you know why"?
Abdul completes his medical course with distinction. He received his last installment of scholarship. He decides to go to sweet shop before returning home, and buy some sweets. While returning home, he thought of gifting some things to Madhu, Raju and his father. He got into a cloth store, picked up two shirts for his father and Raju and sky blue cotton sari for Madhu. He was in an afix, if he should buy something for Sharda. He knew that Sharda would be excited with anything from him but he was unsure of her mother’s reaction. After a prolonged thinking, he decided to buy Parker pen set for her. Abdul reached home a bit late it was 7 p.m and it was time for the evening prayers. Abdul hurried to finish his prayer, and waited for his father Rahman to return home. Rahman comes a little late and Abdul hugs his father and shows him the course completion certificate with tears. Rahman with controlled emotions said " your mother is not with us to see this day". Yes baba, but Sharda Amma will be as happy as my mother would have been. Rahman " what is it in the bag?" he open the bag and showed the gifts and asked his father to choose the shirt he liked. Rahman smile and said, I will wear what is left after Raju picks his choices. Abdul asks his father "Baba, will you accompany me to Sharda and Amma to give them the gifts? He readily agreed and they both went out to knock the next door. The door opened, and it was Sharda who was wiping her long hair after the bath with a thin Sari of her mother. She blushed, smiled and ran inside to her room giving a shout "Amma look, there is someone at the door". Madhu comes, obviously from the kitchen with a wooden spoon in her right hand. She asked both father and son to come in and sit down. Abdul proceeds to Madhu before seating himself, bows to touch her feet and shows her the result sheet and hesitantly gives the gift he brought, "Amma, please accept these little things, token of my love and respect for you, Raju Uncle and Sharda.” She takes the bag gracefully with a smile and puts it on the chair. She goes into the kitchen to bring the fresh besan ladoo she made. Raju enters just then and gives a hug to Rahman. Sharda was again behind the curtain and her Pretty feet with bright red coloured nails were visible. She knew that Abdul would easily spot them and Abdul had his eyes fixed on that motion less feet behind the curtain.Raju ask Rahman "what are your plans now?"Rahman said "Abdul wants to study further, which he only can explain." Raju said " I am as ignorant as you are Rahman", but Sharda will understand and of course, Madhu will.Abdul said " Amma, I have written the all India entrance for a post-graduation in Nephrology and I have secured a seat in All India Institute of Medical Science in Delhi with a scholarship. I need your blessings. “He bows and touches her feet again and Madhu lifts him catching his arms firmly.
The following week, Abdul leaves for Delhi and before leaving he sees Madhu to take her blessings. Sharda could no longer hide behind the curtain and she comes face to face with Abdul. Abdul extends his hand hesitantly to shakehand and said” take care Sharda, I will see you after two years, Insha Allah”. First time Sharda said ‘Insha Allah” and hastened to explain to her mother, Amma it means “If only God is willing”.
Rahman stayed back alone for about a month. Abdul choose to stay in a small rented accommodation instead of the hostel, he wanted to bring his father along to stay at Delhi. Rahman joined his son and before leaving, hands over house keys to Madhu to keep them safe. Sharda used to open the house and use Abduls table for her studies. Abdul had left all his books for Sharda. Time flies, two years passed, Sharda also completes her MBBS with distinction.
Madhu and Raju thought of getting her married, to her colleague Radhika’s son who also passed out along with Sharda. Radhika reminded Madhu of her proposal which she had made five years ago,to raise a loan for her son and would get them married. Bur Madhu, now my son has proposals from very rich and well to do families. Madhu felt belittled at that response. When she came home she saw Sharda trying to convice her father that, she would like to specialize in Pediatrics at the All India Institute at Delhi,and would write all India exams. Madhu and Raju yields to her adamancies. Incidentally she gets admission at the same Institute at Delhi, but Abdul had completed his Masters and had secured a scholarship to specialize further in Edinburgh. He took his father along to Edinburgh. Rahman and Abdul moved into a studio to live in an downtown of Edinburgh. Rahman was wondering about the change of events in life. When his son is away he would lie down to get the flash back of his life at his old house, his life pulling rickshaw and eating idli on roadside for lunch and so on.
Sharda passes her Masters, but she was keen to take American board exams and to go to US for further internship in pediatrics. She works hard and clears all the American board exams. She gets an offer at children's hospital at San Francisco, prestigious center of child care. She had to go alone, as Madhu was still in service and in any case, it was not easy to get a Visa for mother until Sharda settled down. It was the first ever flying experience of Sharda, and she was nervous. She flew by Cathay Pacific which flies from Bangalore with a change over at Hong Kong. From Bangalore to Hong Kong she got a middle seat of the four seat central row. The other three were occupied by Tamil speaking elite couple who from their talk seemed rich professionals settled in US. They were with two kids, one of whom was in the lap. They hardly looked at Sharda though she was longing to draw their attention and talk to the lady. She thought she would pick up a conversation but in vain. The transit in Hong Kong was 4 hours where she had to change the flight and get into the flight to San Francisco. She got the window seat of two seat row and the person next to her was another lady in her forties with a scarf on her head. She wished Sharda with smile and Sharda felt so much relieved with one intimate smile of the lady. Once they settled it was a nearing dawn with rays of rising sun piercing through the window. Sharda wanted to initiate some conversation, but the lady next to her said "Give me two minutes I will finish my morning prayer". Sitting on the seat she does all her postures of a Namaz, which Sharda was familiar with as she had always observed Abdul and Rahman doing it next door at home. She waited for her to finish her prayers and lost no time to introduce herself. Mam "I am Sharda, I am from Mysore" “oh, so nice I am from Mysore too, my name is Salma" said the lady. "Oh, we can talk in Kannada then" said Sharda. “Yes”, said Salma.” Tell me more Sharda”, said Salma. “Can I call you Didi”, Sharda asked. "In fact, I wanted to tell you, don't call me mam", said Salma. “Didi, I am a doctor, and I am going to San Francisco on my first assignment after passing my American exams”. "How, nice congrats Sharda, you are a blessed child to your parents" said Salma. I work in a software company and husband is also a software engineer. We have two daughters we live in San Jose. My parents live in Mysore and visit us every year" said Salma. “Didi, my mother is a teacher, teaches Maths and my father is a street vendor. He is popular as Raju, masala cucumber man".Salma was stunned at the honest and simplicity of Sharda, her beauty and accomplishments. Salma was silent for some time, till the sign to fasten seat belt went off. Salma, asked her "what are your plans Sharda?" “Didi” she said" I have five days to join, when they would allot me a hostel and till then I must find an affordable accommodation" Salma said " Sharda have you booked a hotel?" “No” said Sharda. " how much does it cost" she asked. On any count not less than $100 per day" said Salma. "Oh, I have $ 500, and I should be able to manage" said Sharda. Salma said " I suggest you come with me to San Jose, my husband is coming to pick me with children. You stay with us for five days, settle down and then I will drop you to your Hospital at San Francisco" said Salma. Sharda controlled her tears, but could not. Wiped her eyes and said “Didi, why are you so kind?” Salma said, " I am not doing a favour to you, on the contrary you are the one doing a favour to me, you know. You are helping me to earn the praise of Allah who likes humans who are kind to others and help others.” Sharda said “Didi, I am so fortunate, I will get an opportunity to know from you more about your faith" “sure “said Salma with a smile. They had the 12 hours of flight, with snacks and two meals served. Sharda had opted for non-vegetarian but was surprised that Salma had opted for vegetarian Indian meal. 12 hours passed and they arrived at San-Francesco. Salma's husband was there, and Salma told, “ Akheel, I have
brought a friend from Mysore Sharda, a doctor, who will stay for 4-5 days before she joins he work at Sanfrancisco. Akheel who is a very calm person said “Hello” and drew back to San Jose. Sharda was excited with the traffic, the freeways and the buildings and the cold weather. Salma showed on the way the huge building of the company she worked. They reached home in forty five minutes. The two girls who were seated in the rear seat of their Benz SUV were busy all the time with their smart phones and as soon as they got out of the car, went to their rooms upstairs. Sharda was shown the guest room at the ground floor. After settling down, Sharda hesitantly entered the kitchen and saw Salma making lunch. She asked “Didi, can I help you, anything that I can do. I will lay the table and she quickly spotted the plates and glasses and laid them on table. Before the lunch, she heard Azan from the clock, and Salma called the girls to come for namaz and then the Lunch. Akheel also came down, spread the prayer mat and stood to lead the namaz. Salma and two girls stood behind Akheel and started the prayer. Sharda sat in a corner chair and just watched them with curiously and a desire storming into her to know more about Islam. The next day was a Friday and Salma told sharda, that the family is going to Masjid and she could comfortably stay at home and also go round the back yard garden with a swimming pool. Sharda asked “ Didi are other communities allowed to come to Mosques?” Salma said “yes, if you like to come, listen to sermons and sit and watch, you are welcome”. Sharda, quickly changed and tied the scarf imitating Mariam and her girls and decided to accompany them. She was given a chair to sit inside behind the congregation and she heard the Egyptian, Imam speaking that day on the five tenets of Islam, prophets teachings on obligations of Muslims to humanity and the punishment for violence and killing of innocents. Sharda was just stunned at the different world of Islamic culture, she wanted to know more and more from Salma about Islam. Salma said “it is simple” Islam says that there is one God who cannot be associated with any other being and he created the universe and has empowered humans to penetrate and discover universe. He sent messengers to Human kind and Mohammed was the last messenger.” The second command is thanking Allah through prayers, the third is to fast in his name in the month of Ramadan. Fasting has medical benefits and at the same time brings equality on every one including the rich and poor. The rich feel the pain of hunger. The fourth is Zakath, a prescribed parting of 2½% of accumulated wealth, in cash or gold with poor, each year and the last one is only optional, which is Haj, A prayer at Mecca around a stone laid by prophet Abraham. This is only for those who can afford. Sharda said,” amazing Didi but people often spread that Islam propagates for force conversion, Is it true?". Salma said,” absolutely not, Islam advocates respecting other faiths and accepting Islam is optional. The historical political expansions of kings, the acts o of some aggressive Muslim kings has damaged the image of this religion. Sharda “why do the world associated terrorism with Islam?” Salma said, ” did you hear of the word terrorism fifty years ago? No. this is the result of geopolitical expansion of the powerful countries for mineral and oil from poorer countries. They used every opportunity to invade other countries, cornered the natives, nurtured terrorist organizations like Tailban, Hamas, the Islamic state etc. Violence against humanity is the least that Islam per se supports, but political developments all over the world in the name of supporting and bringing democracies shattered the peace and harmony in western Asia, parts of middle east and in Afghanistan” with pause Salma said , “but Sharda, these are complex things and I am not a historian or so much informed. You enjoy your stay here till Monday, and we shall take you to San-Francisco on Monday”. This unexpected help and love sharda received from this
family in a new country left a deep and lasting impression on her and her outlook. Sharda called her mother soon after reaching and briefly talked her about her experience of making a stranger lady her Didi. On the last evening of her stay she sat till midnight to write a mail to her mother. Madhu felt so much relieved reading her mail.
Sharda was dropped to her hospital of work and after completing her formalities was shown her hostel. Salma stayed until she fully settled in her hostel and left, assuring of any assistance, when she needs. In the evening, she calls her mother again and speaks for a long time and narrated all about her four days with a stranger Muslim family. Madhu said, “Sharda, that is what humanity is all about and the basic tenets of Vedic Hinduism are all about, before the caste system corrupted the tolerant Hinduism. Power hungry politicians found division and polarization and religious hate as the easiest tool to achieve their goals and we have been the victims of this. Love, humanism and tolerance is basic to all faiths. Take care and keep calling me whenever you are free” said Madhu.
Madhu retired the next month and she was feeling lonely. Abdul and his father had also locked the Home. She would wait for sharda’s phone every evening. Sometimes her colleagues would visit her and often remind her that sharda should not be left alone in foreign country and called back and got married. Number of proposals were dropped into her ears, some of businessmen and some of government servants, but no one was a doctor. " Sharda was not very comfortable with the hostel food and wanted to be a paying guest. There were a number of Indian families in an around the hospital letting out rooms to doctors as paying guest. She moved to a home of an elite Andhra family highly sophisticated and apparently stylish and rich. They had a son Rohan studying in University. The agreement of Tenancy included self-breakfast and dinner served by landlord.
On the very first day, when she returned home, she had to wait till the family finished dinner and she was called in to eat on table. She was shocked, but did not realize that the caste system did not fade however much some looked advanced and sophisticated and live in advanced countries. Rohan was born and educated in US. He asked her mother "Mom, why don't we ask Sharda to join the table for dinner"? Mother said, " Rohan, we have certain practices and rituals which she may not be familiar. "Like what" Roshan asked, Like the slokas we say she may not know. "Why, she may learn "said Roshan .Mother remains silent but continued to serve her dinner separately. Roshan one day revolted and said “I am going to eat with Sharda she is like my sister and I want to break your caste divisions. If we don't change in the 21st century then these divisions of humanity will continue for centuries. Mom, the youth have to break all barriers and the time is now" he said and walked out. He again came back and told his parents, that divisions in society on the basis of religion, caste and strata is very convenient to those who seek seats of power, as they would become irrelevant if there is no hatred and division in society. His father, agreed and nodded his head and said “you are right and you should live the life the way you like". Sharda could hear all the conversation staying in her room and for the first time she realized that she was a Dalit and she cannot sink with an upper caste Hindu family. Sharda when she called her mother in the evening she said "Amma, I am learning a lot of things in life. I am seeing contrasts between people and beliefs . I am becoming more and more strong and matured in my understanding the world". Madhu listened silently and said, "I have faith in you and your decisions my Chanda. You know, I married your father in spite of all opposition from the family because I was a Brahmin and he was tribal Dalit. My family disowned me for rest of my life.But I stood with my decision".
Sharda's mother develops some pain in the back and her husband takes her to the hospital. Incidentally Abdul called up to enquire about her and hearing about her hospitalization, Abdul called up the doctor of the hospital and gets all the details. He asks for this scans by mail and he discusses that with his seniors. He realized that the disease was silently progressing to a stage of total renal failure. He called up Sharda to US and explained to her the seriousness. They discuss between themselves and they both decided to return as they knew that Madhu may not live long. Sharda took an emergency leave and Abdul too, both left to Mysore both with Cathay Pacific. They had a transit at Hong Kong, to board the flight to Bangalore. Abdul's father spotted Sharda in the waiting lounge and rushed to her and hugged her. She touched his feet and Rahman blessed her with his right hand on her head. Abdul, came rushing to Sharda, but he could not even shake hands in front of his father. They just stared at each other with mixed feelings and after a few minutes unstoppable tears rolled down their cheeks. Rahman just disappears from the scene and Sharda grabs Abdul's hand and cries like a child. They both reached Mysore and then rushed to hospital together and Rahman.
Madhu was drowsy with sleeping drugs. Rahman asked his son " Abdul please ask if the kidney can be transplanted". Abdul " yes, but we must find a compatible donor who have a healthy organ. Rahman immediately said " Abdul check for my compatibility, do not loose time". It was amazing that the blood groups were compatible, both with O+ blood group and Rahman said I will donate my one kidney. Sharda was silent, but Abdul consulted the Hospital, that he could also be in the operation.
Next day was the surgery fixed. Rahman was prepared for removal of kidney and Madhu was to be taken to operation theatre. Suddenly the blood pressure of Madhu was unstable and they postponed the surgery. Madhu wanted to see both Sharda and Abdul on the both sides of the bed. They both stood on two sides of the cot. Rahman silently stood on the other side near her feet. Ward Nurse was silently watching. Madhu holds Sharda's right hand and Abdul's right hand. She slowly pulls together and drops Sharda’s hand into Abduls. Sharda shouted " Amma, what are you doing". “My child you are both made for each other". “But Amma I have to get your permission for" "for what" wispered Madhu.”That I accept the faith of Abdul, about which I learnt a lot about it in my travel. Madhu, smiles and nods her head holds their hands together and closes her eyes. It was catastrophic tragedy to both families. The last rites were performed by Abdul for Madhu as he always called her Amma. Sharda stayed in her home alone and visited Abduls house for food. They wanted to stay in India till some rituals a per Hindu traditions were completed. In the meantime, the nurse who was a witness to the death of Madhu, leaked the information in the neighborhood that Abdul and Sharda are marrying as Madhu is not alive to stop it. This news gave enough fodder to the vigilante groups actively propagating interfaith marriages .They mobilized enough crowd to attack Rahman and Abdul on the morning of 12th day of Madhus death. But were very disappointed to see both houses locked, as they all had left by the early morning flight after the 11th day ceremony. This time Sharda decided to go to UK with Abdul and get married there. She gets solemnized in London mosque, and travel to San francisco for honeymoon. They get invited to San Jose by Salma for a stay. Sharda, hugs Salma and and says, Didi,I have come with my Husband Abdul who is also a doctor. I have accepted him along with his faith ,with conscious blessings of my mother before she closed her eyes.
Then on they lived happily and Sharda retained her name on advise of Abdul, who believed that faith is not in name and what you wear, but in what you believe in and practice as good human beings.
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meterteller4-blog · 5 years
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Those Who Care and Those Who Don’t: Children and Racism in the Trump Era
DECEMBER 14, 2018
This piece appears in the latest issue of the LARB Print Quarterly Journal: No. 20  Childhood
To receive the LARB Quarterly Journal, become a member  or purchase a copy at your local bookstore.
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“Trump does some bad things,” 10-year-old Kenny tells me one afternoon. I’m sitting across from him at a coffee shop in a small town in Mississippi. Kenny is black and loves soccer. As he talks, he anxiously spins a pen cap on the table between us. “Trump talks about racist things … and he does racist things! He puts inappropriate things on Twitter. Like, people won’t admit it but saying, ‘I’m going to build a wall from Mexico,’ and saying bad things about Mexicans is racist and [people] won’t admit it!” Kenny pauses, looks down to the ground, and shakes his head with disbelief. “To me, that’s something.”
Kenny is just one of the millions of children growing up in the United States under the Trump administration. And he, like many of these children, is experiencing a shocking moment in American history. These are young people who have otherwise been taught that America is making progress when it comes to issues like racism and sexism. Their childhoods unfolded during the “post-racial” era of President Obama; their television programs celebrate multiculturalism and diversity; their T-shirts have girl-empowerment slogans; their schools conduct anti-bullying and inclusion campaigns. For the youngest generations in the United States, racial progress was the common narrative across the political spectrum. This changed during the 2016 presidential election, which marked a drastic turning point in this narrative. Things were suddenly different, and the election of Donald Trump deeply complicated how many children in America understand their country.
As many people have pointed out, Trump began his political career by propagating a racist conspiracy against President Obama. Sociologist Matthew W. Hughey argued that the effect of “Birther” movement was in fact twofold: it stoked white fear of a black man in power and encouraged fantasies of a white ethno-state as a remedy for those fears. Trump perhaps noticed its effectiveness. He went on to use explicitly racist rhetoric and antisemitic dog whistles in his presidential campaign ads. Even after taking office, Trump has continued to stoke racial division and white fear. He has used racist, derogatory language to refer to Mexicans, Muslims, and entire nations in Africa and the Caribbean. He has insulted a long list of black celebrities, politicians, and athletes. And his rhetoric is also backed up by action. Within its first year, the Trump administration advanced a ban on Muslim people and refugees entering the country; it has more recently enforced family separation at the border, taking children from their parents and putting them in cages; Trump has pardoned former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio, a man with a long history of racial discrimination. Trump also famously refused to denounce white supremacists after their racist and antisemitic rallying and violence in Charlottesville. His racist rhetoric has only escalated in the run up to the midterm elections.
In October 2017, political scientist Cathy J. Cohen and her colleagues at the University of Chicago reported findings from their GenForward Survey of Millennial Attitudes on Race in the U.S. They found that across all racial groups, Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 believe that racism is one of the three most important problems in the United States today and that this problem is getting worse (Cohen, Fowler, Medenica, & Rogowski, 2017). However, nearly half of the white young adults in this research believed that “discrimination against whites has become as big a problem as discrimination against Blacks and other minorities.” Across all racial groups, very few young people thought racial relations were improving in the United States, and when asked if they believed Trump is a racist, 82 percent of African-American respondents, 78 percent of Latinx respondents, and 74 percent of Asian-American respondents said they did. White respondents were split almost exactly down the middle: 51 percent believed he is racist while 48 percent disagreed.
My conversation with Kenny was part of my ongoing research with youth and racism in the United States. My work as a sociologist focuses on racial socialization — I study how children learn about race and racism in the context of their families, communities, and everyday lives. Part of my work involves speaking with children directly about their experiences and perspectives of the social world. I knew from my previous research that for many white children who grew up in the Obama era, they believed that racism was “no longer a problem in America.” In many ways, it made sense for these children to feel this way. Although the United States has a long history of racism and white supremacy, in more recent years, social scientists have found that racism at the individual level has not disappeared but, rather, is expressed in more subtle and implicit ways. The circumstances, however, have clearly changed, and these same children are now confronted with explicit and overt forms of racism in the public sphere. I wanted to know what young people, particularly children in middle school, are thinking about racism in the new Trump era. What are their views on this matter? How are they feeling? What do they have to say?
Over the past year, a team of graduate students and I interviewed children between the ages of 10 and 13 in two distinct geographic locations: Mississippi and Massachusetts. We asked them a range of questions about current events, their schools and families, and their reaction to Trump’s words and actions as president. After interviewing more than 50 children, we found that children of color in both states expressed a great deal of anxiety, stress, fear, and anger about the present moment. The white children’s responses, however, surprised me. For many, their acknowledgment of Trump’s explicitly racist words and actions seemed to mark a rearrangement of empathy, and a rearrangement of how they thought about racism — and, perhaps more importantly, how much they cared.
¤
One day after school in Mississippi, I talk with 10-year-old Crystal, who describes herself as “African American and mixed.” Crystal tells me what she remembers from the night of the 2016 presidential election. “We were very scared the night before…When I was sleeping, I did have a bad dream so I think I could kind of tell that it wasn’t going to end up as I expected.”
“What happened the next day at school?” I ask. She brings up race right away.
“Some black boys and girls were saying that that, like, they really didn’t want Trump to win or that he had won and [that they] didn’t really like him. And then some people who did vote for Trump were like, ‘I’m so happy!’ and they told their friends who also voted for Trump. … It was like allll day.”
I ask her if the kids who supported Trump were black.
Crystal replies immediately: “No. They were all white.” For Crystal, the connection between whiteness and support for Trump is clear.
At the coffee shop, Kenny has similar ideas: “When Barack Obama was the president, I wasn’t thinking about politics,” Kenny explains. “I didn’t really talk about Barack Obama because there’s nothing to talk about! He didn’t do anything bad. He didn’t start anything. So I mean, when he was president, I didn’t get into politics because I didn’t have to. Because he was a good president.”
Later in our interview, I ask Kenny, “What do you think is a big problem in America?”
“Racism is one of the main things that this country has always had problems with. And I’m scared Trump will make that worse,” he adds.
In Massachusetts, children of color express similar fears and anxieties about this moment of reemerging racial animosity. Mariana is 10 years old and identifies as “Mexican-American and white.” She and I sit together talking in a small classroom at her afterschool program.
“Do you think Trump is doing a good job or a bad job leading our country” I ask Mariana.
“I don’t like Donald Trump!” she shouts as she slaps her hand on the desk. “He is terrible! I want Obama to come back. Obama is a better president. In my head, I’m like, Trump is going to get us all bombed. Like, after he won the election, at school, everyonewas like screaming, ‘Ahhhh!’ People were running around and then someone started crying and said, ‘I want Obama to come back!’” Mariana goes on to tell me how “Trump is racist” and a “bad president.”
I also talk with 11-year-old Dominick who identifies as “black and Cape Verdean.” “I have heard him say something bad about black people,” Dominick tells me. “Donald Trump shouldn’t build the wall. … It’s just weird and just like, you’re making fun of a certain region because they like look different? Really?”
I ask him how he feels when the president says bad things about black people.
“I feel like if the president says something racist, I think that they shouldn’t be the president,” he replies.
I hear this opinion echoed in Massachusetts, over and over again. Suzannah tells me that she thinks Trump is “very racist” and that “we need someone [who is] both of our colors so they can be more fair ’cause he only likes really the whiter people.”
Devion, an 11-year-old black boy, responds so quickly I can barely finish asking the question. “He’s said stuff about Mexico, and he’s basically just racial-profiling people! … And people have been joining him! I’ve heard some things on the news and what he says isn’t right!”
I ask him how he felt the day after the election.
“I felt just sad for America. … I was very surprised.” He goes on to tell me about white kids chanting, “Build a wall,” and harassing Latinx kids at his school.
“I honestly think that it’s crazy that kids would say that. I’ve had, um, a kid in my class that I was just fully ashamed by that kid ’cause he was saying some racist stuff [after Trump won] and that was the kid that has [previously] said racist stuff to me.” Devion tells me that he absolutely thinks the election of Trump has emboldened the already-racist bullies at his school.
These conversations reveal that these particular children of color are deeply affected by the state of the country and the larger events and conversations happening around them. My findings are reinforced by a recent survey conducted with teachers by the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC). This survey, held in the immediate aftermath of the 2016 presidential election, described what the Center referred to as the “Trump Effect. “The report found that more than two-thirds of teachers noted increased anxiety on the behalf of students of color, immigrant students, Muslim students, and LGBTQ students. The report also found that 90 percent of teachers surveyed indicated that their school climate had been negatively affected by the political campaign and election of Donald Trump. This was also reflected in the news: during the past two years, headlines from across the nation have described instances of white youth engaging in forms of racial violence and other forms of harassment — chanting “Build the wall!” in the faces of Latinx kids at athletic competitions or in the school cafeteria, bringing Confederate flags into classrooms to taunt their black peers, sexually assaulting and “grabbing” girls, inflicting physical violence such as pulling hijabs off Muslim students, and so on (SPLC Hatewatch, 2016).
White children are also thinking and engaging in the current political moment, of course, though our conversations are notably different. With white children, I notice a profound divide between how much some children seem to care about Trump’s racist words and actions and how much some don’t.
Paige, 12 years old, was one of the children I talk to in Mississippi. I sit down with her in her living room on a Saturday morning. “We had an assignment after the presidential election,” Paige tells me. “We had to draw a picture of what we think the future is going to look like under our new government…The teacher actually made half the class redo it because she was unhappy with the results because she got a lot of walls and cities in flames or like evil-looking politicians.”
“What did you draw?” I ask. “I personally drew Trump behind a wall of fire,” she says, matter-of-factly. I ask her why she drew that particular image. “I just felt like we were making so much progress with Obama. Like on everything. Like women’s rights, gay rights, racism, like things like global warming. Then, like, now that we have the new president — it’s like a million steps backward.”
A bit later, I ask her if she thinks the election of Trump has had any immediate impact on kids.
She nods. “I think that him being elected has made some people think, ‘Oh, well, since our president has these beliefs, it’s okay.’…Like him being disrespectful to women, some people are like, ‘Oh [if ] the president did that in his past, it’s okay for me to do that,’ … and that’s not okay.”
Zena, another white 12-year-old girl growing up in Mississippi talks to me about some recent changes in how some of her friends are relating to their parents.
“Trump’s not the best person and I think we all know that,” she tells me. “I have friends with parents who are like, ‘We need to raise you like this, and you need to do this, and you need to be a big supporter of Jesus and Trump and racism, and [my friends] are like, you know, ‘I’m going to need you to take a few steps back.’…These kids are like, ‘I should do some of my own research before I jump headfirst into his big agenda.’”
Zena goes on to tell me about one friend who is outraged by Trump’s racism despite her parents’ full support of him. “She argues with her parents all the time,” Zena explains. “What about you?” I ask. “Do you think we still have racism in America?” “I think we are 100 percent not past racism,” she states definitively. “I think recently everyone has had this realization that we are not past this because there are people … who sit in the big chairs and say, ‘No. I don’t want that law [that would help racial minorities] passed,’ and I feel like it’s a problem because the people who have power … they like use it for the wrong reasons. I don’t think we are past [racism] because people in power like Trump aren’t allowing us to get past it. And that sucks.”
Trump’s election has made 12-year-old Charlie, who is also white, rethink aspects of President Obama’s time in office. “I knew President Obama was the first black president, but I didn’t understand the significance of it until Trump became president,” 12-year-old Charlie tells me one afternoon at a restaurant in Mississippi. Charlie attends a public school that is almost 70 percent black. Like many of the white kids I interviewed, Charlie tells me that lately he has been talking about racism with his parents, his friends, and his teachers “all the time.”
“Trump has definitely done something to make things worse,” he tells me.
I ask him what it was like at his school around the time of the election.
“I was surprised [when Trump won]. We did this vote at our school and it was 16 people who voted for Trump while the 360 other people voted for Clinton. But I heard that at this other school [nearby] … the vote was so Trump.”
“How is it that these two schools that are located pretty close to each other have such different results?” I ask him.
“Well, I think our school is more racially diverse than that school,” he responds. Based on his experience growing up in Mississippi — like Crystal — Charlie could also see a connection between support for Trump and whiteness.
A number of white children, in both Massachusetts and Mississippi, tell me they are shocked and outraged by what they perceived to be racism radiating from the highest seats of power. For these kids, Trump’s presidency not only challenges their understanding of the country but also sheds new light on previously held notions about race in America. In addition to their outrage, these children also exhibit racial empathy for people of color, immigrants, women, and other groups that they perceive to be under attack by the Trump administration. In fact, part of what they dislike so much about Trump is how badly he treats the vulnerable and how he seems to bully the marginalized.
Other white children I speak with have a different reaction. They don’t all consider Trump’s racism to be a problem. Children, in both Massachusetts and Mississippi, tell me that even though they recognize Trump’s racism, they ultimately don’t care.
Twelve-year-old Erin lives in Mississippi and attends a former segregationist academy that is still almost entirely white. Erin knows she is white, she explains, because “I was born in America and my skin is white.” I ask her how she felt after Trump won the election. “I was happy he won because I think he knows how to handle, like, people who threaten us and stuff.” She describes kids at her school making jokes about building a wall at recess, but she says she did not tell the teacher because she “did not think it was a big deal.” Like many of the kids, Erin also shares her views on the differences she has observed since President Obama was in office: “When Barack was president, like, there was a lot of tension going on ’cause he was, like, the first black president … the people didn’t think it was right that he should be president because he was black. Now we have a white president again.”
When Erin is asked if she recognizes the rise of racial tension in the United States right now, she acknowledges that Trump “has said racist things,” but she isn’t too bothered by it. “I honestly think it’s fine,” she says with a laugh. “I don’t really care.”
Erin’s attitude echoes what contemporary social scientists have found when studying the racial attitudes of white Americans. White people in the United States have found more subtle ways to express their prejudices toward people of color over time. These new forms of racism often help people maintain the external appearance of not being racist even as they continue to engage in practices and behaviors that reproduce racial inequality — a way of “saving face” so to speak. Drawing on findings from a large, national survey of racial attitudes spanning 40 years, sociologist Tyrone A. Forman finds evidence for an increasein what he defines as “racial apathy” in the United States. White racial apathy, he argues, “refers to lack of feeling or indifference toward societal racial and ethnic inequality and lack of engagement with race-related social issues.” In his research, Forman finds an increase in whites’ use of “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” when asked survey questions about racial integration.
When it comes to young people specifically, Forman and his colleague, sociologist Amanda E. Lewis, explore expressions of racial apathy in white high school students over time. They find that instead of new generations of white kids being less racist and more tolerant than generations before them, this population instead embraces more subtle forms of racism like being indifferent to racial inequality. Data from this important research suggests that racial apathy is actually on the rise.
In talking with some of the white children in my study, I find similar patterns. For instance, Blake, who is 10 years old and lives in Massachusetts, tries many different ways to avoid identifying his race. Eventually, though, he tells me he is white. After talking with him a bit about his hockey team and upcoming game, I ask him what he thought the day after Trump was elected.
“I didn’t care,” he tells me, shrugging.
When I ask him if he thinks Trump is racist, he responds, “I don’t know ’cause I’ve never heard him be racist. But he said um, that we’ll build a wall between Mexico. … Mexico is like part of our world so you shouldn’t try to keep them out.” Blake tells me that there is racism still in America, but that he doesn’t really know much about it. “I’ve never heard anybody say [anything racist],” he tells me. He explains he does not talk about race or racism with his family members. Generally, he says, he does not think much about racism — but he knows that it exists.
“Yeah.” He tells me. “But I don’t pay attention to that stuff.”
Betsy, who is 12 years old, white, and lives in Massachusetts, is more engaged with politics than Blake. She tells me that she loves knowing what is going on in the world. In fact, she gets up early to drink a cup of tea and watch the news before school every morning.
“I feel like I’ve heard stuff on the news about [Trump] being racist, but like, the [news anchors] exaggerate stuff. But I don’t really think he’s racist. I think when he does one thing wrong, people turn it against him.” She can discuss many of the issues that have come up while Trump has been in office, like the wall and the Muslim ban. “Overall, I’m not saying he’s the best president, and he’s definitely not the worst. But he’s not racist. There might have been one or two incidents when he was racist, but he’s not racist.” Betsy tells me that even though she wishes we could have elected a woman for president, from her perspective, Trump is “fine” and even though he is racist sometimes, she does not think that it is a major problem.
Back in Mississippi, 12-year-old Ellie, who is white, tells me about voting in a mock election at her private school, complete with mock voter ID cards that students had to show before casting their mock ballot. “Everyone wanted Trump to win and they were like, ‘If you want Hillary to win, then you’re terrible.’” Ellie was not surprised when Trump won the actual election. “I knew he was probably gonna win,” she tells me. “I didn’t really think anything about it [when he did.]” Ellie talks about how she liked one of the other Republican candidates better than Trump but that ultimately, she was happy Trump won.
When Ellie is asked about her thoughts on racism in the United States today, particularly in light of Trump’s election, she says she has heard people say he is racist, but she “do[esn’t] really know.” She also explains that her family does not talk about racism. “There’s not really any [racism] going on in Mississippi but there might be in like, other states, I just haven’t noticed anything. … I don’t really know. … It’s not something I care about.”
Kids offer different versions of this opinion. James, a 12-year-old boy who identifies as “Caucasian” and who goes to the same school as Ellie, “felt good” after Trump was elected because he supports many of Trump’s positions, even the more controversial stance on the wall between the United States and Mexico. James understands that Trump’s policies may upset people, but he ultimately cares more about other things. For example, he spends a lot of time discussing the conflict between the United States and Muslim countries. “I think it’s silly that [conflict] is still going on,” he says. “They’ve been fighting since 1999 and nobody’s won. Why [hasn’t the United States] dropped an atomic bomb on them? It would just end them, so they wouldn’t like, come at us again.”
In terms of racial politics at the national level, James recognizes that racism exists but does not think that it is serious enough to merit a solution or any political action. Regarding football players kneeling at NFL games, he says, “Some people are doing it because they don’t like the president. They don’t like racism. They don’t like the way some people are getting treated. … But if [they] want to live in America, why [are they] kneeling instead of like, loving our country that people fight for every day so we can be free? If they don’t like wanna stand for the Pledge of Allegiance or the National An
them, why are they living here?” James makes it clear that he understands these protests to be about real racism in America, but he ultimately concludes that racism is not a legitimate reason to protest.
Ava, who is 12 years old and white, also likes Trump but finds him “embarrassing” at times. Sometimes, he “acts like a kid,” she says explaining that her family and friends share the hope that he “straightens out soon.” Despite how embarrassing he is, Ava goes on to say that she was happy Trump won. But, she still thinks “he seems kinda mean.” When I ask her what she means, she says: “Well, I don’t really want him to build a wall even though it keeps some mean people out,” she explains. “There’s usually nice people who want, like, a better life too.”
When Ava is asked if she thinks that the president is racist, Ava replies, “Mmm, maybe, sorta, kinda because he built the wall and because like, he wants to keep some religions out. And I think if it’s just because of like, the religions, we could try to teach them like, about God and like that Jesus Christ came for our sins.” For Ava, racism is, again, not an important issue. Even if Trump’s wall and Muslim ban are “maybe sorta kinda” racist, the real issue with these policies is that they might prevent people from converting to Christianity.
Jason, who is 11 years old and identifies as white, views Trump in a similar “kinda racist” way as Ava. His reaction to Trump winning the election was, “I didn’t care.” When asked if he thinks Trump is racist, Jason replies, “Trump is kind-of racist, kind-of not. He kind-of is building a wall so other people won’t come in.” I ask him what he would say to Trump if he had the opportunity.
“I would make a joke like, ‘Hurry up and build that wall!’” Jason goes on to say that during recess, kids made other “jokes” about immigrants. To Jason, even if Trump’s wall is “kind-of racist,” he does not see a problem with making jokes about it, or replicating the racism in his own conversations or playful interactions with his peers.
The views of children like Ellie, James, Ava, Jason, and others are in direct opposition to those of children who are fearful of or outraged by the Trump administration. Even when this group of kids identifies racism in the words and actions of the president and his administration — even when they agree that Trump is doing something racist — they do not really seem to care. Although they are aware of racism, they would prefer to not think about it.
Indeed, racial apathy is not new, and I found signs of it among the many children I spoke with during the Obama era. But, in my previous work, kids who expressed this apathy embraced a “colorblind” racial logic — they believed that because a black man was president, American society didn’t have to worry about racism anymore. This is different from the apathy I observed in many of these white children today. Based on this new research, it seems that some kids are learning not to care about racism or racial inequality in any way, even when it is explicitly present. The narrative seems to be shifting: “I don’t see racism, so I don’t care” is becoming, “I see racism, and I still don’t care.”
¤
Social science research makes it abundantly clear that, across the board, children today are growing up in a country with increasing economic inequality and “deep differences of opportunity” (Kids Count, 2017). Race and wealth disparities between children are well documented in a wide variety of realms like education, health, the criminal justice system, the child welfare system, the labor market, housing, wealth holdings, and so on. American children are growing up in this context, among tremendous race and class inequality and deep powerful political divides. Based on my new research, however, it seems that there is another type of division separating today’s younger generations: how they respond to explicit forms of racism.
Why is this division important? As psychologist Derald Wing Sue puts it, rather than expressing a “conscious desire to hurt,” racial apathy conveys a “failure to help.” That failure is twofold: it is not just a failure of action, it’s a failure of empathy — it’s the failure to even care about the persistence and consequences of racism in the United States. This “failure to help” — this failure to concern oneself with the suffering and humanity of others — is a powerful tool, used to reproduce and perpetuate existing racial oppression. As Forman and Lewis ask:
If, in the face of entrenched, systemic, and institutionalized racial inequality, most whites say that they have no negative feelings toward racial minorities but feel no responsibility to do anything about enduring racial and ethnic inequalities and in fact object to any programmatic solutions to addressing those inequalities, is that progress, or is it rather a new form of prejudice in its passive support for an unequal racial status quo?
White peoples’ disinterest in racism — or the more active refusal of interest in human suffering — dramatically increases the stakes for racially marginalized people. Every child of color I interviewed not only articulated disgust and outrage with the president’s racist language and actions but also described feeling scared, angry, anxious, upset, and worried because of Trump’s presidency and specifically what his racist actions might mean for themselves or the people they love. They told me about their nightmares and about drawing violent images. They talked to me about feeling fearful and not being able to relax when out in public or around authority figures. As one 11-year-old told me, “When Trump got elected, I was actually kind of nervous. My dad isn’t a citizen. If [Trump] sends him back, he’s not going to be able to come back and I won’t be able to see him. … Like, like [one time recently] we were just driving and the police were behind us and I got scared because if he were to get pulled over, they would arrest him and they’ll send him back. I am scared.” She was on the verge of tears.
Empathy alone will not solve racism and racial injustice in America. But, in the Trump era, when children are confronted with the stark reality of the legacy and persistence of racism in the United States, it appears that they respond in different ways. For black, brown, and other marginalized children, this reality seems to be connected to feelings of stress, fear, anger, and anxiety. For some of the white children I spoke with, this reality seems to be connected to empathy, anger, and a sense of concern for their peers. But, for other white children, this reality simply does not matter, even though they know and can acknowledge that it exists. If children cannot develop empathetic perspectives, if they cannot learn to care about the suffering or humanity of their peers, what does that suggest for our future? Collectively, we must identify, acknowledge, and resist the power of racial apathy — and recognize the destruction it brings to our democratic society, to our political efforts, and to the children growing up in this world.
¤
Margaret A. Hagerman is an assistant professor of Sociology at Mississippi State University. She is the author of White Kids: Growing Up with Privilege in a Racially Divided America (NYU Press.)
Source: https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/care-dont-children-racism-trump-era/
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faithnfrostingshop · 3 years
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Combination of testing those who need something for diagnosis diagnostic testing tracing said testing those who been around people with a diagnosis but the largest fraction of that is really moving into surveillance that is testing those who are a symptom and when you do the numbers this amount of testing on a state to state basis really is in the range that we need to accomplish all of certainly within the range that we sell it really encompasses those three things the other thing I would say is particularly as we move into the summer there are surveillance mechanisms I talked about it before like a weather radar just think about that weather radar on the influenza like illness network which is at about 75 of of healthcare institutions and syndromes surveillance so if we see a blip on that weather radar combined with CDC personnel in every single state and with contact tracers we really run to the fire right and that’s when you contact you trace and you I shut off that outbreak right when it starts and
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nothingman · 7 years
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Samira Asgari had spent months planning her move from Switzerland to the United States. The 30-year-old Iranian woman had secured a post-doctoral fellowship at the prestigious, Harvard-affiliated Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. She had even won a Swiss science award, for her research in genomics, that would even pay her salary at her new, American lab. “I was really happy, and it felt like everything was going right,” she said of the fellowship.
But everything changed this morning, when Asgari flew from Geneva to Frankfort. There, she attempted to board her second flight, to Boston.
“A gentleman stopped me from boarding the plane,” she says. “He told me he was a consulate of the American government in Frankfort and not allowing anybody with a number of nationalities to board planes to the United States. They had already unloaded my luggage and everything.”
Asgari was confused. “My first reaction was: but I have a valid visa,” she says. But she was told she would not be allowed entry into the United States under President Trump’s new executive order, which currently bars residents of seven majority-Muslim countries from entering the United States.
I was pretty excited to join @soumya_boston's lab but denied boarding due to my Iranian nationality. Feeling safer?
— Samira Asgari (@samsam_86) January 28, 2017
She says that the man who identified himself as a consulate of the American government directed her to book a plane back to Switzerland, which she did. We spoke Saturday night, when she had returned to her home in Lausanne.
Asgari doesn’t know what happens next. She and her boyfriend both quit their jobs at the end of the year in preparation to move to the United States. They don’t have a place to live, although their old landlord is letting them stay one night in their old apartment.
This whole experience has reshaped how Asgari thinks about the United States. “America always seemed like a land of opportunity, that if you’re willing to be a part of this community, it reciprocate,” she told me. “That has changed. The image of America as a country that is free and that has a history of fighting discrimination, of fighting biases, its like going a step back.”
Asgari and I spoke Saturday night. What follows is a transcript of our discussion, edited lightly for clarity.
Sarah Kliff
Can you tell me a little bit about who you are, why you were traveling to the United States, and what happened to you this morning?
Samira Asgari
For the past five and a half years I’ve been living in Switzerland and have been starting a research career. I applied for a post-doc in genomics in Boston, at Brigham and Women’s Hospital. I got interviews and I got accepted. I got an award from Switzerland to pay my salary, so I was bringing my own salary with me.
I was going to do research on genomics of infectious disorders. I’m trying to understand how human genetics effect susceptibility to different infectious agents, and how we can help those people.
The first flight I had from Geneva to Frankfort there wasn’t a problem. I had a second flight from Frankfort to Boston. Right at the gate, I had to show my boarding pass for the last time. They checked my passport, and there was a gentleman who stopped me from boarding the plane. He told me is is the consulate of the American government in Frankfort and they are not allowing anybody with a number of nationalities to board planes to the U.S.
He said my visa is not valid, but it is still valid for two months. He told me this is an American government issued visa, and they decided they are not valid, so I cannot board the plane. He suggested I go back and get a flight back to Switzerland from the same airline Lufthansa.
They had already unloaded my luggage and everything. I was really shocked. I was really shocked and frustrated because I’ve planned this for months, for this particular lab. I sat there for a little while, but then I came back.
Sarah Kiff
What was your first thought when it happened?
Samira Asgari
I was in the queue to enter the plane and a gentleman came and took me out of the queue. He had me scan my passport and it didn’t show a green light. He says, you’re Iranian, can I talk to you in private. He takes me two meters away, and he says I cannot go. I was really shocked. My first reaction was, I couldn’t believe this is really happening. My first reaction was: but I have a valid visa.
I asked whether this would change soon, and he said not for the next 120 days, and my visa will expire by then. He said I had to contact the embassy in Berne for help. He was there to execute the order. I was left to deal with it.
Sarah Kliff
Had you heard about the new immigration rules that President Trump had signed when this happened? Or was this a total surprise?
Samira Asgari
Of course I had heard about it when the news was released, but the actual executive order was Friday and I had my flight tickets for the next morning. I was not sure what would happen. The order was talking about issuing immigrant visas, and I already had an issued visa. I had not expected to not be allowed to enter on a J-1 visa that is maximum a few years for research.
I’ve traveled to the United States five times or more in the past six years. Basically for conferences, and its never been a problem. This is not my first time going through this whole process. I t was so unbelievable that things are happening that are effecting my life so directly, especially in America.
This is the place everybody thinks that, if you’re good enough, and work hard enough, you can reach anything you want. It’s a land of many generations of immigrants, many people who came on visas who have contributed to the community and learned from the community. My hope was I could bring my expertise and learn from the great research community in Boston. That didn’t happen.
Sarah Kliff
How do you feel right now?
Samira Asgari
I’m still a bit shocked. I’m very frustrated. I feel sad, of course. I’ve done interviews for post-doc positions since July, I’ve already been in the U.S. for interviews and then I started writing my grant proposal. I put a lot of research into that. It’s been a seven month process, and I feel sad. I feel frustrated. I feel disappointed. I feel something unfair has happened to me without having any say to it.
Sarah Kliff
What are you planning to do next? I know you were planning to move to Boston. Do you have somewhere to live in Switzerland, or somewhere to work?
Samira Asgari
Both my boyfriend and I, we resigned from our contracts at the end of the year. So we had a few weeks to pack the apartment, to rest before moving to the United States. Right now we have no jobs, no apartment. What happens tomorrow is a bit unsettling. We have decided we’ll try to do our best to control what happens.
First we’re trying to find a place to stay. Our old apartment said we can stay a night, and we have to leave tomorrow. My ex-colleagues and ex-supervisors, really all our friends, they have sent many messages saying we can stay with them, they have a guest room. Seeing all those messages has been very nice.
Sarah Kliff
How has this experience shaped how you think about the United States?
Samira Asgari
America always was a land of opportunity, if you are willing to be part of this community, they reciprocate. This has changed.
I feel like I was believing in an image, all these stories, of people who are second and third generation immigrants. They all help you build this image of a hospitable country. That image got unsettled.
All the Americans I’ve met, they’ve been extremely nice, very collaborative, very helpful. I believe most Americans are like that. I have no reason to believe otherwise. The lab I was supposed to join, my supervisor, I have no reason to believe otherwise about them. I had this image of America as a country that is free and that has a history of fighting discrimination and fighting biases. Now, its like going a step back.
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repwinpril9y0a1 · 7 years
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When Muslims and Jews Work Together Lives are Saved
Who's life? Let's start with mine. On December 16th, 2016 I was admitted to the emergency room of The Brooklyn Hospital Center in excruciating pain. Each time I breathed in it felt like someone took a chainsaw to my abdomen. The day before had been a normal one. I went to a meeting, shopping, yoga, had pasta at an old favorite café in Greenwich Village. Later that night I felt sick to my stomach. I never throw up. It happens once every five years as I don't really drink. However after hours of discomfort I forced myself to vomit once or twice. An hour later the excruciating pain began. I was in Brooklyn staying with friends Trevor and Emily Kammeyer Sumner as my apartment was being renovated with workers pulling up floors and demolishing walls. I woke Emily up who went to the pharmacy to get stomach medicine. After that didn't help I contacted my doctor who suggested more over the counter medicine and to wait a bit to see if it goes away. After hours of pain, I called 911 for an ambulance to take me to the nearest ER. I figured I'd get fluids, meds, and they would know what to do and I'd be home soon feeling normal again. Very quickly tests showed I had an Esophageal Perforation- a hole in my Esophagus (food tube) that would kill me in a matter of hours. I was laying in the Emergency Room of Brooklyn Hospital medicated and wondering what comes next when suddenly a team of two dozen doctors and nurses surrounded me. They informed me I had a critical condition and they needed to operate immediately or I might die. I joke that having survived a lifetime of sex, drugs, and rock and roll that there was no way I was going to die that day. If there were a nuclear war the only survivors would be cockroaches, Keith Richards, and myself. These doctors and nurses explained it was exactly the golden hour when the surgery could be successful and started running down the hall with me on the gurney toward the operating room. I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about? Surely a tortellini wasn't going to do me in. I wasn't concerned until I met Dr. Alan Saber. Dr. Saber arrived and upon introducing himself as the lead surgeon who would perform the operation. He informed me there was a 50-50% chance I might not make it. It was only then that it dawned on me how serious the moment truly was. Dr. Saber came to New York from his native land of Egypt to study medicine. One of the first colleagues to befriend Dr. Saber who is Muslim, was Robert Rosenberg, a Jewish doctor at Cabrini Hospital. The friendship was about healing and saving others, not about religious beliefs or cultural differences. Along the way a man named Rosenthal arrived at the hospital suffering from the same critical condition I had. A hole tore in his Esophagus allowing stomach acids to leak into his body. He was a rabbi and 95 years old. No one wanted to operate on the rabbi as he was so frail and elderly. Those in the hospital thought any surgery would result in his dying on the operating room table or shortly thereafter. Dr. Saber stepped up and volunteered to operate. To the delight and surprise of everyone he managed to save the rabbis life. I've been asked what is the feeling like to be told you might die tonight, it might be your last moments alive? I felt very calm. First, I simply didn't feel deep down that it was my time. Second, I was in expert hands and there was nothing I could do about it. Everyone else was channeling the serious concern of a life or death moment, allowing me along with the morphine to just relax and surrender. Saber had reviewed my tests and told the hospital staff to prepare for this very critical and complex surgery. Tubes were inserted to keep me breathing, getting fluids, going to bathroom, etc. Moments before I was wheeled into the OR I stopped everyone. I said "I want to let you all know who the person is you are about to operate on, so I'm not just a patient or number. My name is Larry Dvoskin. I have always done what I love which is to make music. I have worked with many of the world's most well known music stars but have also mentored many young people to follow their hearts desire and go for their dream. If tonight is my last night on Earth, I thank God for an amazing full life and I am ready to face what's next. However, I don't feel it's my time yet. I have more to give and would like to stick around to help more people, and make a difference in more people's lives. I pray that all of you gathered are empowered by God to be my healing angels, and that the surgery is a success." This visibly touched and moved the medical team gathered. It made me into a person, not just a number. It showed depth and purpose and emotion in my life. In my imagination I feel it grounded the group with holy spirit. Right before going under in the OR I posted a photo and plea on Facebook for friends to send love, prayers, and healing thoughts. Pray for me, Im surprisingly in a life or death Surgery! Got sick last night and puked SO hard a small hole opened in Esophagus!! Food & air leaking dangerously close to heart, lungs!!!! Holy fuck!!! Please pray n send love, healing, see me in your minds eye happy n safe!!! Rolling to OR now!!! The next morning I awoke to gold streams of morning light, dancing with the silken window curtain overlooking Fort Greene Park. I was alive. When I glanced online I saw that my plea moments before surgery motivated over 500 people from all chapters of my life to respond with messages of hope, healing, love, and enthusiasm for me to make it through to the other side. I felt wealthy beyond compare to have such an ocean of love break upon my shores. But what made me marvel at the mystery and beauty of life was the follow up with Dr. Alan Saber the next day. Beyond the medical stuff, we started talking and he told me of his early days as a Muslim coming to US and being taken under the wing of Jews. I explained that I too was Jewish, and despite all the ugly rhetoric and Islamophobia in our political discourse, I couldn't be more grateful for this Islamic man that saved the life of his Jewish patient. It gave me goose bumps, hope, a type of wisdom that we are indeed stronger together when we put aside our differences. We're all human. I am home recovering and it will take a good 6 months for me to potentially be back to full functionality. I welcome this healing period of rest. I will use it to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've been given a second chance. To Alan Saber directly I say thank you for saving my life. To the hundreds of people who sent love and prayers I say thank you for sending the energy of healing, protection, and love that also saved my life. I am still here because of you. I couldn't have done it without you. There are NO words to describe the gratitude I feel.
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Cancelled to Death: The Mike Adams I Knew
“Our cultural institutions are facing a moment of trial,” write the signatories of the now infamous Harper’s Letter. Despite the hysterical reactions it drew, the letter itself could not be more minimal or measured in its call for a check on “public shaming and ostracism, and the tendency to dissolve complex policy issues in a blinding moral certainty.” Last week, this warning was made tragically tangible, as friends and family grieved the loss of Mike Adams—conservative columnist, free speech activist, and gadfly professor of criminology at University of North Carolina Wilmington. A lifelong firearms enthusiast, Adams died by a gunshot wound, now confirmed to be self-inflicted.
Adams had recently stepped down as full tenured professor at the university, under pressure in the wake of his social media comments on COVID and the George Floyd protests. He was vocally anti-lockdown and encouraged people to “defy” North Carolina governor Roy Cooper’s strictures. After pizza and drinks with friends, he made a tweet referring to North Carolina as a “slave state,” concluding “Massa Cooper, let my people go!” He also referred to BLM rioters as “thugs.” UNCW officially condemned the remarks, while several Change.org petitions called for his resignation. Rather than take the school to court again (in a repeat of the grueling seven-year-long battle he finally won in 2014), Adams chose to retire with a half-million dollar settlement.
The reactions to his death could not be more polarized. While friends like David French have eulogized him as a dedicated teacher and a fierce advocate for constitutional liberty, haters have danced on his grave. Mainstream media headlines from NBC News to Buzzfeed played woke bingo with the news, repeatedly attaching modifiers like “racist,” “misogynist,” “vile”—sometimes with the fig leaf of quote marks, sometimes without. 
Journalists also engaged in artfully curtailed summations of Adams’s controversies. The NBC News report referred ominously to his “targeting” of a Muslim UNCW student with no further details given. A little more digging would reveal the context: a Facebook post where the student was making plans to attend a Trump rally, joking, “Y’all are not prepared for what I’m about to do,” and requesting prayer that she “make it out alive.” Adams did not report the student as a serious threat. He simply laughed at her.
Meanwhile, UNCW colleagues tweeted out lip-curling reactions. “Please do mourn,” murmured Dr. L. J. Randolph Jr., “but don’t sugarcoat his rhetoric.” The sum of Adams’s legacy is still, “racist, homophobic and sexist.” Professor Tim Gill opined that he found Adams “repulsive” and “just tried to avoid him,” recalling his few “very awkward” attempts to make friendly small talk. Gill’s point in sharing all this was unclear, but if the intended effect was to paint Adams as a sad object of pity, the actual effect was rather the opposite.
From the outside looking in, Adams may not seem like a typical cancel culture victim. He had successfully won his old lawsuit, secured tenure, and negotiated an early golden handshake. But for friends like myself who actually knew Mike, who knew his passion for teaching and mentoring students, the timing does not seem so odd. To some professors, early retirement equals wish-fulfillment. To Mike, it was undoubtedly a personal and professional blow. Ever the happy warrior, he always projected a fearless optimism that one could fight back, one could hold out hope of beating the machine. But his was the optimism of an era that is going away. When 2020 hit, Mike didn’t know what had hit him.
It was easy for peers who privately agreed with Mike to support him from the sidelines, in whispers. Mike soaked up the heat, after all. This was the guy who turned “I Hate Mike Adams” into his own bumper sticker. This was the guy who would sneak into his own hate rallies and protest himself just for kicks (a joke, but a reflection of Mike’s true dedication to free speech for all, not just for his admirers). So let him do that, people thought. Let him be loud and brash and edgy and hated. We’ll just be over here, golf-clapping.
Mike had no time for golf-clappers. “Boy, some people think I appreciate them. I don’t,” he says in a 2014 interview, recalling a particular instance of hallway-whispered “support.” But he wonders, what if it were different? “What if all of them got up and said no, he’s right, it’s systematic? And even if it were just half a dozen or a dozen at every university that just said ‘Oh no, this stuff goes on all the time,’ then they couldn’t just target one person. So that’s the lesson I hope will be learned. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy.”
Mike’s words sting now more than ever. Tragically, towards the end of his life, he privately confided to some that he’d come to feel distanced even from fellow conservatives like David French, who served on his defense team in the Wilmington case. While French’s star rose as he developed his brand of Never Trump commentary, Mike’s brand no longer quite fit anywhere. He was no Trump supporter, as I can attest based on our own correspondence. At the same time, he was disinclined to expend energy chiding those who were. And when his social media posts stirred up the hornets’ nest, like Benjamin Disraeli he never explained, never apologized.
As I write, a couple of friends are taking out their bitterness on French. I have not done so, despite my own frustrations at some of his recent rhetoric. Hanging Mike’s death around his neck is not fair, and it’s not the answer. To me, the whole thing seems all too tragic, all too human. His eulogy might be dismissed by some as too little, too late, but from where I sit, it reads as the genuine offering of a grieving friend. 
French writes poignantly about how for Mike, as for so many jesters, the outward brashness concealed deep private pain. He recalls an especially dark moment from the Wilmington trials when Mike sat for cross-examination and listened to a string of decontextualized column quotes, carefully arranged to frame him as a vicious bigot. For a moment, French saw the light go out of Mike’s eyes, his shoulders drooping under the weight. “Mike was not racist,” French writes. “I knew him. I knew his heart.” This is no mere blind loyalty. French speaks as an adoptive father who knows better than many what it’s like to be on the receiving end of actual racist abuse.
Mike had many friends who knew the truth. But one more falling domino in the COVID effect was the cancellation of the Summit worldview workshops where he taught in Colorado Springs every summer. Zoom was a poor replacement. As a teacher and a friend, Mike thrived on live connection, embodied give-and-take. I spent extended time with him during one of these summers and can still recall how his table was always the “it” table come meal times. In all this, I am moved to reflect that there has not been nearly enough acknowledgement of the COVID lockdowns’ intangible losses—losses of human fellowship, human connection, human touch. Perhaps Mike’s death can inspire deeper reflection on that front as well. As cancel culture has claimed more than one kind of victim, so too has COVID.
Still, there is no softening the cruel fact that in the end, Mike was his own perpetrator and victim together. There never can be with a death like this, not without peddling platitudes at the expense of truth. Nevertheless, in a man’s final act of despair, all who drove him to that end are implicated, whether by their speech or their failure to speak.
Let Mike’s death be a warning. Let his life be an inspiration for those who knew him as he was: a flawed but good man, a generous friend, a gentlemanly foe, and a quintessential American conservative. He is mourned. He is missed. He will not be forgotten.
Esther O’Reilly is an American writer and conservative cultural critic. She has written for Patheos, Quillette, The Critic, and Arc Digital. In print, she has contributed to the anthology Myth and Meaning in Jordan Peterson (Lexham Press).
The post Cancelled to Death: The Mike Adams I Knew appeared first on The American Conservative.
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themixchaat · 6 years
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Ok, This independence post is dedicated to my Brit friend @hannahlyse_this. I met Hannah back in 2014 at a previous job. Not only that, she would love it so much that she would want to come back. Hannah loved the raw beauty of my country, she was ok with no air-conditioning in my old “Suzuki Khyber”. I could not provide her a soft bed but the heart to heart talk we had that night was like two sisters who were finally reunited after a long time. I loved her because she loved my country, she enjoyed talking to the beggar children who looked at her beautiful blue eyes and yelled loud to each other “Oh she is a “gori”. She visited Lahore, Islamabad and then headed over to the northern areas and loved every bit of it. The class difference didn’t affect her love and sincerity for the average girl like me. To add to Hannah’s Pakistan story, she was also fooled by a Pakistani colleague of hers who for months hounded her with his confessions of undying love. What’s worse, was that when Hannah required his love, he left her broken and alone from their life in Dubai to go and get married. But they did not ruin her love for Pakistan. The day I got to know this, as a Pakistani, I was ashamed that One of my own countrymen has cheated her, got married and then his wife also mistreated her. It shattered her core but let me tell you it never shattered her faith in another Pakistani like me. My dear readers, being Pakistani is not about wearing green clothes and T-shirts with “Chaand Tara”.Neither, it is pinning your car adorned with the flag on the front or one wheeling with a flag on your bike. Being honest at your work, not just out of the country but in your own country. Being truthful and honest is the hard way, but always remember that wrongdoings are reflecting our image as a Muslim and a Pakistani too. The “Naya Pakistan” slogan will hold true when we will start becoming more accountable to ourselves by doing right, saying right & believing that righteousness will always get you and your flag higher. Happy Independence day Pakistan Zindabad 🇵🇰 . #nayapakistan #14august #14august2018 #gogreen #pakistani #pakistanibloggers #pakistanzindabad💚💚💚 #pakistanzindabad — view on Instagram https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/vp/a34ea7ca5ff75cb96261e3496debaee2/5C07F25C/t51.2885-15/sh0.08/e35/s640x640/38096954_486117271854206_3878915231375687680_n.jpg
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stara-ljubavi · 6 years
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9 Mar
You may noticed from my name that I'm a Muslim and it's indeed a problem when I deal with most westeners. They usually step back two three steps, supposedly that I'm another close minded backward or fundamentalist or even a terrorist who would yell "Allah akbar" and blow the keyboard or cellphone in their faces. It takes a lot of effort to explain who I am and how I deal with others.
Years ago I was debating faith on Facebook groups. I debated with atheists, Christians, Jews, and Hindus, and I always used a respectful and decent manner, never preached but tried to explain Islam that i live not Islam that media or stupid fanatics show to them. It wasn't accepted from many of them anyway.
Then I completely stopped when I figured out that it's pointless and it usually bring hate and anger.
One day I met an atheist and he told me something I didn't forget.
He said "Do you think that losing faith is a virus that you catch from the air and you become infected so next day you wake up as an atheist! Absolutely wrong. Faith is something deep inside the person and it takes time to be gone specially from those who had a theist life experience. It takes a lot of situations, contradictions, evidence, unanswered questions to reach the state of giving up"
Well, I don't know that guy and I didn't speak with him again after that day.
I'm still a Muslim and let's close the religion talk completely from this point.
So, why I tell you this all!?
You will know later.
First let me introduce myself from a different point of view.
I'm a straight man, my path is clean and clear. My history is a source of pride to myself and my family with lots of successes and least failures.
I'm known as a quiet, polite, respectful man for colleagues and strangers, and I'm active, funny, talkative as it gets with family and close friends. I sing, dance, create instant funny poems, jokes. I play with ten kids at the same time, telling them stories with cartoon voice, creating attractive games, throwing them in the air and around my arms like a roller coaster.. giving them a quality time of fun and happiness. I'm full of life.
I'm a man of honor. I value my duties and responsibilities more than my dreams and desires. Is it a curse or virtue? I don't care.
I never failed in anything I planned to achieve. NEVER.
I believe in freedom, I value and cherish it, but when it comes to my woman I'm a damn hot blooded man. Really hot blood.
When I'm jealous or angry my blood boils in my veins that I can burn the whole world. If someone tried to annoy my woman I can eat his raw meet.. I can't absorb the idea that my woman spend summer in a bikini while lustful eyes eating her body, or dancing in the arms of another man not me, or spending nights talking to "friends" or whatever.
My passion is wild, my capabilities are limitless. I can learn anything and can do everything.
And, I always yearned to a dream that is out of this world. I yearned for the perfection, the completion.. to create my wings stronger than those of Ikarus and fly fearlessly to the sun.
I had a dream. A 180 degree life changing dream.
And for that dream I sacrificed alot of the above.
I sacrificed from my sanity and happiness and soul. I lost myself, my satisfied eye look and positive smile.
Day after day, month after month, I try and try and fail.
Then try and try again and fail.
Then try harder, and eventually fail.
It was a come/go, yes/no, forever/never kind of a game.
I've been fooled, manipulated, humiliated, ignored, replaced, played with, lied to..
I was an experiment. A treat with expiry date.
The past never died, the present is not mine, so is there any expected future? Nah
Capturing myself in a cage of illusion of my own creation. Collapsing a wall of steel by scratching it with a nail clipper.
Suddenly, I remembered that atheist man talk about faith, when I realized that I'm changing.
Faith is a general word, not must be associated with religion.
I love my dream, it was not a choice, it will not change. It wasn't something I regretted or wanted to free myself from.
But my faith in achieving it is changing. I'm giving up.
I'm watching all the situations, contradictions, and unanswered questions like a flashing light inside my tired mind.
Not everything I want is mine.
Not everything I love suits me.
I don't want to waste my life in riddles and hidden twisted truth.
Myself has a right on me. I must love myself more, like I've been adviced one day.
Perhaps I could find my old "me" once again.
Perhaps I could find another promising dream that make me feel worthy, that could bring back my confidence and genuine smile.
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donnking · 7 years
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Including and leaving out on holidays
Holidays of any sort can be touchy. We want to celebrate—and celebrate you should if you can! We also want to be mindful of those who, for various reasons, cannot or do not celebrate them. If we are among the excluded, we (most of us) don’t want to put a damper on the celebrations of those included, but we also have to respect our own feelings.
My Jewish and Muslim friends can feel excluded at Christmas. Some of my Christian friends feel odd at Halloween–they don’t celebrate it, and their kids can feel like weirdoes. If your holiday happens to not have engendered lots of cards, going out to eat, and gift-giving as business seeks to capitalize them, you are likely to be in a special minority.
So let me say right up front that I don’t want to be a downer on Mother’s Day. Several of my former students and young colleagues are enjoying their first (or first few) Mother’s Day today, and I am happy for them–I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day, and encourage you to enjoy the cards, the odd breakfasts (“Mommy! Wake up! Have some pancakes and cottage cheese!”), the special sermons at church, the battling crowds at the restaurants.
But I also want to notice and acknowledge the many people who find today difficult. The folks whose mothers have passed on. The women who cannot have children and desperately want them. The women who have chosen not to have children (one of my daughters among them) who must put up with the inquiries of others (“When are you going to have a kid?” “Are you not able to have kids? You could always adopt, you know.”). The women who have miscarried. The people who don’t fit the traditional gender binary, for whom any holiday like this carries incredibly mixed responses. The people whose memories of their abusive mothers are not so sweet, who mourn the childhood they never had.
It’s complicated, folks.
Today, in particular, I’m thinking about the mothers of special needs children, since I am privileged to share a household with such a child and such a mother. I guess I’m using writing as a bit of therapy here because it really hurts me as I consider what a day like this means for The Queen (as I call my wife).As I write this, she is still sleeping. I was up most of the night taking care of The Princess since the nurse scheduled for last night called in “sick.” (That nurse calls in “sick” a lot.) I know that The Queen wants to help care for The Princess when such things happen, but The Queen is herself disabled, spending most of the day in bed or in a wheelchair because of arthritis and fibromyalgia.
As I write this, she is still sleeping. I was up most of the night taking care of The Princess since the nurse scheduled for last night called in “sick.” (That nurse calls in “sick” a lot.) I know that The Queen wants to help care for The Princess when such things happen, but The Queen is herself disabled, spending most of the day in bed or in a wheelchair because of arthritis and fibromyalgia.
Aside from caring for The Princess, I know she constantly mourns little losses. There will be craft projects of macaroni glued to construction paper, no handmade creatively spelled cards, no odd breakfasts (unless I make them), no proms, no shopping trips, no first bicycle rides, no girl talk.
Obviously, I read some of my own grief into the situation. The Princess shows signs of hearing and understanding what we say (if I say, “How’s Daddy’s baby today?” in that voice you use with little children, she will roll her eyes like any 14-year-old girl would), but she has no way to communicate back to us. She has never even been able to do the “blink once for yes, twice for no” thing. So we have no way of knowing what she experiences.
I watch The Princess when she sleeps, and when her legs twitch or some expression flits across her face, I wonder what she dreams. I sometimes fly in my dreams. Does The Princess walk in hers? I know The Queen wonders the same thing, because she has told me. We don’t talk about it a lot. But I know it is especially there on Mother’s Day.
I think about all those rooms at Children’s Hospital where individual drama plays out en masse, like my friend and colleague who even now sits in a chair beside her son in the Intensive Care Unit where she has been for over a week while he teeters on the edge of life, battling pneumonia and multiple ongoing issues.
If I have a message here, it is this: I don’t share these thoughts to make anyone feel guilty. I hope that, perhaps, there might be something here that will help you to celebrate whatever it is that you do have, even if you must mother yourself. Cherish your relationships, traditional or not. Love your kids, if you can. Love your parents, if you can. And if today is difficult, love yourself. Tomorrow, on a different holiday, the roles will be reversed. Every day, in some fashion, is a holiday, a holy day. Let us find a way to celebrate life with each other, through pain or through joy.
from Including and leaving out on holidays
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postapocalypse13 · 7 years
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Manifesting Destiny #29
Moon in Capricorn Of course the Goddess Center women are all abuzz in heated political debate, or rather debate about the highly hyped issues and candidates. I'm generally more into meta-politics, the underlying philosophies, paradigms, ways and means in the developing of the structure within which to perform our interdependent social roles -- much more fascinating than the media memes. Happy little packages we can carry through the day to give us our unthinking preferences are useful if we want politics to be a binary system. They don't end up so happy, though, when you do throw in some thought. Of course, thinking just leads to confusion. I am not happy about the sexist/racist political warring. I know, sisters, we want a woman in the Whitehouse (and I don't mean First Ladies and staff) because that would somehow give us, what? More power? A better shot at an executive position or fulfilling political ambition or respect? Because once we acknowledge we have these equalities of expectation, women will naturally elevate ourselves without it being worthy of comment. Until our culture respects its female half, a figurehead of gender is just another target for bad humor and rancor. To me the sensible course is to go with the candidate whose style of leadership is one I can respectfully get behind, if such a candidate presents, even from a so-called third party. Who makes these decisions about what political organizations are more legitimate than others? Is it just based on longevity? Doesn't that keep us stuck with the most entrenched in corruption? Or is it based on the size of the membership? It seems rather self-fulfilling that the groups who get the status will get most of the flocking crowds. These elections become such a big deal -- a national orgy of angry rhetoric and divisiveness. People finally vote, then seem to think we are governing ourselves by proxy, their job is over. Then we get to bitterly complain that the jokers can't get it right because they are not all things to all citizens. Meanwhile, for the local elections, the level at which most of our everyday lives intersect with democracy, small enough for individual activity to really make a difference, no one shows much notice or interest. I guess we pretty much just like to complain, not do the work to fix the problem. So, great, we get to get up on our high horses in mock battle, make our symbolic gesture in the voting booth, and righteously complain that the bastards don't know their ass from the hole we want filled in in front of our house. Ah, America, home of the equal opportunity idiots, selling our birthright for a bit of entertainment and self-satisfaction. Didn't the Roman "bread and circuses" come before the fall? Or is that why it's become so important to throw out the invading hordes of Mexicans and Muslims? We are a nation of immigrants and religious freedom, as long as you all are our kind. See why I don't get into political arguments with my friends and colleagues? I mean, I'm all for political action, but that's a totally other realm of discourse. Time seems to be moving faster lately. I have to get my brain in gear and work out the logistics of my visit to Celia for her birthday, less than a couple of weeks away. Tom had wanted to fly her in, put her up in a swank hotel, wine and dine and entertain her for a few days, including bringing her to the Mabon celebration, which would also allow me to participate. I ran this by her, and she would have none of it. She wants me to herself without distractions, she says. She always has been essentially very private. I can see that she might not be comfortable amongst a large gaggle of witches, mostly strangers to her. It's her birthday. She gets to make the rules. I'll have my work in in plenty of time for the holiday, so I may be missed a bit but not needed. Tom said he would rent me a car since I refuse to deal with airport security, and it's only a few hours' drive. Usually I take the bus. I want to go a couple of days early so it won't be a rush, so I'll have time to acclimate. Celia moved out of our old neighborhood a couple of years ago, once she realized I wouldn't be returning. She found a smaller place, top floor of a two-family double-decker, a condo, closer to her work. I won't have to deal with old neighborhood memories. I haven't made any memories in this new neighborhood. I've only briefly visited, not often, and spent that time with Celia, not the neighbors. I know she has friends at work, but she likes to compartmentalize and doesn't bring them home much. There's just her and Pandora the cat, who replaced the now long dead Mao of my childhood. This will be good. We will be adult women talking about our lives, our relationship, working on that primal mother-daughter bond. Then I will come home, back to my life, renewed, enriched by this familial experience. It's all good. It's golden, like autumn leaves.
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